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Girls Trip (2017)
NOT FUNNY. OVER RATED GARBAGE
I should've known this movie would suck when I saw that Jada was part of the main cast. Jada is the queen of movies that suck. Tiffany Haddish is NOT FUNNY. I'm so sick of those hard to believe stories about her life. The media is pushing her down our throats and she is just not talented, just loud and obnoxious. I highly doubt that this garbage made the millions of dollars that they claim. I could only manage to watch the first 30 minutes of this mess without cringing. Latifah and Regina sucked in this movie as well.
If Loving You Is Wrong (2014)
A Long Drawn Out Dump 💩
The acting is terrible. It's like waiting for a train to crash that doesn't crash over and over again. How old is the writer for the script? THREE?!? This show sucks. Characters constantly repeating lines with a fake fervor that tops over acting at its worst. Also that wig on Edwina Findley is terrible and she knows it. Tyler and Lee always seem to have the pretty darker skinned actresses looking & acting wack in their shows & movies. They are 2 petty Coons who lost their way in Hollyweird. I wonder how many of the male actors ended up on the casting couch, my condolences. Watch this show if you like taking long drawn out smelly poops that don't come all the way out... that's the essence of this show. POOP 💩💩💩
Plemya (2014)
👎👎👎👎👎👎
My sign language review for this movie is 👎👎👎👎👎👎. I can't hear the people speak but I can hear the doors closing, footsteps and paper shuffling? The Tribe? More like 'The Stupid'. Were these guys suppose to be mute as well? Deaf people do make sounds. I don't think they were even using real sign language throughout this flick. Deaf Gangs, Deaf Pimps & Deaf Prostitute Lot Lizards does not equal a good film. What about the irony of throwing up gang signs using sign language. The awkward Deaf Sex scenes were hilarious and it was the only time anyone made any sound. This movie was weird. I wonder what the director will make next, A DEAF MUSICAL? You can't hear the music but you can see it. When they performed the Deaf Abortion I was Dead. Everyone acting or working in this film obviously wrote the bogus positive reviews. My 1st review saying this movie sucked was reported for abuse and deleted. I DEAFinitely want my $$$ back.
The Real (2013)
3 Irrelevant Women with Useless Opinions
I know there are 4 host but I respect Tamara and the show is beneath her scale. Adrienne Bailon is known for straight to video movies and some old washed up defunct girl band. Her opinions are flimsy and illogical. Also why are we taking advice from someone who poached another woman's husband and made fun of Naturi Naughton's dark skin? Naturi winning these days. It's 2 👎👎 on you Adrienne. Loni Love is the HUGE Coon of the show. This past week LONI told Tamara that her brother was hot and that he better watch out. Girl Bye, I'm sure it's safe to bet no real dude is checking for you unless he's trying to get your coins. I don't know who or why the other chick is on the panel. Why is this show still on the air? Even the audience looks lackluster. Oh and I don't buy that fake ass apology Adrienne gave Naturi recently. Girl take home wrecking no talent irrelevant homely self somewhere and catch one.
Teeth (2007)
I Haven't Even Jerked Off Since Easter!!!
This is the funniest sh*t I've seen in a while. It starts off as some kooky Brady Bunch type of neighborhood with a blended family and within 2 minutes of the movie someones finger is pricked, drawing blood, by a vagina with teeth. The gynecologist was like "...Relax, Just breath, breath thru the pain" and then SNAP!, her vagina bit off 4 of the perverts fingers. When her step brother's pit bull (Mother) chewed up his penis I died. This will definitely be a cult classic. I wonder if someone somewhere in this weird world has a vagina with teeth or a penis with snake venom. The ending was weird. Did she bite the old mans penis off? Did she ever find a cure? So many questions. I think there are 2 morals of the story. 1. No Means No and 2. Don't be a Dick or it will be bitten off with a Vagina. Oh and make sure you read the discussion threads on this movie. It's some of the funniest commentary on IMDb.
