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Santa Sangre (1989)
10/10
Visually Stunning and Graphic
11 March 2012
You will never see a film quite like "Santa Sangre"! It is a uniquely artistic and well made horror film that presents the viewer with some of the most graphic, yet visually stunning and artistic scenes imaginable. The film concerns a young man named Fenix (played as a child by the director's young son then as an adult by his older son) who was born the son of a religiously obsessed woman who is part of a strange cult that worships a woman who was murdered and had both arms removed. This woman soon meets up with a circus owner who takes her and her son in but then begins an elicit affair with a woman who works for the circus who is covered from head to toe with tattoos! When Fenix's mother walks in on the two of them doing the deed, she douses her philandering husband's private parts with acid and he retaliates by cutting both her arms off before slicing his own throat! A few years later, Fenix (who witnessed this entire spectacle) is now in a mental institution and there is an unusual scene involving his leaving the institution for a night and roaming the streets with several mentally deficient patients while high on cocaine! Fenix is eventually freed from the institution by his mother, who miraculously survived the previous attack but is now without her arms. She takes her son under her wing and the two create a strange illusion type stage show involving Fenix standing behind his mother during the performance using his own arms to simulate her missing arms! He becomes his mother's arms during their everyday life as well in some intricately thought out scenes involving the two of them playing the piano and performing other daily tasks! Anytime Fenix becomes to closely attached to any female his mother compels him to kill her using her body and his arms until eventually Fenix can take no more leading to the film's unusual and unpredictable ending. This film is an absolute assault on your senses and even though it is graphic it must be seen to be fully appreciated!
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Anguish (1987)
9/10
"The Eyes of the City are Mine!"
11 March 2012
This has got to be one of the most original concepts for a film I have ever seen! This film takes the 'film within a film' (a concept used in other horror films such as Lamberto Bava's "Demons") concept to an entirely new level! As the film begins, we are told the story of a diabolic mother (played by Zelda Rubenstein of "Poltergeist" fame) and her obese, dim witted son who is nearly blind. This man is a serial killer who is controlled by his mother and her bizarre hypnotic powers over him. The strange hypnosis scenes in this movie are quite intense and it was rumored that they actually caused headaches and nausea for some viewers (in fact the original VHS box for the film warns that the film can be hypnotic and that watching it could cause headaches). "Mother" convinces her son to stalk a movie theater during a screening of "The Lost World" and murder the patrons one by one. She also commands him to remove the victims eyes and bring them to her. She believes that collecting eyes will somehow cure her son's illness and blindness. However, at this point the film takes a strange twist and we now realize that the film we have been watching is actually a separate movie called "The Mommy" that is being viewed by patrons in yet another movie theater who are being stalked by a man who is obsessed with the film. As the patrons of the theater witness the brutal slayings happening on the screen in front of them, they too are murdered one by one by the psychopath that is loose in their own movie theater! Now the viewer realizes that they are actually watching a film within a film within a film! It is now that the film reaches it's bizarre and unusual climax with an unbelievable ending. "Anguish" is not for the squeamish or faint of heart as the eye gouging and murder sequences are pretty intense and gory but it is most certainly one of the most original concepts for a horror film that I have seen in a long time and unfortunately, yes it is currently being remade!
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Break out the Barf Bags...the Centipede has returned!
3 November 2011
An inferior sequel compared to the original, this film is an obvious attempt by director Tom Six to further shock his audience. Even though it is filmed entirely in Black and White and the main Villain has not one actual word of dialog, the film does succeed to shock. It's villain Martin's shocking and grotesque appearance alone is enough to make anyone want to vomit. Throw in the fact that he randomly likes to soil himself and is sexually obsessed with the original "Human Centipede" film and you have an original concept for a sequel that I do not believe has ever been done before. Martin's obsession leads him to create his own 'Human Centipede' this time with not just 3 but 12 segments! The plot takes some absurd twists and turns ignoring the fact that, as a security guard, Martin should be a little more conscientious of all of the security cameras filming his every move and abductions! Logic is thrown completely out of the window in exchange for pure shock value in this one. Consider the fact that, as a security guard who is mentally challenged, it is impossible for Martin to have the medical knowledge required to undergo such a surgical endeavor. Nearly all of the characters in this film are deplorable human beings from the insensitive mother who taunts Martin incessantly throughout the film to their belligerent neighbor who goes on a rampage simply because someone complains about his loud music. Martin even tricks one of the film's original stars, Ashlynn Yennie, into believing that she is auditioning for a Quinten Tarentino film and makes her the head piece of his centipede. Very little is left to the imagination in this one...things that were merely inferred in the original film are shown in graphic detail here and expounded upon grotesquely! DO NOT VIEW THIS FILM WHILE EATING!
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The Infamous "Mouth to Ass" movie!
