It's been quite some time since I had the misfortune of suffering through Cobra. But unfortunately, it is a difficult experience to completely forget. Kind of like that first time you accidentally stepped in a big pile of dog crap.
Stallone plays the absurdly named title character, "Marion Cobretti", who is responding to a hostage standoff in a supermarket when the movie opens. The first 15 minutes of this pathetic excuse for an action film must hold some sort of record for having the most product placements in movie history. From Coors Beer to 7up. This rapid fire montage of continuous product placement eventually culminates with Cobretti returning home after the unexciting opening sequence. There, he cuts off a sliver of Pizza Hut pizza as he sits down in front of a TV, where he proceeds to watch an entire commercial for Toys-R-Us.
The remainder of this wretched movie plays like a cross between a bad 80's MTV music video and an even worse Dirty Harry ripoff. Stallone casts as his love interest his then-wife Brigette Nielsen, who would soon divorce him and take him to the cleaners. The villains have zero dimension and are basically nothing more than props for Stallone to spray bullets at.
As with most other Stallone action films, there is never any sense of excitement or danger because you know that no bullet will ever come close to nicking him, and no bad guy will ever be a worthy match in a street fight.
Just like in any number of his "original" screenplays, Stallone the writer comes up with one outrageously corny line of dialogue for his character to mutter. The entire movie revolves around this moment, which coincidentally happened to be the tag line: "Crime is a disease and I'm the cure".
All the clichés are here: renegade cop who plays by his own rules, inability to obey orders from his superiors, yet idolized by his fellow officers on the force. Cobretti's blow-dried hairdo is forever perfectly moussed and will never get disheveled amidst all the mayhem and chaos as he wipes out the mysterious gang of thugs after his love interest. Forget about action, Cobra plays more like a comedy without laughs.
Horrible movies are the disease. Stallone retiring from acting and film-making is the cure.
Stallone plays the absurdly named title character, "Marion Cobretti", who is responding to a hostage standoff in a supermarket when the movie opens. The first 15 minutes of this pathetic excuse for an action film must hold some sort of record for having the most product placements in movie history. From Coors Beer to 7up. This rapid fire montage of continuous product placement eventually culminates with Cobretti returning home after the unexciting opening sequence. There, he cuts off a sliver of Pizza Hut pizza as he sits down in front of a TV, where he proceeds to watch an entire commercial for Toys-R-Us.
The remainder of this wretched movie plays like a cross between a bad 80's MTV music video and an even worse Dirty Harry ripoff. Stallone casts as his love interest his then-wife Brigette Nielsen, who would soon divorce him and take him to the cleaners. The villains have zero dimension and are basically nothing more than props for Stallone to spray bullets at.
As with most other Stallone action films, there is never any sense of excitement or danger because you know that no bullet will ever come close to nicking him, and no bad guy will ever be a worthy match in a street fight.
Just like in any number of his "original" screenplays, Stallone the writer comes up with one outrageously corny line of dialogue for his character to mutter. The entire movie revolves around this moment, which coincidentally happened to be the tag line: "Crime is a disease and I'm the cure".
All the clichés are here: renegade cop who plays by his own rules, inability to obey orders from his superiors, yet idolized by his fellow officers on the force. Cobretti's blow-dried hairdo is forever perfectly moussed and will never get disheveled amidst all the mayhem and chaos as he wipes out the mysterious gang of thugs after his love interest. Forget about action, Cobra plays more like a comedy without laughs.
Horrible movies are the disease. Stallone retiring from acting and film-making is the cure.