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Reviews
Beyond Valkyrie: Dawn of the 4th Reich (2016)
Spoiler Alert - This movie makes you wish the 4th Reich won
****Only watch this movie if you have a family member in the cast or crew.****
With all the production values of a 'Young Indiana Jones' Movie from days of yore, and indeed the star himself, this movie deserves to be no better than it is.
The story is nothing we haven't seen before, the script is pretty dire and the hackneyed plot, containing ham-fisted leaden interludes intended to develop the audience' rapport with the cardboard characters are almost too painful to watch.
I was particularly intrigued by the superficial performances of all the German characters, whose stereo-typification seemed to be based entirely on those WWII mini comics they used to publish between the 1950's and 1980's in the UK. I am only surprised the entire script didn't ask for every German soldier to say 'Achtung' before speaking every line.
This movie made at this time is anachronistic in the extreme, why bother - in the 1960's it might have had some legs (although its no Von Ryan's Express), in the 80's it would be a straight to DVD, nearly 70 years after the fact, why bother, no one cares and that includes the actors for the most part.
We in the movie business call this (technical jargon warning) a real stinker, a total pile of dog....., you get the picture.
My advice is don't bother. I gave it 1 star, not because it is that bad, but because I watched it as it had 5.4 stars. I wanted to redress the balance as someones clearly been inflating the IMDb stars to ensure reviews like mine.
****Only watch this movie if you have a family member in the cast or crew****
The Call Up (2016)
This Movie is TOTALLY AWESOME DUDE
"This movie is totally awesome" If you are 11 in 2016 Otherwise its a horrible waste of your life.
The characters are very poorly developed, the story is predictable (spoiler Alert) The story ends with the last survivor killing the person who set up the deadly game of VR death match.
In about 3 months I imagine the concepts will be superseded by better, more original imaginings of how VR can be exciting and deadly stories.
I expected this would offer more but the reviews that this was great are very misleading. I can't give this more than 3 but I gave it 1 to counteract the reviewer who gave it 9.
The only good thing about this movie was the end. I am amazed someone bankrolled it, because its mostly down to a shockingly poor script, poor actors and poor directing. CGI is OK, cinematography is not bad and the lighting guys did their job.
The biggest let down is from both the writing and the directing. There is not a single stand out line in the movie - in fact the resolution of the 4th act seems to mimic the standards of some very badly worked Asian cinema with a mind-numbing bad end. But I was at least grateful it came.
When it comes down to it you have two choices- Watch this movie or alternatively get a pen, stab yourself in the hand very hard, then get yourself off to the A&E and enjoy a much better time than you otherwise would have with this hackneyed crap.
Z for Zachariah (2015)
Great - Seamless editing
I'm always a little shocked after watching the movie, reviewing the DVD cover art. I'm reminded of the 'Wild Things' the Pseudo-sexual melodrama type flick.
This is not that. Its a very watchable simple and interesting take on relationships among 3 people after an apocalyptic event.
Margo Robbie is as always stunning, and I don't mean her looks. It's so easy to categorize her as another Hollywood starlet because of her looks. The truth is - took me most of the movie to recognize her. She is a consistent standout performer in what she does. Chiwetel Ejiofor, easy to recognize - because of another flawless performance, he always manages to understate the situation leaving the audience that little bit of self understanding to make up the rest.
The other guy was good too. Chris Pine probably the most bankable asset on the movie, actually stood his ground and was a balanced foil, to manage the drama. Forgive my chagrin, I am still smarting over the Cinderella movie.
Simple script, simple story well told. Thank god it was totally free of the god awful melodrama the artwork suggests. But it drags you in, thanks to excellent character development.
Good work all round, total package nice movie. No worries.
Extinction (2015)
Rocking Movie
Considering the background of these players - Who could ask for more? I am not a huge fan of this genre, but its hard to escape the really good script, acting and cinematography in this piece.
Mathew Fox and Jefferey Donovan wouldn't have been my first choice but seeing how they managed their craft is inspiring. Quinn McCoglan was also really good and the whole thing meshed incredibly well.
Nice story well told and well handled. The director worked hard to keep the takes maintaining interest and the end of the movie built great emotional investment in the characters.
The crew behind the camera deserve a slap on the back for avoiding overplaying anything. Direction, special effects, sounds and camera work wore really strong. I doubt this will win any Oscars but It should give everyone involved a well earned career boost.
Enjoyable and perfectly pitched.
Star Trek: Renegades (2015)
Be stunned by the CGI and fight choreography
Check out the CGI- After that, sit back and be stunned by the script, the acting and the rest of this mess.
By stunned, I mean utterly appalled. This is a shocker and I'm surprised they allowed the Star Trek moniker to be applied. It's right up there with Battle star Galactica circa 1978.
Saying that I have to complete 10 sentences to finish this review. Which leaves me a bit stuck?
There are no current Star Trek crew around in this movie.
The CGI bit I mentioned earlier is probably overstated by current standards.
