Reviews

First of all Olivia Spencer is too much for this movie. She's such an amazing actress, she brings class to everything she's in. I loved watching her as the antagonist.

The movie itself is of course lame and has that TV movie quality however at times it was quite daring and interesting too. It might be nothing like you expect.

*Spoilers*

A middle aged woman hanging out with teenagers, and being attracted to them, wanting to be popular with them - without the revenge plot - was extremely interesting. Such a sad portrait that hasn't really been explored before. Also what happened to Ma at high school hit me hard. It wasn't your run of the mill bullying, it was a devastating prank that can destroy a person's soul, I believed it could result in delayed adolescence and explain her compulsive need to be liked by teenagers. I really liked that.

I just wish the kids' realization of Ma's weirdness happened more gradually as she got creepier and creepier. It felt kinda fast and forced to me. One moment they're best friends and the next she's shoving them into walls and they block her number. I think they should have emphasised her need to be popular among the children of her high school tormentors, not her revenge plot. Did she hang out with them to hurt them in the end? Was she gonna kill Ben and Mercedes if she didn't run into them? I didn't really understand what her whole plan was.

Also did we really need a Munchausen by proxy daughter, I don't know. I could do without her, her character and their relationship wasn't exactly explored well so it felt like she was just there to cement Ma's craziness and save everyone at the end.

I really liked the idea, I wish it was more grounded and slower. Fun watch nonetheless.

This could have been an epic finale to the trilogy but the writers who did so so well in the first two movies, suddenly got run-off-the-mill-popular-TV-show-in-its-8th-season lazy. So many mistakes that needed major fixes.

1- Why kill off the kraken? Someone as ambitious and evil as Beckett is going to simply destroy a giant pet that would do his bidding and nothing else? In the second film no one ever mentioned the Kraken attacking on its own free will. It would be yours to control. Why kill it without even showing it to us? They could have used the Kraken for this film, do you think we DON'T like seeing awesome, overpowering, gigantic, scary sea creatures? And it would have worked out so well because then you could have Calypso kill it, and that could be the reason why they wanted her released.

2- Why bring the heart with its key and everything to the Flying Dutch man? What's keeping the crew from attacking the British and taking the heart? They are immortal if you forgot? Few men with cannons pointed at the heart is going to stop them? Bootstrap killed the admiral and literally nothing happened. No punishment. Well ok how is the Dutchman yours then? Is this you controlling it? You're not supposed to threaten Jones with destroying the heart, he should be bound to do your bidding once you possess the heart. Otherwise, why bring the heart on the ship where he can just take it from you at the opportune moment because he still has his free will! And how do they even go under with mortal soldiers on board the ship? Lazy writing.

3- Calypso was so underused it's ridiculous. You keep building up releasing Calypso all through the movie and what does she do? Turn into an oversized doll and make it rain? Really? You couldn't give her a cool goddess design? "Just make her bigger, it's not like we're known for our magical creature designs or anything." I can imagine so many cool looks for her, and her regular human form but bigger is not one of them! And what was her purpose? She did nothing, helped no one, literally just turned into a bunch of crabs. No resolution with Davy Jones, no revenge, no forgiveness, no help, no obstacle. Nothing. So unsatisfying...

4- The last battle was stupid. You bring all these new characters with their awesome costumes and everything, a whole British armada and only the Pearl&Dutchman go to battle. Why? They're right there! Just use them! And why would Beckett go by himself to attack the Pearl? He would stand at the end and watch his fleet do the job. And the British wouldn't just leave because Beckett is dead?! What are they scared dogs that lost the alpha? This could have been an epic, EPIC, sea battle and they ruined it.

5- I absolutely love the bold ending to Will's story but when you think about it, only Will can't step on land, Elizabeth could always visit him on his ship, stay a few days, go back when he has to work. Because from what we've seen, anyone can get on board and stay on board the Dutchman. It's actually not that sad when you think about it.

6- Excuse me when did Bootstrap Bill turn into a mad man? You've been in service for something like 20 years with eternity to go, you don't just get to be a senile part of the ship until you're old af, which should be at least 100 years. We left you completely lucid, and a few months later you don't know who you are anymore? Tsk tsk. I hate it when writers destroy their own lore and rules.

