sam_loomis86's Reviews

Taxi (I) (2004)

1/10

Possibly the worst attempt at comedy I've ever seen...

24 June 2005

Every once in awhile comes a movie as moronic, pointless and insulting as "Taxi" based on Luc Besson's French flick. This movie follows Det. Andy Washburn (Jimmy Fallon) who sucks majorly at driving and has to get a taxi to pursue a gang of hot foreign chicks that just robbed a bank... the taxi is driven by a street smart, jive-talking, Queen Latifah in the role of Belle. I don't recall a character being more annoying. Anyway, the film's story could be easily made up by a 7 year old and the script was just awful. But okay, nevermind that, there's a lot of movies that have idiotic plots that turn out to be freakin hilarious like one of my favorite comedies "Dumb and Dumber". But noooooo, this film wasn't hilarious... Fallon has a career because of playing retarded roles in Saturday Night Live. You can kinda tell he add libbed a lot of of the pathetically unfunny lines that he spits out constantly during the film's running time. Queen Latifah was just too freakin annoying. I gotta point out the things that I enjoyed: 1)Washbun's introduction where he is posing as a Cuban gangster was slightly funny. 2)Jennifer Esposito is hot

That didn't even make me like the film a little bit. Skip this piece of trash.

1 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Dracula 3000 (2004)

Please... for the love of film. Skip it.

10 December 2004

I rented "Dracula 3000" (which has no connection with the decent flick "Dracula 2000" by the way) thinking that it was gonna be a pretty fun movie. I was DEAD WRONG. I actually was one of those people who don't complain every time they decide to set something in space. I thought "Jason X" was flawed but still cheesy fun and enjoyable, so when I heard about the concept, vampires in space I thought "well, there's no daylight in deep space... maybe it could work" and maybe I was right. If the movie had a bigger budget than a couple of dollars and change it could've worked a little bit. This movie was BAD ON EPIC PROPORTIONS. It wasn't bad as in funny... it was bad as in pathetic, slow, boring and I felt the embarrassment that this film exists in the same planet that I exist. The horrible cast and acting was just the top of the iceberg. The movie has no redeeming values whatsoever... TAKE NOTE OK?? NO GORE... NO ACTION... NOT EVEN NUDITY... NOTHING. A complete bore, pointless and horrible, and I'm not exaggerating one bit. This movie stinks like no other. EASILY... ONE OF THE WORST FILMS I'VE EVER SEEN ON MY LIFE.

SKIP IT. PLEASE, DO YOURSELF THAT FAVOR.

74 out of 91 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Man on Fire (2004)

8/10

"Hombre en LLamas" Great Flick!

16 September 2004

Warning: Spoilers

"Hombre en LLamas" is the title of the movie in Mexico which translates directly into "Man in Flames". The flick is a very refreshing and powerful look at the tired old cliché formula of revenge. This movie came out in the United States in April, 2004. Same as other "revenge" movies like the superb "Kill Bill Vol. 2" and the flawed, but entertaining comic book adaptation "The Punisher". I'm not gonna go into details about the plot, because you all know that Denzel Washington stars as John Creasy, a former CIA assassin who is hired as a bodyguard in Mexico City. His job is to protect Pita, the daughter of the wealthy Mexican industrialist Samuel Ramos. The film looks great, it has an energetic direction by Tony Scott (even though a lot of people didn't like it) and it also has great visuals and awesome setting since it was shot on location in Mexico City.

I have to give props to Brian Helgeland for the great script which is according to our times, since Mexico is on number 2 on the top countries with kidnapping problems. Just below Colombia which has a lot of kidnappings because it is one of the biggest drug suppliers in the planet. Corruption and organized crime has always been a problem in Mexico, and I liked how it was portrayed. Still there are some DISCREPANCIES that I really hated. For example *MINOR SPOILER* When Creasy goes to "The Voice's" house it is certainly a crappy house barely with a roof. That can't be true, kidnappers in Mexico after they have committed a kidnapping successfully and jack a load of cash, they buy houses and cars and they're not discreet at all. Anyway, enough of my ranting. This movie was VERY GOOD. I recommend it to everyone who wants to have a good time. Well acted, well paced, well written and well directed.

***1/2 out of ****

0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

8/10

Excellent zombie film when it isn't compared to the original

15 April 2004

I went to see 'Dawn of the Dead' in the theaters even though the original masterpiece by George Romero is my favorite zombie movie of all time. I had to say I was more than pleased with the overall product, sure the plot flatlines when compared to Romero's satirical script from the original film, but this one delivers in all accounts. The gore is there, even though it isnt as hardcore as the original's but this film is rated R. The zombie action is there and it hits hard!!, also the characters had such a cool chemistry that I really cared for more than one of them.

