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Reviews
The Chumscrubber (2005)
Not sure why but I love it.
To me it felt like this movie tried being so many things but ultimately failed to fully solidify into any of those things. It's like wet paint that never dries but regardless of that is A beautiful, brilliant color. There is a satirical tinge to it imo, many connections, many elements and even if they don't entirely present themselves interwoven in the climax (which for me was spectacular) I love all of the elements within anyway.
Also where 95% of movies are either predictable due the obvious standard, predictable due a huge twist (which is also obvious) or doesn't engage you enough to care about the outcome, this film did keep me interested and exhibited admirably high level of unpredictability.
When it comes to arts like cinema or music, many different genre pieces will inspire similar moods in me despite being relatively (or very) different. I refer to this as being the same 'color'. This film imo has such a similar feel to Donnie Darko but actually succeeds in being what I wanted that movie to be.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
From a MK fan, it's not good cinema.
I don't want to criticize someone's work but the loyal to the game bits and trademark shout outs aren't enough to excuse the non existent character development and undeniably problematical fast moving plot that doesn't stop long enough even once for you to care about anyone or anything that is happening at any time...
The non-stop over the top comedic relief of Kano which immediately signaled to me the movie wasn't to be taken seriously, I soon realized was going to be the "best" part of poor film. That combined with the brutality, and the attempt to connect you to the protagonists, this film has no idea what it wants to be and unfortunately succeeds at being nothing.
The first and last fight sequences are the only two you can tell any effort was made and they themselves end up passable but are swallowed in the shadow of forgettable and even cringe-worthy plot execution. I can't tell if the acting was just terrible b-rate or the unforgivable pacing just made it seem as so.
I'm a fan of the games and, for nostalgia reasons the original movie. The latter I know wasn't necessarily a good film but honestly it was paced, choreographed, plotted, and executed better than this film... and embarrassingly overall may have even had better special effects. Even the CGI was poorly done in this new film.
The highish rating of this film is undoubtedly the product of a long wait for many fans and in a few months probably around 80% of people will come back to this and amend their opinions because this IS NOT a good movie. No amount of hopes, dreams, ignorance or optimism can protect it from that. I just finished the film an hour ago and already i forget half of it, and that's barely an exaggeration...
Fantastic Four (2015)
Clear your mind of negative reviews and you'll have a good time.
Movie wasn't even bad. Not a masterpiece but nothing wrong with it in particular. The crappy later Transformer films have better ratings than this and they were absolute trash. This film is DEFINITELY not that bad.
Jumper (2008)
Classic favorite for me.
I just turned 15 and spent the day at the movies for my birthday. I saw four movies, if I remember them all correctly it was Unstoppable with Denzel Washington I think. The American adaptation of horror movie The Eye with Jessica Alba. The creature feature Cloverfield, which honestly was incredible and probably the best flick of the day though much less magic upon rewatch without theater. As well Jumper which I immediately loved.
It's not the greatest movie, but it is though. A 10 star rating i feel means a movie was life changing so why would I rate this movie just 2 stars shy of that? It's fast paced, but not too fast which somehow worked for it. Cast did well, Christian gets hackled for boring acting but that's just cause people have StarWars opinions.
Sometimes people ARE boring. That's the character, while I didn't find it boring I could call it... I don't know maybe, soft? Overall though I liked the protagonist, and felt his character worked right in. The goorrregeous Rachel Bilson did great, and who isn't happy to see Samuel L. Jackson?
It was good fun, had its flaws but that's how some movies get better ratings. Being such good fun or exciting and welcoming they make you forgive the mistakes. I didn't learn until a few times watching the movie that certain parts characters had teleported through time. That is not a spoiler, it's literally a meaningless moment, time-travel has no bearing in the film whatsoever.
I just pretend it wasn't really time-travel, since it's so meaningless I often forget about it. A bit silly though to barely tease time travel in 1-2 shots of a movie that wouldn't have ever needed to happen IF THEY COULD TIME TRAVEL xD This movie is a classic for me, I rewatched it countless times and might do it again right now.
Also forgot to specifically mention Jaime Bells performance, everyone loves his character. In fact I watch for Bell in coming soon movies because of how much I liked him here. If you get a chance, watch Jaime Bell in the film Chumscrubber. It's sooooo great, kinda Donnie Darko vibe but instead it's actually good.
Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019)
A low point for one of my all time favorite directors...
Full cards on the table, I didn't even finish this film, I didn't want to continue my disappointment. I heard Smith had to self-produce which may speak for some of the low quality, but it doesn't excuse things like the dialogue. This film is C rate quality, I'd honestly give it 2 1/2 to 3 stars but mustered an extra star for the references the film had to the nostalgia of Smiths past films. That's an extra star for the nostalgia, not the references this film made to them as they if anything spoiled my fond memories of the originals.
