Reviews

Strangely the best thing in this movie was Kamala Khan character first introduced in a pretty terrible D+ show nobody watched.

Every single other thing in this movie was terrible.

Captain Marvel was someone nobody wanted to see on screen again, and Bree Larson remains unable to act. She tries on her acting and drama and humour pants and found they didn't fit, so she just fumbles around and does a poor job.

Rambo was introduced as an apologist for slavery and torture, got some kind of turning intangible thing going on which she got by walking for some reason, in a D+ show so she's probably new to most people.

The bad guy was pathetic, the plan she sort of vaguely has, something to do with stealing an atmosphere for some reason to do something for some reason that wasn't made clear, to finish the plan of somebody but she doesn't say who that was, or what their plan was, and she is not in any way threatening. Her acting sucked also.

The whole premise was idiotic. It could have been interesting if they had some kind of plan or plot before filming started instead of trying to fix it in post production, so what we got was sometimes three characters (one who fires light stuff, one who makes glowing purple stuff, and one who can apparently see light so she claimed in the script that her power is to not be blind) who sometimes switch places when they use their powers, but sometimes they don't.

It's extremely inconsistent and only happens when convenient for the 'plot' or when some script writer with no sense of humour thinks it would be funny.

Then lasers and flying around and fight scenes and some very sketchy CGI.

And that's it. I tuned out for most of it, got bored after a while and so I can't remember most of what happened so I'll find out from a future Pitch Meeting who will do a much better job explaining the film than my semi-coherent rambling.

It is absolutely terrible and centres around a woman-beating one-man-crime-spree and kidnapping child-groomer, who can't act. At all.

The story also makes no sense.

I get they wanted to do Flashpoint again, but we've seen that story, which was crap and stupid when it was a comic, a half dozen times including relatively recently in the Flash TV show, as it was an entire season of that show.

It's a shame that the writing is much worse than a badly and generically written CW TV show.

It's also a shame that they put zero thought into the script at all. They wanted time shenanigans and quips and CGI, and that's it.

So the idea was bland, because nobody gave a crap about it being any good to start with, and then forgot that when you go back in time that it doesn't effect anything before the point you go back to.

Imagine if in Back To The Future, Marty McFly goes back to 1955, and him doing so made Doc be born female decades earlier for some reason. That would be stupid and would mean the writers were stupid, wouldn't it?

It's not fun, Miller cannot act, and the CGI looks like crap.

Nobody went to see it because it looked terrible, and comes as a part of a string of terrible movies, and the word of mouth is that it's sub-par at best.

The reviews are generally favourable, but that's because the only people who went to see it are the sort of people who like this kind of absolutely terrible dreck.

I only saw it on the high seas to see if it was bad as I thought it looked, and it took multiple bites at the apple as I kept turning it off and doing something else out of boredom, because there is nothing at all worth watching here.

The trailer looked good, the opening scene was excellent, and then the entire rest of the show was a slow, boring, and ill-conceived slog.

I get what the show was going for, but it keep kind of telling us what show it is supposed to be, the kind of story it is supposed to be, the kind of plot it is supposed to be, but it is consistently falling short on every front.

I think the problem is that the writers knew the story they wanted to tell, but they didn't have the skills to write that story, or the time they were telling it in was too short for the story they had come up with and just kept hacking at and truncating it until it was just a semblance of what they had intended.

In either case it just plain isn't good. Or fun. Or interesting. Or compelling.

I don't know if it's going to get a season 2 and I don't think I care and I don't think I would bother watching a second season.

Overall it was not a bad film. It wasn't great, it did the job.

The self-help crap was irritating, and the allegory was very very on the nose but as a premise it worked well enough Changing up what Renfield being a familiar means, and why he ate a bug in the movie it was referencing, made sense as a mechanism, so I'm not mad about it.

Acquafina (however that's spelled) was a lot less irritating and punchable than usual, so I'll call that a win.

I still don't rate her, and I still don't know why Hollywood thinks she is or should happen, but she did the job she was supposed to do, which was basically to be co-lead in a movie named for someone else. I'd say it was a solid 'meh' on her performance.

Nobody else matters in the film, except one whiny dick, who remains a one-note douche up to the end of the film.

