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zaayrdragon
Reviews
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
Not quite as bad as I remembered it, but still...
At the urging of my son, I fished a copy of this out of the 5 dollar bin at the local Wally World, and we watched it together.
And it's not quite as bad as I remembered it.
But the recasts were awful to a man (and woman), and the additional characters were jammed in willy-nilly to almost comical effect. Nightwolf was a joke (I say this as a shaman-descended Apache), and Kitana's mom was horrible. Kahn? Gimme a break. He wasn't even slightly scary.
And a half-dozen ninja and/or ninja cyborgs... Even the appearance of an upgraded Scorpion wasn't worth the apparent effort. Most of the ninjas were just empty costumes, and the powers shown were so generic that they made Sonja Blade seem exotic.
As for the 'plot' - if that's what you can call it - it had potential, but that potential was ripped away some time before filming, apparently. The total disruption of the mythology of the MK universe was almost unbearable even for someone not interested in the MK universe. Elder gods with personal agendas, gods turned mortal to satisfy some undisclosed purpose, cheating against the divine rules with only minimal consequences... Weak.
Still, the movie had a few moments that weren't completely bleak - moments that might have been greatly strengthened if the editing hadn't been designed to destroy them.
My recommendation - let the kids watch it if it comes on TV. Otherwise, I'd have to place it in the same category as Superman IV and Highlander II... nonexistence.
Ghost Rider (2007)
A fun Saturday afternoon flick
So I finally get to see Ghost Rider, and unfortunately, the disk I got was damaged, so I missed a few minutes prior to the final battle.
Strangely, I don't think I missed much.
Let's face it - this is going to be the age of the Superhero Flick. The return of iconic movie greats such as Batman and Superman, the incredible emergence of comic classics like X-Men and Spiderman, and even the creation of new and interesting hero tales such as The Incredibles and Unbreakable are all testament to the Age of the Super Hero Film.
And in any such age you're going to get great movies, lousy movies, and OK movies.
This one joins the ranks of the Hulk and Fantastic Four as an OK movie. It's not bad - it has fine graphics, interesting general plot, and some moments of surprise and humor that make it a good film to have on-hand for rainy Saturday afternoons, when the charm of Power Ranger reruns and new, pathetic Scooby Doo cartoons runs out. But the acting is, at times, pretty bad - aren't we glad Cage didn't end up playing Superman after all! - and the plot is clearly as forced as the average '80s comic - which is what this film was based on.
The worst part of this film has got to be the villains. Without giving away details, I think I'd have rather seen this movie done in the old style of TV serials, where the superhero faces a number of conventional criminals and realistic situations, rather than facing a group of contrived demons that barely come across as threatening.
The best part was, undoubtedly, the visual effects. I sincerely had my doubts that they could successfully pull off a flaming skull and a flaming motorcycle, but they did.
In the end, though, you just have to turn off the gray matter and enjoy the film for what it is - a fun Saturday afternoon flick.
Then, when the kids are in bed, pop in any of the Blade trilogy, to remind yourself of what a really scary supernatural villain could be like.
Ice Age (2002)
Ugly version of Monsters, Inc.
***WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS***
Just saw this one tonight for the first time... and I gotta say, although it had its moments, Ice Age seemed a little too much like a very ugly Monsters, Inc. John L's sloth was utterly unloveable, and I cringed through most of his lines. The mammoth had one, and ONLY one, shining moment - when he saw the paintings in the cavern. The sabretooth was at least a good character, but had such a small role, really. And Pinky/Lumpy wasn't HALF as cute as Boo. Plus, the animation was really second-rate (compared to MI), the plot was methodical and predictable, and most of the humour fell flat.
On the up side, this movie had much more death (implied, not shown) than most Pixar creations, so I'd say it's much more mature and therefore earns an extra point.
If this film had one truly redeemable quality, it'd be that darned squirrel. Add about another four segments with HIM, and this movie would have been a hoot. As it is, I rate Ice Age slightly better than average, 6/10.
Mystery Men (1999)
Difficult to put into words, but fantastic!
******WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS**************
So who are these "Mystery Men?" Simply put, the Mystery Men are a group of sub-Heroes desperately trying to live out their adolescent fantasy lives while botching both their real identities and their super identities. The Shoveller (Bill Macy) works construction during the day, and at night, leaves his wife and kids at home while he cruises the street looking for crimes to tackle with his extraordinary and unique Shovel-fighting style. The Blue Raja (Hank Azaria) sells silverware to newlyweds by day and flings tableware at crackpot villians by night, if his mom isn't keeping him busy with the latest snooping. Mr. Furious works in a junk yard to earn his pay, then takes out his frustration on his friends at night, tossing ill-conceived one-liners at friend and foe alike and threatening to get really angry (leaving everyone to wonder, So What?). Ben Stiller breathes such life into this character, you can't help but love him.
These three spend their nights trying to capture that 'moment of glory' they've dreamed about... becoming real Super Heroes. Obviously, it could happen. Champion City has Captain Amazing, after all... a flying, fighting super-cop with enough corporate logos on his costume to stop an extra bullet or two. Greg Kinnear turns in a stellar performance as a middle-aged sellout trying to recapture his fans attention in the twilight of his career.
To bring back that 'extra magic' that might win the endorsements again, C.A. frees Casanova Frankenstein, a WAAAAAY over-the-top menace played to chilling perfection by Goeffrey Rush. This lunatic genius has created a 'psychofrakulator' to warp Champion City into a reflection of his own insanities... and ends up capturing C.A. within hours of his release from prison. This leaves only the Mystery Men to stop Frankenstein's evil plan, but with such henchmen as the Disco Boys protecting Frankenstein, the trio are going to need a little help.
Recruiting commences, and after a painful recruitment party, the team settles in with The Bowler (Janeane Garofolo), who initially has the only real talent in the team, with her mystic bowling ball seemingly animated by the vengeful spirit of her dead father; the Invisible Boy (Kel Mitchell), who CLAIMS to turn invisible when ABSOLUTELY NO ONE is looking at him; the Spleen (Paul Reubens), granted mystically powerful flatulence by an angry gypsy; and the much underused Sphinx (Wes Studi), who is shown to be able to cut guns in half with his mind, then spends much of the rest of the movie spouting inane riddles and acting over-wise.
This film really is a cross-genre romp. Anyone wanting to pigeon-hole films into neat little categories is fighting a losing battle. This is a spoof/parody of the superhero genre - from the pseudo-Burton sets recycled endlessly (and occasionally decorated with more spoof material) to the ridiculous costumes, the comic-book genre gets a pretty good send-up. But at the same time, it is a serious superhero flick, as well. Both at once. While not a necessarily unique idea in itself (for example, this movie is in some ways reflective of D.C. Comic's short-lived Inferior Five work), it is fairly innovative for the big screen. It offers the comic-book world that requires a suspension of disbelief to accept anyway, then throws in the inevitable wanna-bes - and we all know, if superheroes were real, so would these guys be real. If the Big Guy with the S were flying around New York City, you'd see a half-dozen news reports about idiots in underwear getting their butts kicked on a regular basis. Sure, the Shoveller fights pretty well, and the Blue Raja hurls forks with great accuracy - all parts of the super-hero world. But does that make them genuine super-heroes? Only in their minds.
This movie is also a comedy, albeit a dark one. Inevitable, when trying to point out the patent ridiculous nature of super-heroics. One-liners fly as the comic geniuses on stage throw out numerous bits to play off of. Particularly marvelous is the dialogue by Janeane Garofalo with her bowling ball/father. Yet, it isn't a comedy in the sense of side-splitting laughter or eternally memorable jokes. It mixes in a dose of drama, of discovery and of romance, but never really ventures fully into any of it.
What really makes Mystery Men a good film, in the end, is that it is very engaging. The weak/lame good guys are eventually justified and, for one shining moment, really become super-heroes; justice is served; and the movie ends with a scene that reeks of realism (as much realism as is possible in a world where bowling balls fly and glasses make the perfect disguise). If the viewer stops trying to label the film, then the film can be a great romp.
Of course, no movie is perfect. Claire Forlani comes off as bored and directionless as Mr. Furious' love interest, in spite of having a pivotal role as his conscience. Tom Waits seems somehow confused by his own lines as the mad inventor Dr. Heller, although his opening scenes picking up retired ladies in the nursing home is worth watching alone. And the villians are never more than gun-toting lackeys (a point of which is made in the film). The cinematography is choppy and disjointed (such as happens in the average comic book, so it is excusable), the music sometimes overpowers the scenery, and the special effects are never quite integrated into the rest very well.
