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4/10
Blondes really do litigate better!
4 December 2001
What could have been a very funny comedy about overachieving underdogs and how to get back at your man, instead turns into sappy, unrealistic, and rather boring cheap laughs. Reese Witherspoon, although cute as a button, can not save this movie from the doldrums, even with her perfect nails and perky ... um, hair. Although cute and funny at times, Legally Blonde does very little than show that it's actually easy to get into Harvard (and get a 179 on your LSATs with minimal study time!), rich stuck-up guys aren't worth the trouble, and everyone likes cute perky blonde girls -- even judges and other lawyers. Mildly entertaining at best. Aggravating and boring at worst. Don't waste your time.
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Thirteen Days (2000)
7/10
Quick decisions at the end of the world
4 December 2001
Do you have any idea how close the United States was to nuclear war? Watch Thirteen Days, and you'll get a better idea. Thirteen Days is the story of how the Kennedy brothers avoided war and created enemies during the Cuban missile crisis. While the entire U.S. military -- and most of President Kennedy's staff -- wanted the United States to strike Cuba and enter into war with Russia, President Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, and Kenny O'Donnell, their political advisor, decided to wait. It is a chilling two and a half hours of drama, showing that tense dialogue -- not special effects -- are really the way to make an audience squirm. Perhaps the most tense moment of the film is when the United States starts a blockade, preparing to search all Russian ships that are heading toward Cuba. Without live television feeds, satellite imagery, or even direct contact with the American ships, the President and his Chiefs of Staff have to sit around and wait to hear what happens. It was chilling.

Although the storyline is magnificent, the acting leaves something to be desired. Kevin Costner, as O'Donnell, has what is probably the most horrendous Boston accent since Rob Morrow in Last Dance. it is silly, it is ridiculous, and it takes all your focus away from what he's actually saying. Sometimes, the accent sounds like a bizarre hybrid between Bostonian and southern. The only explanation I could come up with was that maybe Costner still thought he was in JFK. Or wished he was. Bruce Greenwood as President John Kennedy also suffers from a less-than-par Boston accent. But what is worse, he captures very little of the Kennedy mystique. He seems too old, too straight-laced, to play the free-wheeling president that changed everyone's perceptions of the White House. More Ronald Reagan than Jack Kennedy, Greenwood seemed not worth all the hype that was surrounding his performance. Almost making up for both these poor performances is Steven Culp as Bobby Kennedy. Perhaps benefitting from previous practice (he played Bobby in 1996's Norma Jean and Marilyn), Culp is absolutely perfect as the attorney general, from the Boston accent right down to the floppy hair. He had the charisma, the looks, and even the brazen, mildly obnoxious personality right down to a T. Thirteen Days, which glides through two hours and fifteen minutes effortlessly, unfortunately runs out of steam right at the end. It's almost as if the writers and directors can't explain how we survived this ordeal. Maybe that's the problem. Perhaps Thirteen Days suffers most from a storyline that is, at its heart, still too scary, too unfathomable, for us to fully express.
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Bandits (2001)
6/10
Sweettalking you into enjoying a so-so movie
16 November 2001
How is it possible that one movie can shift from being hysterical to boring, without hitting anything inbetween?

Well, however they did it, Barry Levinson and co. succeeded in "Bandits," a movie that, when it's not making soda squirt out your nose, is making you yawn with impatience.

"Bandits" is the story of two escaped-convicts-turned-backrobbers, Joe Blake (Bruce Willis) and Terry Lee Collins (Billy Bob Thornton). Not wanting to hurt anyone but wanting to retire in paradise, the two men decide the best way to rob a bank is to do so as quietly as possible. They go to the bank manager's house the night before, spend the night, and then go with the manager to the bank the next morning, getting the goods while (usually) missing the bank traffic. For this, they are soon known throughout the country as the mild-mannered, crazily costumed "Sleepover Bandits."

Naturally, things don't go smoothly for long. In fact, the movie sets you up for a bitter ending -- we first hear about Terry and Joe in a TV show special, talking about how the two men died in a shootout at a bank. We know things go wrong, and we wait to find out how the misfortune begins.

That misfortune takes the form of Kate Wheeler (Cate Blanchett), an unhappily married upper-class manic-depressive who, while crying her eyes out and listening to bad '80s music, hits Terry with her luxury car. She soon becomes the Sleepover Bandits' hostage, and even sooner, their love interest. Both men's love interest.

Ah, a woman as man's downfall! How original! Lucky for director Levinson, it IS original, and he puts a fun spin on the normal Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid formula. All the actors do a wonderful job. Willis will hopefully soon figure out that he is a much better comedic actor than action figure, because most of us have known so since "Moonlighting." Thornton is even better as the anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive Terry, showing some wonderful timing and deadpan delivery. But Blanchett steals the show. She has never looked more beautiful, and, making a two-dimensional character into a rich, textured woman, she is even more stunning. Her performance is reason enough to see "Bandits."