So overall, kinda hated it. The brethren meeting was awesome, loved the French, bold ending is nice although it doesn't really mean anything when you think about it, the action was forced and not exciting, tons of missed opportunities, the magic just wasn't there. It was paced so fast, with so many things it wanted to tell but it was all over the place with no substance. In the end a simple, thorough story with resolution is always better.

The idea is good. A Halloween themed Jigsaw movie. How hard can it be to make it fun and scary? All you have to do is think of some cool rooms and smart puzzles, slowly make the characters understand it's not make believe. No, that was too much to ask apparently.

1- This must be the dumbest group of bad guys ever. Why are they all improvising? Why does no one have a plan? Why did that one guy suddenly decided to fully commit to pretending to help them in the middle of his show, give them his keys and everything? They could have killed him right there since they had already witnessed a friend's murder, a broken hand and a cut arm. No you can't convince me it's acting when someone just broke my hand dude. Why did that one guy fry 3 phones and left the rest? What was the point of cutting that rope in the knife room as if the whole room is gonna come down when it only brings down a pathetic door? It would have to coincide with the girl going under it so what's everyone's hurry? And why are they never talking to each other instead of attacking them one by one. Of course you're all dead, I'm surprised you've come this far running such a messy operation.

2- The bad guys are not the only dumb ones of course. The group finds not one, not two, not three, not four, by my count 5 or 6 weapons and discard each one after a single use. One weapon entrusted to the fat guy completely disappears. Why would you go through the tunnel first and sprint off like a maniac if you're not gonna wait for that creepy guy in a mask that none of you trust? It's so simple, two people first, they wait by the end of the tunnel, than the creepy guy, than the last two people. Why the hell would you leave him alone to do whatever he likes? And turn your back to him after he finds you, just by himself? The guy has a hammer in his hand, your friend was murdered in front of you while two others were attacked. What do you mean?! Just think what you would do in that situation, it's not that hard. It shouldn't be this off base. That one girl acting like she lost her arm because of a couple cuts and having to be carried along the way was also super annoying. And what was the main girl thinking walking towards the rifle hoping for the best when all she needs to do is step to the side?! Three people on each side could avoid getting shot at if they just turned sideways and walked along the wall. Sooo dumb!!

3- This. This made me wanna write a review in the first place. What terrible idea demon possessed you to make that weird cut and not show the hammer guy's face reveal and fatso's death? That would have been the one saving grace for this movie because that was some nice makeup. Really creepy. How and why would you completely skip the suspense and fear that reveal and attack would give you on a silver platter? How has Eli Roth okayed this?

Terrible, terrible, terrible movie. Absolute trash. Just do better. It's not that hard. It shouldn't be that hard to not make such a dumb flick.

I loved watching this movie. The 60's atmosphere was captivating, the story was very interesting but I think the movie wanted to say there were two killers instead of one and didn't delve into in enough to make the viewer understand, or it was always the one killer and they just used cheap tricks to deceive the audience by switching between a clearly child actor/obviously grown woman.

So, I think the first two attacks were made by Alice. Or at least the second one. Overall, she is not innocent.

1- She's clearly psychotic and she has a personal strong motive to get rid of both her sister and aunt where the old lady only had a delusional motive for the first one,

2- The killer had trouble moving Karen's body, pushing her like a child would, and Alice had the veil with her minutes after the murder. She just happened to spot the veil at the perfect moment and didn't see the smoke at all? I don't think they ever explained if the cross found in Don's mouth belonged Karen.

3- The attack at the stairs was pathetic for an adult, she couldn't reach further up beyond the legs because of her short arms. Also the aunt should be able to tell a grown woman from a child.

4- The last scene. Alice takes the murder bag and looks at the knife all lovingly like the little psychopath she is.

I refuse to believe she had nothing to do with anything. And I wish we were given more clues to her guilt, the ending left me unsatisfied.

Tarantino is like family to me, I will ferociously defend any dumb criticism directed his way, he has a direct line to my entertainment bone and that's why this stings to say but this was not... ugh damn it... this was not a good movie. Or even a Tarantino movie.