Term Life (2016)
My Man Vince... This Movie Sucked
I have always been a fan of Vince Vaughn's movies...until now. I still respect Vince as an actor but this movie sucked. This movie was a mockery of suspense and drama. The narration through out the movie was annoying and unconvincing. Also Vince that toupee was horrid and I think the bags under his eyes and the bloated face are symptoms of too much booze. Will Levy was hot. He died in the beginning, oh well no more eye candy. I'm not sure why Taraji would do this movie, it's not like she needs the paycheck. This movie had a lot of well known actors in it and it did nothing to redeem this picture. The Director of this movie should Direct Traffic instead of Movies if he is going to continue to put out this poor quality of movies. Peter stick with acting. Maybe next time you guys should just do a reality show.
Also, I think it's hilarious how obvious it is when people who were in the film or attached to the film come on here and write these bogus ass positive reviews. The movie sucked balls, end of story.
The Family (2016)
The Family
This is one of the couple of shows I watch on ABC. Generally I am not a fan of this network but this show offers good drama, suspense and acting. I was pleasantly surprised to see one of my favorite characters from Pretty in Pink back in action. Good come back Andrew! ABC you suck for making me watch these dumb ass commercials when viewing these Episodes on Demand. Thankfully I will be able to fast forward thru these asinine ads when I record the show via DVR. Acne, Friggin Home Loans and Cetaphil is killing me. I just mute the sound when they come on. I kinda wish this show was on one of the cable stations like HBO or Showtime since they generally have better writers but overall I really like this show.
Pocha: Manifest Destiny (2015)
Pochas With Nachos....
I really enjoyed this Movie. Claudia is a sexy scamming chick working her way to get back into America on her Dad's ranch in Mexico and while also dealing with a violent soft spoken thug named Ricky. Claudia is pulled in so many directions from the gentle nature of her Grandma, to her unforgiving Dad and finally to Ricky who she sees as being her best chance of getting back into America. The sex scenes were short and bad ass! The actors in this movie did a great job, although Claudia's Mom looked pretty creepy. Her face was very bloated or it could've have been too much Botox. Weird. Now I finally know what 'Pocha' means and it ain't a compliment. Typically, Pochas speak English and lack fluency in Spanish. In the movie Pocha was likened to being a Fraud or Rotten Fruit. I was shocked by some of things that happened in the end but I wasn't disappointed. Watch this Movie!
They Look Like People (2015)
This Look Like Movie?
This movie cures Insomnia hands down. Most of the movie was filmed in some cheap ass apartment and some random basement. The acting wasn't bad but this movie was missing a cohesive plot. It didn't flow. I think it probably cost about $800 bucks to make this flick. So basically this guy thinks that people around him are aliens. In the end we realize that Wyatt is mentally ill and hears alien voices in his head directing him to prepare for the battle. The only Aliens in this film are the people who made this sh*t. He and his friend hug it out and then it goes straight to the credits. Who ever directed this film should go get a job serving french fries. The overly positive reviews are from people who are connected to this film on a personal level. Bogus Reviews for a Boring Movie.
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015)
The Hunger Games: Part Sh*t
The point of this flick is to kill Snow? Fu*k that and Kill this movie. I've had turds that were better than this movie. Peeta was a whiny bit*h thru out this entire flick. The special effects sucked, the costumes sucked, the acting sucked... Everything Sucked. I wished they all would have taken that suicide pill at the beginning of the movie and saved me from having to watch the rest of this bullsh*t. I am boycotting any future Hunger Game films since this last film left me feeling hungry for entertainment. So, Julianne Moore's character takes over Snow's position and 4 of the remaining survivors vote to have a "Symbolic" Hunger Games. Instead of killing Snow, Katniss Kills Alma Coin. Katniss ends up at her old house and yells at her cat. I don't know or CARE if she is dreaming about her and Peeta being together in a wheat field with their 2 kids. Dumbest Movie Ever. The End.
