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Stevolteon
Reviews
Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2003)
So near, but yet so far
**Spoiler warning**
Okay, so, this is theoretically a kids film - although if that's so, quite what pull Dreamworks expect drafting in Brad Pitt to have I don't know.
I have to say I was quite looking forward to this, modern animation gives Sinbad stories that edge I feel the old creakily stop-motioned flicks lacked. Upon seeing it I was probably slightly more disappointed than impressed, but it definitely wasn't all bad.
On the upside, the animation was good, as was the score and the general plot. It makes for quite light entertainment, definitely something the kids would enjoy, and stands a good chance of making mums and dads laugh too.
On the downside though there are several factors which didn't quite gel. I felt the crew held a lot of potential to be developed as characters, but were more or less ignored in favour of Sinbad's dog... the "Jar Jar" of this film so to speak, who didn't need to exist at all, but doubtless will come off as a kids favourite.
While the animation did give much smoother running than the jerky stop motion of the films as I anticipated, this was effectively ruined by the jerkiness of the storytelling, very much jumping from set-piece to set-piece with little or nothing connecting them.
It also somehow failed to be quite as epic as it could and should have been. Some of the monster encounters were very impressive, but there were only about 3, and the ice bird/snowboarding sequence looked lifted straight from a video game. Also I'd expect the Goddess of Chaos, Eris' "chaos realm" Tartarus to be, well, chaotic! As such it was one of the biggest anti-climaxes I've seen in a long while, her astral hang out at the beginning would have been better, or anything really - even just sticking a kaleidoscope effect on the sand would have done!
Still, it's definitely worth watching the once, and I have to say that I'd probably go watch a sequel if one came about.
Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
Could be worse, could be better
I should start by saying I'm a bit of a wavering Trek fan. Some elements I like - when Trek does comedy, it does it brilliantly, others I'm not so fond of - some of the cheap and tacky sentiment thrown about is a bit too much. I was, however, looking forward to the film, a ship on ship collision and the return of Lore! Wow! Although, with the whole "I am a mirror for you" thing I was slightly fearful we might have an evil Enterprise with all the crew members meeting their evil alternates/twins/brothers/sisters/clones etc etc.
Thankfully they didn't follow that route, although I thought the whole mirror thing didn't really work well, they tried to throw in lots of clever little references and, well, I just think they failed.
As to whether or not it's a good film... it depends on what you're after. If a neat little Mad Max-style bit (although, what happened to the Prime Directive there, hmm?) and a ship-on-ship collision can make a good film for you you'll love it, although you might find yourself dozing off in the middle. I liked certain bits and pieces of it, but I felt bits that needed developing weren't, and the whole thing was just a bit too predictable.
One of the big plus factors, the graphics were superb (but for one exception, when the silver bits on the theyleron (or whatever) radiation devices opened they looked terrible! It looked like Toy Story! (don't get me wrong, Toy Story's great and all, but photorealistic it isn't))
I kind of liked the whole B4 thing on one level, although as has been said SOME mention of Lore would have been nice. My problem with it is, if you're going to kill of a character, especially arguably the best character, it'd be nice if they had the guts to kill him off, once and for all, it endeth there, rather than having an identical android with all the same memories. I felt like screaming when B4 started singing that song at the end. It would have been so much better if Jean Luc had deactivated him or even if he just showed no signs of having Data's memory. And also... the crew didn't seem terribly upset by it! He was such an important part of the Enterprise crew and hardly a tear was shed!
Anyway, it's not the worst Trek film but it's certainly not the best, and as a stand alone film it's not really all that hot either. Probably still worth a watch though, if only because of the ship on ship collision ^_^
Doragon Hafu (1993)
Absolutely side splittingly hilarious
This is without doubt the funniest Animé I have seen, and quite possibly the funniest thing, I'm sure nothing has made me laugh so much! Everything in it is funny, there's not a second goes past without something to make you laugh, and it manages to maintain a cohesive if somewhat surreal plot under it all too. And as for the ending music... I've had it playing when I open Windows since I first saw it a year or two ago and it still makes me laugh! And, as I think everyone else had said, Dug Finn's realisation that he's been cut out of the first episode... unparalleled, that made me so hard and long I missed the end.