Where was the story man? When have you ever not had a GREAT story, or several in a movie? It felt like a bunch of scenes ineptly stitched together, like a new director trying to show everyone how cool and different he is, not the amazing storyteller we all know and love. Nothing about this was interesting or entertaining or fluid. Never in my life have I got bored watching a Tarantino movie.

Manson killings told through a sad, washed up, neighbour actor's life? Hollywood in the 60s? Brad Pitt and Leonardo Dicaprio? How do you manage to make it bomb so bad? If you just told the real story it would have written itself to be a masterpiece. If you really wanted to make something different out of this story, look into the latest (imo very reasonable and probable) theories about this tragic case and show everyone that maybe all this happened because they were too scared of going to jail for another murder.

Constant clips of movies and shows the Rick Dalton appears in? Okay to watch but so bad for the pace. That pointless 20 minute suspense at the ranch? Why? Endless driving around? No real dialogue. And that dumb ending? Tate doesn't die? Wow! So interesting! Why even include them in the story if they're gonna end up as background characters in a completely different, action movie heroes save the day, everybody's happy type of reality which doesn't even look real or make us feel anything?! We all wish they didn't die but you don't go ahead and make a 3 hour movie just to lead to that wish so lazily. No real interactions between the characters, no crazy turn of events told in an intricate web of "what if it happened this way". Bad bad hippies get what's coming to them in a hilarious ending that's supposed to be shocking. A flamethrower as a weapon? What in the b movie hell was that?

I mean Leo was great, I really felt his character's pain, that was about the only interesting thing about the movie. But even that didn't go anywhere, sudden revamping of his career told in a five minute montage and narration... I don't know, I just didn't get what QT was trying to do with this. I didn't like the ending of Inglorious Basterds either but every single scene up to the ending was such a joy to watch that you don't care about that silly turn of events at the end that could not have happened that easily. But this movie, I just kept waiting for it to get into gear but it kept sputtering fumes and ended on a really sad dying sound of an engine. 6 stars only because I can't score a Tarantino movie any lower.

The murderer that kills the first victim in bed, is 100% the same guy that gets killed in the park! It is not the music student! Are you kidding me? How do you make that mistake? Did they just decide to change the actors? Square jaw with a dimple in the middle, short, stocky, broken-looking nose, and chipped tooth! It is without question the same guy that approaches the unknown figure and gets killed in the park! How? Why? Did the music student kill him and absorb his soul and started using the same MO and same line? "You made me do this"? The director explained this by saying "There are multiple killers". That is bogus! Two serial killers with the same MO and same catchphrase found each other? This is bad editing, and a giant plot hole! I have never seen a movie this messy. They literally shot some scenes as they went along and tried to make a movie with them.

And what in the seven hells was that black guy in an underwear? Do you expect us to believe the police had that man on payroll that sits there in his underwear and a cowboy hat and beats gays? Was everyone high while making this "movie"? Garbage!

I had my hopes high for this one. The teaser with the old lady creeped the bejesus out of me and I thought it couldn't go wrong. Well it did.

First of all, the fact that they couldn't remember anything about what happened and blamed Mike for tricking them was annoying. Why did you all drop everything and ran to Derry after Mike's call if you don't remember your oath or what's at stake? Why could Stan remember everything enough to off himself? Should have kept it like the book and have them meet up for Stan's funeral who never left Derry. The dinner scene was too long, trying way too hard to be funny (something that'll happen throughout the movie) and too early for a public, shared hallucination. Didn't like the beginning at all.

Splitting the group up to find their horcruxes was an all right idea but there were no rules, no structure, no instructions and half the time I couldn't even tell if they indeed found the artifact. They went for jumpscares rather than creepiness, except the old lady. Now for the hallucinations, I have nothing against CGI, I love it, yet here I felt like those incredibly scary body proportions of the monsters were ruined by those bright CGI eyes. It made them look cute in the face. I was so ready to scream at the theatre but once I saw the faces it fell short. I really longed for good makeup and fangs. The artifact search ended up taking a whole lot of time therefore most of the movie felt like one episode after another, and no engaging pace, no team work, no adventures.