Nick Cage ran hot and cold during the movie. When he went full Cage he was pretty good, but when he toned it down for a lot of his scenes it was a nothing performance.

He had his moments, but all of his screen time should have been those scene-chewing moments.

It was entertaining enough it held my attention, but that was as good and bad as it got.

Overall I would be fine with, and would watch a sequel, but wouldn't be upset if it didn't get one.

It's better than the last 2 sequels, which felt like diminishing returns, and was pretty fun overall.

I'm probably not going to watch it a second time, as only the first one is re-watchable so far, but it was a relatively fun one-time watch.

It didn't set my world on fire, and was basically the same film again, done in the same way by the same people, and so feels pretty samey.

Which was to be expected as it's the fourth time they made the same film with weaker and weaker purpose, drive and motivation.

The first one was revenge-fuelled and fully justified because of the dog and also what it represented.

The second was retrieving a car, which was resolved in the first scene, which he wrecked immediately, but only wanted a photo in the glove box, followed by owing some nobody a favour, doesn't want to, does it anyway, then action movie gunfights and a sequel-bait ending.

The third was... I want to say he wanted to retire again, or wanted some exposition, or wanted another photo of his wife, or something. It doesn't really matter, it was just one long fight scene of a movie, like Shoot Em Up but less fun.

The fourth one was weak again plot-wise, but that's expected by now. And the motivation was unclear again until the third act, and seems to be wanting to quit killing people by making it abundantly clear that he is just trying not to die by making it as likely as possible he'll die and trying to quit killing people by killing a hundred people...

It was fun to watch, but is nothing more than that. An action movie about action movie stuff, with some fig leaf excuse for the action movie to occur.

Season 1 is sort of fine, despite every decision of the main character being the one with the worst outcome. And despite it being kind of dull with soap opera elements.

Both of those things continue and worsen over time. Season 2 is considered to be boring as everyone just stays in one place and does post-apocalypse soap opera.

Everyone has plot armour until the actor leaves the show, their contract expires or they ask for more money.

The writing doesn't get better, it doesn't get less dull, and I think it remains or remained popular mostly out of habit, in a kind of sense of having come this far so you might as well continue.

But overall this show. And you know it's very dull when the best part is the aftershow Talkimg Dead, which at least is entertaining, recaps the show so you don't have to actually watch it.

This show had what Quantum Leap always really needed:

Unbelievable romance between people with zero chemistry, amnesia, office politics, a bucket load of forced exposition and a script that was either written by or for a preteen or a network executive.

I lasted 15 minutes into the episode before turning it off out of boredom.

Also I didn't like how the most poignant final scene, and the heart-breaking last episode of the original, something that still stays with me all these years later, was brushed off in one throwaway line sandwiched between generic lines of exposition.

No thanks. I'll add this to the list of remade or rebooted classics that were so bad I noped out after one episode or less, along with Magnum PI, MacGyver, Hawaii Five-0, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Charmed.

As to the positives, it was sort of nice to see places from Game of Thrones... Until you remember how that went.

The acting was decent, except by the protagonist girl whose name I can't remember even now 5 minutes before the episode ends. That was about it.

On the negative the armour looked like plastic garbage, the GGI dragon looked like a YouTuber teenager knocked it up in a week or created in the 1990's, as it was so poor looking it would not have been out of place in the Merlin miniseries with Sam Neil.

The setting was weird. Having it set 172 years before Game of Thrones was too recent and too old at the same time.

It should have been set during or in the run up to Robert's rebellion if they wanted a recent prequel or before the Dhoom and the fall of Old Valeria. This was splitting the difference and ended up with a weird middle ground.

I didn't hate it, but didn't enjoy it much either. It was a bit dull, even while stuff and dialogue was happening which was meant to grab my attention.

Then the credits rolled just now, on the face of the blank-faced robot princess showing GRR Martin's heavy involvement...

Which annoyed me as that was a slap in the face and will piss off the book readers because he's pissing about with tv shows instead of writing the next book, the money and attention-grabbing bastard, not that he actually will as in the last decade he's probably written nothing more than a few sample chapters got bored, gave up and he has never finished any book series he's started.

This was simply a fun movie.