Lamb (2015)
I hate giving this movie a 10 (but the acting was good)
I'm writing this as I'm watching this movie. I'm only 30 minutes into this film and I'm already immensely disturbed. This movie is trying to make the viewer like this 47 year old man who is trying to seduce an 11 year old girl! WTF! I like Tommy. She's a bright kid who doesn't get any attention from her parents and her "friends" are assholes. She is somewhat more mature than most 11 year old but she definitely looks younger than 11 (like 9) and has a naive nature, as she should, about Gary's intentions. Why would someone make this film unless they have the same sick desires as Gary? The acting was superb. I understand why Tommy was intrigued with Gary, she's a little girl starving for attention. This is type of movie that sickos watch and cheer for Gary to succeed with his sick perversion. If you watch this film at the theater make sure you look around and observe the men in the audience, especially the one's sitting alone. I'm sure Woody Allen loved this movie. I don't know if I can stomach the rest of this movie. I will probably cut it off before the ending. OK now she seems like she wants to go home and he is pressing her to stay. She looks scared. Uhg!
Precious (2009)
Fried Chicken, Incest & Obesity = Oscars? What the Fuk..
This was one of the most disgusting movies I have ever watched to date. Although I will admit that the acting was superb I can not bring myself to give this movie a 10 because the story was so disgusting. Sidibe was molested by her father as a baby while her mother watched. She was also molested by her mother. Sidibe would later go on to be impregnated with her daughter/sister by her father. Sidibe was also beaten on a regular basis, lived in squalor and stole Fried Chicken from a local hole in the wall. When she was running down the street eating fried chicken, I died with laughter. I give high accolades for the acting to Kravitz, Cary, Paula and Monique. Avoid this movie at all cost. Also I'm beyond sick of all this political correctness surrounding weight. If you're fat as hell; then it is NOT healthy, end of story. If you are OBESE like Sidibe; then you probably have problems breathing, walking and digesting food not to mention the high chance of having heart problems, bad knees and diabetes. Fat is Wack and I don't care what Sports Illustrated Says. As our country becomes Fatter of course the movies, magazines, clothing companies and etcetera need to adhere to what is in demand and for who is demanding a product.
Oh yeah, Sidibe's first child by her father had Down Syndrome. Great Story....
Crimson Peak (2015)
Mia where are your eyebrows? ❤ Happy Valentine's Day ❤
Stephen King must be a huge Pu*sy if he thought this movie was scary. The only thing scary about this movie was the costumes and Mia's missing eyebrows. Ghost are real? Okay and this movie sucking is real. The only entertaining part of this film is when Noki, I mean Loki got stabbed in the cheek. Don't waste your time on this flick. Basically a prude who is a mediocre writer gets conned by a guy who is having sex with his sister. His Sister murders his past wives and children with poison tea in order to get money to invest in an ugly castle and Loki's clay business. This movie was not scary nor suspenseful. The special effects were terrible. This movie sucked.
The Wicker Man (1973)
The Fu*k (Tf) is this Garbage?
WTF kind of weirdos gave this movie a positive rating?!?! A homely woman breast feeding while holding an egg in a Graveyard with terrible music. Everything about this movie is terrible. I'm sure some kind of law was broken when they filmed the teacher teaching the children about worshiping phallic symbols. Everything about this movie is creepy and wrong, the creepy chocolate hares, feeding the children frogs, the nude dancing, the music...the landlord's daughter song, the rotten teeth, the owl, the beetle in the desk, the food (weird cakes in the shape of children). Ugh. This movie made bunny rabbits creepy. Everyone involved in the making of this movie should be in prison.
Everest (2015)
The Death Zone? More Like The Stupid Zone :/
If you don't DIE you might spot frozen dead bodies in various poses such as; being slumped over taking a nap, lying down taking a nap and eating lunch. Also you'll have a high chance of losing your hands, losing your nose, losing your sight and losing your mind. I'm not comfortable rating this movie. It's either a 1 or a 10. It was entertaining to watch however I'm perplexed as to why someone would purposefully risk their lives to put a flag or keepsake on top of a mountain only to have it corroded by weather just because "...it's (Everest) there." Although Fisher & Hall seemed to be great guys I didn't have a lot of sympathy for the clients who did not seem like they had adequate experience as climbers. Also if I had the State of Mind that induced me to Summit Everest, I'm definitely turning around once I see a Frozen Dead Body! The Journalist guy was weak. Why didn't they try to send a Helicopter up for Rob Hall?! After seeing this movie I've decided to surf an active volcano just because.... It's There...