The origin story was completely butchered by showing a 30 second blurry animation that didn't look like anything. And if you're not going to explain who the circus guy was and how the actual IT took his identity, just don't bring him into the picture. One photo? Really? Spent wayyyy too much time on the item search IMHO, should have focused on the origin story more.

The bully was not used efficiently at all. Felt super forced and I still don't get how he survived a stab wound to the chest. Another character with forced screen time was the neighborhood kid. They literally put him in the movie for the sole purpose of getting Bill angry enough to attack IT alone. Just lame... Didn't feel anything for the kid tbh.

The ending was horrible. I would still like the movie if it weren't for the ending. The person who came up with this idea should never ever come up with another idea again. Bullying IT to death?? Really? So anticlimactic, so boring, so stupid, so lame... Destroyed It's scariness and power for me. And they even had the perfect idea right there! The characters literally mention it! You are as strong as the shape you choose. So they were going to trick him into the tunnel, and attack him while he was small. That was perfect! Why not use that?!

And why was IT soo incapable? Barely managed to kill one. I mean if you're gonna kill off only one character then don't kill anyone ok? It's weird.

The opening scene was AMAZING as usual. That was story telling and scaring the audience at the same time. That animalistic bite and swallow of the flesh was soo cool to watch. And like I said three times, the old lady was creeuuuhhhhpppy! Loved it.

That's about it. Could have been great.

Started ok, the pace was always great so I stuck around, surprisingly got better and better with each new episode and by mid season 2, I was hooked and found myself praising the little details and realistic charcter development constantly. They never went for convenient lazy writing, foreshadowed or explained every decision, the twists and deaths were always a shock and the whole thing just made sense, it wasn't a dumb show for teenagers with no content. It was damn good writing. Then came the episode where Clarke and Lexa decide to walk away 50 meters around the camp all night to let everyone die from the missile so Bellamy is safe (weak, weak motive). I was confused but still hopeful it was a one time thing. What followed was worse than I could imagine. So here we are two armies ready to enter the mountain, acid fog gone, doors open, the enemy has maybe 100 people maybe 30-50 soldiers, you can defeat them once and for all, save your people, save Clarke's people, have a crushing victory, no more reapers, no more kidnappings.... But the super violent and heartless commander chooses to make the deal of the century and run, making a promise to never get near the mountain again... With what leverage?! How do the Mountain men go from being on the brink of waiting to die to making demands? Commander was gonna save her people anyway?! Who would take that deal? Why?! The same woman who would let hundreds die from a missile gives up everything to hasten saving weak, drained grounders by 30 minutes who she didn't care about a week ago... So bad. Bad, bad writing. Third season opens with Jasper trying to be a psycho and failing miserably and it was just too much for me. The show I once admired was turning into something sad so I stopped watching.

Went in with low, low expectations and still was surprised to see how bad it actually was.

1- First of all, what were you thinking with that shark design? Meg is supposed to be all white. A beautiful albino with a sharp point nose and big mouth like a great white. That brown wrinkly abomination with a tiger shark nose and small mouth and barely any teeth is supposed to be cool? Why wouldn't you work with the guys who did The Shallows? I see a lot people here who say cgi wasn't bad and it makes my blood boil. This was horrible, horrible cgi and you have to be blind to not see that.

2-The script if you can call it that is terrible although you have an amazing book to base it on. Two megs came out right after one another because the explosion created a tunnel ha? Your little simulation doesn't make it more realistic. The original idea would been beautiful to watch but with the VFX teams you got there I'm almost thankful they didn't attempt it.

3- Meg is supposed go after whales, not heavy machinery and lights and ships and anything metal. Are you crazy? She comes out, eats two whales and literally minutes later has sunk three boats? Just relax! Build up suspense, have you ever watched a shark movie before? Who is this guy they picked to direct this? How does he sleep at night knowing he ruined this amazing opportunity to bring the MEGALODON to life? If you don't know jack about horror movies or suspense or sharks or scaring people or making decent movies or directing basically, just don't. Where do they get the courage to take on these projects?

4- The dialogue was unbearable to watch. Even Statham's cool accent and delivery doesn't improve it one bit. The "jokes" were so bad man... Like so bad. Unnecessary amount of cringeworthy jokes... And the Chinese actors? Trying to act? What was that little girl's purpose?

