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Sonny_Darko
Reviews
Armageddon (1998)
I'll be brief...It's not a good movie. Honestly, no.
One of the most idiotic, cliché fest, dumb movie I have ever seen, by far. If you are looking for a deep, beautiful, good, meaningful movie with the slightest sense of realism, stay AWAY from this! Over-hyped till you can say no more, this movie is really bad. I wasted what felt like a lifetime watching this painful thing waiting for a change of opinion by the end of it...never happened. Why am I being so blunt and telling you this movie is bad? Well...I'll give you just some examples atop of my mind.
NASA sends up a group of idiots with zero outer-space experience to save the world rather than...hmm, lets see...Trained Astronauts!
While the brave "heroes" are saving the world, by planting a bomb in an asteroid they crack what are supposed to be funny one liners for comic relief that are actually as funny as a heart attack and fail miserably.
We have to sit through a painful scene where Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler feed each other animal crackers...really
Every film cliché you will find in this movie
Aerosmith's now famous song. This is the reason why every time I hear them I wanna go puke.
Predictable, lame, trying too hard for tears ending
The only part of the ending that made me cry was when I realized that I could have been doing something more productive with the time I wasted watching this piece of garbage. I only give it a 1 because there is nothing lower. Yes, it's that bad. Unless of course you think that Date Movie, Meet the Spartans and all those insults to cinema are entertaining movies, DO NOT watch this. If you like those types of movies then you'll prob like this. I don't. But, if you really are curious about how it ends and only plan on watching it because of that, then here's the ending so you don't have to waste your time and money. *Do Not Read if You Plan on Watching* Bruce Willis dies by making the ultimate sacrifice, thus saving the planet. Except no one really cares because his character was a jerk throughout the whole movie.
Amar te duele (2002)
Love Hurts? No, Watching It Hurts
OK, so a lot of people have been claiming that this film is either trash or a great movie. Truth is, it's neither. It's basically a typical Mexican soap opera with a tragic twist at the ending, that was more predictable than anything. It could have been much better except it fell in a copy of a soap opera theme that has been done over 100,000 times in Mexico and a rip off of Baz Lurhmanns vision of Romeo and Juliet.
Two teens, one poor and the other rich, fall in love and must fight against their social classes in order to be together. They meet at a mall and after a bet that Renata (girl) makes with her friends, that she wont kiss a poor guy (Ulises), she does and thanks to that kiss, they fall in love. This was an OK idea to incorporate, what was a bad one, was the scenes that followed that kiss. For starters, we see Ulises following her around throughout the whole mall, and when he approaches her, what does he do? Talk to her? No, he STARES at her. Right in front of her face, just stares. Like a creepy idiot that doesn't know what to do, yet she finds this attractive. Here, they tried to pull off what Lurhmann did in the fish tank scene, even having both Ulises and Renata look at each other through a glass window. There is only one major problem with this. The only reason why Romeo did not talk to Juliet in that scene was because there was a transparent WALL in between them. Anyways, this romance causes a lot of problems for both teens, mainly being the one that there's absolutely no chemistry in between both actors. There's two nude scenes, one is acceptable, the other really isn't, which one could easily tell they were inserted to the film for the sole reason of keeping the male audience entertained, because the love story is actually pretty lame.
One of the things that really helps this film is the acting of the main characters. I really liked the directors daughter's performance, because believe it or not, 98% of the high class and high class wannabe's actually do act like that (well, maybe except for the part of the alcoholism). Most of the movie falls in cliché, but the humor does save it every now and then. If you really like the cheesy love films, then this is for you. If you're looking for the next The Notebook, I would recommend you go look somewhere else. While yes, everyone knows that this is another version of Romeo and Juliet, not everyone knows that its a version of Baz Lurhmanns 1996 version. Even the cover art really gives it away, with that sacred heart look a like heart that completely rips off Lurhmanns movie art.
I Love You, Man (2009)
It's OK, but don't expect too much of it...
I did. I saw it because I saw Rudd and Siegel on the lead and thought it was probably an Aptow or similar kind of humor. It tried to be but fell short.