Yet, overall, this film is incredible. You probably have to be a fan of comics and the superhero genre to really appreciate this movie, but it's a fun romp and a good way to kill a couple of hours and let your brain rest.
8/10 in my opinion.
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
Not a bad 'kid flick' but not a great Disney film.
So what constitutes a great Disney film? Well, slick animation, smooth transitions, beautiful and memorable music, and captivating characters. What did Atlantis lack? Well, slick animation, smooth transitions, beautiful and memorable music, and captivating characters.
But Atlantis isn't a bad 'kid flick' - it has just the right amounts of humour and action to keep any child entertained for the duration of the film. Michael J. Fox does a fair turn as Milo, breathing enough life into what threatens to be a lifeless Nerd-type character. Mix him up with a cast of caricatures... er, I mean, characters... and you have a good Saturday Morning formula for success.
Which is probably why the sequel comes off feeling like the pilot for a Saturday Morning cartoon... but that's another review.
The animation style of this movie is yet another step away from good Disney animation. This fits into the pattern being established by Hercules, The Emperor's New Groove, and Tarzan. But it's not BAD animation, exactly... just not the clean, classic style we associate with great Disney works such as Beauty & The Beast, Aladdin, Sleeping Beauty, or the Lion King. In fact, the much underrated Titan A.E. features more Disney-like animation (and a better plot)!
Transitions in this film seem rushed and disjointed. One scene jumps to the next with almost no transition whatsoever. We're left with the impression that the events all happen over the course of a day or two. It's almost laughable.
While Atlantis does have a memorable soundtrack - at least, the key themes are melodramatic enough to stay with you - it isn't a Disney soundtrack. Gone are the inane bursts of song during various inopportune moments. Gone are cute diddies about exploration or life in a cave under the sea. Strangely, though, that turns out to be a GOOD point.
As for the characters, in spite of some great acting attempts by some great folks, everyone in this film just comes off as a caricature of someone else. There's enough to pique your curiousity, but not enough for you to really develop a liking for ANY of these folks. Good and evil are too ill-defined for most of Milo's crew, and even the Mole's few shining moments are weakened by a lack of character development. Cut down the supporting cast by half, and you MIGHT have likable characters. Instead, you come off liking Milo and despising most everyone else.
Overall, this isn't a good Disney movie, but it's an OK kiddie show. 6/10 from me.
Ever After (1998)
Great Cinderella story, incredible Barrymore acting.
I think I first went to see this one out of boredom, more or less. I was on a military base with nothing better to do, so I saw it at our local theater. What did I expect? A lot of nothing, really. Drew Barrymore hasn't acted since Firestarter... maybe not even then.
Wow, was I wrong!
For the first time I'd ever seen, Drew actually acted! She portrayed pain, hope, love, betrayal, determination... and so very much more! And what a cast to support her talents!! Anjelica Huston, as usual, rocked as the wicked and demented stepmother, giving a convincing portrayal of a character many of us grew up with in our youth.
As for the rest... from props to sets to plots to dialogue, this film captivates from beginning to end. Everything is just fairy-tale enough to be enjoyable, which a lot of people confuse for 'anachronism' or 'inaccuracy'. It's a fairy tale, people - it's supposed to be this way.
If there is a down side to this film, it comes from the forced accents used by several of the actors (including Drew) and the fickle nature of the Prince when he learns of his beloved's true nature. Overall, I give this one 9/10.
All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 (1996)
All Sequels Go to Heaven?
... because this is yet another dead one. Lifeless voice acting, second-rate animation, contrived and un-funny songs (although the bit sung by the Devil would have been worthy of Tim Curry), and a weaker plot than Land Before Time 99: Fossils On Parade.
I have to admit, I haven't seen the first film. I'm not a big fan of movies involving Heaven or dogs, especially not in combination. Still, I hope to see the first one soon, as there HAD to be a reason someone would create such a God-awful sequel.
If I didn't get this movie for free, I wouldn't have it at all. For a 'heaven' flick, the only good thing in this was the Devil. 2/10.