Review of Siege

Siege (1983)
3/10
Assault on Precinct Zero
23 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
*** This review may contain spoilers ***

*Plot and ending analyzed*

Based on the "great" reviews alone you would think that this movie is better than a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Well, after watching it, the reviews are completely incorrect and overblown. This movie is absolutely ridiculous.

The plot: A group of highly incompetent thugs try to scare some people in a club, which eventually leads to outright slaughter. A lone survivor escapes and holes up with the most annoying people in a shabby apartment building. The highly incompetent thugs contact their boss, who hands out military weapons, and calls for an immediate all-out assault on the people. And they fail miserably. You can fill in the blanks for the rest of the tedious movie. And if you have any sense of intelligence, you will have to sign a waiver form to see this lamebrain movie.

If a group of grown men with the latest in assault weapons can not take out a group of incompetent people holed up in some decrepit and rundown apartment, then I don't know what to say. All they had to do was shoot the doorknobs out, or use a sledgehammer and storm the place. Instead we are treated to a lengthy and drawn out guerrilla action. The people in the apartments come up with a bunch of impossible weaponry to defend themselves. It was beyond preposterous. They even had a blind man who has a bionic ear and can detect the slightest sounds through walls. Hilarious.

Most ludicrous scene award goes to the homemade bazooka/Panzerfaust that was made from a plastic toilet pipe and a toy rocket, and filled with steel nails and some explosive. The defenders took out a rooftop sniper who was one block away and hidden in the dark. He survived with shrapnel wounds. Miraculously.

And then it ends suddenly. And we are supposed to be "startled" when they show the lone survivor of the vicious attackers in a police uniform. If you couldn't figure out that the violent attackers were cops at the beginning, then you have a lot to learn about movies, especially these low-budget ones that try to pull a fast one on the audiences at the end.

This movie is an utter disappointment. Avoid at all costs.

A complete stinker from beginning to end.
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