3 November 2011
I gave this film a higher review then I normally would have for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I do not feel that it deserves some of the criticism and low ratings that it has received. Secondly, the brilliant performance of Dieter Laser as the film's villain Dr. Heiter is alone worth a high rating. This film has earned itself a cult status and deservedly so. You either love or hate "The Human Centipede" there is no in between! The film starts out like many other horror films...a brief segment where a man is abducted by a psycho using a tranquilizer gun followed by the suspenseful scene involving the abduction of 2 American girls who are tourists in Germany. These 2 broads couldn't be dumber and you find yourself almost hoping that they get knocked off! On their way to a 'party' at a club, they get lost, in the woods, and inevitably get a flat tire. They wind up seeking refuge at the home of Dr. Heiter and are drugged and placed on medical gurneys with IV's stuck in their arms next to the man that was abducted in the beginning of the film. He is told by the demented doctor that he 'does not match' and is quietly murdered. The doctor then brings in a very strong willed Asian man who apparently does match whatever twisted concept the doctor has in mind. Dr. Heiter proceeds to thoroughly explain to his victims precisely what is about to happen to them. Using a diagram he explains that they will undergo an intense surgery that will attach them to one another by use of their gastric systems! First surgery involves their knee caps being surgically altered so that they are forced to walk on their hands and knees. Then they will be surgically attached to one another mouth to anus thus forming a Human Centipede! After an extended chase scene involving the doctor and one of the girls who rips her IV out and tries to make a run for it but does not make it, the surgery is completed. It is at this point that the film's most infamous and shocking scenes take place! As the good doctor tries to train his new 'pet' to walk, fetch a newspaper, and yes feed the other 'segments' of the centipede using the only method possible! Although little gore is actually shown the scenes are powerful and shocking enough to make anyone wince in disgust! Eventually some detectives come to investigate the disappearances and the film really begins to take shape. For pure shock value this film is worth at least a one time viewing. As I said, you will either love it or hate it...watch the film for yourself and decide. This film is an original concept but is definitely not for the squeamish!
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Fantastic Documentary on a One of a Kind Film Maker!
1 October 2011
This film is truly one of the best documentaries I have ever seen! Not only does it give you the history of Herschell Gordon Lewis and his wide range of films but it also gives you a history of a form of film making that is basically a lost art today. Several sub generes of the exploitation film industry (which in itself is a dead art today)are covered when you talk about Lewis and his films including the "Nudie Cutie" films of the early 60's, The Biker Films, The "Roughies", and yes the film style Mr. Lewis invented with his 1962 classic "Blood Feast"...the "Gore" film! Between the film itself and the over 60 minutes worth of 'deleted' scenes included on the DVD version (which by themselves can be considered a separate movie)every single one of Mr. Lewis over 37 films are covered (save his latter efforts "Blood Feast 2" and "The Uh Oh Show"). There is even footage from rare Lewis films such as the never completed "Eye for an Eye" and "The Magical Land of Mother Goose". The film makers even go so far as to recreate footage from an "Eye for an Eye" by remastering it and adding a soundtrack so that Lewis enthusiasts can finally see, at least part of, this never before seen Lewis film. Many different Lewis alumni are interviewed for this film and there are some terrific segments featuring Lewis and his partner for many of his films, the great exploitationeer David F Friedman. In one of these scenes, the film makers completely recreate the town of "Pleasant Valley" from Lewis' notorious gore epic "2000 Maniacs". To top it all off the film is directed and produced by one of the greatest exploitation film makers in history...Frank Henenlotter ("Basket Case") and includes interviews with John Waters, both of whom were influenced to begin their careers by the work of Herschell Gordon Lewis. An excellent piece of work, well worth repeated viewings but you really have to have an appreciation and previous knowledge of Lewis' work to fully appreciate it!
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9/10
The Wildest Gore Movie Ever Made!
13 April 2011
This has got to be the most outrageous gore flick I have ever seen and by far the funniest! The gore effects in this movie are so outlandish that it is actually not frightening at all but extremely humorous (for those of us with a taste for black humor). A movie like this could only have been created by the "Godfather of Gore" Herschell Gordon Lewis. Known for his mix of sex and extreme gore, Lewis out does himself in this one as Go-Go girls at a nightclub are hacked to pieces one by one. A hot iron is used to melt the face of one helpless victim, another has her face fried in french fry oil, still another has her rear end turned into hamburger meat and of course the infamous scene where a girl has her nipples cut off (the left bosom spews out whole milk while the right spews out chocolate milk!). Faces are mutilated, eyeballs are squished, and even the killer appears to have a dark sense of humor (a lit cigarette is found between the toes of one dead girl and the word "OK" is written on her leg in blood). There is even a cameo by the "King of the one-liners" Henny Youngman (who denies ever having been in this film to this day). After making this film, Lewis retired from the film making business and went on to become a successful investor. That is until 2002 when he is coaxed back into the director's chair for "Blood Feast 2: All you can eat". Gorehounds will LOVE this flick...most others will be repulsed by it but then again, that is the point of the movie.
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9/10
You must see this movie in order to believe it!
