Review of Gunblast

Gunblast (1986 Video)
4/10
In Geraldo we trust!
9 March 2023
"Gunblast" starts of with a big surprise. Rather than the usual librairy music, Nick Millard uses a flamenco soundtrack that's actually pleasant to listen to and even fits the overall tone and setting of the story. I'm assuming he paid the artist (Anita Sheer), which is quite unique. Millard doesn't want to pay anyone for anything. I've seen this man play two or three roles in several of his movies. Why pay your neighbour twenty bucks if you can just put on a hat or cover your face? Seeing Millard make an expense that wasn't absolutely necessary is intriguing, and it definitely adds to the movie's overall atmosphere.

I've stated many times before that I like how you always see the same people in every Nick Millard movie. Watching his movies in like going to a reunion, every time you wonder what everybody is up to and who has put on weight. Whenever I hear Albert Eskinazi's monotone delivery, I feel like I'm coming home. Now let me crap all over that and say the real star of this movie is someone I've never seen before. Geraldo (actor's name unknown, a common problem in Millard movies) steals every scene he's in. He just shows up randomly, taunts people in the most casual, suave way possible and then kills them. The bar scene with Millard himself (his only role, amazingly) is so pointless and so awesome. You're a God amongst men Geraldo, why haven't you done anything else?

Another staple of Nick Millard movies is the random stock footage from his own adult movies. I've got to say this is the lowpoint of "Gunblast". Our main guy (Marland Proctor) goes to a strip club and sees a performer that's laying down on the floor, looking very bored while fondling her breasts. Is she okay? Do we need to call an ambulance? Marland isn't into it either, probably because he's not in the same place. Hell, he's not even in the same decade for that matter. Later on we also see a stock footage woman apply make-up for what feels like seventeen hours. These cuts are just the worst, surely Millard had better footage than this laying around.

If you're wondering why I haven't talked much about the story: there isn't much of it really, even to Millard standards. A Mexican governor (Ray Myles, performing under the name 'Ramon Milas') is also a heroin smuggler, Marland and the lady from "Mac 10" try to rob and/or kill him. There's not much development, just a lot of driving, eating beans and looking at nudie magazines. Compared to his other action movies, there's a lot less going on. By the time the movie reaches its predictable conclusion, it's tough not to doze of. We needed way less filler and way more Geraldo.

P. S.: I've seen Albert Eskinazi in like fifteen movies, and this is the first one that actually mentions his name in the credits! Man, why does Millard hate making credits so damn much? Does that even cost anything?
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