There are Bond films that are so lacking in self-consciousness they just bring a smile to your face and make you feel good. Then there are some that are so resolutely self-satisfied, egocentric and hideously sanctimonious, believing they've got it so right when they've got it so wrong, it just succeeds in hacking one off. DAD is in the latter category. It is delusional as it presents as a smart and sassy crowd pleaser, slapping itself vigorously on the back for it's "cleverness," when it's actually a misfiring, poorly conceived, badly scripted, appallingly acted, ineptly directed, chunk-blowing no-brainer that succeeds in insulting the audience like few Bond films ever have before. Those in the audience who were not insulted - you failed to notice, but you were in fact slashed and burned big time. Lack of insight has protected you this time, my children. Now, back on the short bus.
Still, to be fair, like all the Brosnan movies, although it's largely a brain-bending bum-steer of a Bond film, it has some plus points as well as minus points. For me this is how they stack up:
The Plus:
The hyper-stylised torture motif played-out through the opening credits. Bond in captivity. Toby Stephen's sneering portrait of upper-middle class nouveau-riche Brit villainy. Rosamund Pike – cool, gorgeous, willowy, Brit beauty The sword fight – well-choreographed, good fun Judi Dench as a particularly callous and ruthless M The Ice Palace set design. The scientifically feasible invisible car (yes, it has a basis in fact) Some of the cinematography is lovely Cuban locations Disused part of the London underground as an MI6 enclave The cars are fabulous Bond sucks on a big Cuban (cigar) Love that shirt
And, one of the best, most superbly ironic and witty one-liners in any Bond movie ever: "Ice?" "If you can spare it."
And, and, and, the hovercraft chase - although an unlikely choice of vehicle due to being impossible to handle at speed - was unique and a bitch to get right. We must also know that the air cushion supporting a hovercraft would set off a pressure sensitive landmine as surely as Jack Black tap dancing through the location in mining boots. Still, let that one pass.
The Minus:
Brosnan's worst performance ever as Bond. Introducing Coma-boy. "Doctor, will he ever regain consciousness?" "Maybe when the pay cheque arrives, Mrs Brozza." Appallingly bad one-liners delivered appallingly badly by a man sleepwalking towards payday with a self-satisfied smirk on his chops. Good for him, though. Rehashed satellite weapon McGuffin (DAF, GE). OK to recycle, providing it's done well (main lesson being - TSWLM *take note). Bond is the most well-nourished torture victim/captive ever on screen. Koreans feed their captive on Pizza Hut, Burger King and Krispy Kremes these days? Transcendental Zen-Buddhist skills to lower heart rate. Huh? One years worth of filthy, matted beard removed by a Philishave that would actually be hard pressed to razor the hairs from a particularly languid gooseberry. Worst ever Bond song – no tune or melody that could be used as a signature by Arnold during the film. Techno-drone rubbish. Diamond-faced henchman. Pair of tweezers could have removed them in 1-3 minutes flat. Was it a fashion statement? Gene-transplant malarkey. PowerRangers suit. Virtual reality sex scene (Moneypenny/Bond). Crass and crude, unnecessary. Ruinous of the frisson their relationship should have thrived on. Lousy, dopey direction by Tamahori for the most part. CGI surfing – if CGI is to be used, at least spend some money on it. Playstation 2 games do it better and more creatively. Do it right, or don't do it Madonna parody – sorry, cameo. Halle Berry ("Yo Mama," etc). Whatever happened to her acting skills? Sorry, scratch the word skills. And acting. Might as well. "Put yer back inta it!" Tick – gurn – grimace – letch! Bond submerged in sub-zero water with nary a shiver or a quiver. It's not suitably self-aware or bright enough to even be a parody. Suspension of disbelief is a given in the Bonds - but the sledge-hammering it gets here is a little too overpowering even for me.
Oh, and swimming miles in Tokyo harbour - one of the most effluent, filthy, virulently toxic stretches of water in the world would actually put Hellboy in intensive care for a month. Please, don't get me started on the unscathed super-cars that plummet thousands of feet into a rice paddy without a scratch.
Personally, the sum of the minus parts outweigh that of the plus in terms of my capacity to enjoy this movie as a Bond film or a film in general. Too many WTF moments to maintain any credibility. It may not be the least creatively successful in the series, but they must have sweated nights to try and make it so. It's a fine line to tread - establishing clear or sheer impossibility rendered in a style that successfully engenders suspension of disbelief, or a feeling in the audience that this is so good it doesn't matter if it's totally off the wall. It needs skillful handling, scripting and execution. DAD ain't got any of those.