One thing I would say though, usually I sit on the fence in the big subs/dubs debate, I really don't mind either for the most part, but if you're going to buy DragonHalf go for the Subbed version if you have the choice, the Japanese voices just suit the comedy so much more. I first saw the subbed and when I finally found it again and bought it I was disappointed to find that I had the dubbed version, and that the dubbed was so distinctly inferior. Not to say the dubbed is bad, but it misses a couple of jokes (like Damaramu's one step, two rank, three meal pun) and the subbed is just that much better it's worth the effort of reading!
Even if you don't like animé, watch it. It might seem a bit weird, but if you give it a chance it'll have you rolling in the aisles, it may even convert you.
Die Another Day (2002)
A mixed success
I'm a big bond fan, but have for the most part been disappointed by Brosnan's efforts. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a good Bond, a worthy follow on to my favourite, Dalton, but the films themselves have been a bit... naff (to be nice and specific), and in fact have been getting progressively worse, which didn't bode well for Die Another Day. Don't get me wrong, I find TWINE watchable - enjoyable, but possibly my least favourite.
The trailer changed my expectations, I thought the surfing looked a bit wrong, but hovercrafts are always fun and The Living Daylights is my favourite Bond, so the prospect of another on-ice car fight really wetted my appetite!
Now, the film itself. I was glad the surfing was over so quickly and wasn't a big thing, it just seems so un-Bond, and I think the worst part of the film had to be the surfing on the tidal wave with the parachute, and not only because of the ropey graphics and liberal attitude to physics. The beginning though, great, slightly confused about Bond's ability to shoot mines and make them leap into the air before exploding - and also when an overturned hovercraft hits a bunker it results in an explosion that looks like someone mixed gunpowder into the cement mix instead of sand, but hey - that's hollywood for you.
Have to say, first thing me and my friend said to each other on leaving - best title sequence yet. I actually like the song (a sucker for synth-voice) and liked the integration with the action, and obviously the surreal intros get better as graphics do.
I thought the plot was quite clever actually, although I'd be surprised if anyone was fooled by Miranda Frost for a second. It just interlinked quite nicely, and also Bond starting as a rogue agent, always fun.
One of the hotly disputed aspects of the film has to be the big thing over the cigar when Brosnan had promised to be a non-smoker. His counter argument? It was essential to the plot. Essential to the plot my left ankle! That whole sequence was a banquet of gratuity, which I guess is what Bond's all about, but I reckon Brosnan should have honoured his promise. It wouldn't be Bond without sex and violence, but smoking is not required. (spot the fervent anti-smoker!)
A final couple of qualms, firstly who'd buy it that Graves had a diamond mine... on a frozen lake? You'd have thought that would have aroused suspicions more than the fact that his diamonds were chemically identical to conflict diamonds. Secondly, the effects. I don't know the terms, but the effect where they slow the film down while the camera swings, and then speed it up for a burst, and then return to normal speed. A very cool effect, I'd just question the places DAD used it, like once when Xao was spinning round and the effect was used on his coat, which I laughed at due to it being used in such a weird place. At the beginning of the car chase, yes - worked like a charm. When Xao was swirling his jacket? No. And thirdly - the adaptive camoflage on the car. Very cool, but too useful. If in the next film he doesn't have it it will be stupid, because it's such a universally helpful device. Things like Living Daylights' outriggers - only useful for a mission to snowy climes, likewise the submarine Lotus - its helpfulness is pretty limited, and of course the self destruct burglar alarm from For Your Eyes Only - stupid device. There are few situations in which an invisible car isn't useful. If it doesn't appear (or perhaps "disappear") next time, it'll be stupid that it doesn't because it's such a useful gadget, but if it does it'll be bad because the new car is one of the best things, and you don't want the same old gadgets being reused every film.
