Change Your Image
Rogziel
Reviews
Kitten with a Whip (1964)
There's a kitten, but where's the whip?
A teenage girl flees through the night, obviously trying to escape someone. She breaks into an apparently deserted home looking for shelter, only for the owner--a politician whose family just so happens to be away for the weekend--to return in the morning. The man, David, takes pity on the girl (who calls herself Jody) after she tells him she was on the run from a rapist, and he gives her a new dress, money, and a ride to the bus station. The good Samaritan later discovers the truth about Jody--she's on the run from the police for setting fire to her detention center. He comes home only to find that Jody has returned, and is nastier and crazier than he could have imagined. Threatening to cry rape if David doesn't hide her and heed her demands, Jody invites her juvenile delinquent friends, the drunk Ron and the homicidal Buck, to David's pad for a party. Then things quickly spin out of control...
KITTEN WITH A WHIP is an enjoyable piece of 60s cheese that is more fun and interesting than it has any right to be. Despite its strong beginning, however, the final act of the film feels rushed and contrived; for example, while in a sketchy part of Tijuana, David has to narrowly escape not only Buck and Ron, but also his socialite friends, who just happen to be on that Tijuana street that very night. Not likely. The film also suffers from what Roger Ebert would call "idiot moments", as later plot developments depend on David trusting Jody and letting her get close to him when any other sane person would abandon the little psycho at the clearest available chance.
On the plus side, the titular "kitten" Ann Margaret gives a solid performance as the disturbed Jody, acting like an innocent damsel in distress in one scene and literally unleashing her claws on anyone who provokes her in the next. Sometimes she very nearly crosses the line into overacting, but still manages to be convincing in her role. The stoic John Forscythe is an excellent foil for the unpredictable anti-heroine, though his character's lapses in good judgment will make the audience groan.
KITTEN WITH A WHIP was featured on MST3K, the show renowned for making fun of b-movies. As amusing as that episode was, KITTEN WITH A WHIP stands out as one of the most competent and watchable movies aired on the program, enjoyable in its own right.
Pâfekuto burû (1997)
"The color of illusion is Perfect Blue"
Mima is part of the pop idol trio Cham, which has a cult following but no chart-topping hits. For the sake of her career, Mima is pressured by her management into giving up singing and becoming an actress. Unfortunately her squeaky-clean pop idol image is holding her back, and Mima reluctantly agrees to a nude photo shoot and the role of a rape victim in an erotic thriller. But some of Mima's fans from her Cham days do not like this "new" Mima, and she starts receiving threatening letters and faxes that call her a traitor. Worse yet, she discovers a website called "Mima's Room" that describes her daily routine in disturbingly accurate detail. Mima suspects she is being stalked, but that may be the least of her problems when the people around her start being murdered, and Mima herself has dreams about being the killer.
Perfect Blue is an unusual anime film because it did not have to be animated. This psychological thriller could very well work as a live action film, but the animation gives it a unique style that works very well with the movie's central theme of illusion vs. reality. Director Satoshi Kon puts the viewer right in Mima's shoes, and as she is overwhelmed by pressure and her mounting fear, the audience is right there with her as she becomes disoriented. Is she dreaming, or are the terrible events surrounding her real? Is she perhaps being manipulated by an outside force? The repeated shots of Mima suddenly waking up, along with several scenes being presented from different perspectives, keep the viewer from being certain of what is real and what is fantasy. It is an effective, if eventually tiresome, technique.
Some have complained that the nudity in this film was not "erotic" enough, which is very disappointing considering that the nudity comes from two rape scenes (one simulated, the other real) and a photo shoot that is intended to be a "rape" of a different kind. The violence is also shocking considering how innocently the film begins, but the murders are appropriately brutal.
Unfortunately, Perfect Blue does keep up its momentum, and while the ending does not ruin the film it's formulaic and a bit too upbeat considering what preceded it. Still, repeated viewings make it clear that not everything was tied up in a little bow, and perhaps there was more truth than illusion in Mima's nightmares.
Crossroads (2002)
Cliché and Ultimately Pointless. (Spoilers)
Crossroads is the story of three friends, Lucy, Kit, and Mimi, who as children put symbols of their dreams for the future in a time capsule and buried it, promising to dig it up on the night of their high school graduation. Flash forward to Graduation Day and the three girls have gone their separate ways: Lucy is a nerd and (horror of horrors!) a virgin, Kit is a beauty-obsessed snob, and Mimi is poor white trash and five months pregnant. Circumstances nevertheless throw the three back together and they unearth the time capsule, only to realize that their lives have not lived up to their dreams. On impulse they decide to embark on a road trip to California, with the hunky-yet-sensitive musician Ben along for the ride.
Two words could describe this movie: unoriginal and lame. For example, Lucy's father is pressuring her into medical school when her real love is singing, but of course his outlook is completely changed after he sees her "spectacular" performance at the movie's climax. One gets the feeling that if these two morons just sat down and held a *conversation* with one another the whole conflict would have been avoided. The humor isn't funny, and there's nothing cute or entertaining about the girls dancing and singing along to Madonna or Shania Twain every other scene.