5- That last scene with the hundreds of sharks racing towards the Meg to eat it... That is what this movie is. Not an ounce of realism, care, or respect to the material. Not an iota of knowledge of sharks or shark behavior. Just a bunch of people who wants to make money off of showing people low quality cgi sharks.

I can't believe Steve Alten endorsed this. This is what we'd been waiting for all these years? This? Shame on everyone who was involved in this joke of a movie.

5.8? This is by far the best shark movie ever made. How dare you? Who rates this anything below 8? You don't know a thing about sharks if you didn't like this.

I watch it every year, and I make every new friend I make watch it with me. Haven't met one person who didn't love it. It's realistic, suspenseful and thoroughly engaging.

First of all they don't rely on unconvincing cgi and opt for a good old great white. A nice fat one. I love the fact that they used real shark footage. Makes it way scarier.

I love they knew a lot about shark behavior. I swam with many a shark and they do indeed shy away from approaching you if you look them in the eye. They are very calculating creatures and sizing prey up by getting closer and more daring is perfect for suspense and realism. Every scene with the shark was like watching it happen in real life. Not a single "Oh come on sharks don't do that." and this film has the unique title of being the only shark film that never makes us say that.

They don't make the shark do monster-y things for action. Just regular splashing and straying away from the group and blood loss. All very realistic.

The dilemma of staying on the boat and swimming to an island you can't see still gets me to this day. It's a solid problematic premise that delivers a realistic dangerous journey.

I love the acting, the characters, the pace, I love every single thing about this movie except three things (being a die hard fan I think I have the right to say it)

1- The crack on the hull should have been better. 2- The turtle should have had a big clean bite mark with a chunk of its body missing. Missed opportunity there. 3- The last attack should have been better shot

Otherwise I can't rave this movie enough. Especially after seeing the disaster that was The Meg today in cinema. Can people who don't love and respect sharks stop making shark movies please? It really shows. Just like when a director takes on the horror genre and you can just tell he wasn't scared as a kid and doesn't know what's really scary and how a character would react. I believe The Reef's director knows sharks, loves sharks and has a deep seated childhood fear of sharks.

It's a classic for me and I'm grateful I have this one perfect shark movie that'll never get old.

What? How? Why? James Franco? Seriously?

I'm speechless. This is literally the worst movie ever made. I've never hated a movie so much. I hope every single person involved lost money and friends and whatever sense of dignity they thought they had. Alas the fact that this garbage has rave reviews means the people involved wrote them so I don't think they'd know if dignity hit them in the face.

The terrible decisions start with Franco's character and the "extremely clever twist" the whole movie was built upon that you can see crystal clear a mile and half away. In order to avoid having to deal with other characters having conversations with Franco like "Who the heck are you?" and "How do you know about the vault?" and "We don't have an assistant manager by that name", they decided to keep Franco completely isolated from the others throughout the movie, literally not saying a word to each other or an acknowledgement that he exists. Naturally the first thing we think is "Ghost" Did you really think you were the only one who's seen Sixth Sense? Oh and they had to audacity to change that dynamic once the characters didn't have to speak to each other. Suddenly they could interact with Franco so that they could reveal the big bada boom twist that just blew our minds away. After giving us every single clue that Franco was a ghost...

Everyone is everywhere, all the time. Just pick a room and stay there! Going up and down, not doing anything... Don't you have jobs?! Who's in charge of hostages? It can't be everyone! You can't take a hostage for a little pee break and heart to heart when you're supposed to be working on your escape route! And why is there one single person down in the vault? That's the whole reason you're all there! Why are there 4 people upstairs screaming at the camera for five minutes going "What is he lookin at!? There's nothing there. Smh, this guy is weird" and not one person goes to help? And how the hell did the fat guy watching the hostages end up downstairs? Why did no one ask about him literally ever?

Why won't you just talk to each other and make a plan instead of running around, having supernatural adventures, coming up for a bit of sibling rivalry, go back down, see a few bodies, maybe go back to work on the escape route... All normal in the life a bank robber. I'm sorry can we just take a moment to act like our people are dying under the strangest and most gruesome circumstances and react like a normal person? I mean the brother goes down, sees his friend drill himself in the head, comes up, and he has the time, the will, the need, the urgency to reprimand his sister about being mean to a hostage?! I just cant...