The Martian (2015)
Baked Potato Dipped in Crushed Vicodin & Don't Leave Me This Way.....
Fuk You Mars. This film had very subtle undertones of humor mixed with the will to survive. Matt was great with his sardonic humorous sentiments through out the movie. For example: The look on his face when he claimed "It has been 7 days since I ran out of ketchup" with Thelma Houston playing in the background was hilarious. I'm actually writing this as I'm watching the movie. Please Let Him Survive and give him a lifetime of Ketchup. Also what was with all the Happy Days references? Is it because Jessica Chastain is Bryce Dallas Howard's doppelganger? Funny. I like Disco music. I like potatoes. I'm not a botanist and I'm no gamer but I LOVE this movie. I still have not reached the ending. *sigh* I hope he survives....
Hope Lost (2015)
Goose Bumps from the Music...
The opening song is Son of Man by About Wayne. I have not heard a great tune like this since early Tool on N.I.N.
I was immediately engaged by the young Sofia (Francesca Agostini) listening to great music while working in a nasty factory.
The Best Line in the movie was from her adorable brother, "How could I live without you?" but it sounds better in his language with the accent.
The beginning of this movie was great. I was on the fence when Michael Madsen's character started speaking but the movie continued to come back around and I was pleasantly surprised by the overall story.
Mischa, Mischa, Mischa.... *sigh* I have always like Barton's acting skills. Barton was better than average in this movie but she needed some work on her accent. I'm still a fan.
I think they were playing Mozart at the end and it was simultaneously inappropriate and perfect.
I will always love this film for introducing me to the Music Artist About Wayne.
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015)
An Epic Zombie Tale with Soft Porn, Good Music & Comedy
When Carter squeezed the Zombie's Boobs I died with laughter. Really Carter? The zombies in this movie are weak as hell and they die from gun shot wounds, stabbings and getting their heads bashed into doors. The historical zombie was much more resilient and could withstand and live thru all types of torture. These zombies were pushing up daisies and dancing to Soldier Boy and singing Brittany Spears. Weak. It's still a great movie tho. When Augie started to sing Hit Me Baby One More Time with the Zombie I died. The most epic scene was when he was hanging off the ledge holding on to the old zombie's Oscar Mayer Wiener and it snapped. Can someone find out what type of weed the writer or director of this movie was smoking? Watch this film if you want to laugh and laugh some more.
Motel Hell (1980)
Hilarious
Hustler Magazine, Pigs, Cannibalism, S&M, Implied Incest, Hillbillies, Inbred, Gratuitous Nudity & Wolfman Jack... a perfect collaboration of a HOT MESS. The sister Ida was a manipulative, Fat Greasy Mess and she was my favorite character in this "horror" flick. Farmer Vincent, Gay. I was thankful for being a vegetarian after watching this movie. I wonder how many of you meat eaters have had animal meat mixed in with your fellow man. Yuck. Terri was the epitome of the dumb girl next door who gets caught up with some weird people. I can't imagine that any of these actors went on to be A-list in Hollywood. I imagine that the actress who played Terri went on to do Porn, Ida became fatter, Vincent married, had children and led a closeted life.
Safelight (2015)
Made me smile.
This was a lovely and complicated story about 2 young people who live on the fringe of society only to find the center of it in each other.
This is one of my favorite movies to date.
It doesn't attempt to put lipstick on the pig in the room. She's a whore and he's a gimp but the 2 of them together is just beautiful. It doesn't have special effects, nudity, kick ass music or gory violence. This movie works because it's honest. Cinderella of the streets meets her prince in some poor run down town.
The country music was decent and it's perfect for this movie. A picture about 2nd chances and humanity.
Bostonian (2015)
Kill this Movie. Low Budget? More Like No Budget.
