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Reviews
Ostwind (2013)
Genuinely one of the worst films ever made!
This German film made me want to chop my legs off. It has many, many problems and no redeemable features whatsoever. The opening scene is supposed to be really serious and dramatic but it just comes across as funny. Then the next problem comes within the five minutes, the pacing. The main character is on a train, then at school, then at home and finally at the stables in the first FIVE MINUTES. It just happens so quick and it's just stupid. She has a temper tantrum that is funny, not dramatic at all. So I laughed twice in the first five minutes at things that aren't supposed to be funny, but there so poorly executed that you can't help but laugh, which is a poor start. While I'm at it the parts that are supposed to be funny are painfully unfunny. So the acting is awful. The main character is very wooden and stale like the loaf of bread you've never touched but have had for 6 months. The granny is just bland. The boy person is just ugh. The plot is highly stupid. When she's with the horse it's boring, well the entire film is. So you've got the granny who hates the horse because it gave her a bad leg wanting to get rid of it, and it makes this big deal out of the Hungarian guy which just ends up coming across as stupid. When the horse escapes it's in slow motion and it is really bad. So she gets trained by granpa as an excuse for a lazy montage sequence (I think there's two montage sequences but I might be wrong). She goes and impresses everyone with her horse skills and it's about to get really bad, well it already is. So this girl that's good at riding a horse wants to be the best horse rider at the stables so tries to stop the main character from doing well as a last minute attempt to get a villain in there and it's really lazy. Then she gets injured and runs away with the horse. She rides the horse for miles across roads to get to Fanny her friend. Then the horse is ill and gets taken away. Then she meets the horse in a field for a boring and predictable ending.
The film is highly predictable, clichéd, stupid and dumb. I give Ostwind 0/10
The Kid Who Would Be King (2019)
Utter cringy garbage
So, i went in with the most positive mindset i could possibly have. So when it started i was thinking to myself, it could be good it has 90% on Rotten Tomatoes. As i went through the film, it just got worse and worse. The jokes are just highly cringy (mario kart as an example) the only half decent ones were in the trailer. It is VERY cliched and predictable. It runs for an hour too long and the acting from the children (yes i know there children) is just laughable at times. The way the story plays out just made me sit there in awe. The bit where they go to Cornwall was pointless other than the fact that they learnt how to fight which could have just happened somewhere else. To be honest most of the film is pointless. After the Cornwall part i just tried to fall asleep but i couldn't because it was that loud. The final fight scene is just utterly pathetic. I know it's a kids film but no one dies, gets hurt or even a single scratch on them, it's just not believable. So basically the world was in danger so who do they get to protect the world? The army or the military. No they get a bunch of kids to protect the world. So by the time you've been bored to death for two hours they wrap things up by making everyone happy with all the swords and magic spells etc. I thought that his Dad was going to show up and go, ah i really did love ya i just had to go away, well done on killing that root person thing by the way. I thought they might of had to cut it out because it was on for too long. Thankfully he didn't. Overall the film is just utter garbage. Sadly it's not so bad it's good which i don't mind in a film sometimes but it's not it's just bad. 1/10
White Chicks (2004)
Entertaining
White chicks has a really funny concept, 2 black males pretending to be 2 white females. It is very funny and has some solid jokes. Sometimes it can get a bit cringy with some of the jokes, if you have watched it you will know which bits, but it still is a solid good film.
Spy Hard (1996)
Not Brilliant but amusing
Spy Hard is a pretty entertaining film but it is a bit boring in some places. This spoof film isn't as good as Airplane or The Naked Gun. It's an okay film, not brilliant, not bad. Some scenes are just a bit pathetic to try and pull laughs but others are pretty finny. Overall, don't go in expecting an absolutely hilarious film, it's just okay.
Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Insultingly Bad
This movie is nowhere near as good as Oceans 11. I expect more from Soderbergh. The script is actually plain out lazy and pathetic. The plot is extremely confusing. What were they thinking with the camera angles. I felt seasick during some scenes. The music is loud and repetitive and was really unnecessary. The only redeeming feature that i enjoyed was Julia Roberts' character pretending to be Julia Roberts. The other attempts at humour just fall flat. Overall this film is a complete waste of your time, trust me.
Quantum of Solace (2008)
Alright
Quantum of Solace is a massive downgrade in quality from Casino Royale. The plot is dumb and the villian is just plain out bad. Some of the action sequences are entertaining but if your a big Bond fan like me, then you will be thoroughly disappointed. Ultimately it is a pretty forgetable Bond entry.
The Matrix (1999)
My favourite film
The first time i watched this, i was absolutely amazed with the concept of it. The action is just so amazing to watch. I've seen this film 3 times and each time it just gets better. If you like sci fi action films then this is the film for you.
Limitless (2011)
Interesting film
This film has a very interesting concept about what would happen if you took a drug that would let you use 100% of your brain. I think Bradley Cooper does a great performance as Eddie who takes the drug. I think this is a pretty good film and it's a good watch for the evening.