To Kevin Smith, this is constructive criticism, as I'd want from anyone about something I created. Smith films like Chasing Amy and Mall-rats are amazing movies in my opinion. The goofier Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks 2 I still loved and found very entertaining. Dogma and especially the first Clerks film are borderline masterpieces. The dialogue in Clerks I found so so intelligent, and I'd argue anyone to the moon and back if they thought different because it's not even up for debate.
The Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is a very... very very distant far-cry from the genius Smith has presented himself as in the past. Please Smith, if you're trying to change with times or something, stop. You're comedy was sarcastic gold, before it's time and really refreshing. If we do get Clerks 3 or Mall-Brats, reflect on what your old stuff was so special for. Sarcastic, intelligent, hilarious and emotionally relatable all in one sometimes. Genius.
Donnie Darko (2001)
Not for me, but willing to say try it.
I heard a lot of hype before I saw this film but literally no details so when I eventually did watch it I was a pretty blank canvas.
Upon finishing it I told my friend I wasn't crazy about it to which he immediately asked me if I got what it's about. I gave him the gist and he agreed I had it right, it just didn't speak to me. The friend in mention is of genuine taste, a VERY tell it like it is type and would NEVER say something was good to go along with a crowd so I believe him when he feels it's a masterpiece.
My conclusion is he's got a darker personality, while I can be the same, and often am, I'm a peaceful look on the bright side type. In the end, my friend could identify with it while I couldn't nearly as authentically. The payoff to me was underpowered but like a sad-song making you feel happy because lyrics give you a sense you're not alone, I think this movie is capable of resonating with many out there really well so I give it a few extra points - 7 stars. It's a well done film, and just cause it didn't speak to me doesn't mean it won't speak to you.
Child's Play (2019)
Could see it being a cult hit. Best Chucky since bride.
Remember the movie Cabin in the Woods? It's one of my favorites and this film is the same color.
What ruined this films rating is it's listed as a Horror/Sci-fi when a better description would be - "Creepyish Ironic Horror w/ Suspense Elements". They outta add that to the list of basic genres because they're usually great movies. This Chucky nailed it best since Bride of Chucky, a childhood favorite of mine.
For those that don't understand that genre;
1.This isn't a horror and won't scare you.
2.This isn't a mindless gore-fest, though it is overly gory which plays right into its irony.
Crawl (2019)
Demanded my attention!
Rating this film a 9* in horror/suspense. Different genres are difficult to rate. For me a 10* movie is life-changing, most horror movie don't do that, but they aren't meant to either.
I put this film on as a fall asleep movie, I had already taken my Benadryl, figured I'd catch at least half and watch the rest In the morning. Now well, I'm still awake and here I am writing this review as this movie demanded my attention.
As advertised this is one of the most suspenseful movies I've ever seen. There's a few things I thought like why didn't they try breaking through the floor, or are alligators really that bloodthirsty or that big but really what do I know about the build structure of houses in known storm/flood territory, and I've never been in gator infested flood waters. From animal planet I know average length of a gator is something like 10-12 feet but I have no idea what that looks like up close.
The only reason I rate it shy of a 10 were very few moments which I felt sedimentary moments seemed a little forced and sometimes the gators looked pretty bad. I mean all CGI easily looks fake, but a few moments especially the first time you see a gator were pretty bad.
Bumblebee (2018)
Not a prequel, a MUCH needed (Soft) Reboot.
I would give this film an 8.5, rounded up doing my part countering the many poor reviews I'm sure exist, made by A portion of the people whom enjoy the Micheal Bay films.
If you're like me and let the film Bumblebee pass you by based on the previous Transformers installments, I urge you to see it. Not only is it an immense improvement for Transformers but it's quite good a film in general. A very smart move using the established and adored Bumblebee to craft the reboot.
This movie has a strong structure with conflict, action, sediment, relatability, and resolution without making it feel as forced as many films tend to do. The full circle moment at the end was still like,"Oh, of course that would happen" but instead of it feeling annoyingly cliché I heartwarmingly accepted it which speaks volumes of the method used by the director/scriptwriters.
The acting is solid all the way around, again even the cliché moments for the characters behavior is welcomed with a smile.
This film really shows how much the Micheal Bay Transformers movies looked like over-budgeted straight to DVD garbage with the exception of Bay's first attempt(which this film still exceeds). Yet the film Bumblebee still salutes the first installments with a nod at the very end which I thought was very humble and polite of them so I enjoyed that too.