Review of Swimfan

Swimfan (2002)
insulting to everyone's intelligence
19 March 2003
I rented this because some idiot of a film journalist, who by the way I will never trust again, put this down as the 'guilty pleasure' of 2002. There is no pleasure or entertainment to be found in this movie. A watered down high school version of Fatal Attraction, except without surprises, believeable dialogue, talented actors, hot sex, or a half-decent script. Oh and with no entertainment value whatsoever. Now while I'm on the other side of 30, I've made for teen-type suspense movies before and been entertained (the Faculty, Wild Things). But does the director (who looks sort of embarassed during the lame featurette, as well he should) and the writers and everyone else involved really think teens are that stupid? Do they think that they have no idea the movie Fatal Attraction (hereafter referred to as FA) exists? Also during the featurette, the director's dumbed-down pitch line of "FA set in a high school" turns out to sound more interesting than the movie.

The hero is an idiot--yeah, have sex in the school swimming pool when anyone can walk in, including your girlfriend, with a chick you've known less than 24 hours and say 'I love you' during sex when the chick asks you to, when you have a big important swim meet coming up and don't need any complications in your life AND your girlfriend is in town, then when the chick starts following you around and messing with your mind, just sort of act neutral towards her for awhile...arrgh, I have to stop, but I don't know how many times I said, "NO, you MORON!!" when he did or said something. Yeah, I know teenage guys are horny, and don't always make brilliant relationship decisions, but come on, I'm supposed to be rootiing for this guy. I ended up rooting for Madison (villian) because I figured everyone deserved what they got, only then her character got so boring and one-dimensional I couldn't even summon up any energy to root for her.

I honestly cannot recommend this movie to anyone; no redeeming qualities whatsoever. This is not a 'guilty pleasure' , don't let yourself be tricked into renting it for that reason... just ignore this lame excuse for a movie.
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