Of course this review has to mention Crossroads' star, Britney Spears. Spears' lackluster acting chops, combined with the bad script, makes for one very unimpressive heroine. Britney's Lucy is (naturally) Valedictorian, but she doesn't have the intelligence to stop the road trip once she hears that the man driving her and her friends may be a convicted murderer. She's mocked for being pure and virginal, but she can still pole dance with the best of them. Lucy's braininess is also such a turn off that the only guy at school who'd want her is her socially-inept lab partner. Are you buying this? Didn't think so.
Despite the title being "Crossroads," there actually aren't any in the movie. Lucy meets her deadbeat mother and loses her virginity to a guy she barely knows, Kit learns that her boyfriend is a cheat and a rapist, and Mimi suffers a miscarriage. Things have happened, yet no lessons have been learned, and no apparent changes have been made. That is why the movie ultimately fails. In the final scene the girls are all exactly the same, dancing and giggling as if life is one big, never-ending slumber party.
From Justin to Kelly (2003)
To think, I actually watched the Extended Version. (Some Spoilers)
Is "From Justin to Kelly" bad? Yes. Is it an atrocity? No.
My friends and I rented FJtK with the hopes of seeing one of the worst films of all time, an unintentional laugh riot that would put the stinkbombs of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to shame. Unfortunately that's not what we got.
"From Justin to Kelly" tells the story of, hey, wouldn't you know, Justin and Kelly, young hipsters who find love while partying at Spring Break. A couple wacky missteps lead to a meet cute in the girls' restroom, and after Justin loses Kelly's cell phone number he tries just about anything to win her heart, almost all with disastrous results. Will she realize he's the one for her before Spring break ends? (Take a guess...)
It sounds like a fun, simple story, right? Unfortunately the main plot thread is so flimsy there are several other stories interwoven to pad out the film, all of which focus on other characters that are more easily identified with their roles than their actual names. There's the Internet Geek, who "hilariously" keeps missing his dates with his chat room sweetie. There's the Southern Slut, who tries to sabotage Justin and Kelly's relationship but Just Wants To Be Loved. There's the Sassy Black Girl, who romances the hunky Carlos and sneaks onto the "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" set with him. Then there's the Studly Capitalist, whose get-rich-quick schemes keep getting busted by that one frigid policewoman who just might be a total hottie under that ponytail. None of these little subplots are the least bit interesting, but hey, they make Justin and Kelly's story seem that much better by comparison.
There are several reasons why this movie fails. For starters, it's a weak homage to all the beach musicals of decades past, and since it's played totally straight, scenes like Justin battling a rival for Kelly's affections in a hovercraft race are ridiculous rather than amusing. Second, the Spring Break pictured here is suspiciously free of any alcohol or "Girls Gone Wild" cameramen, and even racy activities like whipped cream bikini contests are as wholesome as apple pie, or Kelly Clarkson's image. Third, it's a bad comedy. Bad drama at least can give you some laughs, but bad comedy is just painful. Finally we come to the music, as it should be no surprise to anyone reading this that "From Justin to Kelly" was only made to capitalize on Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson's popularity after the original "American Idol." The songs are forgettable, but not groan-inducing like the ones in other bad musicals like "Grease 2." Aside from covers of "Vacation" and "That's The Way I Like it" I couldn't give you the titles of any of the songs featured. And that, to me, is what separates "From Justin to Kelly" from the other MST3K fodder; it's a waste of film, but so completely forgettable it's not worth all the fuss.
Blood Gnome (2004)
Is it sad that I found this film disappointing? (Some Spoilers)
Out of all the movies I've seen this summer, "Blood Gnome" is the oddest. And no, that's not a compliment. This film was rented in the hopes of seeing an amusing horror cheapie that happened to have a few bare breasts thrown in, but alas, my friends and I wasted 87 minutes of our lives.
"Blood Gnome" features Daniel, a slightly unbalanced crime scene photographer who's investigating a series of murders committed against lovers involved in "blood sports," a type of BDSM. Daniel's camera reveals that tiny, otherwise-invisible gnomes are the ones responsible, but he starts to doubt his own sanity. He gets some first hand experience in the art of blood sports with the help of exotic dancer Divinity, but she may be involved with the mysterious woman behind the blood gnomes.
"Blood Gnome" is just a mess. The plot doesn't make any sense; there's no mention of where the momma gnome came from or why the creepy woman had it, no explanation as to why the creepy woman killed all the people who were buying her drugs (seems kinda counterproductive), and the movie ends without ever resolving the "Daniel is framed for murder" plotline. It's incredibly obvious this film was low, low budget with cheap sets (there appear to be about four in all, including a janitor's closet and someone's trash bag-filled garage) and the laughable, immobile puppets used for the gnomes (but thank goodness they didn't try to use CGI). There isn't anything remotely scary at all about the monsters or the killings; Daniel's fight with the gnomes is almost slapstick, but there's no real humor or irony there. In fact, the only thing I found remotely creepy was that the hero of the film kept a photo of his wife's murdered body on his living room wall. Don't see "Blood Gnome" for the softcore porn either--sure there are lots of bare breasts and a Julie Strain cameo, but I don't recommend this to anyone who counts severed arms hanging from bondage restraints or a woman getting a needle pushed slowly into her neck as turn-offs. "Blood Gnomes" isn't even good for a MST3K-style laugh or two. The movie failed on both levels, and was one of the longest 87 minutes of my life. Just say *no* to "Blood Gnome."