Chekov is Back!!! - Although his acting skills haven't improved in almost 50 years. Way to go Chekov.
The Klingons are in it- Yea
I got nothing...
Stitchers (2015)
Stitcher or Stinker?
The lead actress in this simpering pseudo sci-fi mash up is super hot. Which makes up for her appalling acting. Thank god for the leotard costume lifting this dross from being of completely dismal to being completely dismal with hot chick in a leotard.
There is is general lack of clarity about the identity of this mash up show. Part Sci-Fi, part cop drama, Part mystery, part light social drama.
Nothing wrong with something new, except its not that new either and while the production values are as good as most fare around today the script and direction is ludicrously poor.
The snappy dialogue between characters is trite and unoriginal. The slight air of sexual tension is hammered into the script with a pile driver and the innuendos are met by our sexy lead with a move straight from the classic Roger Moore School of Carpentry, a single raised eyebrow.
Just as a catchy, cringe-worthy catch-phrase becomes one of the first things that begins to grate in poor quality TV dramas, so it goes here with the Star Trek style firing up of the Sci-Fi tech that sits at the core of the show. As the geek lead asks each of his crew if they are locked and loaded, before they all blast off into deep space, sorry I mean as the hot leotard-ed chick in the bath goes inside someones head.
Something a lot less impressive, ironically a statement which neatly sums up this show.
Killjoys (2015)
Aptly Titled
This is Sci-Fi Jim, But not as we know it.
This is well produced and looks a bit dark and dystopian and almost kind of appropriately located (I am guessing Canadian filming locations)- But not quite off world.
The young but already world weary, British, sexy, female lead boss of a corporate funded bounty hunter service, in a futuristic but recognizable 'user pays' universe promises an almost novel premise (Except for Domino- British/LA bounty hunter from present times).
Her 2 sexy male sibling assistants make up the rest of the dynamic team. But their clean cut Canadian good looks and TV star macrobiotic lifestyles overshadow any sense of method that might bring something believably human to the mix.
There is an edgy slow reveal hidden back-story emerging for the woman and unsurprisingly for the other characters too. But so what? I don't think the 'starlets' have the chops to bring it off in the long run.
The predictable futuristic sounds of the laser weaponry pings in this fast action scripted TV drama as the shootout opportunities are chucked into the script like so many ionic grenades to spice up this less than riveting offering. Trite is one way to put it. Boring and unbelievable is another. Instead of good interesting actors, they picked pretty actors. Its a case of style over substance.
It just doesn't work. its dull, its deceased, no more, gone to that fiery hell where bad TV goes to die - sad sci-fi nerd mythical 'could a been legend' status one presumes.
Most of us understand that science fiction done well, is the retelling of classic stories in a novel way to capture the interest of the viewers. In this case, they picked a crappy old TV bounty hunter show and added sci-fi styling.
Blackhat (2015)
Michael Mann Takes a Vacation
Michael Mann, known for slick, fast paced direction, style (remember Miami Vice)and minimalistic art direction, he has managed to Shiit the bed with this atrocity to cinema.
How is it that a world renowned director, can assemble a competent corps of actors, A Helmsworth leading actor and a script which might be quite valuable and put them together to generate this farcical yawn-fest.
I am guessing Chinese financing obligated Mann to use local talent, (Although I use the term loosely).
The sound production is great - if you appreciate movies with C grade sound production as a standard, this rates at least B grade.
Sadly it seems Michael Mann's nap time came during the shooting and scenes ran long and slow. The addition of Chinese talent and action choreography only serves to undermine the ludicrous production quality of this stinker.
The script was well written, for a freshman with poor grades and ultimately this movie stank like last months old fish.
One great thing about this movie was the locations, there were loads, and mostly Asian, but boring in the extreme.
Retirement looms I fear!!!
Soldier in the Rain (1963)
Stinker Alert
Spoiler alert, this is a stinker!!! Steve McQueen mugs his way through a variety of re-shot dialogues. Jackie Gleason manages to make money without bothering to do more that deliver his lines. imagine he is doing this off the back of a successful TV career, without the benefit of writers, color (20 something years old by this point) or directorial initiative (auterism) The concept is vague, the dialogue is banal and the movie lacks vigor or drive. Sergent Bilko on Maryjane. This movie is not as one review suggests the ultimate buddy movie. Its just badly made.Don't bother, unless you want to see bad TV writ larger. I am assuming this is a publicity vehicle for St.McQueen and a payday for Gleason. However it works best as a show reel for budding McQueen. For gods sakes people go and re-watch the Cincinnati kid. Hard to believe the great escape and the cooler king were part of this actors oeuvre in the same year 1963.
Marco Polo (2014)
Benedict Wong - Stand Out
*Spoiler Alert*
Better than standard fare - which is saying something these days.
The drama premise works OK, first series all good, with a decent cliffhanger to end the series, despite some contrivances with the drama - Marco polo on death row?, come on, who doesn't know about pasta, its Marco Polo people, he didn't die a complete nobody.