13 April 2011
The Queen of Exploitation, Doris Wishman, brings us one of her most successful films and her most popular female superstar, Chesty Morgan (billed in this movie as "Zsa Zsa"). Where in the world did Doris Wishman find Chesty Morgan? I'm sure there's a story there. Chesty is clumsy throughout the film, she has zero talent as far as acting ability is concerned and she looks as if she is absolutely miserable in practically every scene. Her teeth are hideous, her wigs are tacky, and whomever it was that told her to get dressed for every scene in the closet in the dark should be ashamed of themselves! As is the trademark for Doris Wishman movies there are many shots of feet, lamps, and other such inanimate objects for no apparent reason (often the camera will zoom in on Chesty's monstrous breasts) but all of this makes the film more appealing in a strange and bizarre way. The plot is simple...after the mob kills her boyfriend, Crystal (played by Chesty) goes on a rampage and murders his killers using the only weapons she has....her 73 inch breasts! Yes, she actually suffocates her victims between her ample bosoms in mind boggling murder sequences that must be seen to be believed! This film was so successful that it spawned a pseudo-sequel titled "Double Agent 73" which also features Chesty and is directed by Wishman.
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9/10
The "Godfather of Gore" does it again!
9 October 2010
I caught a sneak preview of Herschell Gordon Lewis' latest gore film "The Uh-Oh Show" recently at the Cinema Wasteland convention in Cleveland OH. Mr. Lewis was in attendance for an informative Q & A after the screening and I have to say that the man who 'excreted'(his own words) such classics as "Blood Feast" and "2000 Maniacs" has definitely not lost his touch! In this film, Lewis obviously parodies himself and his own work with outrageous gore mixed with tongue-in-cheek humor. This film never takes itself too seriously and Mr. Lewis even has a role in the film as himself. There is also a cameo appearance by Troma film president Lloyd Kaufman, as a pimp of course. It's all here in gory details...arms are hacked off, heads decapitated, intestines are ripped out and yes there is even an obese drag queen thrown in for good measure. The film is a wrap around story concerning the exploits that take place on the set of a bizarre TV game show where the players are asked questions...if they are correct, they win fabulous prizes but if they are wrong...UH OH, they are brutally dismembered! There is another wrap around story surrounding a second TV show entitled "Grim Fairy Tales" (the film was apparently originally titled "Herschell Gordon Lewis' Grim Fairy Tales"). I am not quite sure what the future of this film will be, whether it will actually be released in theaters or go direct to DVD but if you are a fan of Lewis' work or of the gore film in general do yourself a favor and watch it, it will be an experience you will not forget!
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Death Nurse 2 (1988 Video)
1/10
Hideous, Awful, Horrendous,....and those are it's good points!
28 July 2009
At this point the "Crazy Fat Ethel" series is now beyond frustrating. It is downright dumbfounding! I don't know which is more pathetic, Nick Millard for making this crap or the people (probably only those who are in this home video attempt at making a movie)who can actually sit through this crap! I could not even finish watching this one it was THAT bad (and I believe the running time is only less than 60 minutes)! For a laughable Z-grade horror flick, the original "Criminally Insane" was pretty good...but enough is enough! Once again we are forced to watch even more footage from "Criminally Insane" in this one. If you took all of the original footage from "Criminally Insane" out of "Crazy Fat Ethel 2" "Death Nurse" and "Death Nurse 2" and then combined the remaining footage together you still wouldn't have anything close to a full length film. If you like watching old ladies run around in their night gowns and a film that is so cheap that they simply re-hire the same actresses to re-hatch their original roles (trying to pass them off as the 'sisters' of the original victims) than this film is for you...otherwise this 'movie' and it's 2 predecessors have absolutely no redeeming value what so ever!
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Death Nurse (1987 Video)
1/10
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...
28 July 2009
I didn't even know this movie existed until recently and now that I've seen it, I know why! What a horrible, hideous, god-awful waste of time and effort this one is! Just like it's predecessor "Crazy Fat Ethel 2" "Death Nurse" is shot on video. It is also a pseudo-sequel to "Criminally Insane". Talk about milking a story to death! Obviously Nick Millard aka Nick Phillips was totally devoid of all thoughts and ideas at this point and simply decided to recycle the same old lousy story for a third time. To make matters even worse, he put even less effort into this "film" (and I use that term loosely) than in the previous sequel. Once again we get recycled, crappy footage from "Criminally Insane" and a rapidly aging Priscilla Alden cast in the lead. The storyline in this 'film' is not even remotely related to that of "Criminally Insane" and Priscilla Alden's character has a name change which makes all of the footage from "Criminally Insane" seem awkwardly out of place. There is nothing about this "film" that makes any sense and I really do not get the point of wasting time making it!
