The Young Ones (TV Series)

Summer Holiday (1984)

Nigel Planer: Neil

Photos 

Quotes 

• Neil : It was horrible. I sat in the big hall and put my pocket of Polos on the desk. And my spare pencil and my support gonk. And my chewing gum and my extra pen. And my extra Polos and my lucky gonk. And my pencil sharpener shaped like a cream cracker. And more gonks with a packet of Polos in each. And lead for my retractable pencil. And my retractable pencil. And spare lead for my retractable pencil. And chewing gum and pencils and pens and more gonks, and the guy says "Stop writing, please".

• Mike : Neil, it's very rare that you interest me but today you have. Why do you keep coming down here with a cake and saying surprise?

  Neil : It's my birthday.

  Mike : Now you knew that anyway and we don't care, so where's the surprise?

  Neil : Well, I baked a cake.

  Mike : A cake. Can a cake dance? Can a cake get you drunk? Will a cake let you put your hand up it's jumper?

• Mike : Rick, Your parents died this morning.

  Rick : My parents are dead? I can't believe it.

  Neil : And you think that's bad?

  Rick : Well yes I do actually what's it to you piss face?

• Mike : Neil, it is very rare you interest me, but today you have. Why do you keep coming in here, carrying a cake, and saying surprise?

  Neil : It's my birthday.

  Mike : Now you knew that anyway, and we don't care, so where's the surprise?

• Neil : Oh yeah, that's a good idea isn't it? Yeah - let's all bring Neil down. That'll relieve the boredom.

  Vyvyan : Will it? OK - er, shut up Neil you ugly poo-faced git!

• [last lines] 

  Rick , Vyvyan , Mike , Neil : [their bus has just gone over a cliff and crashed onto the ground below]  Phew! That was close!

  [the bus explodes. The credits roll] 

• Mike : What is ugly, smelly, boring and is standing in front of me called Neil?

  Neil : You all really hate me, don't you?