Okay, yes, I started with a bad pun, but there is really nothing memorable about this movie, at all. When you consider the level of talent involved in the creation of this movie, it should almost be an embarrassment that it ended up so painfully mediocre.
Many would tell you that this is the unofficial "Creepshow 3". The plans to create a Creepshow television series eventually resulted in TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE, a second rate TALES FROM THE CRYPT clone. The movie spin off of the series that started as CREEPSHOW and features many of the same people behind the legendary 80s portmanteau resulted in this movie. I am a big of the original CREEPSHOW and this movie doesn't hold a candle to it. Then again, it's not much below the quality of CREEPSHOW 2 which I loved as a kid, but cringe a little now when I revisit and realize how poor some of that movie is, as well.
Like most horror anthologies, we have a wraparound story, here the singer from Blondie overacts in the role of a witch preparing a feast, which is supposed to be Joey's Lawrence's little brother, who is so annoying in the role you wish they would eat him. The setup is that blondie has given the kid a book to occupy his time and he convinces her to allow him the time to read a few sections to her, in an effort to buy himself time.
For the most part, all of these stories follow the same blueprint that has been done over and over in EC Comics, Amicus films, CREEPSHOW and TALES FROM THE CRYPT. Introduce a plot, give us 10 minutes of horror, then pull the rug out from under the audience with a twist ending that usually features some visual pun. When the formula works, it usually works well and allows directors success with the timeframe. More often than not, though, it results in halfway formulated ideas, corny plots and ludicrous ideas, which is essentially what we have here.
The first segment, LOT 249, is a revenge story featuring a mummy. Steve Buscemi has been robbed of some academic award or other when he's cheated by a rich kid at school. Buscemi, also, happens to be a seller of antiquities and his latest acquisition is a mummy. With a scroll, he brings the corpse to live and uses it to enact his revenge. The story features Christian Slater and Julianne Moore and could have been the most terrifying of the lot, except that it can't help but devolve into cheesiness, with bad jokes and Slater hacking the thing apart with an electric meat cleaver.
The second segment is just plain stupid. THE CAT FROM HELL is about a pharmaceutical giant being tortured by a cat, who's apparently been sent on a mission of retribution to right the wrongs of abuse done by the company as it tested its' drugs on cats through the years. The cat has killed the man's wife and friends and he knows his time is next, so let's hire Buster Poindexter, as a hit-man, to off the beast. We get boring recollections of the cat's previous murders, many of which feature ridiculous special effects, the kind where an actor holds a badly designed stuffed cat on their face and wiggles it around to simulate a cat attacking them. Then, the assassin is left on his own, in an old dark house, to kill the cat, which only leads to all too predictable results.
The final segment, LOVER'S VOW, seems to be most reviewers favorite, but it's really not much better. An artist has just found out he's pretty much broke and drinks his sorrows away. Upon leaving the bar with his friend, they are attacked by a gargoyle that looks as if it was designed by high school students, on a public access channel budget. It's bad, especially when I consider the level of regard that I have for KNB Effects. The gargoyle spares him so long as he promises never to tell anyone what he saw. He immediately meets Rae Dawn Chong, they fall in love, his life gets better, they have kids. If you don't see the end of this one coming a mile away, then you are either stupid, or not paying attention.
Then we get the resolution of our wraparound, which sees two people who can't act, playing out a ridiculous situation that crosses that line from being a bad attempt at humor to being insulting to my intelligence.
I am coming off a little harsh, but the movie is not good, at all, and really deserves no more praise than this. There are plenty of other good horror movies around. Go watch one of those instead.
Many would tell you that this is the unofficial "Creepshow 3". The plans to create a Creepshow television series eventually resulted in TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE, a second rate TALES FROM THE CRYPT clone. The movie spin off of the series that started as CREEPSHOW and features many of the same people behind the legendary 80s portmanteau resulted in this movie. I am a big of the original CREEPSHOW and this movie doesn't hold a candle to it. Then again, it's not much below the quality of CREEPSHOW 2 which I loved as a kid, but cringe a little now when I revisit and realize how poor some of that movie is, as well.
Like most horror anthologies, we have a wraparound story, here the singer from Blondie overacts in the role of a witch preparing a feast, which is supposed to be Joey's Lawrence's little brother, who is so annoying in the role you wish they would eat him. The setup is that blondie has given the kid a book to occupy his time and he convinces her to allow him the time to read a few sections to her, in an effort to buy himself time.
For the most part, all of these stories follow the same blueprint that has been done over and over in EC Comics, Amicus films, CREEPSHOW and TALES FROM THE CRYPT. Introduce a plot, give us 10 minutes of horror, then pull the rug out from under the audience with a twist ending that usually features some visual pun. When the formula works, it usually works well and allows directors success with the timeframe. More often than not, though, it results in halfway formulated ideas, corny plots and ludicrous ideas, which is essentially what we have here.
The first segment, LOT 249, is a revenge story featuring a mummy. Steve Buscemi has been robbed of some academic award or other when he's cheated by a rich kid at school. Buscemi, also, happens to be a seller of antiquities and his latest acquisition is a mummy. With a scroll, he brings the corpse to live and uses it to enact his revenge. The story features Christian Slater and Julianne Moore and could have been the most terrifying of the lot, except that it can't help but devolve into cheesiness, with bad jokes and Slater hacking the thing apart with an electric meat cleaver.
The second segment is just plain stupid. THE CAT FROM HELL is about a pharmaceutical giant being tortured by a cat, who's apparently been sent on a mission of retribution to right the wrongs of abuse done by the company as it tested its' drugs on cats through the years. The cat has killed the man's wife and friends and he knows his time is next, so let's hire Buster Poindexter, as a hit-man, to off the beast. We get boring recollections of the cat's previous murders, many of which feature ridiculous special effects, the kind where an actor holds a badly designed stuffed cat on their face and wiggles it around to simulate a cat attacking them. Then, the assassin is left on his own, in an old dark house, to kill the cat, which only leads to all too predictable results.
The final segment, LOVER'S VOW, seems to be most reviewers favorite, but it's really not much better. An artist has just found out he's pretty much broke and drinks his sorrows away. Upon leaving the bar with his friend, they are attacked by a gargoyle that looks as if it was designed by high school students, on a public access channel budget. It's bad, especially when I consider the level of regard that I have for KNB Effects. The gargoyle spares him so long as he promises never to tell anyone what he saw. He immediately meets Rae Dawn Chong, they fall in love, his life gets better, they have kids. If you don't see the end of this one coming a mile away, then you are either stupid, or not paying attention.
Then we get the resolution of our wraparound, which sees two people who can't act, playing out a ridiculous situation that crosses that line from being a bad attempt at humor to being insulting to my intelligence.
I am coming off a little harsh, but the movie is not good, at all, and really deserves no more praise than this. There are plenty of other good horror movies around. Go watch one of those instead.