It had enough story to move the plot along, enough characterisation that the primary and secondary characters had distinct personalities, which is nice, had enough of a twist to remain engaging but it was telegraphed enough you don't need to overthink it.

The plot felt like it had enough space to breathe without becoming slow or dull at any point, so the pacing was excellent.

Enough is said in dialogue that the characters felt like they had lived lives and didn't need to cram their life history down our throats like some movies have them tell each other stuff they all know already just for exposition.

The movie just showed it through natural dialogue and actions based on the circumstances, except by the kid but his character is a loudmouth who doesn't shut up so it kind of fit without feeling expositiony.

Sly Stallone was pretty good. I'd forgotten he can be pretty decent as an actor, as long as the role is in his range, which this is.

Frankly the kid was kind of irritating, but the kid actor playing him has played annoying jerk who should get punched both times I've seen him.

Hopefully he either grows up to be less annoying, if that's a personal trait translating into his roles, or he picks a role or two where he plays something someone who doesn't need a good slap just to avoid being typecast as "Oh god not him again" which he's at risk of becoming of it becomes a trend.

Overall it's one I'd have no problem watching again, which is much better than the forgettable, consumable movies we've become used to expecting these days. I'd say it's a solid 8, it's damn enjoyable.

It's kind of a shame for the movie makers, the cast and crew etc. Because it's one that seems like it would get good word of mouth and seemed to be aimed at cinema release, and dumping it on prime probably hurts the bonuses and residuals that probably would have applied, as I bet it gets a lot of traction and positive feeling and probably good reviews, just for being a genuinely good movie made to be enjoyed by the audience for a pleasant change.

Caution for anyone who has read the Sandman or listened to the dramatised audiobooks, this will annoy you. Regularly.

This show is only for those who aren't even vaguely aware of the source material. Those who are will continually find themselves thinking, hey that's not right... Wait, that's not right... Why is the Corinthian an antagonist? That's weird and confusing me.

Also the guy playing Morpheus sucks, he is a blank-faced monotonal void of personality.

He kind of sucks, as does the girl playing Rose Walker, which is a shame because they are the main characters, other than the weirdly aggrandised Corinthian.

Most of the rest of the cast did a good job, so it is a genuine disappointment that they are brought down by the focus characters.

I mean it's kind of watchable overall, and better than I expected, but pretty lightweight with no real heft to it.

This was the most paint-by-numbers films I've ever partly watched.

It gets 1 star only and solely because I didn't watch all of it. I came back later to try and finish and gave up a second time out of boredom, and DNF gets an automatic 1 star.

The film itself deserved maybe 2 or 3 from what I saw.

Thor is finding himself for the third time in 3 movies. He's millennia old and has to 'find himself' 3 times in 8 years. What a loser.

Then boredom happens, the screaming goats are funny for 2 minutes but it drags on for ages and is so repetitive the gag gets really old really fast.

It has no time to breathe, the themes are love and loss and death and terminal cancer and inevitable loss, but there is a cheap gag every 30 seconds so we're not supposed to care at all about any of that.

This is a film which seems to be aimed at, and written by, a 7 year old with ADHD.

It wasn't great but wasn't terrible, it was just sort of OK I guess.

I don't really have much to say about this movie. If a shrug was scripted it would be this film.

I didn't bother watching any more than an episode or two as it was terrible.

I'm not a big Star Wars fan, but it seems in bad faith to have a show named after and about Obi Wan Kenobi where he is a useless cowardly hypocrite and idiot and the main character of the show is some chick whose character name I neither remember nor care about.

The writing was terrible, and too much was wrong with every character and scene to put in a review, and was not worth a blow-by-blow of bad writing.

This is the show for you if you liked Viz magazine and find it hilarious. It isn't funny, it's just unpleasant but in silly clothes and using silly voices.

Wearing a wig and talking in a silly voice while doing toilet humour is the level of 10 year olds, not adult professional writers and producers.

I never got why this was considered to be funny. It wasn't funny at all. I only barely remember it because it was boring, but I do remember being confused why anyone would like it, but the one person I know who thought it was funny also thought The League of Gentlemen was funny, so that's hardly a ringing endorsement.

Episode 1 is out only as I write this.

A lot of the visual stuff was excellent, including the use of surrounding signs to show the contents of text conversations, which was visually more interesting than just showing the texts, and many more small details.