But for some bizarre reason, when you aren't being completely entertained, you are incessantly checking your watch. "Bandits" is far too long (clocking in at over two hours), and, although the ending is definitely worth a wait, the middle is often muddling, sometimes downright dull. Levinson is a wonderful storyteller, but, somewhere along the line, someone messed up. The plot is too light, the story too thin, to take up the time allotted. It's like baking a cream puff out of pound cake ingredients. Too much weight for a very flaky dish.

However, "Bandits" is not a total waste of money. The performances are stellar, and some of the jokes are hilarious. But be prepared to sit through some slow minutes. And be prepared to leave with a slight feeling of unfulfillment. Just like the burgled bank managers, the audience ends up feeling like they've been robbed in the sweetest of ways.
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9/10
Gutsy filmmaking and great performances
15 November 2001
Warning: Spoilers
Everyone's afraid of the things that go bump in the night. For people who are blind, things that go bump in the day can be just as frightening.

Terrence Young's "Wait Until Dark," starring Audrey Hepburn, capitalizes on just that fear. A man in an airport is handed a doll by a complete stranger. The doll, unbeknownst to the man, is being used to transport heroin into the country. When some crooks want the doll, they track down the man. Their search leads them to his New York City apartment ... and his wife, who is blind.

Audrey Hepburn turns in a wonderful performance as Suzy Hendrix, a woman who has been coping with blindness for a year. Just starting blind school and learning how to relive her life, Suzy is a functioning -- albeit frightened -- mass of walking vulnerability. Her husband (Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.) is intent on making her learn how to do things on her own, and she is eager to please him, while at the same time desperate for help. Her stress and fatigue is palpable.

When the crooks -- played by Richard Crenna and Jack Weston, and led by a heavily accented Alan Arkin -- begin their elaborate confidence scam against Suzy, she has no way of knowing they are lying. If Crenna says he is an old war friend of Suzy's husband, how does she know he is making it up? If they tell her there is a police car watching her from outside her window, how is she supposed to know the street is empty? If the leader Roat is a different character each time he comes into her apartment, how can she tell?

Sadly -- and very suspensefully -- she is unable to tell truth from lies without the help from both her young neighbor Gloria and her own heightened senses. The suspense shifts halfway into the film from us wondering if she will be swayed by the conmen to if she will be able to outsmart them, and, ultimately, if she will be able to outlive them.

"Wait Until Dark" is an amazingly suspenseful film with wonderful performances by Hepburn, Arkin, and Crenna. It keeps you both on the edge of your seat and at the end of your patience as you wait for Hepburn to realize what we already know. Not only are the men out to get the doll, but they are out to destroy Hepburn's confidence, as well as her life.

Hepburn is totally believable as a blind woman, and she certainly did enough background work to earn the commendation -- as well as an Oscar nomination. Studying at a school for the blind before filming began, Hepburn learned how to use a walking stick, how to do her hair and make-up with her eyes closed, and even wore special contact lenses to impair her vision. Watching her, you truly feel her desperation and her vulnerability.

Perhaps what makes this feel so good is the boldness of its approach. Just as Hepburn smashes out the light bulbs in her apartment to nullify her enemies' advantage, so too does director Terrence Young put the audience in the same spot as both the victim and the attacker. With moments of pure darkness in the film's final, nail-biting scene, the audience is also rendered blind, forced to rely on their other senses, just as Suzy does. It is gutsy, and it is brilliant. The loss of vision only heightens our tension. It makes us the hunted.

Granted, there are some questionable plot points -- such as why Suzy didn't let young Gloria, who she soon found had the doll all along, keep it at her place, and out of the hands of the con artists, as well as the perplexing question of why a blind woman living in New York City very seldomly locks her door. But these are minutia in a sea of wonderful filmmaking, and nothing can take away from the "Wait Until Dark"'s wonderful, gradual climation of suspense. It is subtle, it is perfectly cast, and it is scary as hell.
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Zoolander (2001)
8/10
enjoyably inane
8 November 2001
Last year's Meet the Parents already proved to the world that the combination of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson was funny. Zoolander shows that the two of them can be downright hilarious.

But be on the alert, schoolmarms: Zoolander is not a movie that wants to be taken seriously. There's nothing in the movie that even comes close to believability, let alone drama. However, this does not stop Zoolander from being incredibly enjoyable.

Ben Stiller plays Derek Zoolander, a male model who is really, really, really, really good-looking (which is, given Stiller's cute doofiness, a funny gag all in itself). Unfortunately, like most male models, Derek is also a complete moron. For this reason, he is chosen by Mugatu, an evil fashion designer, to assassinate the newly elected prime minister of Malaysia. Why would the fashion industry care about third world politics? Well, once in power, the new prime minister will put an end to the practices of child labor in his country. Since the fashion industry thrives on cheap child labor, they need to stop the prime minister. And Zoolander, more beauty than brains, is just the man to do it.

Sound ridiculous? That's because it is. But don't worry. Zoolander never focuses too much on the plot. Rather, it chooses to belittle and mock the modeling industry, and it does so with a combination of gusto and hilarity. Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller do a wonderful job of imitating the cocky arrogance of male models, while at the same time somehow making their characters likable.

