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Reviews
The Marine (2006)
One of the Worst I've Ever Seen
There is a bad movie and then there is a BAD movie. This movie is stupid, violent, and has the worst script of any movie I have seen. When I watched the movie the WWE logo before the movie started did not help my impression of it and I decided not judge it by something so minor. However, by the time the first scene was done, I wanted to stop watching this mess of a movie. Within the first scene the main character proceeds to kill at least a dozen terrorists within a minute and a half. This scene is very choppy and extremely ridiculous. Although it's choppiness made it confusing, to my knowledge at least two of the terrorists were set on fire. 15 minutes into the movie I had to stop. I picked it up later and finished it and the ending was by no means better than the beginning. Please, do not buy this movie. Do not rent this movie. Do not think about renting this movie. The moment you see this movie, your IQ will drop 30 points.
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
Tim Burton's Best
This is one of my favorite movies of all time for many reasons. The movie is full of a special dark whimsy and the music is great. The animation is amazing and it is easy to forget that the characters, which have a wonderfully strange and unique design, are stop-motion animation (which really is a dying art form). The movie, which has often been linked with the Goth subculture, is by no means scary and (the non-3D version, although I have never seen the 3D one) will frighten only the most cowardly children or those that are going through a "fear phase". The movie focuses on Jack Skellington, the mind behind Halloween, who, after the annual celebration, becomes bored of the holiday and wants something new. After wandering in the forest, Jack stumbles upon Christmas and becomes infatuated with the holiday. He brings the holiday back to the Halloween-citizens, who do not fully understand the holiday, and Jack decides to take Santa Claus's place and chaos ensues. It is up to Sally the rag-doll, who loves him, to save Jack from making a big mistake. This movie has an entertaining plot and although it is only an hour long, the movie contains elements of a musical, a comedy, and a love story and is Tim Burton's best, only comparable to Edward Scissorhands.
The Black Cauldron (1985)
Disney Disowned It, I Give it an A+
This is not your average Disney movie, which is full of happy characters and a long line of happy-go-lucky songs. For many years, Disney disowned this movie because it wasn't a box-office hit and was released on VHS/DVD only twice.
One of few PG-rated Disney movies, this one contains no music, and truly scary characters (age-depending, of course). Although characters like the Horned King and his undead army, may frighten younger viewers, the movie's dark side may be appreciated by some children (we forget that they too may appreciate the darker sides of things).The story is slow-moving for a Disney movie, but involving nonetheless. Although it is not the best movie, it is different from their usual gooey-mess of a film, while still having a fantasy-theme and does not seem like a Disney movie whatsoever (in a good way!).
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)
A truly bad movie.
Any movie by Larry the Cable Guy is going to fall into the "so-stupid-it's-funny" genre, but this movie failed to meet even these requirements because it was extremely stupid, but by no means funny. I have nothing against Larry the Cable Guy and I've found his performances on the Blue Collar Comedy Tours hilarious, but this movie was by nowhere near hilarious. It will have you thinking twice before ever eating in a restaurant for the rest of your natural life (you may not want to eat snacks while watching this movie, or depending on your stomach, before this movie). The movie focuses on Larry the Cable Guy who is no longer "the Cable Guy" but now a quasi-rogue health inspector. According to different plot summaries of the movie, Larry has to try to solve a mystery involving a chain of food poisonings, but what they fail to mention is that these food poisonings do not, as I suspected, cause death but instead cause diarrhea and horrible gas. Larry does deliver a few funny one-liners, but toilet humor is everywhere and distracts from anything that might come off as funny anywhere else. The movie's jokes may be considered offensive to many different types of people including, but not limited to the crippled, Indians, the mentally challenged, homosexuals, and even anyone that has only one eyebrow (some may even claim that it is insulting to African Americans and Caucasians depending on how you take a few jokes). This movie is not funny, but is so rude and disgusting that it is beyond description and can be only compared to "The Fly". The problem with this movie is not that it is ignorant (different characters make comments on how rude and disgusting Larry is), but that it was produced/directed/created by an individual with a very twisted sense of humor. The movie's plot makes sense (although I wish it didn't) and if you find gross-out humor funny, you could find this movie being a 2/10. If you don't vaguely like the gross and disgusting side of humor, avoid this movie like the plague because dead flies, rats, cockroaches, trash-filled trucks, and cases of horrible gas are shown frequently in the movie. If you want to see it, wait until it comes to television.