Sitcoms rarely make a successful transition to the big screen (the Alan Partridge movie was really good but that's about it in recent years). The return of Gervais and his mahoosive ego is, shock horror, a bit crap. I have a confession to make. I wasn't a big fan of The Office (preferred the US version) and I find Gervais about as funny as Donald Trump's Muslim ban. But the BBC sitcom was a work of genius compared to this. The character of David Brent was OK in small doses and when surrounded by Tim, Dawn, Gareth etc. But he quickly grates over 90 minutes and not in a 'like, so cringe, but hilarious' way, just cringe. None of the supporting characters are given much to do, because this is the Ricky Gervais show and if you don't like jokes about Chinese and Irish people, gays and the disabled, all done in a 'nudge, nudge, I'm not racist or homophobic, I went to University, I'm in on the joke' way, then move on, nothing to see here. Lazy, horribly paced, offensive drivel.
Reviews
16 Reviews
Kids in Love
(2016)
What was the point of this film?
24 January 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Came across this snoozefest on Sky Movies and gave it a chance because the lead actor was good in Wild Bill. He tries his best here but struggles with a lifeless script and by the numbers direction. Anyhoo, the plot (what there is of it)...Boring posh boy from London wants to find himself during his gap year, but his parents would rather he joined a law firm (oh, boo hoo). Said drip then starts following around a bunch of boring posh boys and girls, after he gets the hots for a cute but boring French chick who comes out with profound things like, "I don't want to spend my life doing something I don't like. It's not always easy." And they say homeless people have it tough! Nothing much happens after that. End of film.
Suicide Squad
(2016)
We're bad guys! Oh, did we mention that already?
6 August 2016
So, it's not as bad as Batman vs Superman. And Will Smith and Margot Robbie are good, although the latter isn't helped by a manchild director who shamelessly objectifies her at every turn ("how many shots do we have of Margot's butt? That's not enough! Put more in. And more guns. Butts and guns. The fanboys love that stuff!'). Every so often we catch a glimpse of what this movie could have been, most of those moments involving Robbie's awesome Harley Quinn, but otherwise this is a complete mess, with terrible pacing, struggling along under the weight of too many characters and the need to set up spin off movies, and a weird mish mash of styles (Suicide Squad can't decide if it wants to be off kilter and knowing like Deadpool or bleak and thudding like Batman vs Superman). Jared Leto's Joker is a massive letdown and we also get one of the worst comic book movie villains of all time. Cara Delevingne cannot act to save her life, that much is obvious, but even Brie Larson would have struggled with Enchantress, who is lumbered with some truly dreadful dialogue and an unintentionally amusing CGI big brother. You could analyse this movie's faults to death but ultimately it's just not very good, cynical, shoddy and forgettable.
Burnt
(I) (2015)
Cod and chips twice, please. And a side order of rampant egocentrism
29 July 2016
Your enjoyment of this movie will depend on whether or not you buy into the 'chef as a rockstar' myth which is so popular these days. If you do, you will love this and find the tortured central character fascinating. If, like me, you don't feel the ability to make a decent steak and chips automatically entitles you to behave like an arsehole, well, you might struggle with the flimsy material.
Bradley Cooper is decent enough, although his conversion from narcissistic control freak who treats everyone like crap to all round nice guy who proclaims, there's no I in team, is unconvincing. The best thing in this film is Sienna Miller who gives another great performance; in fact, her character is much more interesting than Cooper's. Which is a slight problem. Burnt is hugely uneven, then, although always interesting when Miller is on screen. When she's not and instead we get yet another scene in which Cooper acts like a complete jerk, I found myself daydreaming about being chased by a giant hamburger who wanted to eat me!
Bradley Cooper is decent enough, although his conversion from narcissistic control freak who treats everyone like crap to all round nice guy who proclaims, there's no I in team, is unconvincing. The best thing in this film is Sienna Miller who gives another great performance; in fact, her character is much more interesting than Cooper's. Which is a slight problem. Burnt is hugely uneven, then, although always interesting when Miller is on screen. When she's not and instead we get yet another scene in which Cooper acts like a complete jerk, I found myself daydreaming about being chased by a giant hamburger who wanted to eat me!