Wilson, who broke out into stardom with the Jackie Chan vehicle Shanghai Noon, is wonderful as Hansel, the male model who threatens to unseat Zoolander from the perch of male model superstar. Will Ferrell as Mugatu is as hysterical as ever -- especially in the "brainwashing" scene. And Christine Taylor, as TIME magazine reporter Matilda Jeffries, is also likable. The inclusion of Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara (Ben Stiller's parents) in small parts in the film, is the icing on the cake.

Is it up for Oscar contention? Good god, I hope not. Zoolander is a ridiculous movie, with more material missing from it than from the latest designer's dress. It's not as much a movie as it is an hour and a half of silly sketch comedy. But for a hearty laugh -- as well as a good escape from the scary chaos of the world today -- Zoolander should walk down the runway the winner. It's clever, it's silly, and it's just what so many of us now need.
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Gaslight (1944)
9/10
Them there eyes
6 November 2001
If you're looking for everything you've ever wanted to know about horror, mystery, depression, and suspense, go take a peek into Ingrid Bergman's eyes.

The actress -- who would soon become blacklisted after her marriage to Italian director Roberto Rossellini -- can convey every emotion and nuance of her character through her amazingly expressive eyes. Completely believable in George Cukor's Gaslight as a wife whose husband (Charles Boyer) is trying to make insane, Bergman can show you all her turmoil and emotional stress just by looking around.

The plot is simple, perhaps even arcane. A famous opera singer is murdered in London, leaving behind no motive, no clues, and Paula, the young niece who discovered the body. Paula is sent to Italy, where she, too, studies music, until she elopes with an older, dashing pianist (Boyer). He convinces her to move back to the exact same house where her aunt was murdered, where nothing has been changed in all those years. And, naturally, here is where the movie really begins.

Soon, her husband starts acting very strangely, and starts convincing her that she is very ill and unable to go out. Trapped in the house, alone with her husband, a somewhat-deaf cook, and a tart of a housekeeper, Paula soon starts to hear noises, see things, lose things, and even hide things. Or is she? Is she going mad? Or is her husband -- who she is supposed to love, honor, and obey -- making her mad?

The show is Bergman's to steal, and she does so with gusto, garnering an Oscar for her endeavor. With her performance, Bergman transforms the character of Paula Alquist from a weak, paranoid wimp of a wife into a woman struggling with her own identity and her role in marriage and society. Perhaps unintentionally, perhaps unwittingly, Bergman's Paula is a symbol and a superhero for all women trapped in an abusive marriage. Even today.

Granted, the story line is somewhat contrived, and one can't help but wonder how Paula never notices that her husband is completely evil BEFORE the marriage. Also, Joseph Cotten, as the Scotland Yard detective smitten with Paula's beauty, seems to come out of nowhere. Still, the acting prevails over the plot, and what better actor to come out of nowhere than Cotten? His charm and charisma make up for his character's two-dimensionality.

Although there are faults, Gaslight is an extraordinary film, generating its suspense not from an evil lurking in the shadows, but from the psychology of the mind itself. Perhaps one of the first "pure" psychological thrillers, Gaslight, just like Ingrid Bergman's eyes, contains the perfect blend of mystery, suspense, and beauty.
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2/10
feeling sorry for a rich white guy
4 November 2001
How disappointing. I was expecting a wonderful case study of humanity, and instead I got served up an essay in white man's burden. I'm supposed to feel sorry for a middle-class white guy just because he doesn't want to have sex with his wife, has a boring (yet well-paying) job, and feels guilt about lecherously lusting after his teenage daughter's friend?

American Beauty would be more appropriately titled American Ugly -- it showcases all that is gruesome and gluttoness in our society. There are so many other people to pity, so many other causes to champion, that American Beauty seems like a disgusting, pretentious affirmation of excess.

The acting is better than the plot, but unfortunately, that is not saying much. Annete Bening truly deserved her Oscar nomination as a shallow, semi-ruthless real estate agent trying to figure out how to fulfill her own personal wishes with superficiality. And Chris Cooper, as usual, turns in a wonderful character performance. However, Kevin Spacey --- who went on to win the Oscar for his role --- was pretention itself. I never once felt pity for his character, and I never once believed, as he did, that he was entitled to anything more than his life gave him.

Catering to privileged white men? Feeling sorry for a married man because he wants to bed a teenager? C'mon. Let's change our priorities and maybe have them show through in the movies.
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The 39 Steps (1935)
8/10
Good, clean, old-fashioned suspense
4 November 2001
More proof that the young Hitchcock far outshines the old. The 39 Steps is a beautifully crafted thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat without being manipulative. Add to this mixture Alfred's wry, thoroughly British sense of humor, and you've got the recipe for a perfect movie. The 39 Steps ranks right up there with The Lady Vanishes and The (first!) Man Who Knew Too Much. Also be on the lookout for some of Hitchcock's best camera shots.
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