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Reviews
Love Has Won (2023)
somewhat funny but pointless
Nothing new here. If you are unfamiliar with cults there might be some educational value in this program, but most of us have read about and heard of numerous cults. The only reason we ever heard about this one was the business with the mummified corpse and the Christmas lights. If you don't know what I am talking about that might be a reason to watch this because it is funny in a sick way. The footage of the police going into the house and finding the lit-up mummy is priceless, but the rest of program devotes an excessive amount of time to cult members explaining that it is the rest of the world that is crazy. Most cult leaders have some skills, such as in persuasion or manipulation, but this woman was just a jerk, a nasty and abusive alcoholic without an ounce of charisma, so the tried and true explanations that are offered as to why people join these absurd cults are even less convincing here.
The Fly (1986)
One of the most sympathetic characters is the fly
"The Fly" was originally a very engrossing short story, later adapted into a melodramatic movie starring Vincent Price. In both the story and the first movie, however, the characters involved have some humanity and are relatable, and the element of horror is present throughout. The people in this film are loathsome and the story is more ridiculous than horrifying. In this version, Davis and Goldblum's characters meet by chance. The awkward and nerdy Goldblum invites her back to his "lab" to "show her something." He shows her the equipment and teleports one of her stockings which she has removed in an inexplicably sexy gesture, since she believes him to be insane. The next night she goes back to his lab and watches him attempt to teleport a baboon. The attempt goes horribly wrong, transforming the baboon into a bloody but still living mess. Following this horrific and pathetic scene, the scientist is upset that his experiment has failed and Davis' character has no apparent immediate reaction. Soon, however, he is showing her the rest of his "equipment" and they are having sex. Apparently there is no aphrodisiac quite like the grisly death of an animal. Then they experiment with two pieces of raw steak, unfazed by the resemblance of the bloody baboon to the bloody steaks. Davis then chows down on one of the steaks. At this point, I felt utter loathing for these two characters and watched the rest of this movie fervently hoping they would meet a terrible fate. After Davis' sexually and gastronomically satiated character leaves, the scientist successfully teleports yet another baboon. Then he teleports himself, but a fly gets into the machine . . . Anyway, you know the rest. In the original story, the scientist emerges from the transporter as a half-man, half-fly, which makes a lot more sense and is more terrifying. In this movie, the scientist emerges apparently unscathed except for his superhuman strength and sexual staying power, but gradually transforms into a huge and unintentionally comical fly. As this process occurs, Davis' character appears to fall increasingly more passionately in love with him, continually crying and embracing this ever-more-loathsome being (the only strong emotion she expresses in the whole film). The fact that her affection for him increases the more disgusting he becomes is really the only entertainment value in the rest of this film. There is a lot of blood and gore but it goes on forever and I found it tedious. All in all, I would recommend this movie for boys between 9 and 13 with a sadistic streak. Anyone else can surely find a less ridiculously disgusting movie to watch.
Love to Love You, Donna Summer (2023)
Love to bore you baby
Another early reviewer here said most of what I was going to say about how this film is disorganized and choppy, with poor editing and no central point or theme. But mainly I found it very, very, very boring although I was a great fan of hers. Someone born over 50 years ago, in 1970, would be 52 to 53 years old today. Yet there is no context provided for Donna Summer's career, almost nothing about the era, very little about disco music. The film just assumes that the viewer is very familiar with all this and very familiar with Donna Summer. And they could not show a single performance of one entire song? Or play one entire record all the way through? There's a lot of "home video" type film which is just a bunch of people messing around and does nothing to illustrate anything about Donna Summer. Her fall from popularity was almost as dramatic as her rise, yet as another reviewer said you'd think from this film that she went right from a major career to lung cancer and dying. What happened in between? A sadly missed opportunity; a fascinating performer turned into a boring subject and a documentary which provides little relevance for anyone not over 50.
