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Reviews
Unfaithful (2002)
Boring as hell
How truly awful can be a movie about infidelity! Diane Lane plays a married woman, who romancing with young, french (of course!) gigolo. Jesus Christ, is there wasn't something more interesting and less obvious?
"Take me to heaven!" she screamed in café restroom - that is probably the worst line in movie I heard for.. well, for really long time. Did you ever cheat yours husbands or wives? Did you ever have sex in public place?
Of course you did. But can you imagine something equally moronic as saying (or screaming, or whispering) "Take me to heaven!" without indulgently? If it happened to you, it could mean that you have to deal with dangerous psychopath or Diane Lane.
I don't understand how anyone can regard such a predictable screenplay serious. His banality is tremendous, acting - unconvincing, Gere waste his talent here.
I would be glad if all this horrible family pay for theirs lack of style, lack of taste and stupidity. And what about the boy, is he retard? Why 8-years old kid behave like 3-years old? Good Lord...
Planet of the Apes (2001)
2001 - Year when Tim lost his talent
It's amazing, and even scary, when guy like Burton turn into garbage- maker. People said, that Planet of the Apes is shallow. Well, of course it is! But adventure movie, even at best are shallow. Indiana Jones is not very deep, but as example of movie art is sophisticated, and extremely well made.
That's the difference: Planet of the Apes is a failure not because of weak background (AKA: The meaning of..., the philosophy etc.), but of the weak first plan.
We can see, how black-hole open between script and execution, we've got characters without character, like Estella and Kris, we've got hero without one single good moment in entire movie. I mean, really Mark...
"Why are you helping me?" - asked Mark. "Because you are special" answered Ari (Helena B-C). No Helena, he is not...
What else can I say? This predictable movie is boring, stupid and unconvincingly. After 40 minutes I wish that some better race punish stupidity of humans and apes, but it never happened.
At least I must say, that Planet of the Apes is a lot better that recently garbage of Burton-rotten-chocolate-factory. But that means nothing.
Dark City (1998)
Most overrated sci-fi movie
Yes, Alex Proyas is a genius... blah, blah, blah. People! Come on! Mozart was a Genius, or Michelangelo. Scorsese many times was a genius, and Spielberg, and Kubrick, and Burton. I don't know, maybe Proyas was a genius once, but not at the moment when he made this lunatic, illogical, weird piece of sh*t. That's correct. Dark City is not good, or event decent. It's worse than Judge Dredd, and JD, as we all know, is not a masterpiece.
What we've got here? Strange future city, which is totally unconvincing. Streets are empty, there is now ordinary people there. Who live here (beside this creepy, bald believers and some movie characters)? Do you know? Do Proyas know? I don't think so. A masterpiece should be flawless. Can you imagine Blade runner without peoples on the streets? Deckards goes to bar. He meet only one other person there: Zhora. Zhora is running away. Deckard is chasing her, but there is nobody on the streets. Then Kiefer appears... Do you understand now, why Dark City is so horrible? Sometimes, when movie has only flaw, and any good parts, some people put the cart before the horse, and Voila! A masterpiece! Antonioni's "Blowup" is good example for this trend.
This movie is just loony, I admit it, but the plot is bad, as well as acting (Kiefer, for God's sake...!), main character is just another big flaw in this "flawless" mess.
If you think that Proyas is a genius, you should go to church, and praise God for a drop of intellect.
Feast (2005)
Somewhere between "Evil Dead" and... "Critters"
Wow, what a movie! I'm always forgetting how entertaining this sort of movies can be. Of course Evil Dead is classic, and Feast, well, let's say it's OK.
Dozen of people are getting trap in small bar on the desert. They are attacking by family of disgusting creature. That's probably most revolting movie I'm ever seen. Really; some scenes are so repulsive, that I'm just COULDN'T turn my eyes away from it (and I really want to).
Hills have eyes, or similar movies aren't making me sick, but this one do it.