Tenshi kinryoku (2000)
Not quite heavenly, but not worthy of hell either. (Minor Spoilers)
It should be noted right away that the three-episode OAV for Kaori Yuki's long-running manga (comic book) "Angel Sanctuary" was created to entice new readers and treat her old fans. It ends on a cliffhanger despite there being almost no chance for a continuation, but fortunately VIZ is translating the manga into English so the complete story can be read at last by those who don't know a word of Japanese.
"Angel Sanctuary" tells the story of Alexiel, a beautiful but rebellious angel who paid for her acts against God by having her body sealed in solid crystal while her soul was sent to be reincarnated again and again in the material world. When "Angel Sanctuary" begins the spirit of Alexiel lies dormant in the body of Setsuna Mudo, a mixed-up teenager tortured by his love for Sara, his own blood sister. Setsuna's life becomes even *more* complicated with the arrival of two demons who wish to awaken the angel inside him, and the resurrection of Rosiel, Alexiel's deranged twin brother. As supernatural forces gather around him, Setsuna must protect not only Sara, but all of Tokyo as well...
"Angel Sanctuary" isn't for anyone with strong objections toward incest or a story where demons are sympathetic and angels are twisted. To anyone who isn't offended by such subjects, I suggest giving "Angel Sanctuary" a try, even if it's only a rental. The animation is strong if a little dated, and the many important characters and plot elements crammed into 90 minutes makes the story a little hard to follow. The English dub is below average and sometimes unintentionally funny, though that is the fault of the English scriptwriters.
Nevertheless, the story is interesting and draws the viewer in. It was a bold move to give the war between heaven and hell shades of gray, and the love between Setsuna and Sara is truly touching despite being forbidden. "Angel Sanctuary" isn't perfect, but it certainly doesn't follow the cookie cutter plots that plague some anime, and that makes it stand out from the crowd.
Friday the 13th (1980)
A Slashing Surprise
Upon watching Friday the 13th for the first time, I found it hard to believe that such a low-budget, unassuming little movie could have inspired so many lame sequels. (Jason X, I'm looking at you!)
The plot goes like this: One summer day at Camp Crystal Lake, a young boy named Jason drowns due to his counselor's negligence. A year later, two counselors are brutally murdered, hence giving Crystal Lake the gruesome nick-name "Camp Blood". The camp is shut down, and every time its about to be reopened, something terrible goes wrong, which locals attribute to its "curse." Then one year, on Friday the 13th, Camp Crystal Lake is about to be reopened once again, with the help of several happy-go-lucky teens. But sinister forces are at work, and the teens are systematically picked off, one by one. Is it the ghost of Jason, having his revenge? Or is there someone all too *human* who wants the camp to stay closed...forever?
The movie's over 20 years old, and by today's horror movie standards, it's pretty tame and predictable. That's not to say there aren't any surprises though. For example, the perky, virtuous girl I expected to be the heroine is one of the first to go. This should be a lesson to all you teen girls out there--NEVER hitchhike! And of course, there's the killer. Not the hockey-mask wearing Jason, this murderer is not the typical monster that won't stay dead, and their motivations (psychotic they may be) are sadly believable.
While some may call this a "classic", Friday The 13th is still a flawed film. There are too many one-dimensional characters to keep track of, and I constantly asked myself, "Wait, who's this again?" but it didn't really matter, since they were all knife fodder anyway. The acting is pretty mediocre, though Betsy Palmer deserves mention for her great performance as Mrs. Vorhees. Also, the identity of the killer comes out of *nowhere*, so there's no point in trying to figure out who it is beforehand.
If you like slasher movies, the original Friday the 13th is a must-see. I personally found it to be much better than the clichéd Halloween (which also has its own lame sequel coming soon.)
Twin Peaks (1990)
Let's Rock!
Twin Peaks is nothing short of a masterpiece. It throws crime drama, comedy, dark fantasy, teen angst and surrealism in a blender, and hits the "mix" button. The result is astounding.
There are some truly great performances here. Kyle Maclachlan is at his best as the quirky yet gifted Special Agent Dale Cooper, and Ray Wise is marvelous as Laura's demented father. All the actors involved give life to their roles, although several characters, such as Mike Nelson and Nadine, are throwaways.
The excellent writing and dialogue are also worthy of a mention. Each episode is tightly paced and filled with great lines like "Mmm...this must be where pies go when they die.", "I'm a whole d*mn town!", "The Owls are not what they seem." and, of course, "Fire walk with me!". Unfortunetly, it's difficult to watch any episode on a stand-alone basis, since it's one continuous, soap-opera like story. Each episode is a different fleck of paint, that when put together makes a beautiful, if disturbing, picture. What's the movie, Fire Walk With Me, then? Why, the frame, of course.