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10/10
The film that helped to create a monster
2 May 2009
This is the film I credit with helping to mold me into the depraved little horror movie ghoul that I am today. Released at the height of the Video Craze "Terror on Tape" is a shameless vehicle for the now defunct Continental Video. In the spirit of classics like "Terror in the Aisles" "Filmgore" and "Coming Soon" it contains numerous clips from some of the most infamous horror flicks ever made. All horror fans know that during this time period, in the realms of horror, there were several fondly remembered and now bankrupt video distributors of the time who specialized in our genre. Names like Vestron Video, Gorgon Video, Wizard Video and of course Continental come to mind and bring forth a flood of blood soaked memories. This particular film introduced me, as a second generation fan, to the legendary Herschell Gordon Lewis with clips from his classic "Gore Trilogy" ("Blood Feast", "2000 Maniacs", and "Color Me Blood Red"). It also introduced me to one of my personal favorites "Return of the Aliens: The Deadly Spawn", brought the hidden horror gem "Scalps"into my life, subjected me to the pure insanity, horror and hilarity that is "Vampire Hookers" and it conned me into rushing out to rent hideous cinematic upchuck such as "The Eerie Midnight Horror Show", and "To The Devil A Daughter". Of course, I can never forgive "Terror on Tape" for introducing the hideous film maker's abomination known as "Cathy's Curse" (Why oh why does this retched film keep getting randomly thrust into my face?) "Terror on Tape" changed my life and if you can locate a copy I can promise it will do the same for you!
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7/10
"Tell you a story bout a Mary Lou.."
30 April 2009
I could not consciously give this film anything more than a 7 rating despite the fact that I really like it because it and the subsequent sequels and the remake of "Prom Night" have absolutely NOTHING to do with the original! This would be a great film on it's own, I don't know why the producers saw it necessary to leach onto the "Prom Night" title when this is actually a totally different movie. It's not really all that scary but it is a campy little horror flick about a prom queen who dies in a fire on stage in front of the entire school just before she is about to receive her crown. She dies before our eyes but returns to haunt the high school 30 years later and posses the soul of one prom queen hopeful. Michael Ironside puts on a great performance in this as the man responsible for Mary Lou's fiery death who later becomes the high school principal and whose son is dating the girl who has been possessed by the spirit of the vengeful Mary Lou. There are a couple of attempts to blatantly rip off "The Excorcist" and some inconsistencies in the story line but all in all this is a fun little flick and you don't need to watch the original to appreciate it since it's a totally different movie.
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Cathy's Curse (1977)
1/10
The worst movie in cinema history!
30 April 2009
Well I have finally found it...the worst film in cinema history and it is called "Cathy's Curse". No it's not a film about menstruation, it is a horribly inept Canadian film that attempts to pass itself off as a horror film but fails miserably. What in the world were these people thinking when they made this hideous piece of trash? I mean, they HAD to know what they were doing. You just don't 'accidentally' make a film as painful as "Cathy's Curse" without having really put some effort into it. The only possible justification I can think of is that perhaps the film makers were deliberately trying to make a film that snubs the cinematic experience and Hollywood in general. If you gave a monkey a camera and then turned his footage over to a 2 year old with a pair of scissors to edit, the end result would still make more logical sense than "Cathy's Curse". You can find this steaming pile of movie turd randomly stuffed into various horror movie 'collection packs' probably as some sort of ultimate practical joke by the distributors. I found my copy at a truck stop on a rack of $4.99 or less DVD's wrapped in a cardboard sleeve with a cartoonish looking goth chick on the cover art and believe me that's where I should have left Cathy and her 'Curse'. If there was such a rating as less than 1 Cathy would get it...I challenge anyone to defend this atrocity in any way, shape or form! If you ever see this film on a shelf or are the unexpected victim of it being stuffed into your 'collection pack' do yourself a favor and burn it...or run as far away from it as you possibly can! This movie is so bad, it hurts!
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7/10
Pretty good, for a re-make
23 March 2009
If you've ever read any of my other reviews you know how I feel personally about re-makes. Most horror fans feel the same way I do (yet we still watch these things!) so needless to say I went into this movie expecting to be disappointed. I was actually pleasantly surprised by how well this one was. Yes there are the usual cases of character name changes, scene and dialog changes and complete story line changes for no apparent reason but the basic premise that made the original film so creepy was somehow still retained. The major story line change in this one has been discussed in previous reviews and revolves around main character Mari (I won't reveal any major changes for the benefit of those who haven't seen it yet) and yes I was EXTREMELY disappointed with these changes but as I said I went into the film expecting to be let down so this helped to soften the blow. This version of "Last House on the Left" has a considerable amount of added gore sequences as well but they are not overly done or thrown in for no apparent reason other than shock value (as was the case in the unofficial 'Last House on the Left' re-make 'Chaos' directed by David DeFalco). Nowadays there really is no way to re-create the grainy, almost documentary like filming style of the original which is one of the main elements that added to the general feel of the film, but these filmmakers did an exceptional job of making the viewer curl in disgust at the actions of the villains and cheer and applaud the violence that befalls them. If you enjoyed the original you will most likely enjoy this one as well...just make sure you watch it and avoid the aforementioned "Chaos".
