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Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
3 hours bro?
Gifted movie tickets. The recipient wanted to watch this, so I obliged. I had very low expectations but figured that the visual effects alone would make it at least be worth a watch. It wasn't. Although parts of the movie looked great and despite the 7 trillion very loud explosions included in this "movie", I struggled to stay awake. This wasn't a movie as such. It was a visual effects circle-jerk littered with corny midwit programming.
Pros:
- Visual effects
- Good action scenes (some great bow and arrow + spear kills)
Cons:
- No plot
- Poorly written dialogue (Bro, why do the aliens speak like American kids, cuz?)
- Bad casting (I checked out when I saw Carmela Soprano play some sort of military commander)
- Bad pacing
- Too many forgettable characters
- Whale-sauce
It's essentially a rollercoaster ride, except it's 3 hours long and made by a committee of environmental and social activists.
Forbrydelsen (2007)
The only great thing about this show is Sofie Gråbøl
Average overall. Good sometimes but laughably bad at others. The only consistently great thing about this show is Sarah Lund (played by Sofie Gråbøl). She's amazing throughout the show despite the material being less than good at times. She, and the fact that the show takes place in Denmark, kept me watching through 2 seasons.
The show deploys cheap tricks to fake depth and to keep itself going. Twists appear in the form of extremely conveniently timed clues, but very few of them are actually clever or interesting.
Characters act irrationally in order to prolong the show. One constantly present example is the fact that everyone - even relatives of the victims - are uncooperative. After 14 days of investigations, the relatives being questioned act as if they've absolutely no interest in helping and have been harassed by cops for 10 years.
Every person of interest to the cops has some complicated obscure secret that causes them to lie to the cops, thus making themselves a suspect that has to be cleared through some hyped up but ultimately uninteresting revelation in the next episode(s).
Acting is OK generally. Sofie Gråbøl is amazing, as said. A few actors are very poor in this. Season 1's Olav for example took me straight out of the show every time he appeared on screen. Others don't fit their roles (Vagn).
If you're a crime nerd that wants a believable and interesting crime story, this isn't quite it. For others, I guess the drama makes up for it's shortcomings.
Ps. The english subtitles are horrible. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone that doesn't speak Danish.
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
Not funny, but enjoyable and thought-provoking nonetheless
Set on a backwards island off the coast of Ireland, our main character's (played by Colin Farrell) best friend abruptly ends their friendship for no apparent reason. From there things turn dark and weird as Colin tries to figure out why his best friend doesn't want to spend his days small-talking at the pub anymore.
I liked In Bruges, so I figured I'd give this a chance despite the plot sounding dull. It took a bit of patience, but was an enjoyable watch once I let myself get into it. It's more tragic than funny. It might have gotten two slight chuckles out of me.
The plot is easy to follow, as opposed to other more abstract movies in the genre. There is depth to be found, if need be, but the plot works even without looking behind the surface.
The movie is set during the civil war, but historical context really has no bearing on the plot. The fact that I know nothing about the time period didn't subtract much from my viewing experience.
Like In Bruges, Banshees of Inisherin gets carried by a few interesting characters and great performances. It's bizarre and tragic plot will make you reflect deeply on something or other, while guessing at what comes next.
Negatives:
Parts of the plot are unbelievable, even within it's dark comedy setting. There are too many unnecessary lines. Some have commented on the dialogue not sounding authentic irt the time period. While I can't comment on historical inaccuracies, some dialogue just didn't come off as believable, and I didn't think the movie gained enough from being set in said time period. Also, it could've been funnier without having to compromise on it's dark tone - the "comedy" label will leave a lot of people extremely disappointed.
Worth a watch. However, If you aren't fond of so-called dark comedies, you likely won't get much from Banshees of Inisherin.
1899 (2022)
Confusing waste of time
I liked Dark despite how confusing it was. At least you felt like you had a chance at figuring out what was actually going on. There were answers. At least some. When it comes to 1899 however, I still have almost no idea what it's about despite watching the entire first season. It's slow and boring to begin with, but my high expectations (because of Dark) forced me to keep watching, desperate to get a clue as to the underlying theme or mystery. Ghosts? Parallel universes? God? Time travel again? I won't spoil the answer, but to me it wasn't worth the wait.
As said, you'll literally have no idea what's going on until maybe 6 episodes in. Despite a few interesting elements you'll probably be bored and confused to death before then.
And the "ending" doesn't exactly do much to reward your patience. It makes most of the previous 8hrs seem like even more of a waste of time.
But is it at least scary, since it's labeled "horror"? Nope.
4/10.
Barbarian (2022)
Could've been OK if not for the characters being unreasonably stupid
Could've been OK if not for the characters being unreasonably stupid.