I'm not even going to dignify this piece of crap by rating it's scariness. This is not, and never had the potential to be a horror movie.

The grand finale with the brother sacrificing himself to save his sister by burning ghosts?! This dimwit actually tried to burn ghosts that were already attacking his sister while he thought he was firebombing them in the previous room.

You couldn't even write a proper scene between two sisters after they escape? Would she really take 67372903 hours before asking about her brother and breaking down crying? Was there no supervision in this set? Did this "director" guy take everyone hostage and made them shoot a movie and killed everyone who went "Umm?" ??

Oh and the super evil masked robber can leave the bank for an appearance in "the audience has no idea the sisters are gonna die now" cut.

Franco, you lost major cool points. I am never watching something because you're in it ever again. What a blindside. What a twist...

Okay, this is going to be a long one, true fans of the show who understood what was special about Girls please bear with me.

I watched Girls season one with no expectations and was pleasantly surprised at its unique take on human nature and relationships. This show combined awkwardness and reality in such a way that a guy who says "I'll make the continent of Africa on your arm." during sex started to seem charming a couple episodes in because he made you laugh and was real as it gets. Every single character had realistic problems that you could relate to and all of them was weird and funny in their own way.

I could not wait to see season two but I was disappointed beyond belief.

We had left a dumped and robbed Hannah on a beach eating a huge piece of wedding cake, but that sad girl was nowhere to be found now.

In season 2 Hannah is transformed into an extremely confident and kind of a bitchy wild party girl. Oh and she also hates Adam who she was obsessed with and now Adam is the one chasing her. What happened there? When did she come over her fears and insecurities? Why did Adam forgive her? The gap between season 1 and 2 is not supposed to be unseen character development.

Hannah having hot sex with hot guys that were ineptly planted in every other episode much like the shallow guest stars of Friends, more than enthusiastic to feed her already over-blown ego ("Beg me to stay"? "Don't mention the word love to me"? Come on!),

Hannah being a complete bitch to Adam and Marnie,

Hannah being Obsessed with Elijah and who he barely enters into,

Hannah doing coke for an article,

all these were painful to watch with not one shred of humor in them. Why would she call 911 on Adam as if she had just met him? Why invite Marnie to dinner, tell others she's a psycho for coming, sell her out to please Charlie's whats-her-face girlfriend only to get all bff and defend her to Charlie in the end? Speaking of Charlie: "you're never getting any of this again." was a criminal line to write. That's possibly the least Charlie to thing say in that situation where he has a girlfriend himself.

So right when I was about to give up and stop watching the show came episode 6 and 7 like breath of fresh air. Laughs from start to finish, character development, awkwardness in all its beauty, and just great writing and execution. The guys who wrote those episodes (Murray Miller and Bruce Eric Kaplan) knew the characters. Having Adam and Ray spend the day together and those lovely conversations was a joy to watch. Jessa's "But I'm the child." line was pure emotion. But guess what, those were the two out of three episodes in the whole season that weren't written by Lena Dunham.

The last three episodes were entrusted to her again and she immediately toned the mood down to shallow comedy with sketchy plot ideas that had nothing to do with her characters. Sudden onset of extreme OCD? Wow, that's realistic! Charlie the musician guy suddenly receiving the gift of software skills, inventing an app, selling it and being rich and surrounded by ladies? That's even more realistic.. A constantly grinning Adam's dreamy blind date? I won't even go into that. Shosh who basically tells everyone that steps into her house that they can stay forever finds it shockingly irritating that her boyfriend lives with her. The handsome and funny doorman at the party was pure Apatow and Hollywood stamp and it made me feel nauseous.

So what is apparent to me is that Lena Dunham only had a seasons worth of material in her and now all she can write is these fake sketchy ideas she tries so hard to fuse into her beautifully written characters.

If Murray Miller and Bruce Eric Kaplan had written the entire season this would have been a show I would force my grandchildren to watch. She should watch those two episodes again and again to understand that crazy things don't have to happen with every new episode. Adam and Ray returning a dog, Jessa and her father getting together, Hannah having weird sex with a teenager... All you need is to stay true to your characters and just let us see them being themselves in normal daily ordeals.