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7/10
Perhaps the weirdest film I have ever seen, and one of the funniest!
23 March 2009
I met the director of this film Alan Rowe Kelly at a convention recently. When I approached the booth I saw images being projected on a screen that were absolutely mind-boggling! Alan Rowe Kelly noticed my surprise and said to me "You can't take your eyes off it, can you?" The film being shown was "The Blood Shed" and the scene was a weird scene involving close-ups of people eating! Alan Rowe Kelly began to tell me about how the scene was made, how he had to gain 50 pounds to play the role of the grotesquely obese "Beeftina Boulion", and how a scene involving Beeftina guzzling broth was filmed using actual chicken broth (apparently it was supposed to be substituted with Iced Tea but someone on the set failed to make the switch). Being a fan of the unusual, bizarre, gory and things that generally shock most audiences, I of course purchased a copy of the film immediately. As I walked away from the booth, Alan Rowe Kelly told me "Now remember, this is a film you need to watch after a few cocktails...or maybe after you smoke a little something!". I knew I had found a director and a film after my own heart. This film is a weird and unusual ride. There are plenty of scenes that are obvious tributes to the works of Tobe Hooper and John Waters and any horror fan will appreciate the tributes in the film to horror classics like "Happy Birthday To Me" "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "American Gothic". No taboo or exploitable subject matter is left untouched in "The Blood Shed". Things from bodily dismemberment, cannibalism, incest, homosexuality, and torture are graphically depicted in this film. True it is obviously made on a shoe-string budget but it's definitely worth viewing!
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7/10
A harrowing and baffling account of an unimaginable crime
11 May 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I have been waiting to see this film for over a year now because this is a case that has haunted me for years and I am very familiarized with the facts of the case. I finally got to see it's USA premiere on Showtime tonight. I was of course, like everyone else, blown away by Catherine Keener and Ellen Page's performance and was quite impressed with the caliber of talent in the entire cast. Everyone seemed to play off of each other very well and all seemed to handle the extremely difficult subject matter very maturely. There were just a few things that baffled me about the film:

Firstly, the soundtrack. Now I do understand that this was a 'period' piece set in the 1960's and that music from the 60's is appropriate but to me it is much more impactful to have no music at all, especially during some of the more hard to watch torture scenes. Some of the music did not seem to match what was going on on screen.

The other thing that baffled me was the 'dream sequence' toward the end that showed Sylvia actually escaping and reaching her parents and one of her torturers was helping her to escape. Yes I realize that this scene was added for more dramatic purposes and it was effective when it turned out to be an out-of-body experience for Sylvia but I really think they could have done without this scene and dealt more closely with the actual facts of this case.

Also, it seemed to me that the director was trying to portray Gertrude and Paula Baniszewski as almost sympathetic characters when in reality they were monstrous in their actions and merciless with their sadistic torment of this young woman. For example, Paula did hurt her hand while punching Sylvia and had to put it in a cast but in reality it did not end there because Paula used her cast to further beat Sylvia. Paula did not defend Sylvia against her mother and was in fact, in some ways, even more callous than her mother. An example of this would be the scalding baths that they gave Sylvia, which was not touched on in the film, but after these baths Paula rubbed salt into Sylvia's wounds.

Gertrude was much more active in the torture in reality and she showed absolutely no remorse or even recognition for her actions until many years later at her parole hearing when she was finally released. The only person who actually did show even the slightest bit of mercy towards Sylvia during her ordeal was Stephanie, a fact that is not touched on in the film.

I can certainly understand why the producers would choose to leave out certain specifics of the tortures that Sylvia endured because they do not feel that an audience would believe it however, if you are going to make a film like this I believe it is essential to let the viewers know the full extent of the torture she endured. Viewers need to know that after the 'church dinner' that is shown in the film Sylvia was forced to eat a hot dog with everything on it and consume her own vomit because Gertrude thought that she made a pig of herself at the picnic and NOT because she met a boy at the picnic as the film portrays.

Certain specifics of the Baniszewski's everyday life were also omitted. I believe these are important elements to the case. If you are going to try to portray Gertrude as some sort of desperate housewife who was stricken by poverty and caved in to her own inner fury than the viewers need to see that the Baniszewski household had no phone, no stove (just a hot plate), and that it's kitchen drawers had only 1 spoon. Also, a vital example of just what sort of person Gertrude is would be to let the viewers know that, while the children slept on dirty, urine soaked mattresses (and there were not enough of these for all of the occupants in the home) Gertrude had a complete bedroom set in her room.