Hotel (1967)
a pretty good movie if you didn't read the book
As I said, this would be a good if forgettable movie if you never read Arthur Hailey's book "Hotel,"but it is a pale imitation of the book. I read all of his books and "Hotel" was always my favorite. Any adaptation of a long book has to cut out minor characters and a lot of the plot, but the sweeping changes made for this movie strike me as senseless and detracting from the story. In the book, a self-effacing hotel guest turns out to be a millionaire who buys the hotel and saves it at the last minute. Curtis O'Keefe's girlfriend is a not-so-dumb blonde who O'Keefe regards as just another plaything until she is almost killed in the dramatic elevator crash and he realizes he loves her. The Duke and Duchess are far more interesting than the cardboard characters in the movie. Warren Trent is a far more interesting and multi-faceted character in the book. And finally, and most importantly, Keycase Milne gets away with the briefcase full of money! I absolutely hated the final scenes in this movie which show him getting hauled off by the cops. It's so pointless. In the book, after getting away, Keycase decides to use the money to buy an auto mechanic business and go straight. In case it's not clear by now, read the book! Arthur Hailey's books are now stories of a time long ago, but they are still interesting in themselves as well as for a look back in time.
Zero Hour! (1957)
How about some coffee, Johnny?
Please, please, only watch this movie AFTER seeing "Airplane!" You will be rolling on the floor laughing. There are so many duplicate lines. Other than the chance to laugh hysterically, I see no other merit in this film. The overacting is outrageous and the melodrama is over-the-top, which is probably what inspired the scriptwriters to create "Airplane". At one point, all of the characters start to sweat in unison, including the pilot and his wife. I was expecting the sweat to begin running down their faces and getting their clothes wet, until I remember that this was not "Airplane!" but the film that inspired it.
Hide and Seek (2021)
WTF?
I guess the filmmakers thought that "mystery" movies were supposed to remain a mystery after you got done watching them. About halfway through I lost track of the plot. I still don't get it. I thought the movie was supposed to be about the guy looking for his brother. Was there really a brother? Did he ever find him? Also about halfway through this movie starts to be about the crazy lady. Why? Did she have anything at all to do with the main character or his brother, or did they just decide that the main plot was too boring and bring her in to add interest? I wish someone would explain the plot. You can put "spoiler alert" if you want, but how could anyone spoil this awful movie?
Promises in the Dark (1979)
Ridiculous
Saw this on TMC, of all places, while I was recovering from an illness. Watched in amazement as every TV movie of the week cliche was clumsily checked off. OF COURSE the patient is a "brave," independent," "courageous" young girl who "takes control" of her fate and "challenges" the system." And OF COURSE the doctor is all sad and withdrawn from her divorce, and the girl "awakens" her to life's value, and the doctor "challenges the system" . . . How many damn times have we seen this? I remember this kind of crap from the 70s and it irritates me to realize how much of my time I probably wasted watching crap like this. And by the way how many of these cheesy movies did Marsha Mason make? Seems like she was always in these melodramas that usually involved some teenage issues. Clearly in the 70s we were a far less critical audience and would embrace this garbage which would be laughed at today.
Triple Digit Flip (2021)
disgusting
This show is unwatchable. The first thing I noticed is the LOUD soundtrack. These guys will be talking and you have to strain to hear what they are saying because of the loud background music, which stops and starts for no discernible reason. Then there are the people themselves. All of them are ugly and obnoxious. The two men in the truck constantly say "why isn't everybody doing this??" which is incredibly irresponsible. "Everybody" isn't doing it because it is easy to go bankrupt doing it. Do you think maybe these guys are planning a seminar scan??? Duh. Then, the bro culture. These guys actually call each other "bro" and are loud, obnoxious braggarts. The show is about them, not about making "triple digit flips" or any kind of flipping. So if you would enjoy watching watching ugly, obnoxious guys whose constant loud obnoxious bragging is often drowned out by the loud obnoxious background music, then you'll like this show.
Windy City Rehab (2019)
whine-a-thon
If you'd enjoy listening to hours and hours of whining, by all means watch this show. Turns out she had problems with her business partner/contractor, and she really, really wants to talk about it, and all the unfair things that she has to deal with as a result. She does so incessantly, on every show. I don't care. I don't watch these shows to listen to whining. I can get that at home. I could spend hours whining myself, except that no one would want to watch it. I don't know why HGTV thinks anybody wants to watch this annoying woman whine either.
