This review contains a major spoiler... to wit... It's a /terrible/ movie, MST3K fodder all the way.
To call this exercise in "Christmas warmth" irritating is to horribly understate its appalling ickiness. Not surprisingly, it's from Robert Halmi, who's done for live-action TV films what Hanna-Barbera did for TV animation (ie, churned out a huge pile of crap).
The script is dreadful ("You're just going to have to forge ahead at the other site!"), and Jackie Cooper's (!!!) direction is even worse. He evokes loud and/or unconvincing performances from just about everyone, especially Mason Adams. June Lockhart comes off as a chunk of animated cardboard. Art Carney seems annoyed beyond belief, anxious to collect his paycheck and getouttahere. When the badly-made-up-as-an-elf Paul Williams gazes at Jaclyn Smith and emits an intended-to-be-overwhelmingly-winsome grin, make sure you're not standing near the TV, or your last meal will land on it. Only Smith, who has little more to do than strike a pose of "I really don't believe this", more or less survives. A pall of "We're only doing this for the money" hangs over the proceedings.
The "special effects" are miserable. Smith & her kids are taken to Santa's place in a sleigh decorated in such poor taste it's obvious none of Santa's elves is gay. Even a 3-year-old can see it's a badly made miniature being pulled through a thoroughly unconvincing model landscape. (The last American film with such awful miniatures was 1940's "Rebecca".) And the matte paintings are incredibly amateurish.
Ick. Phooey. Patooey. The perfect film for Christmas Eve -- if you want to get your friends laughing. It's thoroughly deserving of a Golden Turkey. There's not one thing in the film -- not even Paul LeMat's beard (which ought to be thicker and fuzzier for someone working in the Arctic) -- to mitigate my 1-star "awful" rating.
"Santa's factory?! Are we going to see that, too?"
"Oh, yes. And as a special Christmas treat -- for us -- you'll all be gutted -- while alive -- then ground up and made into Soylent products."
PS: Slowing time is /not/ "a scientific impossibility". The writers obviously know nothing about Special or General Relativity.
To call this exercise in "Christmas warmth" irritating is to horribly understate its appalling ickiness. Not surprisingly, it's from Robert Halmi, who's done for live-action TV films what Hanna-Barbera did for TV animation (ie, churned out a huge pile of crap).
The script is dreadful ("You're just going to have to forge ahead at the other site!"), and Jackie Cooper's (!!!) direction is even worse. He evokes loud and/or unconvincing performances from just about everyone, especially Mason Adams. June Lockhart comes off as a chunk of animated cardboard. Art Carney seems annoyed beyond belief, anxious to collect his paycheck and getouttahere. When the badly-made-up-as-an-elf Paul Williams gazes at Jaclyn Smith and emits an intended-to-be-overwhelmingly-winsome grin, make sure you're not standing near the TV, or your last meal will land on it. Only Smith, who has little more to do than strike a pose of "I really don't believe this", more or less survives. A pall of "We're only doing this for the money" hangs over the proceedings.
The "special effects" are miserable. Smith & her kids are taken to Santa's place in a sleigh decorated in such poor taste it's obvious none of Santa's elves is gay. Even a 3-year-old can see it's a badly made miniature being pulled through a thoroughly unconvincing model landscape. (The last American film with such awful miniatures was 1940's "Rebecca".) And the matte paintings are incredibly amateurish.
Ick. Phooey. Patooey. The perfect film for Christmas Eve -- if you want to get your friends laughing. It's thoroughly deserving of a Golden Turkey. There's not one thing in the film -- not even Paul LeMat's beard (which ought to be thicker and fuzzier for someone working in the Arctic) -- to mitigate my 1-star "awful" rating.
"Santa's factory?! Are we going to see that, too?"
"Oh, yes. And as a special Christmas treat -- for us -- you'll all be gutted -- while alive -- then ground up and made into Soylent products."
PS: Slowing time is /not/ "a scientific impossibility". The writers obviously know nothing about Special or General Relativity.