Ordinarily I would not stress these facts so heavily but the producers of this film would like to lead the viewer to believe that it is based entirely on fact and they stress that with a disclaimer at the beginning of the film and while I do realize that for dramatic purposes certain things had to be added and deleted it should not dilute the fact that a young woman was murdered in a cold, calculating, maniacal manner the likes of which had never been heard of before and that there is absolutely no room for sympathy for her torturers especially Gertrude and Paula. Regardless of these facts, I personally feel that films like this are vital viewing because they touch on subject matters that people generally do not talk about. If more people talked about them perhaps a life could have been spared here. Kudos to the director for taking on this subject matter and to Keener, Page and the rest of the cast for having the courage to take on such a horrific topic.
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The Unseen (1980)
8/10
"You worry too much Virginia!"
31 March 2008
Warning: Spoilers
This is a long lost horror gem starring Sydney Lassick ("Carrie" and others) and Barbara Bach. It is sometimes difficult to locate a copy of this film but it's worth it. This film is creepy yet cheesy at the same time. It seems that 3 young newswomen (Karen, Vicky, and Jennifer) travel to the small city of Solvang, California to cover a festival when a mix-up occurs involving their hotel room and they seek refuge at the home of Earnest Keller (Lassick) and his strange wife Virginia. Vickie stays behind, feeling ill, as the other 2 are off to film their story. She is soon murdered at the house, in a VERY cheesy way by some unknown force hiding in the ventilation system (she is decapitated by the closing cover of the vent as it comes crashing down on her while she is being tugged through and into the basement). Soon Karen returns and she is murdered in an even more brutal fashion by having her face rammed through the vent cover. Jennifer is fighting with her (ex?)lover in a rather boring sub plot and when she returns home, her hosts (whom by now we have discovered are brother and sister and that whatever it is that is in the basement is their son) devise a plot to try to murder her as well. Virgina does not totally agree with Earnest's plan to murder Jennifer but she is tricked into going into the basement where she meets Junior. Here the film turns almost comic as Junior (portrayed hysterically by Stephen Furst) is a deformed, mentally deficient, manchild whose actions and motions will cause a few chuckles even though it's supposed to be scary. This is where the pace of the film picks up and the ending is well done. The actors/actresses do a terrific job with the material especially Lassick, Furst, and Bach and although it's not the most horrifying film ever made it is highly entertaining!
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10/10
"Do you wanna party?"
21 January 2008
"Return of the Living Dead" is a terrific tongue-in-cheek horror spoof that has developed a rabid and devoted cult following and with good reason. This is the most fun you will ever have with a horror film. It refuses to take itself too seriously yet the blood flows freely and the effects, considering the cheap budget this film was on, are very well done. It brags a wonderful cast that consists of James Karen, Clu Gulager, Don Calfa, and the legendary scream queen Linnea Quigley. It seems that two bumbling workers at a medical supply warehouse inadvertently open up a tank that wound up at their warehouse years earlier through government error. This tank releases a toxic chemical that starts a chain reaction that is impossible to end. Everything they do seems to make matters worse! The corpse inside the tank comes to life and when another corpse inside the warehouse comes to life panic begins to set in. It is soon discovered that these zombies, unlike those in the movies, cannot be killed with a mere blow to the brain. They also have an insatiable appetite themselves for human brains (apparently eating brains helps to stop the pain of being dead, who knew?). When the cadaver is cut into pieces, the pieces go after them! An attempt is made to burn the pieces and this sends fumes into the air which creates an acid rain storm. The rain seeps into the ground at a nearby cemetery and brings all of the corpses back to life. Lucky for the zombies there is a group of punk rock teenagers partying in the cemetery and paramedics and police are on their way to join the party! This movie is a lot of fun to watch and is the type of movie that can be watched over and over again. Avoid the hideous sequels though!
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10/10
"Your suffering will be legendary...Even in Hell!"
21 January 2008
"Hellbound: Hellraiser 2" is one of few sequels that actually matches, and in some instances surpasses, the original in terms of blood, guts and sheer terror. Bringing back nearly all of the actors from the original except for Andrew Robinson who played Larry in the original (his absence caused a great deal of chaos during filming which is obvious when you watch some of the final sequences that were originally supposed to include him) and Grace Kirby who played the female cenobite in the original (she is replaced here by the equally talented Barbie Wilde). The film picks right up where the original left of as it seems that no one believes the wild tale that Kirsty has to tell about her experiences so she is locked up in an asylum that is run by the diabolical Dr. Channard. The doctor's obsession with the occult and Hell leads him to conspire to bring Julia back to life. With the aid of a delusional patient from the hospital who tries to cut off bugs and maggots that aren't actually on his skin thus bleeding on the mattress where Julia died and bringing her back to life. In an interesting twist from the original plotine, Julia comes back in exactly the same condition as Frank was during the original and convinces the doctor to procure victims for her in order to help make her complete again. In exchange, Julia agrees to be the doctor's tour guide in Hell. The doctor's young apprentice befriends Kirsty and soon discovers the sinister plot between the doctor and Julia. Meanwhile, it seems that the doctor is also holding a mute young girl with a penchant for puzzles hostage and when she solves the puzzle box that opens the gates to Hell the cenobites are once again unleashed. With Hell now wide open Julia and the doctor enter as do Kirsty, the young mute and the doctor's apprentice. Kirsty is searching for her father and the others are just trying to escape. Meanwhile, Julia betrays the doctor and delivers him to her god Leviathan (in the form of an entity rather than a demon) and the doctor becomes an extremely powerful cenobite in his own right. In a strange plot twist Kirsty soon discovers that it's actually her Uncle Frank, and not her father, who has tricked her into coming to Hell in another attempt to entrap her. Meanwhile, the doctor goes on a bizarre rampage killing all of the cenobites after Kirsty reveals to them their true human nature. The end result is a strange and bizarre ending that has to be seen to be believed. Even though Clive Barker did not actually direct this film he was the Executive Producer and his influence is obvious. He had apparently intended, however, for the character of Julia to emerge as the lead villain of the series but the character of Pinhead became so unbelievably popular that it would be Pinhead, and the actor who played him Doug Bradley, who would emerge as the only actor ever to appear in all 8 films in the Hellraiser series. my advice to fans, however, is that if you only watch one of the sequels in the series, make it this one!