We Still Kill the Old Way
(2014)
We still make bad gangster films
13 May 2016
Low production values, stodgy direction and some truly terrible acting (step forward the guy who played the lead chav and accept your Danny Dyer Trying Way To Hard To Look Tough Award, innit though)...Yep, it's another rubbish Brit crime flick. The only good bit is when that old ham Steven Berkoff gets kicked in by some hoodies. At least I think that scene was supposed to be funny? The whole thing is so amateurish, I can only assume it's meant to be so bad it's good, a big post-modern joke at the expense of morons who enjoy the work of Danny Dyer and genuinely think that it was great when the Krays and Richardsons ran London because they only assaulted and murdered their own, whereas young people nowadays don't have no respect for no one, innit though. You get me? Bunch of mugs, they wouldn't last five minutes in an old fashioned tear up with Craig Fairbrass, Leo Gregory and Frodo from Green Street.
Vendetta
(I) (2013)
Another Danny Dyer stinker...
7 May 2016
...Thank Goodness he went in Eastenders and stopped making these films. Vendetta (aka Death Wish 6) is rightwing claptrap, directed by Katie Hopkins ("there was a time I would've bled to keep the red in the Union Jack, but not anymore"), with Dyer giving a typically one note performance as a hard case killing a bunch of chavs for setting some bloke and his missus on fire. The torture and killings are offset by speeches about how England used to be great but now criminals just do what they want and the police don't do nothing guv. In my day, you could leave your front door open without a care in the world. If you did that now, a scumbag would take all your belongings and set your house on fire. To relieve the tedium, why not play a game of spot the actor from other crap Brit flicks. Oh, it's him from that one with Leo Gregory. And him from the film where the football hooligans had a right laugh kicking people's heads in. I also challenge you to a drinking game; have a drink every time Dyer does that 'if I squint and gaze into the distance, it makes me look mean and moody' thing. You will be hammered within five minutes.
Top Dog
(2014)
Mockneys, they're everywhere!
12 April 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Do you like films in which a bunch of idiots smash stuff up and assault each other? Then this is the one for you! Leo Gregory (so good in Green Street) is on top form as Top Dog, a Spurs fan who owns a second hand car lot. One day, Top Dog visits his aunt and uncle's boozer and finds out that some local mugs are demanding protection money from them. Top Dog doesn't like this. He doesn't like it at all. So he gets his Spurs mates to smash stuff up and assault people. In return, the local mugs also smash stuff up and assault people. It sounds overly simplistic but, believe me, this is a profound meditation on the human condition, featuring stylish direction by Spandau Ballet man, a cracking, multi-layered script and Oscar worthy acting from Leo as Top Dog and some other people you've seen in various 'geezers be drinking lager and fighting' Brit flicks. This amazing movie is currently available on Netflix. I implore you, good people, watch it and give it the five star rating it so richly deserves.
Legend
(I) (2015)
Hardy terrific, film so so
13 September 2015
I was really looking forward to this one; the trailers were great and, whilst I'm not one of those who glamourise the Krays (they loved their mums, would do anything for you blah blah blah), I do find it bizarrely fascinating how the Krays/Richardsons have passed into London folklore. Alas, it's a bit of a let down. Hardy throws himself into both roles, by turns amusing and scary as Ronnie and compelling as a Reggie trying to build an empire while struggling to keep his brother in check. But he is let down by a clunky structure, it takes a while to get going and subplots and characters are introduced and then discarded on a whim, an awful Frances Kray voice-over, and an uneven script which can't quite decide if it wants to be an American style gangster flick or tread the same path as The Long Good Friday, Get Carter et al. And who let Duffy and her nails down a blackboard voice back in? I really hoped we'd seen the last of her after that crap Diet Coke ad. The club scenes aren't quite working guys. I know, let's get Duffy, stuck a wig on her and she can caterwaul her way through some 60s classics. High five!!!
Was that it?