Tess arrives at her Airbnb in the slums of Detroit and finds a man already there. Man #1. He explains that he rented the same place through a different service and the two of them agree to share the place. Weird situation, but they talk and soon enough she feels safe enough in his company. Using various means, the movie tries to bait the viewer into thinking that there's something wrong with the guy, and that he's eventually going to be our antagonist. Interesting enough so far. The next day they discover a deep, scary-looking dungeon in the basement. They enter said dungeon only to be assaulted by a gigantic, disgusting (meaning covered in dirt and naked) woman. Man #1 gets brutally murdered on the spot while Tess gets locked in a cage. It's all downhill from here.
We then suddenly cut to a third character, the owner of the Airbnb house. Man #2. The dumbest of them all. Met with financial difficulties, he has decided to sell the house, and so he goes to Detroit to check on the property, presumably a couple of weeks after Tess checked in. He finds Tess's and Man #1's personal belongings still there. He calls around to find out if someone is currently renting the place, to which the answer is no. After hearing noises and finding more stuff he seems to conclude that there are squatters currently living in his house. This worrying situation obviously warrants an instant 911 call, but "I'm a man" he says out loud, proclaiming his intention to clear out the squatters himself. He arms himself with a small kitchen knife and proceeds downstairs to the basement where he discovers the hidden dungeon. Somehow he gets sidetracked thinking (out loud, again) about how the extra space means that the property is worth more. He gets out a measuring tape and proceeds to measure the dark, creepy looking dungeon without a care in the world, despite being convinced just a minute ago that there's someone living down there and that the situation called for bringing a weapon. Predictably, he gets assaulted by the same gigantic woman and gets locked in a cage with Tess. Stupid, useless men, amiritee???
More uninteresting stuff happens and Tess escapes the house. While trying to get help for the useless Man #2 still stuck in the dungeon, she gets the attention of two cops (useless Man #3 and #4) in a patrol car and explains the situation. Since she's dirty from staying in a nasty dungeon for two weeks, the stupid man-cops think she's a crackhead and disregard her. Or actually, even worse, they listen to her, follow her to the house and THEN disregard her, instead of just entering said house or attempting to corroborate her story somehow. They had probable cause to enter the house times a gazillion. The cops leave, and instead of Tess trying again with different cops, she decides to take the matter into her own hands. Girl-boss mode activated.
More dumb stuff happens. The guy who's still trapped in the dungeon gets his hands on a gun and yet he doesn't shoot the giant disgusting woman-monster despite having several opportunities. At one crucial point he even fumbles it and drops it on the ground like an idiot in some cartoon. Useless to the core, which I'm guessing is partly the point.
Something I didn't mention: Man #2's financial difficulties stem from him being accused of rape and his subsequent legal fees. I won't get into too much speculation about what the messaging is supposed to be here and in general, but I think you get the point.
There's tons more nonsense and spelling it all out would take longer than I have. In summation it's a bad movie with creative decisions that don't make much sense, except if they're really political decisions. Nowadays I try to ignore political messaging and enjoy the movie for what it is, but in this case that simply wasn't possible.
The acting and cinematography is OK. The ending isn't great, but it's an ending. The movie is competent enough for a 5/10 by today's standards, but I'll never watch it again. Depending on your own standards and your tolerance for nonsense, I guess you could watch it and enjoy it somewhat.
Watcher (2022)
Boring and predictable
Our female lead moves to Romania with her husband because of his new job in Bucharest. She herself has no job and spends her days alone untill her husband gets off work. Early on she notices a man staring at her from his window in the opposite building. This keeps happening. We learn of a serial killer who decapitates his female victims while they're alone in their apartments. A 10 year old could predict the rest.
The plot was too predictable, so I almost expected some sort of twist. Some mystery. It couldn't be that simple I thought. I was wrong. Very disappointing.
It felt like a two hour+ movie despite being only 90 minutes.
Definitely skippable.
Durak (2014)
Would've been an 8/10, if not for..
Enjoyable movie. Great depiction of widespread government corruption and the apathy it fosters.
However, it should've ended sooner than it did. The last 20-30 minutes doesn't add to the story in my opinion. It should've ended with our main character being shot and killed along with the two government officials. The line in the police van about "Mama"'s plan to evacuate the tenants should've been omitted. Would've been much more realistic and made for a much tighter story.
In Search of Tomorrow (2022)
Nostalgic and sorta interesting, but could've used more insightful interviewees
Less than 5 minutes in and a young hipster-looking guy says "a lot of these films are warning about global warming,.." as if climate change was a thing in the 70's and before. It wasn't. 'Limits To Growth', one of the classic books of the environmental movement in the 70's, has not one mention of global warming or climate change or anything resembling it. Back then it was all about overpopulation, pollution of the seas and running out of resources. Global warming or climate change hadn't been invented and popularized yet. I'm not sure the thoughts of the said interviewees warrant the running time, but maybe nostalgia is enough to entertain you.