Let's start off on the positive points of the Movie. A Numerical List of What I Liked about this movie. 1.When it was Over 2.That I had the option of turning it off at any moment. That's It.
This has to be one of the Worst Movies of all time. The Music sucked, the cheap sound effects, the over played notion of suspense and that homely thing that was Marshall's mother. Murder, Incest & Bad acting. I think they used an old flip cell phone video to record this movie. I couldn't stand to watch the very unattractive Mom who made Marshall her lover, Gross. A boy who was sexually abused by his mother and in turn becomes a serial killing misogynist. Real Original...meh. All the actors in this movie were homely and run down. I'm pretty sure the high ratings for this movie came from the actors or film crew.
American Ultra (2015)
FAIL! Gamer Schwamer.....
Uhm Jesse as a kick ass CIA experiment with a semi cute girlfriend? It's just not believable. Kristen why do you act like the same person in every movie? I'm inclined to think that you just play a boring awkward Twilight version of your real life personality in every movie. It's beyond boring. This movie basically sucked. The fight scenes were not original. The only worthwhile part of the movie was when the Latino actor, Leguziamo or whatever was calling Jesse Ni**er. It was pretty funny but the reference didn't make any sense. I think the director just wanted to use the N word. Soooo basically this movie was poop and not worth picking up with the cute little doggie poop bags.
Z for Zachariah (2015)
Chris Pine is So Hot. I'm Still No Gamer :)
Let me start off by saying that I would have loved to be a Body Double for the scene in the bathroom with Chris Pine. Yes! Uhm I loved the movie and I hated the ending. The movie gets a 10 for the bathroom scene, it really saved the movie. The story was suspenseful up until the terrible ending. I really think she should have dished it out to both characters and start a rebuilding of the human race until they found other survivors. Also, who the H*ll is Zachariah? How did the livestock survive? How can I get in touch with Chris Pine?
Find me Helpful. Find Me UnHelpful. I don't give a Duck. LOL
Here is my 10th line. Here is my 10th line. Here is my 10th line.
This line goes to 11. Eleven, Eleven, Eleven, Eleven...
Vice (2015)
Better than World of Warcraft. I'm No Gamer. I'm Real.
I'm not a gamer because I love my Reality. I'm surprised that all the Gamers out there didn't latch onto to this movie with all the love and fervor you give to your online personae. Pretending to be a Kick Ass Superhero or some Beautiful Diva of the World when in reality you're probably just some Doritos eating nerd with a dusty Game Boy. Initially I didn't care for the blatant sexualization of Fantasy meeting Violence against Women. What kind of person gets off on hitting or killing women, even if it's in a world of clones or online? Losers, that's who. I gave this movie 10 stars because it was entertaining and the clones win in the end. Also, kudos to the writer for bringing out that these types of fantasy worlds where violence against women is OK is not OK. Where do we draw the lines before it's too late because we've already crossed the lines? I recommend this movie to anyone who can understand the nuances and underlying theme of this movie. I don't recommend this movie to people who spend inordinate amounts of time online pretending to be someone else with a million "friends" and who eventually find their "soulmate" and meet them in person after saving her/him like a thousand times from Gul'dan :/
Bryan Greenberg and Colin Egglesfield are sooooooo Hot.
Oh and to the Trolls who find my reviews "Unhelpful" go back to playing Game Boy where on video you Rule the World but in reality well you get the point... :)
Final Girl (2015)
Sucks
Abigail tries so hard to be sexy in this flick but that penguin walk and that goofy smile just makes me think of if Donald Duck had sex with one of the penguins in The March of Penguins and they had a baby named Abigail. The Blond dude tries to come off as this intense psycho...fail. Let's just kill girls with blonde hair because none of us can act. I really don't have anything else to say but IMDb requires 10 lines so here it goes. Don't watch this movie. Your eyes will fall out. You will throw up with boredom. Your I.Q. will suffer. I hate everything. Old McDonald had a farm EI, EI, O. And on this farm he had a Duck, EI, EI, O. With a quack here, and a quack quack there, here quack, there quack.