Explorers (1985)
5/10
The biggest letdown in movie history
13 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I seriously have to wonder about this movie. It had elements of genius in it before they met the aliens. I especially liked River Phoenix's (I didn't know who he was back then, and to this day it's s surprise he played the super dork scientist) German family of scientists who had the little kid who always showed up at the breakfast table wearing Halloween masks, despite it being nowhere near Halloween. There were some odd, quirky but fantastic minds behind that movie.

So why, oh why did they wreck it? I was 10 years old when that movie was released, and even at that early age I knew something was terribly wrong. Wait, What? All this build up so we can learn that the aliens are moronic kids who are obsessed with American Earth TV? At the start, this is an intelligent, wonderful film about a group of misfit kids, drawn together by a shared dream, who pull their talents and resources together to build a spaceship because they were contacted by some advanced alien intelligence. Inherent in the film was the idea of idealistic innocence culminating in the desire to explore, to discover and to see what was out there. All addressed in a mature, even thought provoking way. A rare feat even among the excess of quality kid's movies made in '85.

And then, KABLAMO! All that is thrown away. Even at 10 years old I personally felt my intelligence insulted. You're telling me that after all this build up, the first contact with Aliens these kids have is some big goofy looking Muppet that says "Hello, I'm Mr. Ed!??!?" "It's not fair!" I thought to myself. "How do they expect me to believe that these mentally challenged alien children were able to send interstellar messages containing highly technical schematics for building an airtight force field which could be piloted in any direction, even outer space? And for what? So they could impress the kids with their stupid imitations of American television pop-culture? NO. I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS." At least The Goonies made 1985 worthwhile.
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