Anyway, those aren't problems, they're just weird things I spotted, I thought it was a good film, definitely Brosnan's best, and I loved Xao's diamond speckled, semi-gene therapied appearance, very cool (although what was with "Mr Kill?") a good omen for the future of Bond and a suitable film to mark the 40th anniversary.
Actually, now I think I did have one major annoyance - the spotlight intro bit. What have they done to the Bond music? PLEASE don't mordernise it, it shouldn't change, it doesn't need to be changed. It definitely doesn't need a massive bass line and a wakka-wakka guitar! Also, the bullet actually coming down the gun barrel? Excuse me? Whose idea was that? Whoever it was it was a stupid one.
American Pie (1999)
Intensely hypocritical *spoiler warning*
Okay, so this kind of comedy isn't my cup of tea - I spent the film either cringing or grimacing when I guess I was supposed to be laughing, but that's just me. I understand and appreciate that for a majority of people it was the funniest thing ever, and I won't criticise or try to change your opinion.
What I do criticise (other than the predictability) is the fact that it is incredibly hypocritical. At the beginning the heroes (I use the term loosely) of the piece realise that a "geeky" character has had sex, whereas as they are still virgins. Obviously this state of affairs threatens the entire stability of the stereotypical teen comedy genre, so they set off on a quest to "get laid" at all costs. At this point I could see the end, they all get their wish and it turns out the geeky character hadn't actually had sex, so all is right with the world, but what I hadn't anticipated was the insertion of a life lesson for the foursome. Toward the end they suddenly realise that... y'know, loosing your virginity isn't that important after all...
If the film had cut at that point I'd have been impressed and would have felt ashamed at my misgivings. What in fact happens is that it continues and... most of them do, indeed, "get laid", completely voiding the lesson they've apparently learnt. Either this film is vastly hypocritical, or the message it's putting out is "Loosing your virginity isn't important... so long as you've had sex."
As far as entertaining people with a receptive sense of humour goes it's obviously a resounding success, but they should have just left it as a string of "hilarious situations" instead of trying to throw in a moral.
The Emperor's New Groove (2000)
See it. Go see it now. NOW!
Absolutely unequivocably the funniest thing ever to have come out of Disney ever ever ever, and this is coming from someone who finds the whole "Um, like yeah, y'know, like totally" culture to be repulsively odious.
This film is absolutely packed with laughs from almost the very beginning to the very end, Disney are being so much braver with what they do, dropping the "realism" of the normal films leading to some beautiful surreal humour, like the whole Kuzco: "How did you get here first?????" Yzma: *shrugs* bit. And Krunk has to be one of the best characters ever, especially if you include his shoulder angels too.
One thing... I wasn't actually so fond of the Pacho character, although he was voiced well he was a bit... I don't know, just at some points he seemed to deviate from his character.
Anyway, absolutely stunning film, wonderfully smooth animation, and plenty of new and original things for Disney culminating in not only one of the funniest Disneys, but quite possibly one of the funniest films ever. I only wish the "Mingin'" poster hadn't put me off seeing it in the cinema. Ugh... mingin'...
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
Another great Disney film
First off, I'm a Disney fan, I grew up with it and I don't think there's a Disney film I actually haven't enjoyed... well, if you don't count all those sequels they've started pumping out, deary me.
It seems to me that with children growing older faster Disney's standard format has lessened in it's appeal, which has lead to Emperor's New Groove, Tarzan and most recently - Atlantis. I thought it was a wonderful film, the animation was fantastic and blended well with the CGI (something I feel didn't go so well in things like Aladdin) but I'd give even more praise to the characters, who have a depth which makes the film a bit more mature for today's children and helps break the arguably antiquated Disney mould. Disney are trying something new, and succeeding.
One thing that sat uneasily with me though, and don't get me wrong, I loved the film, but I got the feeling those responsible had perhaps seen Titan A.E., just as those responsible for The Lion King might just have heard of Kimba, The White Lion. It's by no means a carbon copy, but for one thing it seemed like Gune had more or less been lifted out of Titan A.E. and kitted out as "Mole" Hmm... perhaps I'm imagining it.
