Epic Movie (2007)
1/10
A late-night sketch running way too long
26 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
You know those movies where if you've seen the trailer, you've seen all the good parts? I felt that way while watching this film. I don't typically expect much from crappy spoof movies, but I at least expect them to try. This came off as too much of a bad Saturday Night Live or Mad TV sketch that runs on way too long. A number of SNL's movies have felt that way, but really....

Why can't they ever pick _good_ "two of the six writers from Scary Movie"? I feel like I've seen this brand of dumb humor a million times before, albeit much better presented. I don't mind abstract references that would seemingly change the storyline (the four protagonists becoming part of Wonka's candy, but seconds later reverting to normal, for example), but these "Family Guy" style cutaways were so poorly done, it almost made me want to leave. I felt genuinely ripped off, longing for satires like Spy Hard, Last Action Hero, and Spaceballs. A friend and I debated whether this film or Scary Movie 4 was worse. We agreed it was a tie.

The first two Scary Movies were funny because they didn't let the flat parts slow them down. Scary Movie 2 contained a number of bad jokes, but it was okay because the filmmakers had a general idea of where they wanted to take the "story", and at least made a concentrated effort to tone down the absurdist humor in places where it wasn't needed.

Epic Movie temporarily halts the predictable, unfunny jokes close to the end of the film, when Kal Penn (who made two Harold and Kumar references, also falling quite flat, even amongst the largely tweenage audience) spells out the film's moral--a sappy and poorly placed monologue on the importance of family. The repetitive use of the word "Bitch" to refer to the antagonist, played by Jennifer Coolidge ("Stiffler's mother" in American Pie, a point also mentioned) got tiring. I will admit there were a few laugh-worthy moments, notably in the name of Jack Sparrow's parody, Jack Swallows. The actors were all fairly devoid of talent (especially that kid from the MySpace movie, playing Ashton Kutcher), and the directing seemed nonexistent.

Seeing the trailer is a bit of a spoiler as well, as you can tell when certain parts are coming up, effectively ruining the humor. Plus, the trailer has all the reasonably funny moments. It feels as if they directed the rest of the film as merely filler between the points showcased in the preview. I'm honestly not sure whether this review is in fact spoiling anything, because the trailer does a pretty good job of that on its own.

My recommendation: don't see it in theaters. Don't rent it. Don't even watch it on TV when nothing else is on. Forget it was even made. Trust me, you're not missing anything.
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