Beside that, movie is not so bad. It's just stupid. You know: predictable character ( a hero, a jack-ass and so on), simple plot (How the hell can we kill that bastard!?), and bad acting.
But it's also somehow fun and fresh, a lot better than, for example, Legion. There is no stupid dialogs about feelings or dull recollection. Feast is fast paced, gory, stupid. Just take it easy, and don't expect too much.
Arlington Road (1999)
Totally nonsense. But great !
It's difficult to find such a nonsense plot in any movie. But the point is that THEY can introduce us that nonsense as thrilling and interesting .
Slow start, when we meet Michael Faraday ( Jeff is great, as always ) is a little bit boring. But when engine warms up, this movie become an absolutely blast.
Did you suspect sometimes that your neighbours are terrorists? Probably not, because they just aren't. But let's assume hypothetically that they are. That's what this movie is all about.
As I say, acting is good, so is the directing, and even plot (despite THE END).
Just watch it and you will understand what I mean.
The Mechanic (2011)
How do you like another "Statham-is-superior-badass" movie? Yeah... me too
Of course, there is a lot worse movies, for example Green Hornet, but this one is awfully boring as well.
What's the plot? To cut a long story short: Statham prepare an assassination with Foster, and Foster, of course, f*cked-up. I can't stand Statham and his expression: always the same in all his movies. He should demonstrate muscles, I know, but he can't handle even with it.
The script is just to obvious, too predictable to enjoy this story. Even the action scenes are dull. But the worst thing, maybe one of the worse in cinematography of last years is this: Statham go back home after work, and with his gloomy face turn on music. And guess what? It's Classical music! Don't get me wrong, i like classic, but when somebody try to make me believe that Statham likes it too...
I don't understand how it's possible to find something interesting in story about character as shallow and one-dimensional as Bishop (Statham). Ben Foster character is even more irritating: in one scene he fight with professional killer, who is 3-times (literally!) bigger then Foster. And our hero win, he kills this pile of muscles with his bare hands. Give me a break!
It makes me sad to think of the money producers waste for so uninteresting and simply stupid movie. My advice: just skip it!
Rush (1991)
Not as gloomy as it should be, but original and never dull.
First of all, terrific cast: J.J.Leigh as young and green anti-drug cop was an excellent choice. Despite she was 5 years olden than Patrick, she acting like real rookie. Jason Patrick act well but there is something missing in his character. Max Perlich as "mister Walker" is also great.
I can't imagine how it's possible, that after all this good choices, Zanuck (or someone) thinks that Gregg Allman should be a bad guy. Allman look like old harmless hippie, and he can't compete with Patrick and Leigh.
The script is really good, but don't expect some action scene. This is drama about cops, not crime movie with drama attitude.
Story is not predictable, there is no stupid and pathetic scenes, like in so many modern crime movie. And Jennifer is always worth seeing.
It's just good movie, but "just" means a lot these days.
Judge Dredd (1995)
Stallone is Judge Dredd. Too much Sly, too little Dredd.
Well, the main problem with "Stallone movies" is Stallone himself. We prepare to see Sly so much, that we can't really participate in plot.
On the other hand, there is something wrong with Sci-fi genre: while we've got only several true masterpieces, like Blade runner, Space Oddysey, Alien, etc., there is not much decent, average title to see. Compare it with horror movies - each year a hundred of new title is creating, and probably horror fans hasn't time to see it all. Sci-fi fans are discriminate. If you saw Star Wars and Terminator's fifteen times you know what I mean.
But get back to Judge Dredd. It's rare example of decent Sci-fi movie. No, it not great, not really interesting. To be honest: it's predictable and often dull, but it's true sci-fi movie at least.
Best part of movie is set and design: Judges (visually, not moral of course) are something between Nazi's officer and g.i.joe puppets. Yes, that's kitschy, plastic and looks artificial, so what? It's still great for people who loves Blade runner.
The rest is... not so bad, but that's of no significance now.