26 December 2013
That was the first thing I said as I left the cinema. Was that the best they could come up with after all these years? I'm a huge Anchorman fan, but whereas the first one felt fresh and to the point, this one is flabby and overlong. It's not terrible and it did make me laugh a few times, but I expected so much more. The 24 hour news channel is a good hook on which to hang the gags and setpieces but unfortunately Ferrell and McKay don't seem to know what to do with it, so they settle for recycling material from the original. By way of example, the mahoosive news reader fight scene from Anchorman is repeated here; the first time around it was funny and surprising, this time it's lazy and stuffed full of tedious cameos by Will Ferrell's showbiz mates. So much wrong with this film: sidelining Veronica Corningstone; not enough Baxter; a subplot in which Brick gets a girlfriend, no laughs there, it's just odd and creepy; pointless roles for Harrison Ford and Greg Kinnear; a recurring thread of racial humour that is cringeworthy at best and at worst offensive. All of which leaves you asking: why, Ron Burgundy, why?!?
The Harry Hill Movie
(2013)
More Alan than Keith
24 December 2013
As TV comedies adapted for the big screen go, this is no Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa, but then it's also (thank the Lord) no Keith Lemon. The plot is frankly not worth the time of day and there's not enough in the mix to sustain 90 minutes, but the cast are game, the song and dance routines all hit the spot and there are several moments of inspired silliness, including the Magic Numbers running a trippy seaside B&B ("top celebrities have found their way there, oh, we hope you enjoy your stay here, in our B&B"), a satnav with the voice of a Yakuza boss and Harry Hill's pet hamster (voiced by Johnny Vegas) causing an international incident. OK, so a few gags fall flat and it outstays its welcome but overall, if you like Hill's brand of comedy, you'll enjoy this. Good, old fashioned fun.
Run for Your Wife
(2012)
Woops, there goes my career!
19 September 2013
Wow, just wow. Hopefully the final nail in the coffin that is Danny Dyer's movie career. This man can just about get away with playing a cockney geezer who is a bit tasty with his fists, darling, but he can't do comedy. Comedy is really hard. It requires more than pulling silly faces and going, cor blimey guvnor, me trousers just fell down and the missus is back any minute! This film might have been funny if it were 1956. But it's not, it's 2013 and chucking in references to viagra and Spotify isn't enough to cover up pathetically old fashioned portrayals of women (Denise van Outen, bow your head in shame. I expect Danny Dyer to be terrible, but you used to be cool) and gay people (two old hams from yesteryear playing a pair of mincing queens who have to be seen to be believed). Having said that the score is awesome and deserves an Oscar nomination. As I write this, I'm still singing, run, run for your wife, double your strife, something something something something something, run for your wife!
Stag Night of the Dead
(2010)
Thought this might be a guilty pleasure...
20 October 2012
Zombies, strippers, this could have been low budget fun. But sadly it's not bad/good, just bad. Shoddy direction, some terrible acting particularly from the guy playing Ronny. His prep for this appeared to be watching Ali G. A lot. Like his performance this film is all over the place, trying to be funny, scary, dark, political and getting nowhere.. The stripper was seriously cute. I'll at least give it that. I spent most of the movie trying to remember where I'd seen her before. then it hit me. The video for a Euro dance version of the Hall and Oates classic, Out of Touch which came out a few years ago and in which she took off her knickers and threw them in the air. Ah, good times. In this one she doesn't take her pants off although she does get to wear an awesome red catsuit. Can you tell I'm trying to get to 10 lines? There really isn't anything else to say about this one. Other than, avoid unless absolutely hammered and bored.
Empire State
(1987)
Bad acting, rubbish script, Jimmy Somerville, this film has it all
26 November 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I recently caught this on Film4, showing as part of the British Connection season. Missed it on its initial release but then so did most people. Having struggled through the movie, it's not hard to see why this remains largely ignored. First thing's first, Empire State is funny. Really funny. Only problem is it's not supposed to be amusing. It's supposed to be a gritty East End crime flick, striving to say something serious about Thatcher's Britain. This is one of the worst films I've ever seen but somehow I couldn't stop watching. Ten minutes in, I nearly turned off, annoyed by the terrible dialogue and nonsensical plot. But I persisted. Halfway through, I was nearly done but Empire State is so atrocious, I had to keep watching, just to see what camp nonsense the director would come up with next. Connoisseurs of bad acting will be transported by this movie, in particular the guy who plays the London wideboy/prostitute, the woman who gives an Oscar worthy performance as a lonely heart who has come to the titular nightclub to meet a blind date, and the Byker Grove reject in London to track down a mate ('You's said you's would help me find me mate, canny lad, there annat no one who cannae stop me from finding oot where he is!'). How these three didn't go on to become leading comedic actors is beyond me. The film also boasts some of the best/worst moments ever committed to celluloid. My particular faves being an hilariously pointless montage in which various male and female characters take soapy showers ahead of a night out in the biggest club in the world. Plus a fight scene at the end between Viz's Big Vern and the guy out of Monkey (stand out quote courtesy of token posh bird - 'this is getting out of hand!' - as they kick the hell out of each other and an old school cockney idiot and yuppie pimp bet everything they have on the outcome). Empire State barely deserves one star status - that it avoids no star hell is thanks to Elizabeth Hickling's dead eyed schemer Cheryl - cracking pins, Liz!