Ah-ga-ssi (2016)
Not worth watching
Predictable plot. Twists that aren't actually twists. No likable characters at all. Unnecessarily long sex scenes that do nothing to advance the plot (something like 40 minutes+ I'd guess). Disappointing and predictable ending. Tries to invoke shock factor with a gory torture scene near the end but even from that point of view it failed to reward my patience. Some good acting and cinematography. Whoever made this is most likely a perv and the same goes for those who rate it highly. Or they're pretending to be artsy or pro lgbt. Who knows, but 8.1 rating is ludicrous.
1883 (2021)
Pretty good. A bit too much uninteresting melodrama for my liking.
As the title says. Interesting premise. Good acting and fine writing although predictable at times. Biggest complaint is the lead blondie. She's pretty bland. More than a few boring moments, primarily consisting of her talking. Worst choice was having her (partially) narrate the thing. Her accent sounds fake. She reminds me of blondie in Westworld, except she was interesting and had depth. This lead's monologues on the other hand tend to make me wanna pick up my phone. Haven't detected any blatant woke nonsense yet (except minor stuff) so it's subtle enough to watch without getting the feeling that you're being indoctrinated. Rating is inflated in my opinion. Probably the best show running right now regardless. Give it a try if you aren't too easily bored.
Reacher (2022)
Uninteresting, flat. Rating inflated.
Haven't read the book. Read some reviews and started watching hoping for 1) good, gritty action and 2) a believable and interesting crime story. I got neither. A few good action scenes in the beginning. Uninteresting and unrealistic story crime-wise. Fine acting and the dialogue isn't off as such but in terms of the story it's not believable if you're an adult. 250lb violent guy gets to insert himself full time in a murder investigation immediately after getting cleared as a suspect himself and despite not currently being a cop. He basically walks straight out of a jail cell and takes over the investigation from the actual detectives, who just allow it... Because?? He's super smart?? 5 episodes into him playing detective and he still hasn't explained to his colleagues how he coincidentally ended up in the same small town in which his brother was murdered, except for some BS story about him tracking down a blues singer. Obvious lie but nobody has brought it up for days/weeks?? The criminals are cartoonish. Making counterfeit money. Reacher at one point speculates that they're trying to destabilize Panama, based on nothing except for the perps being Hispanic, despite the idea not making any logical sense. How do you destabilize Panama with a criminal counterfeit money scheme? What, through inflation? Or are you going to finance a revolution? What the f are you talking about? It was just a throwaway line but illustrative of what we're dealing with here. There's quality but it's child-like. Ok if you're looking to turn brain off but not even enough action for that in my opinion.
The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)
Worth watching but too ''artsy''
Entertaining and worth watching. The bizarre plot, the performances and the cinematography makes this worth a watch. Probably extremely clever and contains lots of details with deeper meanings, but as a movie it doesn't quite work.
SPOILERS BELOW - ONLY READ IF YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN IT
If you accept the fact that you have to kill a family member, which Steven does eventually, you wouldn't drag it out like he did. Instead you'd choose one and kill them in their sleep or something along those lines. Literally nobody would choose to torture them all by tying them up only to take random shots at them with a rifle.
It seems as if the movie's entire latter part comprised of Steven and his wife talking about what to do and Steven carrying out the act solely served the purpose of making this parable into an actual movie. It left me waiting for a clever and unexpected ending which never came.
Also, Martin said that once phase 3 (bleeding from the eyes) had begun, it was too late. I took it to mean that either it was too late to make a choice once phase 3 had begun and thus they were all doomed to die at that point, or that the family member bleeding from the eyes was inevitably going to die. Either way, the logical and obvious choice would be to kill the person already bleeding from the eyes instead of choosing at random.
I would've preferred the ending to be all of them dying as a result of Steven's indecision/hesitancy in accepting his punishment.
The ending was disappointingly stupid in my opinion. As said, it was worth watching but a bit too artsy and not movie'y enough for me. A movie should work as a movie before it works as a parable.
La casa de papel (2017)
Soap opera disguised as heist movie
Silly throughout.. First episodes caught my attention, but quickly I realised that the plot had run out and that it was basically a soap opera from here. If you're looking for any kind of entertaining/impressive action, this isn't it. Even the crime element is ruined by unrealistic convenience and the silly decisions made by pretty much every single character in the movie. All we're left with is nonsensical drama. I binged the first 6 episodes and then skipped to the last in order to get to the ending. Don't get fooled by the hype. This series is for mindless Netflix-zombies, not for actual people with a mind for movies.