I'm still hoping for a better third season.

SUCKED BIG TIME! The story was all over the place, most of the characters were completely unnecessary and underdeveloped, and there were no creatures to talk about really. I wasn't even tensed up for a second, let alone being scared.

Can you imagine a biologist guy, signed up for a mission to explore a different race, shitting his pants and literally leaving the scene at the first sight of an alien body that's been dead for 2000 years? Well, Ridley Scott could. However, the same guy goes ape schit over a real, moving alien cobra-thing and wants to cuddle her! Perfectly consistent character writing! And what the hell was that android guy trying to do with his plots and schemes? What was your plan? Who actually did you serve? And Shaw who did nothing to fill in Ripley's shoes... She attacks the crew, performs a surgery -I'm not even gonna touch that one- that probably overthrows a plan in motion, comes out covered in blood and no one even says "Hey! What the heck?" and they go on another expedition together? And what was that space jockey's problem!? Relax, dude!! I mean you have to be a really mean bastard, consumed with rage to come out of a crashed ship and go after a woman you missed the chance to beat up before.

The final suicide mission could easily be completed with 1 guy.

I will never understand what Shaw hoped to achieve by going after "our creators" to "find the answers". What answer are you gonna find with a beheaded android by your side from a race that clearly thrives on rage and hostility? And finally, this was the most UNNECESSARY use of Guy Pearce ever in a movie.

Making fun of a Ridley Scott movie... Wow, I thought THAT would never happen.

Because he's full frontal nude! This was not a good movie. Simple as that.

Starting from the first scene, my whole enthusiasm was drained off when I saw the cops torturing a guy for doing good in a competition. My mind was boggled. Has there ever been a more ludicrous, more absurd opening in the history of cinema? I mean who shows their script utterly sucks in the very first moments? Even bad action movies don't do that. It felt like a punch. (You thought it was gonna be good because of all those Oscars, eh? Here you go! POW!)

The following sequences where we witness our characters' past were far from being sincere, real, or authentic. I can't believe people compare this to City of God. It felt so... amateurish. Danny Boyle has totally lost his edge. There was nothing impressive. I don't know how to quite put it right, but there was this "We're so happy to be making this film!" feeling all over the movie and it especially didn't work well for the supposed dramatic moments. They were not real, not new, not original. A little bit of Oliver Twist, and some bad humor. Nothing memorable.

And the show... Ah, the show... A vulgar, cheating, lying, conniving bully of a TV show host? Where do they find these ideas? You can't just suspect a competitor of cheating and send him off to be electrocuted! In a place where a TV show like that is being made, these kinda stuff just cannot happen. This is a fact. Nobody can say anything to make it okay. That was the one most stupid character idea ever to be realized on screen.

And they even told about their suspicions to the press without so much as trying to frame him with some lie like they found something on him. How disreputable is that for the show? And is it so incomprehensible to think that maybe he just knew the answers? "Doctors, professors can't go where he went." my a**!!! As if the questions were prepared for geniuses... The first half was all about India and they even had questions with humorous answers that -like the cop said- a 5 year old could answer. This was *very cleverly* written to legitimize people's suspicions of the cheating thing but instead it made the lead guy look like a borderline idiot. And didn't the host think that maybe the guy could make a complaint, or at least talk to the press? Was he gonna cover it up with his strong ties to the police and threaten the media? He's a TV personality for god's sake! Not a made man! Oh god, it was so absurd.

And has nobody warned the writer about the "perfect chronology between the events in the guys life and the contents of the questions" angle was way too off? Too forced? You gotta be a bit more subtle when you're dealing with stuff like destiny since you're trying to make a real movie. Either go crazy and say "In my movie's universe these things are normal." like Woody Allen does, or make it a bit more realistic and reasonable like it was in the movie Crash. This was just lame, childish, BAD writing. Oh and the lead character must have had such a brain, they should kill the guy and study it. He remembers everything! If our brains stored information like that... Man, I don't even what would happen!

