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PLAN 9 GOT Nothing ON THIS
25 October 2004
Warning: Spoilers
***SPOILER ALERT*****

hhhhhmmmmmm,

it's so hard to describe the sheer genius of this epic space-opera...but i must push forward.

every single element of every single scene is spot-on for lunacy. the first time i saw this, i thought i was dreaming it'cause it was too awesome to be true. first, the dialogue is untouchable. you can't do this on purpose. it sounds like they put it on dice and had the actors spit it out and then read it. it's mind boggling (i've sampled so much of this movie in my music, i should just have showings of it instead of participating). every word is beautiful nonsense. i thought i'd pee my draws when the captain, in an effort to calm his crew, suggests that the computer might be drunk. awesome. it's like pulp fiction in that you can close your eyes and just listen to the dialogue.

but that would leave out... second, the sets and the ships, though cheap and ridiculous still sell the point. they look like they're in space. it would be boring if you could spot the sets, but no...this is its own universe (except maybe the shadow that gets cast on space when one guy spacewalks). third, the plot!!!!!!!!!!!

the computer sends them to check out this unstable planet, on the way a man is wounded by acid that contacts his suit (?) and the reason is never explained why he went outside the ship anyway. they land on the planet, discover a race of green bald-people ("my voice is words that enter the mind!")who are bullied by a giant robot that's so slow you'd have to be sleeping to get caught. the robot's controlled by a giant computer that is helpless, yet threatens the captain to put it back together. he does, even after it explains that it will conquer the galaxy upon doing so. it laughs maniacally, they hit it with a rock and set off a chain reaction that destroys the planet (whose people would have been better off without the help), but rescue one green guy, who walks around proudly in their uniform while they laugh at him (apparently he doesn't mind that his entire race is dead). in the clincher, a man is possessed by the computer AND goes on a killing spree. everyone wimps out except for the green guy who fights him vigorously until they blast him AND the possessed guy out into space, thus wiping out the last of the alien race. this is followed by much celebration and a twist ending that shyamalan himself would be proud of.

DO NOT MISS THIS FILM. it's cheap by itself or in one of those boxes with 50 other sci/fi classics you never wanted to see. a must for any sci/fi fan or any fan of bad movies period. i can't fully express my love of this film, but i can say that everyone i talk into seeing it, buys it the next day...it's that great. ****1/2 (as a p.s. to this love letter, i'd like to thank this and WAR OF THE ROBOTS for inspiring my band THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE to exist in the first place.)
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Dark Star (1974)
The Bizarro 2001
25 October 2004
I saw this film as a kid, dismissed it as boring, and moved on. Luckily, fate forced me to see it again about 2 years ago and (some are going to hate me for this) now i consider it second only to Kubrick's 2001:A Space Odyssey. The scope is gigantic, even though we're trapped inside the goofy little ship with these rejects (and they ARE rejects). It is a spoof of man's uninformed view of his place in the universe. It is filled to capacity with malfunctioning technology, illogical solutions to self-inflicted conflicts and a very genuine feeling of the isolation of deep space.

The music (John Carpenter is an innovator in film scoring) is strange and often indistinguishable from the zany noises of the ship's equipment and displays (who would ever create such tortuous bleeps and sirens for EVERY function of a spacecraft designed to house a couple of guys in the outermost regions of the galaxy?). The ship's computer is a perfect contast of Hal9000 (2001) in that SHE seems to understand her crew's dimwitted plight and ,after speaking to them in her programmed monotone, recognizes the need to go back and dumb herself down so that they can function accordingly. It is never explained whether she has assumed a mother-figure role or is simply acting out of self-preservation ,but ,like most of the more thought-provoking elements of this absurdist's fantasy, the viewer is merely given the bare-bones information and allowed to decide for itself.

Maybe all of this implied data caused me to make the movie better in my head than it actually is ,but how many films have you seen lately that can give you that freedom?
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