Maybe if you want to make a good Bond film, choosing a director who dresses as a woman, cruises sailors on shore leave and advocates the mind-numbingly stupid James Bond-as-codename theory to the public was not that great a place to start. Maybe his "feel" and understanding for the subject matter was a little off-kilter from the outset. After which, the whole shebang was duct taped to a greased day-glow toboggan speeding all the way to hell.
Still, to be fair, like all the Brosnan movies, although it's largely a brain-bending bum-steer of a Bond film, it has some plus points as well as minus points. For me this is how they stack up:
The Plus:
The hyper-stylised torture motif played-out through the opening credits. Bond in captivity. Toby Stephen's sneering portrait of upper-middle class nouveau-riche Brit villainy. Rosamund Pike – cool, gorgeous, willowy, Brit beauty The sword fight – well-choreographed, good fun Judi Dench as a particularly callous and ruthless M The Ice Palace set design. The scientifically feasible invisible car (yes, it has a basis in fact) Some of the cinematography is lovely Cuban locations Disused part of the London underground as an MI6 enclave The cars are fabulous Bond sucks on a big Cuban (cigar) Love that shirt
And, one of the best, most superbly ironic and witty one-liners in any Bond movie ever: "Ice?" "If you can spare it."
And, and, and, the hovercraft chase - although an unlikely choice of vehicle due to being impossible to handle at speed - was unique and a bitch to get right. We must also know that the air cushion supporting a hovercraft would set off a pressure sensitive landmine as surely as Jack Black tap dancing through the location in mining boots. Still, let that one pass.
The Minus:
Brosnan's worst performance ever as Bond. Introducing Coma-boy. "Doctor, will he ever regain consciousness?" "Maybe when the pay cheque arrives, Mrs Brozza." Appallingly bad one-liners delivered appallingly badly by a man sleepwalking towards payday with a self-satisfied smirk on his chops. Good for him, though. Rehashed satellite weapon McGuffin (DAF, GE). OK to recycle, providing it's done well (main lesson being - TSWLM *take note). Bond is the most well-nourished torture victim/captive ever on screen. Koreans feed their captive on Pizza Hut, Burger King and Krispy Kremes these days? Transcendental Zen-Buddhist skills to lower heart rate. Huh? One years worth of filthy, matted beard removed by a Philishave that would actually be hard pressed to razor the hairs from a particularly languid gooseberry. Worst ever Bond song – no tune or melody that could be used as a signature by Arnold during the film. Techno-drone rubbish. Diamond-faced henchman. Pair of tweezers could have removed them in 1-3 minutes flat. Was it a fashion statement? Gene-transplant malarkey. PowerRangers suit. Virtual reality sex scene (Moneypenny/Bond). Crass and crude, unnecessary. Ruinous of the frisson their relationship should have thrived on. Lousy, dopey direction by Tamahori for the most part. CGI surfing – if CGI is to be used, at least spend some money on it. Playstation 2 games do it better and more creatively. Do it right, or don't do it Madonna parody – sorry, cameo. Halle Berry ("Yo Mama," etc). Whatever happened to her acting skills? Sorry, scratch the word skills. And acting. Might as well. "Put yer back inta it!" Tick – gurn – grimace – letch! Bond submerged in sub-zero water with nary a shiver or a quiver. It's not suitably self-aware or bright enough to even be a parody. Suspension of disbelief is a given in the Bonds - but the sledge-hammering it gets here is a little too overpowering even for me.
Oh, and swimming miles in Tokyo harbour - one of the most effluent, filthy, virulently toxic stretches of water in the world would actually put Hellboy in intensive care for a month. Please, don't get me started on the unscathed super-cars that plummet thousands of feet into a rice paddy without a scratch.
Personally, the sum of the minus parts outweigh that of the plus in terms of my capacity to enjoy this movie as a Bond film or a film in general. Too many WTF moments to maintain any credibility. It may not be the least creatively successful in the series, but they must have sweated nights to try and make it so. It's a fine line to tread - establishing clear or sheer impossibility rendered in a style that successfully engenders suspension of disbelief, or a feeling in the audience that this is so good it doesn't matter if it's totally off the wall. It needs skillful handling, scripting and execution. DAD ain't got any of those.
Maybe if you want to make a good Bond film, choosing a director who dresses as a woman, cruises sailors on shore leave and advocates the mind-numbingly stupid James Bond-as-codename theory to the public was not that great a place to start. Maybe his "feel" and understanding for the subject matter was a little off-kilter from the outset. After which, the whole shebang was duct taped to a greased day-glow toboggan speeding all the way to hell.