Review of Birth

Birth (2004)
1/10
bad plot, unnecessary scene, NO script, ponderous, boring, waste of life. (Spoilers abound)
15 July 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I like Movies. I have sat through some awful tripe because I feel that, like people, everybody has a good side. So I wait for films to show me something mildly visually compelling - a moment's genius amidst an otherwise pointless mess of celluloid rubbish. Most of the time, I am able to take solace in the fact that even Matrix Revolutions had at least a few seconds of high-speed visceral action, despite the unfathomable script and plot.

Birth, on the other hand, was the filmic equivalent of a VERY long wait. I have had more fun standing at a bus stop, with the flu, in the rain.

Besides the technical issues - the alarmingly regular appearance of boom mics, and the plot holes - the kid sean's inexplicable ability to point out Lauren Bacall as the Xmas Humbug, Birth's script is virtually non-existent and ponderous kubrick style tracking shots sap the very life blood out of the viewer so that they are lulled into a hypnotic half-slumber. I am sure that detectives have been faced with a rash of mysterious deaths where victims have been found on their sofas, dribbling out of the corner of their mouths, eyes open, gazing zombie-like to the end credits of 'Birth'.

This film could have been squeezed just as meaningfully into a 2 minute short. If you take out the scene where we are forced to look at Kidmans' face at the concert for an age, the straight-repeated scenes (standing in for flashbacks) and the lengthy silences filled with supposedly drama-filled facial expressions which DON'T lead us to an explanation of the plot any more than a stray fart in a lift - you would be left with ''Hello I am your dead husband in a child's body, no I am not I am a misguided teen with a boring life and I've pieced together a bit of information about you to try and see your boobies in the bath'. DEEPLY suspect bath scene by the way!!

Oh - and nicole kidman reminded me of a loveless and neurotic icy-frigid Aunt - not a hint of a deeply emotional soul who still pines for her long-dead hubby. 10 years wasn't it? I would have been able to understand her acceptance of Sean mark 2, if we had been shown, just for a moment or two, some scenes featuring her previous 'deep' relationship with Sean mark 1.

All you art-house types should really stop looking for a deeper meaning in this movie. It's a lazy piece of film making and I half expect that the director has a hefty reliance on downers.

Side note:- That fella who plays Kidman's husband is seriously scary-looking. I reckon he'd be a good 'devil'.
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