Rubber
(2010)
Novel concept, terrible execution
1 May 2011
I wanted to like this movie. I really did. It is, after all, about a killer tire called Robert who discovers he has destructive telepathic powers and so goes on a killing rampage. What's not to like there? Unfortunately, the director is the most pretentious man on the planet and overloads the film with postmodern flourishes that don't work and serve merely to remind you of the far superior directors he is ripping off - e.g. David Lynch and Tobe Hooper. What could have been a fun low budget horror comedy ends up a tedious mish mash of genres and ideas. For instance, the audience is a part of the film, represented by a group of people watching the events unfold and commenting upon them. An interesting idea but the director doesn't know where to go with it and it ends up sidetracking the film. Rubber should have been fun but it's far from that - slow, not remotely amusing or nearly as clever as it thinks it is, badly acted and written, bog standard direction. When the best thing in your movie is Wings Hauser, you know you're in trouble. To (sort of) quote Homer Simpson, this movie was more boring than church.
The Trip
(2010–2020)
Whatta ya got? I'm in the dark here!
2 January 2011
One of the TV highlights of 2010. Coogan and Brydon are superb, the oddest of couples as they bicker about their careers and try to outdo each other with impressions ranging from Al Pacino ('whatta ya got?') to Alan Bennett ('Peter and Dudley, Dudley and Peter'). It's beautifully shot with some stunning locations and also manages the tricky feat of segueing from dark comedy to oddly touching drama and back again. It could so easily have been self-indulgent tripe, and there are admittedly times when you want to reach into the screen and punch the preening, self-obsessed Coogan, but The Trip manages to walk that finest of lines, delivering a love song to the north and a funny, thoughtful meditation on fame and the ageing process. Here's hoping for a second series.
Little Fockers
(2010)
Bad Fockers!
24 December 2010
Weighing in as a last minute contender for worst movie of 2010 is Little Fockers. With its jokes about male nurses called Gaylord and cats who have been trained to use the toilet, Meet the Parents wasn't exactly subtle. But it was at least funny in places. The sequel suffered from the law of diminished returns and was only saved by the introduction of Hoffman and Streisand as Stiller's kooky parents. Third time around, however, and there is nothing new on offer, just a bunch of actors going through the motions. The gags are laboured (Ben Stiller injects Robert De Niro in the penis and his son witnesses it - don't ask!), but the main problem is that by this point Stiller should really just tell the meddling De Niro to back the hell away and leave his family alone. But, of course, you wouldn't have a movie if that happened, so instead we are treated to: Jessica Alba playing a drugs salesperson who says 'dude', 'rad' and 'stoked' a lot and that's pretty much all you need to know about her character; Owen Wilson in a blue body suit acting like a fool at the birthday party of Stiller's twins; De Niro and Stiller having a fight at said birthday party, climaxing with the former diving into a children's ball pit; Harvey Keitel briefly showing his face, picking up his cheque and getting the hell outta Dodge; Hoffman flamenco dancing; De Niro getting a massive boner; Bob and Ben being mistaken for gay lovers (ho ho). The pain just goes on and on. None of it is remotely amusing and, in some parts, it's actually a little offensive. Note to Bob: you were in Goodfellas, The Godfather Part Two, Raging Bull, Taxi Driver etc etc. You shouldn't be wasting yourself on drivel such as this - take what little dignity you have left and either pick better scripts or retire. Please!
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