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NoeMan
Reviews
Hercules in New York (1970)
"How dare you strike Hercules"
If I feel down, all I need to do is think of Arnie fighting the grizzly bear in Hercules in New York and it cracks me up. The grizzly bear is actually just some big guy wearing a Halloween costume, he even moves like a human. But thats not the silliest scene. Arnold also fights a group of sailors with a plank and throws them in the sea, the sound effects and horrible choreography in that scene is hilarious. I've got the version of this movie with Arnies real voice, and just hearing that makes this movie worth getting. But Arnold is not the worst actor in this movie, his partner, Arnold Stang is much worse. The Mafia is even this movie, well, three guys...played by actors who probably auditioned for The Godfather but didn't make it. Yeeeaaahhhh....
The "brilliant" theme song in this movie is played about 500 times.
I would give this movie a one, but it made me laugh...so I guess it deserves a 2. Hoo-Ya.
Metroid Prime (2002)
The most overrated game ever made
Metroid Prime is a game that seems to be loved just for the sake of loving it. It's one of Nintendo's biggest games, and people decided it was good before it came out.
The game is horrible. It doesn't even have storyline, you just land on a planet and need to kill loads of monsters..thats it. There are no cut-scenes, no dialogue...nothing.
It's extremely repetitive and boring too, you walk around kill loads of monsters by locking on them and tapping A. Then go scan some stuff which will force you to read loads of crap, then you go and kill more monsters and do the same thing. And if that isn't bad enough you keep going to the same places, fighting the SAME MONSTERS over and over again.
I hate this game.
Opinberun Hannesar (2003)
To put it simply- this is one of the worst movies I´ve ever seen.
Opinberun Hannesar is a movie so poorly done in all ways, that watching it makes me angry. The film business here in Iceland is crap, theres no doubt about it. Sure we do have some talented people like Friðrik Þór Friðriksson but overall it is rubbish. If we get one good movie a year, we consider ourself lucky. So every time an Icelandic movie opens it interests me and most other film fans here. However, no one went to see Opinberun Hannesar. And for a good reason, the acting is laughable and the editing and all-around direction is like it was done by some amateur (or an incredibly untalented director, I´m not saying any names here *cought cought*Hrafn Jökulsson*cought*. To put it simply- this is one of the worst movies I´ve ever seen
I suggest you stay away from this piece of crap, it is a disgrace to our country.
Cidade de Deus (2002)
One of the best movies ever made
This is without a doubt one of the most brilliant films ever made. It tells the story of a few boys that grow up in the "city of god", an outskirt of Rio De Janeiro where the poor live. A city where children carry guns and need to steal to have enough food to stay alive. The boys go in different directions as they grow up, one becomes a photographer while another becomes the most powerful criminal in town. Over 100 people are killed in this movie and many of them are kids so it might not be for everyone.
This story is so brilliantly told that I was breathless the whole 130 minutes of it. It´s one of those movies that will leave you thinking about it a long time afterwards. Powerful stuff.
Girlfight (2000)
Laughable
Being into Full-contact sports myself, Thaiboxing, Boxing, MMA and others I find this movie to be utterly ridiculous. The "boyfriend" seemed to be in a good shape, he had trained for years and was muscular. But yet he got beaten by a GIRL half his size that had trained for less than a year. And not only beaten, but KO´d. He must have been at least 50 pounds heavier than she so she knocking him out would be like me knocking Mike Tyson out.
Girls are weaker than men, thats a medical fact and the women with the weird name that made this movie is obviusly an ignorant feminist.
Just plain stupid.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
It´s like Terminator 2...minus the good plot, dialogue and brains
Terminator 3 is a good action movie but nothing more. Everyone knows that T3 obviously had alot to live up to being the sequel to one of the best movies ever made so the director decided to take no changes and just put together a story as simple as it gets and fill the gaps with action and humor. Which makes an entertainment movie but nothing you will remember, it´s one of those movies that you forget as soon as you walk out of the cinema. Terminator 2 was full of memorable quotes and scenes but T3 is a crap film with a clowninator that does not scare you.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
As i walked in to the cinema i was expecting something i could later on call "the greatest movie of all times", i got nothing less.
Return Of The King is a 201 minute long movie, which is well longer than two average length movies combined. To be able to sit for all this time watching the screen without feeling like a minute of your time has been wasted, not even being close to be slightly bored a second of these 201 minutes is simply undescribeable. In this movie everything works out perfectly, nothing feels wrong and every little scene has a purpose.
The characters that have been brought to live by the unbeliveable acting crew reach their hight in this movie, this movie is an emotonial rollercoast.
During the highlight of the movie, the battle where hundreds of thousunds of Orcs accompanied by Trolls, wargs, ollephants and evil humans my eyes filled with tears and as a sat in the comfortable chair in the cinema i could hardly move a limb and i felt a strange feeling like butterflies were flying through my body, this was by far the most amazing experiense i have ever lived to see in a movie.
I give this movie an 11/10, for it has climbed above everything else in this worlds it has also climbed above the average rating system.
It is impossible to describe the glory of this film in words, seeing is beliving. Go see it, its an experience of a lifetime.
Hulk (2003)
Certainly rates high on the wow factor!
Ang Lee is a genius, and he proves that yet again in this beautiful movie.
Pros:
+Hulk includes one of the most unique and brilliant direction and editing i have ever seen in a movie.
+Not just the average brainless action flick like Daredevil, this movie is much deeper than that.
+Eric Bana and Jennifer Connely are good, Nick Nolte is brilliant.
+The action scenes and special effects are breathtaking
Cons:
-CG goes a bit over the top, you sometimes get the feeling that your watching a video game rather than a movie
-A bit slow at times
-The characters lack depht
Strong Medicine (2000)
Copying other shows and overdoing everything to attract audience. Also a feminist propaganda.
In this TV program, EVERYTHING goes over the top. A woman gets breast cancer and everyone cries, later the doctor reveals that her mother died from breast cancer, a few minutes after that another doctors mom gets diagnosed with breast cancer and they all cry together. This is what this show is like, they copy other shows with the drama we have seen hundreds of times before and just add little on to that making it cheesy and lame. The actresses are crap, overacting everything and always looking like they just spent in the chair having a make-up artist work on them, no wait actually that really is the case here they just did that. It´s also clear that this show is a feminist propaganda, which Whoopy Goldberg is behind.
Dreadful. 3/10
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
Without a doubt the worst in the trilogy
Raiders is a masterpiece and so Last Crusade. But this movie is a disgrace to the trilogy, let me tell you why.
Indy´s girl, Willie is the most annoying bad excuse for a sidekick i have ever seen. She is crying, screaming and whining like a sissy the whole movie. That little boy is even more annoying, he looks so fake, what a terrible actor this kid is...and the sequence where he was beating the crap out of 10 adult men is so stupid i almost laughed, actually i didnt know whether to laugh or cry. He also somehow always manages to ruin touching scenes with his stupid lines, same goes for the funny scenes, we dont actually need this brat to scream "haha this is funny funny haha" whenever a joke is told. The only thing that saves this movie from being absolutely terrible is Indy, who never fails and the awesome stunts.
Frailty (2001)
A movie that leaves you thinking, brilliant!
Frailty is a movie that leaves you thinking about it afterwards. It brings up questions on how dangerous faith can be. It has this misterios and gothic atmosphere too, Excellent!
***1/2 out of ****