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Mega Piranha (2010)
I don't know how to rate it.
This film has me stumped.
It is either an excellent comedy, as it had me in stitches. Or it is an abysmal Science fiction film with glaring plot holes and terrible acting and effects. The formater i would give 8 the later a zero. An example of a plot hole. They nuke the shoal of piranha, but they survive. They then go after them with guns. If they are tough enough to survive a nuclear blast, with temperatures up to a million degrees kelvin, then I think a bullet would just bounce off.
The actin was stilted and wooden. The CGI piranha were showing more subtlety and nuance in their performance, than the actors were. However, note that the CGI was terrible. I could manage better CGI using my phone.
All in all, I would say, if stoned then go for it. You'll love it it's so bad that it's good. If you are looking for something of beauty, with great acting. Avoid this, you will be tearing at your eyes to stop watching.
Geo-Disaster (2017)
I wish to give my heartfelt apologies
To everyone who in their reviews, warned about watching this movie.
I have just switched the television on and am drawn to adding my comments. It's been ten minutes and I cannot watch anymore. My intelligence is being so insulting by this unadulterated garbage that I feel some of my IQ points slipping away.
And Click. Channel changed.
My advice. If you stumble across this. Do the same as I, change channel as fast as possible.
The Misfits (2021)
Decent premise.
However, poorly executed. It was a cross between Oceans 11 and Leverage. But nowhere near as good as either. The acting is better than some I've seen but not as good as most films. The dialogue was banal, floundering in conversations.
The beginning was promising, but after half an hour I was beginning to think that I should stop watching. Then another promising scene which caught my attention but all too briefly it was gone, having collapsed into banality again.
I was wanting to like it, but found I couldn't. I was getting bored and put off by the dialogue.
Would I advise watching it? Only if you have it on in the background whilst doing something interesting.
We Die Young (2019)
Not horrible.
Not horrible but not good either. It was boring, predictable, formulaic and the dialogue was banal.
The best thing about this film was JCVD's dialogue. .... He's a mute.
Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark (2014)
I would love to say it's so bad that it's good.
But I can't.
I gave 2 stars though purely for the fact that it had me laughing at how bad it is. Also because I now feel a lot calmer, having rid myself of any hatred in me, by focusing it on this trash.
Assault on VA-33 (2021)
Stupid film.
I'm watching this and wondering.
Why when the the first shots were fired, did no one not here anything?
Why when the police ignored him did he not pull the fire alarm?
Why?
Why?
Why?
It could have been a decent film. If they had used a better director. Better actors and a better script.
Psychopath with Piers Morgan (2019)
Psychopath interviews a psychopath
I intensely dislike opinionated and intransigent people.
Watching this I realised that Piers Morgan is also a narcissistic psychopath, totally lacking in empathy.
This is just another Piers Morgan sensationalist vanity program, as a showcase for his opinions and not to inform and analyse the psychopath of the title, in any real depth.
District C-11 (2017)
Some crap films are watchable.
This steaming pile is not.
Bad acting
Bad directing
Poor storyline
Don't waste your time.
After 20 minutes I gave up and decided the lint in my tumble dryer has more personality and can act better than anything in this film.
Ice Quake (2010)
Science? What science?
Why do all these disaster movies ignore the real science?
There are so many university graduates, who for a few hundred units of their local currency, would sit down and proof read these piles of crap and correct all the factual mistakes.
It would still leave plenty of room for artistic license and would definitely make for a better story.
Breaking In (2018)
Predictable, cheesy and annoying.
Within 10 mins we knew the who, the what and the when. The how we worked out halfway through.
I wish I had des bothered. One of those films which promises much and delivers little.
I found the whole thing irritating.
Global Meltdown (2017)
A disastrous movie.
I'm writing this with the this movie on tv, which it won't be very soon.
I have to questions about this film and others like it. Why is the science mostly wrong. It's as if the writers/directors hadn't read a science book in their lives. Or if they had, they completely misunderstood it. The second thing I'd like to know, is why this film was ever made? Whoever thought that it was a good idea?
He Who Dares: Downing Street Siege (2014)
Oh dear oh dear oh dear
I was expecting a cheap ripoff of Olympus has Fallen.
What I saw was a media student project.....
Made by primary school children.
Not totally wasted time though. Having Netflix and Amazon prime, I set myself a target of watching at least one totally abysmal film a week, until I reached 100 of the worst. 30 weeks and I'm nearly halfway to my target.
Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Not the worst show out there
To be honest, although different from the original I found the first series enjoyable enough. But it's now turned very formulaic and predictable.
What has started to grate on me and is a reason I knocked a star off, is the product placement. I know that it helps pay for shows, but there is subtle but effective product placement and the almost push the actors out of the way, so that we can have a good view of the product.
This programme has turned into one big Microsoft advert.
Leverage (2008)
Fairly decent and enjoyable.
I preferred "Hustle" (2004). Similar story line different country.
Iron Sky (2012)
Take it for what it is.
This film does not pretend to be anything other than a satire and a joke.
All the characters are caricatures and stereotypes.
So to all those complaining that the script is poor and the acting is bad. It is no worse than many Hollywood films that have a big name actor and budget.
So lighten up and stop showing everyone that you don't understand irony.
Lake Placid 3 (2010)
The subtlety the pathos
The sincerity and the skill
At least that is how I remember the corporate logo at the end of the credits.
The previous endless drivel would make an amateur YouTube video look like an Oscar winner.
Would a class action law suit be successful to compensate for the bit of life I lost?
Nautilus (2000)
Car crash film
It's awful, difficult to tear your eyes away from.
It's like the zit on the end of the nose of the person you are talking to.
It has redeeming features, hence the 2 stars I gave.
The story line has potential and one or two of the actors make a decent attempt with the dire dialogue.
Another Earth (2011)
It's OK.
Enjoyable enough.
A fairly pedestrian story which doesn't tax the brain in the slightest. I found I had no problem getting up and going off to get a drink or snack without hitting pause But as I started watching it occurred to me that it is a remake of sorts.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064519/?ref_=nv_sr_3
The Nine Ages of Nakedness (1969)
Awful film.
Went with a friend, to see this film in the cinema, as a 15 year old boy, looking for titillation. We passed for 18, but in 1969 they weren't as strict as they are now.
It is enough to say that we, two hot blooded, heterosexual boys walked out on a film with naked women, after 45 mins.
Awful, awful, awful. There is no other way to describe this film.
This film should be taught in film school as how NOT to make a film.