Stand out- worth mentioning for posterity, Benedict Wong, as Khublai Khan.
This actor really manages to grab the viewers attention. Amid an array of big name Asian talent(Joan Chen Et.Al), Mr. Wong transcends with Ray Winston style girth. Adding gravitas to this nice bit of mini series drama.
Benedict Wong is no less surprising in his demonstration of skills, because for the most part he has been typecast as the BBC go to heavyset Asian character actor, in so much TV daily fare. Nice to see this talent let loose on some even ground and see his pedigree run. He didn't just hold his own, he stood head and shoulders above every other player.
Benedict Wong - I believe - one to watch for the big leagues - can hold an audience.
BTW some other actor was OK as Marco polo. Not quite as memorable- but pretty none the less.
Age of Ice (2014)
So Bad its Bad
*Spoiler Alert*
The Age of Ice is so bad I was frozen to my seat from sheer incredulity.
The CGI/special effects that are expected to drive this stinker were absolutely terrible, considering the Director has a background in visual effects, it just goes to show its not talent that gets you work in this business.
The only other main problem was the script, and the direction, and the acting, oh yeah and the premise of this detritus.
The train scene is particularly telling. The contrived drama of a women, previously able to walk, seemingly unable to step onto a slow moving train. coupled with a boy who then fell off the train whilst standing on the rear carriage platform (presumably he had found standing still impossible at this point and lost the use of his legs.) Then each of the other key players in this unique piece of dramatic slush jumping onto the tracks (why not to the side of the tracks, like a normal person?) The continuity of the weather conditions in this set was hilarious, from total white out, everything covered in show, to train tracks appearing cleared of snow in the blink of and eye. To the final shot of the hapless actors watching the CGI loco its way out of the shot, but magically the white out stopped, the skies were clear and the clear train tracks, which should have receded behind them had totally disappeared.
I gave this 1 star because its a movie, technically fitting the description in the advertising blurb.
Its time for the director to seek further employment, perhaps serving lunch to the actors..
Chocolate Strawberry Vanilla (2014)
Unimpressive
I read a review of this movie suggesting there was some novel twists in the movie, unlike standard mainstream movies.
I was expecting fledgling auteurs to be making a mark in Australian cinematic history.
How wrong I was.
Being a native of west Melbourne suburbs, I found the locations were recognizable and accurately reflected the demographic in this movie. These being drug addicts and life's losers.
That was something I could suggest was positive about this movie. Along with nice cinematography and reasonable editing.
The script was slow, lacking vitality and the acting was dreary(Glenn Maynard stood out as particularly bad), uninspiring and flat. The characters were 2D and the plot was banal. Using periodic incidents of violence to make up for a missing story.
If this was a student film I would say it was a good first effort.
I am guessing that the cast and crew are trying to make their way in a 'cliquey' closed business and they have put this together to do something and prove their skills. Which are demonstrable in part but the movie failed as a whole.
Sad that lots of hard work has resulted in such a poor result. 2 stars - 1 is for effort, not for cinematic merit
Dracula Untold (2014)
Sick of Vampires - Try this
Like many movie fans, I am beginning to find the vampire genre really hackneyed. So many Bram Stoker re-imaginings and so many teen vampire/zombie/werewolf apocalypse detritus. Time for a change.
This is not that movie. Despite a few anachronisms, all in all this is a really enjoyable conception.
A really good little movie. Not great, not big just well thought out, nice script, good photography, CGI and directing and coming it at 124 minutes, doesn't waste your time. Saying all that seems to tick a good many boxes in the 'what I really want to see' list. Maybe better than a 7 if you like this kind of thing.
Not a B movie by any standards. Watch it and enjoy.
Hundraåringen som klev ut genom fönstret och försvann (2013)
Very Funny Movie
An unexpectedly great movie. I wasn't anticipating much from this Swedish independent, but was laughing all the way through. Fast paced and written with wry deadpan humor.
The main character displays similar characteristics to Peter Sellers' Chauncey, in 'Being There'. Its also somewhat reminiscent of Arthur Penn's 70's classic 'Little Big Man' starring Dustin Hoffman in terms of the plot layout.
Whether these were intentional homages to personal favorites of mine is not clear, but they worked magnificently. Serious belly laughs as dry humor is dropped effortlessly into every scene.
It is such a refreshing change from all those polished Hollywood set pieces which have decreasingly appealing sequels.
Enjoy.
Drive Hard (2014)
just awful
Seriously bad performances. I am guessing the director was asleep or had specified clauses in each of the actors contracts that they could not rehearse and were only allowed one take for each scene.
Production standards date back beyond Mad Max low budget cheapies and the script was just awful. This is a genuine rotten tomato. I believe it fails on every level. I am surprised he can command A list actors.
Who pays Brian Trenchard Smith this kind of money; because he comes across as definitely lacking. And I am guessing after this piece of detritus, very few would be likely to waste $12 mil on this kind of embarrassment again.
Unless its like some kind of money laundering scam?