And the ending. The *perfectly* thought out ending where the easiest question in the world comes as the last question, just to tie it all up with a not-so-meaningful memory from his childhood. So cheap. The chaotic brother who just can't decide what to be, suddenly goes paladin and he, very quickly, brings a solution to the girl's problems and sets her free, and even handles the communication problem between the lovers just so that they can have the conclusion talk that will wrap the movie up. So cheap. And he kills the boss who, very conveniently, enters the room first. (come on, man... why would a crime boss enter a room like a deer when he knows there's something suspicious going on?) And the third act is done! Writing is that easy guys. And you can even get an Oscar for it.

David Fincher must have been so annoyed... When you can't even trust the Academy, what's the point of the whole awards concept?

Please let's stop this craze of cheering for bad movies just because of their hype! First the Dark Knight and now this. Teenagers go ape**** over horrific stuff like Twilight. What is going on? I don't think I can handle another one.

**Nothing in my comment will spoiler the movie more than it already was but still if you have issues with spoilers don't read the last paragraph**

Let me start by saying Romero is one of my favorite horror film makers since he gave me such a fright with his Dead trilogy when I was a kid, especially with Dawn of the Dead that I was unable to sleep without my dad keeping watch for months (poor guy). No one, I mean no one, ever frightened me like that again. Therefore I will always love and respect him, no matter what. But the truth be told, Diary of the Dead is such a lame and amateurish film that Land of the Dead which I didn't like very much, looks like a masterpiece compared to this.

You know the story, a couple of unlikable characters who are making a horror movie in the woods realize that there's an actual break-out going on in the world and they set off to find their families (more like to find one person's family in the group) and decide to film the whole thing while they're at it. And that's it... That's the whole story.

The rest is a sad portrait of Romero trying to fill in the blanks between his fantasy zombie-killing methods which are absolutely lame and stretched like shocking a zombie with a defibrillator, or breaking a bottle of strong acid on a zombie's head and while you don't even hurt a finger the zombie's skull melts in seconds. And don't even get me started on that stretched-as-hell clown zombie scene. It's so obvious that Romero only focused on realizing his fantasies and ideas he's been accumulating for years that he didn't give a flying f*** what the movie looked like.

However, Romero uses this lack-of-a-story aspect wisely and fills the whole vast space with his "and the message of this movie ladies and gentlemen..." card. It makes me really sad to think that he used to deliver these rightful messages quite subtle back in his day but now he simply blabbers trying to attack a different aspect of society this time: The Mass Media. He also makes use of the internet, the blogs and mobile phones as well as anything that records, probably in order to catch the attention of the youth audience. However, he's not only clearly displaying his absolute lack-of-info on all this technology but he also fails with delivering his "Media is bad" message.

All through the movie everyone is talking about "finding the truth the media hides" and they go as far as to make a movie to tell everyone this "truth" which is: "the zombies are real". This point of the movie was so absurd that I was shocked anyone could write such a senseless script let alone our beloved Romero. All our characters first hears the news from the radio, every section of the media repeatedly reports that "dead returning to life" which is quite a bold statement enough already for the first day but still, there's this whole "media is hiding the truth and we should uncover it" thing strained throughout the movie that it makes you want to scream "What's there to hide?! Everyone is dead already!" Also, exactly why our characters make a documentary and which survivor would waste their time watching something they've already been through is unclear. There are so many holes with this whole internet and documentary angle that I won't go any further.

Finally, lovable characters we are used to seeing in Romero's movies whom you root for, are gone. We have the cliché all-star team of slasher movies. None of them are believable or likable. Just check out the "hilarious" joke one of them makes upon seeing their very first zombie. Or the incredibly fast emotional recovery of the blonde girl who has just lost her boyfriend. The super-brave lead actress who don't think twice before frying a zombie in her first actual close-up encounter. How about the lead guy who never drops his camera like it's super-glued to his hands (This is the biggest, the most striking negative the movie has). And the wise professor who keeps on delivering poetic lines while you keep asking "What the hell is this guy doing here and what's with that hilarious set of bow and arrows?"

There are so many more things to say but I'll let you enjoy determining those on your own since there are plenty.

All in all, we friggin love you Romero, but this movie completely and utterly sucks.