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Beauty and the Beast (2017)
The corporate version of Beauty And The Beast: Disney at it's most generic and dull
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear: where should I start folks. I had low expectations already because I hated each and every single trailer so far, but boy did Disney make a blunder here. I'm sure the film will still make a billion dollars - hey: if Transformers 11 can do it, why not Belle? - but this film kills every subtle beautiful little thing that had made the original special, and it does so already in the very early stages. It's like the dinosaur stampede scene in Jackson's King Kong: only with even worse CGI (and, well, kitchen devices instead of dinos).
The worst sin, though, is that everything (and I mean really EVERYTHING) looks fake. What's the point of making a live-action version of a beloved cartoon if you make every prop look like a prop? I know it's a fairy tale for kids, but even Belle's village looks like it had only recently been put there by a subpar production designer trying to copy the images from the cartoon. There is not a hint of authenticity here. Unlike in Jungle Book, where we got great looking CGI, this really is the by-the-numbers version and corporate filmmaking at its worst. Of course it's not really a "bad" film; those 200 million blockbusters rarely are (this isn't 'The Room' after all), but it's so infuriatingly generic and dull - and it didn't have to be. In the hands of a great director the potential for this film would have been huge.
Oh and one more thing: bad CGI wolves (who actually look even worse than the ones in Twilight) is one thing, and the kids probably won't care. But making one of the two lead characters - Beast - look equally bad is simply unforgivably stupid. No wonder Emma Watson seems to phone it in: she apparently had to act against an guy with a green-screen in the place where his face should have been.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Hilarious! This could be the surprise hit of 2015
Well folks, that's how it's done. Ever thought MI-6 (note: that's what the British call their secret service) is a club for snobbish, upper class dudes who like to watch paint dry all they long? OK, Bond is kind of cool (I hated the last two, though), but now we finally got a film that takes spy movies to the next level. Not since 'District 9' have I had that feeling during the watching of a film like "this movie just does everything right" (by which I mean of course: it plays exactly to MY taste).
Compared to this film, every James Bond movie released after 'Licence to Kill' looks like a snore-fest. This is such a kick-ass, "balls against the wall" crazy ride that I had to shake my head several times in disbelief during the screening I was invited to. And I actually knew what I was in for. I've seen every film by Matthew Vaughn, but I was not prepared how far he was willing to go with this one. Thought 'Kick-Ass' was pretty crazy? Wait till you see this.
One of the key ingredients is the casting of the actors. The well known stars all play against type, which makes this even more unreal. Remember that lame dude who mainly played lame dudes in girlie movies like 'Bridget Jones'? He just won an Oscar for playing the stuttering King of England, and as you will see in 'Kingsman', that Oscar was well deserved: that dude (Colin Firth) can play anything! He's more bad-ass in this than Bond ever was!
A word to the wise, though, this film is not for the easily offended or the squeamish. It is a comedy but a very, very violent kind of comedy. And the language alone will shock the MPAA out of their pants. Watch this if you're into films like 'Lock, Stock', 'Kick-Ass', or 'In Bruges' and you'll probably love it - don't bother if you're more into serious films or family friendly comedies. As for me, I had a (bloody) good time.