I have to say that this is an excellent zombie film, and it works on every level. Of course, the title 'Dawn of the Dead' makes a lot of people compare it to the original film, I don't blame them at all. I just didn't care for the connection with the original masterpiece. Remake or not, this film delivered.

1 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Wolves of Wall Street (2002)

One of the most disappointing pieces of trash I've ever seen

13 March 2004

This movie seemed like a fun way of wasting time. I figured that the movie would be a cheesy werewolf movie only useful to kill time, boy was I wrong. This movie was a total waste of money, I don't even know why I rented it anymore. This film sucked so bad, because the story was a piece of crap, its intents of suspense, drama and horror fell flat on their asses. THERE ARE NO WEREWOLVES IN THIS MOVIE!!!!!! no whatsoever, I can't even complain about the bad special effects, because there are none!! It doesn't even have blood or anything like that. No tits, No blood, No werewolves. NO NOTHING. This film was nothing but a waste of time. Do yourself a favor and skip this piece of trash.

1 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

House of the Dead (2003)

1/10

Worst horror theatrical release of 2003

8 March 2004

I rented this movie on DVD expecting it to be an entertaining popcorn movie, and I ended up watching a shameless piece of crap that had no reluctance whatsoever at insulting the audience. I had many problems with this film:

-People fighting zombies with kung fu

-The "House" of the Dead ended up being as big as my room

-The athletic mediocre zombies were annyoing and not scary or menacing at all, they were just there to be blown to pieces

-The poor story, and insulting script

-The worst acting I've seen in a movie released in the theaters

-Hollow characters were a big flaw, you don't give a rat's ass if these losers live or die

and many other things... Of course I've seen worse, but I was expecting a little bit more of a zombie flick released in the theaters based on an entertaining and popular video game.

1/2 Star out of ****

0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Ice Cream Man (1995)

Total Crapfest

8 March 2004

Judging a movie by the title alone might be wrong sometimes, that's why I decided to give this one a chance when I caught it on the tube a few years ago. What a surprise, the movie reached the lowest level of inferiority. The film doesn't have anything good about it, the performances are painfully annoying, the script is beyond retarded, and the gore in this movie isn't even that great. This film failed on every possible level, I am pretty tolerant about movies, some of them may not be masterpieces, and I consider them guilty pleasures, this one doesn't even fit in that category. Bad movie, do yourself a favor and avoid this pathetic excuse for a horror movie.

0 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

My Little Eye (2002)

Interesting concept

2 March 2004

I found this film to be quite entertaining. Even though I heard from a lot of people that the way this film looks was a turn off, I thought it was a great way to tell a story. Since I hate the "Big Brother" type reality shows, this movie felt so good. Because it takes all these people inside the house and starts killing them one by one. I thought that the fact that we don't know what's happening adds suspense to the film. We are in a position where we don't know if this is something supernatural, one of the people inside the house, or someone else... I thought that feeling was priceless. I think I might liked the film a little bit more than a lot of people, but that only means that is at least worth a look. Give this flick a chance, if you want a couple more reasons to check it out... it has some sweet kills and nudity.

1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

In the Cut (2003)

Didn't "cut" it for me...

2 March 2004

I'm not really sure what "In the Cut" was trying to be but it sure as hell failed on every possible level. I personally was annoyed by Meg Ryan's character Frannie Avery. Mark Ruffalo who played the mysterious homicide Detective Giovanni Malloy, had a strong presence, but that was it. I didn't really think the film had a story to it, it had a couple of noticeable performances but it doesn't go beyond that. I couldn't categorize it as a suspense thriller, a drama or an erotic film. After watching it I felt betrayed because they made the film look good from the trailers, and it ended up being an incoherent piece of trash with a cliched "whodunit" story with a lame ass ending. Do yourself a favor and avoid this mediocre piece of cinematic trash.

4 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Carlito's Way (1993)

Excellent film

2 March 2004

Excellent film. One of Pacino's best in my opinion, a lot of people say this is too similar to "Scarface" (1983), but even if it is. I'm sure most people wouldn't care and they would still enjoy the movie. I find it funny that exactly ten years after "Scarface" Brian DePalma and Al Pacino team up again to tell the story of a Puerto Rican ex-con who tries to clean up his act, but unfortunately his friends, and ties with the streets take him back to the gangster life he's trying to avoid. Al Pacino's performance as Carlito Brigante is easily the highlight of the film. Sean Penn's performance as David Kleinfeld was amazing too. Highly recommended. Check it out.

1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

sam_loomis86

Reviews

Tell Your Friends

Recently Viewed