Review of Final Voyage

Gloria (Erika Eleniak) is a rich man's daughter and, therefore, requires a bodyguard. Since she is just a tad ornery, the security men come and go. Aaron (Dylan Walsh), who used to guard an aging Hollywood leading lady (Barbara Eden), has just been hired by Gloria's father to watch over his gorgeous, young offspring. Things do not get off to a good start when Gloria takes Aaron on a private plane ride and they narrowly miss crashing the aircraft. But, more excitement is around the corner. Gloria insists on taking a cruise on a refurbished old ship, The Queen Mary, where all of the beautiful people will be. Aaron, who "hates to travel", is unhappy about the trip yet, he must go along. On the vessel, also, is the wealthy businessman who provided the funds to spruce up the ship, as well as a hotshot football player and a lovely television journalist, who has a past with Aaron. But, wait, that's not the whole guest list! A terrorist thug named Josef (Ice T), his tough-as-nails girlfriend, Max (Claudia Christian) and his gang are on board, too, to steal the jewels and artwork that some of the passengers put in the ship's safe, since they couldn't sail off without their Van Goghs! Josef has a plan and a large arsenal of weapons. Will he succeed in carrying out his pilfering, without damaging the ship, of course? This is just a terrible film that sinks and stinks, from the first moment to the last. That is not to say the nice cast, including the good-looking Walsh, the lovely Eleniak, and the sullen Ice-T don't try to breathe life into the thing....they do try. But, not enough. The script is one abysmal cliché after another and the direction and editing are horrible, too. All right, the costumes are fine, are you happy? Especially so is the hot little blue number Eleniak wears through most of the second half. Therefore, if you are a fan of any of the cast members, you are certainly within your rights to rent this film. Why not show the movie at a gathering of couples, where everyone can laugh, jeer, and throw things at the screen? It would certainly make for an "alternative" party experience.