Anyway, it's a great Disney film in my opinion, I especially liked the little details, like the two Coelocanths swimming around in a tank as the mission falls together.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
By no means disappointing
Now, despite being pretty much a sci fi geek, I wasn't actually aware of Star Wars until the Digitally Remastered box set was released, and as such Episode 1 was the first Star Wars film I saw in the cinema, and I was stunned. It had almost everything, interesting new (or rather, old) technology, nice glimpses into different cultures, fantastic graphics, I'd go as far as to say it was the first film in ages that I felt came close to the standard set by Jurassic Park and awesome sound, the pulsing of Sebulba's Pod Racer's engines as he flew past took my breath away. I left the cinema absolutely wowed, I wouldn't have faulted the film at all. When it was released on video I bought it straight away, and it was the first film I noticed as being somewhat... lacking on video, to me it is very much a film built for the cinema. Furthermore, on about the third or fourth overall watching that critical factor began kicking in. The Jar Jar factor. I'd never much noticed him the two times I saw it in the cinema, in fact the second time I was very much on a "I don't see what's wrong with Jar Jar" vibe upon leaving, but for some reason I really saw him on the TV, and I suddenly saw what the big problem was. I also started getting a bit annoyed by the Annakin character, well, more annoyed at the acting than the character. Obviously you can't really expect a child role to be impeccably acted, but I've seen better.
Now, since the original trilogy were never such an intimate part of my early life I fail to get so passionately embittered about the folly that is Mr. Binks, but I would say he spoilt an otherwise decent film, I actually find him literally cringeworthy, which doesn't often happen. However, I definitely find the incessant "jumped up toy advert" claims unjustifiably harsh (especially since I can't for the life of me find a decent model Destroyer Droid!) and Binks aside I thought the film was more or less all I'd hoped for.
Doctor Who (1996)
I don't know what it is, but Doctor Who it's not.
First of all, I'm heartened to see the previous comment, it's good to see the Americans know it was terrible too.
Now, imagine my surprise and delight at the news that Doctor Who was making a long awaited come-back, I even loved the tagline, "He's back, and it's about time." Quite clever and catchy if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, that's about the only good thing about it. Well, that said I liked the choice of Paul McGann as the Doctor, he had the right... alien feel about him, and his costume was good too, and I liked the scene in the operating theatre when they got lost in his cardio-vascular system, but that is literally all the good I have to say.
It started appallingly, with the Master being tried on Skaro by the Daleks! Ah yes, those well known keepers of the peace and... no, wait, weren't they a scurge to the universe slaughtering anything that wasn't a Dalek, and even some things which were? And the TARDIS interior... hideous, inexcusable. The whole Master turning into evil goo? Offensive in it's stupidity. As if it weren't bad enough the arbitrary placing of the eye of harmony in the TARDIS, making it accessable only in the presence of a human? Oh, very useful on a TIME LORD CRAFT, I don't think. The Doctor being half human? Once more, just plain stupid. The whole kissing thing... well, I'm not all that angry about that really, I actually think it perhaps had potential as a character development, the emergent of a romantic side, although I'd have preferred to see it happen with, say, a character he'd had around for long enough to grow attached to, rather than someone he met the day before. I could go on with the criticism for hours, but these things are limited to 1000 words. Even if, as a friend suggested, you consider it apart from Doctor Who, it's a poor film in its own right, and it's absolutely nonsensical without the background provided by Doctor Who.
I class it with the other Doctor Who films, in that they are terrible and should not be considered even vaguely relevant to the continuity of the series. What's more they relied on the Doctor Who name for success, and if you consider them apart from it as films in their own right they're not much cop either, I'm just glad there's no sign of a series being spawned from it.
Basically, it's all very well trying to find new things for the Doctor to do, but you can't just rewrite the entire universe like that, I really do wonder how they managed to make it without someone saying "You're actually going to do this?? The fans will hate it, this is going to suck."