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Hellraiser (1987)
10/10
"We have such sights to show you!"
21 January 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Positively one of the very best horror films of all time is Clive Barker's "Hellraiser". The imagery on the screen is bone chilling and will make your skin crawl, the characters he creates are absolutely terrifying and his image of what "Hell" is like will change your point of view on the subject forever. Every actor/actress in this film puts on a brilliant performance. The film centers around a man named Frank Cotton who makes a 'deal with the devil' in the film's opening sequence purchasing a mysterious Japanese puzzle box which opens the gateways to Hell. Seeking new pleasures, he solves the puzzle and is torn to pieces by the now legendary character "Pinhead" (played brilliantly by Doug Bradley) and his legion of "Cenobites" (demonic creatures from the pits of Hell). A few months later his brother Larry and his wife Julia move into Frank's deserted home along with Larry's daughter Kirsty. It is soon revealed that Julia had a sexually charged affair with Frank on her wedding night and when Larry cuts his hand open during the course of the move, the blood that seeps into the floorboards brings forth life, from a strange looking "cocoon" from Hell underneath the house,in the form of Frank. Frank is only partially alive though as he is seen as merely bones, blood and rotting flesh tissue. Julia encounters him and agrees to procure 'victims' for him in order to help make him whole again so that they may escape before the Cenabites realize that Frank has escaped their clutches. Kirsty begins to become suspicious of her stepmother's bizarre behavior and begins to investigate the situation. Soon she discovers Frank hidden in the attic, now a bloody mess of tissue, muscles, nerves and flesh but nearly complete except for the skin. Kirsty barely escapes the clutches of Julia and Frank but manages to steal the puzzle box. She solves it and summons the Cenobites, striking a bargain with them by promising to deliver Frank to them in exchange for sparing her own life and helping her to save her father from Julia and Frank. She is too late however as she returns to the house, only to discover that Larry has been murdered and Frank has assumed his identity and wishes to murder Kirsty and have sex with her (in that order). A strange and unusual yet powerful ending results when the Cenobites come for Frank which winds up setting the scene for the inevitable sequel (it has been said that writers had already begun work on the sequel even before filming on this one had completed). The sequel "Hellbound: Hellraiser 2" is actually very well done, fans would be well advised however to skip all of the rest of the sequels. "Hellraiser" is a highly recommended for all fans of horror and the occult...it will change your life forever! Warning: This is an extremely gory film and is NOT for the weak of heart!
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10/10
"My Ass...I can see, MY ASS!"
30 November 2007
What do you get when you put the 2 greatest actresses alive today (Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn) together with the incomparable Bruce Willis and thrown in a little Isabella Roselini for good measure...you get a hilariously funny comedy that had to have been just as much fun to make as it was to watch! The effects in this film were uproariously funny and definitely Oscar worthy! The acting is unsurpassed and it is filled with comic scenes such as the one where they make Hellen Sharp (Goldie's character) look a hundred pounds heavier and place her in an apartment cluttered with trash, cats, and frosting containers! How about the funny lines such as "You paint my ass, I'll paint yours!" and the 'death' scenes. How do you kill something that won't die? You don't but you have lots of fun mutilating her! The fight sequence where Hellen and Madeline Ashton (Meryl's character) beat each other senseless without killing each other or even inflicting pain is uproariously funny! Hellen winds up with a huge hole in her stomach and Madeline winds up with a broken neck that won't repair itself. Only Earnest Menville (Bruce Willis' character and the man these 2 women fight over throughout the film) can piece them together again! Not since Bette Davis and Joan Crawford in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" have 2 such brilliant and gifted actresses been on the same screen and worked so well together to make such a colorful and masterful film...see it today, if you haven't already and if you have...see it again!
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The Electric Grandmother (1982 TV Movie)
1/10
What was I thinking?
