4/10
part "peplum", part comedy
12 August 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The tale of the kidnapping of the Sabine women, which is well-known to any lover of Roman mythology, may very well be based on an historical event. If so, it is likely that the event in question was a bloody, tear-drenched tragedy. In our own lifetime we have witnessed the "Boko Haram" kidnappings, where unsuspecting girls were torn from their families in order to get raped and impregnated at gunpoint. There is nothing happy or edifying about the idea of innocent people being used as slaves and brood mares, just as there is nothing happy or edifying about the idea of sanctimonious fanatics explaining how they saved their victims from a life of heathen debauchery.

However, "Il ratto delle sabine" is not interested in grim and gritty realism. Neither is it interested in a searching examination of ancient myth. It's a pretty fluffy and silly movie, part "peplum" and part comedy, which mixes action scenes with romance, comic relief and a "Make love not war" message. It's not entirely clear why it was made ; me, I strongly suspect something along the lines of "Our props department stocks 5000 spears, 1000 shields, 280 wigs and 3 royal thrones, so we might just as well use a few of these things".

"Il ratto" is not a very good movie, although it does have its moments, such as a scene where the statues of Venus and Mars take on life and movement in order to discuss the true happiness of the warrior. (What is the highest a warrior can hope for - everlasting fame or the tender embrace of a lovely woman ?) However, lovers of involuntary humour will find much to grin about, such as the casting of a quintessentialy British Roger Moore as Romulus. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Moore is an early Roman in the same way that I am a late Mayan. Near the end of the movie he finds True Love in the arms of Miss Demongeot, who is blessed with a remarkable golden blonde hairdo, because why not?

Young Mr. Moore looks very handsome indeed, with a noticeable twinkle in his eyes. Well does one understand him. ("I'm having the best vacation of my life, I get to wear silly fur shoes, I'm surrounded by magnificent women showing lots and lots of cleavage - and they're paying me for all this ? My late great-grandfather earned five shillings a month, ridding the streets of dog corpses.")
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