Unsellable Houses (2019)
obnoxious, childish
First of all, I question the premise of this show. It takes place in the Pacific Northwest, and I live here and know that the housing market here is very hot and people will buy anything, so I question the idea that these houses are "unsellable." Maybe the owner can't get as much money as they want, but that's all.
Aside from that, I just cannot stand the chunky twin with the glasses. Her childish behavior is a constant irritant. She is not fun, she is not funny, just obnoxious. The other twin is far less objectionable, but this show is just too twee, as they drive around in a Volkswagen bus and try to be cute. And that promo where the chunky one does those clunky dance (?) moves and they yell "win win twin win" reminds me of junior high. And the pillows, OMG the pillows! They are incapable of staging a house without putting designer pillows on every available surface, which I think demonstrates a lack of talent and creativity.
The Miracle Worker (1962)
Made me see deafness as an asset
I can only guess that the more gushing reviews of this movie are for the subject matter, not the actual movie. Yes, the story of Helen Keller and her teacher is a moving one. Also, I thought Patty Duke gave an admirable performance, not just "for a child" but for anybody. But as for this movie, I struggled to get through it and had to mute the sound much of the time. I found the characters, other than Patty Duke/Helen Keller, to be incredibly annoying. They were so irritating that at the beginning, when Helen is running around smashing things and hitting people, she was still the most likeable character on screen. The movie starts with her parents, the father played by the old and revolting Victor Jory (wearing a hideous goatee for good measure), and the mother, played by the young and beautiful Inga Swenson as his trophy wife, realizing that the child is deaf and blind. They then proceed to scream, sob, yell, and pound on things, as if perhaps they could frighten the baby out of her deafness. Throughout the rest of the movie they continue along these lines, with Swenson as Helen's mother crying and whining constantly, and Jory as Helen's father yelling all his lines and otherwise portraying his character as a bellowing moron. I started muting the sound every time these two appeared on the screen. I also found Anne Bancroft's fake Irish accent (the real Annie Sullivan was not Irish, as noted here), and smug attitude unsympathetic. And those long soliloquies accompanied by vague "arty" images of her flashbacks superimposed on each other made my head hurt. Again, I believe the movie basks in the reflected glory of its "virtuous" subject matter. But when viewing it simply as a movie, I found it very hard to sit through.
Moonlight (2016)
too much staring
Way, way too much of the acting cliche where a character stares silently and emotes. Or not. The main character here is almost nonverbal and it is handled in a way that quickly became irritating to me and was distracting from the rest of the movie. I get that the main character is reacting to a world he finds frightening and incomprehensible, but enough is enough. There had to be a way to handle this and make a better movie. Watching this kid/teenager/guy stare at people and say nothing got so annoying that I barely made it to the end of the movie. Also, I feel that this diminished my ability to engage with the character at the three stages of his life, as things happened to him but all he could do was stare.
The Visit (2015)
SO ANNOYING
I found this movie annoying. I want to mention one other very annoying thing not connected with the movie, which is that so many people start their reviews with a plot summary. If a plot summary is needed, it is right there ON THE IMDB page for the damned movie. We don't need one from everyone who reviews the movie.
The main reason I found this movie to be annoying is the kids. I did not find them very sympathetic. They were way too smug and thought they were so smart. I was pretty indifferent to what happened to them. Also, they were stupid. The girl crawls into the oven not once but twice when the crazy grandmother tells her to, when she already knows something is wrong with these people?
Also, the kids make no effort to escape on their own at any time, even after the mom tells them the couple are not their grandparents? The kids could have just run out the door. They could have easily outrun those old people. Then they could have called for help with their cell phones. I am sure two such tech-savvy kids had cell phones. Then, we have the ultimate movie cliche, where the girl GOES DOWN INTO THE BASEMENT and does this AFTER the mother TELLS the kids that the people are not their grandparents. She then calls out to her real grandparents, as if she expects to find them down there watching TV or something. Then she makes sure to scream, so that the crazy couple will know that she is trapped down there.
This movie was almost a satire, a collection of "scary movie" cliches.