The edits and transitions were well done.

All the characters were well-rounded and distinct, you can identify with all of them... Except for the main character, who is just 2 dimensional garbage.

Every character was distinct and watchable, and with any other protagonist this show might have gone well. Unfortunately the protagonist was written to be an annoying self-obsessed garbage person.

So, the protagonist and whole point and focal point of the show was weakly written, irritating, a pushover, and whiny. Not the most compelling character.

Also I'm not sure how Captain Marvel can be the favourite Avenger of anyone in the MCU.

Not just the main character either, but there was a whole Captain Marvel cosplay competition with a number of competitors.

There was also no indication there was a contest for cosplaying any other MCU character, no indication the Captain Marvel was only one of the cosplay competitions like for any of the Avengers people within the MCU would have heard of.

Carol Danvers was only on Earth for 5 minutes in the 90's before Khan was born, and which probably wasn't made public, and as I recall from that terrible movie, did nothing in the modern era because she was written to be so strong in her own movie that she couldn't do anything ever again as whichever movie the smirking jerk appears in would end in 5 minutes.

So, the premise is flawed, the main character is unwatchable, and she is the whole point of the show. As establishing her, the family dynamic, and then origin storying her powers.

At least the family is good and watchable. It's just a shame that family couldn't have had a better-written daughter, as it might have been worth watching if she'd been better written and less of a whiny Walter Mitty type.

I was sincerely disappointed. I realised 15 minutes from the end that I hadn't laughed. I hadn't done that nose breath that signals mild amusement. I hadn't smiled.

I did chuckle 3 times at slightly funny things, but then he kept banging on and turned all 3 chuckles into a feeling that he should move on instead of really hammering it in.

There was no through line, no point or direction, nothing led naturally to the next part. He told a random story with no real reason to pick that story, over told it so it overstays its welcome, then picks some other random thing.

He tried to be edgy, tried to be at least slightly shocking to court controversy, probably so he could trend on Twitter and then trend a scathing response to the Twitter dislike of that joke.

It kind of felt like the scatter brained randomised musings of a confused old man, not the polished stand-up routine of an internationally famous professional comedian.

Above all it was forgettable, and despite aiming for controversy it was bland.

It was a sort-of watchable, although I only made it half way through as it's about 10 hours long.

The rating was reduced from 6 stars, which is sort of OK but not very good down to 1 star because of Amber Turd the violent criminal who committed domestic abuse against her girlfriend and got arrested for it, then committed domestic violence against her spouse and continued to abuse her ex-spouse for 6 more years as well as her sister, friends.

It also contains Ezra Miller the violent criminal who has committed multiple and habitual acts of violence against women, strangers, breaks into the homes of strangers and threatens to murder the people who live there, attacked a woman singing karaoke at a karaoke place because she was singing karaoke, hitting her in the head with a chair that could have killed or permanently injured her, and is just generally a dangerously unstable violent criminal.

So, due to those 2 the score is 1 star because those 2 can suck it.

This was reduced from being a 2 star piece of boring, badly-written CGI confused mess of a piece of garbage.

I reduced it from the 2 stars I originally gave it because it absolutely terrible crap down to 1 star because it contains Amber Turd the domestic abuser and Ezra Miller who habitually assaults women. So screw those two and anything they are in.

As I didn't care enough to watch the whole film it gets an automatic 1 star as I did not finish and don't plan to go back to it ever.

The acting of Shovel Face was sub-par, as he made no changes to his character work from working Batman to private Bruce/Batman to public Bruce - they were all the same, which shows a lack of understanding of the character.

Even I know the difference and I don't care enough that much about Batman, and certainly not enough to forgive the film from being boring, really stupid and with too many convenient things that don't make sense even in this silly world which removed any immersion or suspension of disbelief.

If the Jet Li movie The One was written by Monty Python you'd get a film very much like this.

It's pretty fun, even if the character development is sporadic rather than occurring over time which can be a bit jarring, but over all its pretty entertaining.

It's not as good as the trailers made it look, but overall it's pretty watchable.

I'm not on the edge of my seat for a second season, and I'm not going to read the books because it wasn't compelling enough that I need more of the story, but if you have Prime anyway it's worth watching.