26 November 2007
I recently came across a copy of this at a convention and seemed to recall, as a child, watching this movie several times and enjoying it. What was I thinking? This might help to explain my depraved sense of film enjoyment as an adult. I have an even better question...what was Maureen Stapleton thinking when she agreed to make this atrocity? What was Ray Bradberry thinking (or smoking) when he wrote it? A robot is sent in to take care of three poor kids who just lost their mother. What sort of message does this send to kids? "If you're mother dies, don't worry about it because she can easily be replaced by a robot who squirts milk and orange juice from her fingers and can recite to you every word you have ever uttered your entire life" Now don't get me wrong I have a great deal of respect for Ray Bradberry and his work as well as the work of Maureen Stapleton but who told her that she could sing? They should be ashamed of themselves! In this movie she sounds more like someone who gargled with razor blades! There is a reason why films like this one are lost, they should remain that way! Do NOT show this movie to your kids or they will try to plug grandma into the wall at night when she goes to sleep!
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10/10
"Galaxy Glue, Galaxy Glue...What would we do without Galaxy Glue?"
26 November 2007
This film is one of the best comedies ever made and it features Lily Tomlin at her comedic best. Here, Miss Tomlin not only portrays Pat Cramer, the title character but she also gets the opportunity to showcase her comedic genius by portraying several of the characters that helped make her performances on "Saturday Night Live" and "Laugh-In" the stuff of legend. She plays her own chemically conscious neighbor Judith, as well as 2 of her most beloved characters Earnestine the telephone operator and Little Edith Anne! This is a movie I have loved since childhood and grow to love even more with every subsequent viewing. It is rather difficult to locate a copy but is worth the search. Inexplicablly, some copies and some airings on networks such as Encore cut out the Edith Anne skit, which really annoys me personally but I have seen so many different versions of this film that I practically have the scene memorized anyhow (who can forget Tomlin's hysterically funny line as Edith Anne to herself as Pat Kramer..."Is that you, Hamster lady?"). The cause of Pat Kramer's shrinking dilemma is a chemical reaction caused by the use of too many commercial products which really sends a powerful political message as relates to American consumerism that still holds true today. Do yourself a favor and enjoy an evening with Pat Kramer and her kin...you'll be glad you did!
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10/10
"Virginia hurt someone real bad, you should hate her!"
26 November 2007
This film is a wild and wacky look into the strange and unusual. It boasts the first ever movie appearance of the now legendary Sid Haig ("Captain Spaulding" from the Rob Zombie films) as well as a stellar cast which includes Lon Chaney and the late Jill Banner. This is a horror/comedy that plays very much like a sitcom or an episode of the "Adams Family". It has wild music, strange horrific murders, images of creepy things like spiders, and ingeniously comical performances from the cast. Not to mention the fact that the story behind the film and how it was lost for so many years is just as strange and bizarre as the film itself. The plot concerns the Merrye children and their caretaker Bruno who are being visited by unwanted and long lost relatives. It seems the children suffer from a rare disease, caused by inbreeding, that causes them to regress mentally back to childhood and it also causes cannibalistic tendencies. When the relatives threaten to separate the family and hoard the family fortune the children spring into action to defend themselves resulting in an uproariously funny battle that has you actually rooting these ghoulish little cannibals on as they slice and dice their way through their greedy kin. The newly issued DVD is chock full of great extras including interviews with the director and surviving cast members, a look at the house that the film was shot in, a look at the catchy music behind the film and several lost scenes including an alternate opening title sequence that uses the original title of "Cannibal Orgy".
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10/10
WOW! What a powerful punch this one packs!
26 November 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Before I get into the film let me briefly surmise the actual case that this film is based on. Firstly, the actual case of Sylvia Likens was in reality much more brutal than this movie portrays. If you can try for a moment to wrap your mind around that fact than you can begin to fathom the unbelievable torture that this young woman actually endured. The actual case took place in the 1960s but for some odd reason this story is set in the 1950s this is where the confusion begins. Also, in the actual case, Sylvia was not raped nor was she forced to suffer the final indignity that the character in this movie does. That aside, this is a shockingly brutal and powerful film...yes the acting is stiff but I do believe that this was intentional in order to reflect the times. This film is a period piece and should be taken as such. When you take a look at the cast and realize the caliber of actors/actresses in this film anyone can easily see that these are not bad actors. Much of the brutality in this film is implied violence rather than in your face blood and guts. There are cut-aways during some of the more intense moments of the torture scenes but in many ways this makes things even worse! In this sense, this is genius film making. It makes the viewer believe that they have seen something much more horrific than they actually have, not to say that this makes the images seen in this film any less disturbing. A friend of mine who watched this film with me told me that he was unable to sleep for the rest of the night because of this film...and we're talking about a grown man in his late thirties! That's the sort of impact a film like this has. I am looking forward to "An American Crime" which is based on the court transcripts of the actual case and should adhere more to the facts but nonetheless "The Girl Next Door" is a film that punches you in the gut and refuses to relinquish it's grip on your senses.
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