Review of Uncharted

Uncharted (2022)
4/10
Doesn't do the games justice, by any stretch
26 April 2022
Ideal for fans of Tom Holland and devil-may-care treasure hunts, "Uncharted" is a solid action movie with crazy stunts, beautiful locations and surprising star power. It's a good reason to leave the house for that big-screen spectacle that we all live for. If you've never owned a Playstation, that's really all you need to have a good time.

. . .

But sweet merciful Jesus, this is not an Uncharted movie and that is a torpedo that sinks the whole thing. Because to have that, you need Drake and Sully, and both Holland and Mark Wahlberg are way off; they're not even close. They don't look like these characters and they don't sound like them, despite the mid-credits afterthought of a scene that's supposed to satisfy this requirement.

And as a result, I have to admit, I was bored to tears. To the movie's credit, it picks up considerably in the third act, and even goes nuts in the set piece department (that airlift scene was pretty cool). But to make us wait ninety-odd minutes for Drake to even pick up a gun is ridiculous.

I admit personal bias in the strongest sense; this series of games makes my desert-island list, no question, and I wanted to be surprised by this. It just didn't happen, and I couldn't make these actors fit these characters. As it stands, that Nathan Fillion fan film from a few years back (I'm serious, go watch it) still reigns supreme. I try to be a movie-goer that steers clear of fanboyism, but it didn't work here. And it was not fun.
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