Turns out that a Realtor (Rudd) who's about to get married realizes he doesn't have any friends, and goes on a series of man dates to find one, releasing a series of "humorous" events, like getting kissed by a guy, puking on another one, realizing the other one is too old, etc. Anyways, he has a gay brother, which they try to pass off as a comical situation, (because being gay in a Hollywood movie is SO funny, right?) but he doesn't ask him to be his best man, simply because of a small age difference. That honestly would have been the smartest thing to do, but then we would have no movie. Finally he meets the perfect guy (Segel) at an open house, which turns out to be the complete opposite of him, and teaches him a lot about the typical guy life and so on.
It's pretty cliché at times and has some of the typical characters in a comedy movie (the dorky lead, man rule follower best friend, the gay relative, the perfect wife, a-hole coworker, etc). Give it a try none the less if you have nothing else to watch, it's an OK movie, (don't fall for the great rating it has on here) I still had fun watching it, but seriously, don't expect too many LOL moments. If you liked Along Came Polly, Heartbreak Kid, (pretty much most of Ben Stillers similar type movies) Then You will probably enjoy this. If Your waiting for the next Old School, 40 Yr Old Virgin, Anchorman, etc, then you might wanna simply stick with The Hangover instead.
Never Back Down (2008)
Never Watch This
That would be a better title for this movie. I'm going to save your money and summarize the movie in two paragraphs. Let's see, where to start? Our hero, Jake, who has anger/violence problems, is at his high school football game when another complete a-hole kid taunts him that it was his fault that his own father died, setting our hero up in flames and totally hurting the other kid. Are you serious? Who would be an enough jerk to taunt someone with something like a parents death at a football game? Turns out that Jake let his dad drive home drunk after a night at the bar and got into an accident where he died (or something like that). Did I miss something? What's he doing with his dad at a bar at his age in the first place? Eventually he moves to a new school, where the HOTTEST girl (who just so happens to be going out with the BADDEST guy) becomes his love interest. She invites him to the coolest most unrealistic high school party, that neither Van Wilder, nor any of the American Pie movies could ever compare to, (and they've had some really unrealistic ones) where a bunch late twenty something year old models, who were supposed to pass of as high school girls, were walking around in a bikini all over the house and making out with each other in a hot tub. But THE GUYS are more interested in the full contact fights going on in the back yard. Which, by the way, look heavier than any MMA that you see in TV. Really. So at the party the BADDEST guy whoops our hero's butt, making him go train with Mr. Miyagi, I mean, Jean Roqua, where he learns to be a great fighter.
The bad guy has another unnecessary unrealistic party for no good reason other than to show more girls prancing around in their bikini. (not that I'm complaining, it was nice) And then we have the tournament, which the baddest guy happens to be the champ of, making you think, if he's a senior at high school, how old was he when he started fighting MMA in order to be a Full Contact, two year in a row, champion at his age? So anyways, they finally fight again. But it's so intense that they end up leaving the fighting ring and take it outside all the way to the parking lot, where everyone just so happened to park their car in the shape of a circular fighting ring, just in case that something like this would happen. Our fighters finish the fight with the headlights of the vehicles shining on their Hercules' abdomens, after who knows how many minutes of exchanging blows. Jake (good guy) wins, and practically a scene later, he and the bad guy are now friends, even after pulverizing each other, Jake probably sending him to the ER, and stealing his girlfriend. Because all the bad guy ever needed, to lighten up, was a good kick in his behind. Oh yeah, before I forget, our hero obviously won the heart girl with his sensitive side, which really came out of nowhere, being that throughout the whole movie he was a complete a-hole to everyone, especially his mom. We have the CRAZY best friend, who I guess was supposed to pass of as comic relief, but failed. Um let's see, what else? Oh yeah, Mr. Miyagi, er, I mean Mr Roqua, has some problems of his own, but nobody really cares, and at the end I think they get solved too. I'm not really sure, I didn't pay much attention.
So there you have it. This has to be one of the lamest, most unrealistic, predictable, full of cliché, movie I have ever seen. I'm glad I didn't pay for the ticket, being that a friend of mine owed me 10 bucks and bought it for me. Though now that I think of it, I would have rather him given me a 10 dollar bill instead. If you like any of the direct to DVD American Pie movies and are obsessed with MMA, then check this out. If your If you're looking for a good original story, you might wanna skip this.