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I Am ZoZo (2012)
1/10
A stinker of a non-film by a director who obviously hates his audience
15 October 2014
I haven't written a review for a few years but I just couldn't let this piece of offensive garbage off without expressing how awful this 'movie' is.

A word of warning; in the UK this has been renamed 'Is anyone There' -presumably to deflect casual browsers doing a quick check on their mobile devices at the store.

The acting is non-existent; the actors are unable to convey any emotion and the whole miserable effort feels worse than a bunch of high-schoolers on their first school play read-through.

The camera operator at least manages to point the lens in the general direction of the action but seems unable to effectively frame any shot.

The sound is recorded with what sounds like the mic right next to the camera and the camera gate sound is particularly intrusive at the quieter moments.

If the director had simply pointed the camera at a tree for 90 minutes it would have been an immeasurably better movie.

Avoid this offensively bad piece of arse-dribble at all costs And: Fop; I want my money back.
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Absentia (I) (2011)
9/10
Hair-prickling existential horror
7 February 2012
First off; I don't work for the film industry in any sense –check my other reviews. Second, I believe Absentia to be not only a good movie but a great movie, now, just how good anyone else thinks it is depends very much on the viewer's expectations. If your idea of a good horror movie is watching 90 minutes of murder and/or cruelty then you will absolutely hate this. Absentia is all about atmosphere and the slow revelation that the world we live in has a dark and horrifying underside. The scripting is tight and the acting remarkably naturalistic –the relationship between the two central characters is particularly convincing. Absentia contains about two seconds of CGI –everything else is off camera or portrayed in the reactions of the protagonists and is miles better for it. I can't even hint at the story; you just have to watch it cold.
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Fish Story (2009)
2/10
Outstandingly Dull
3 May 2010
Fish story –Back in the 70's proto-punk band 'Gekirin' records a single album that no one buys. They split up and go their separate ways, their seminal work destined for the scrapheap of musical history until fate plays a hand in rekindling the fire of rebellion. This is not a great movie. It's not even a good movie. It's not even a bad movie; shot through with tantalising flashes of brilliance. It is a very dull movie. Scenes which should in all sanity last a few seconds are pointlessly extended to the point where even the actors look embarrassed. The dialogue is appallingly dull –I can only suppose that the editor gave the actors the stuff he cut out; so consistent is the flat, monotonous character of the script. The acting is strange – as if the actors are constantly thinking of something else -Presumably, how long till they can escape; as will the audience.

I do not work for a film company I am not paid to write reviews
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Them (2006)
3/10
Underpowered stalk 'n slash
30 October 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I've got this great idea for a movie….. we'll start off by having a mother and daughter bitching at each other in a car right- Then, we'll have mum look away for a moment, then, when she looks back, there's someone in the road -she'll spin the wheel an...(read more) d the car'll go off the road-oh did I mention it's a lonely road- -cos that's important see..then she'll get out and promptly disappear. Then daughter'll get out, and when she gets back in, there's someone on the back seat . Get the picture? OK..how about-lets have nice middle class couple Clémentine and Lucas living in a decrepit and improbably palatial mansion, it's the middle of the night, -there's a crash from downstairs..he goes to investigate, telling her to wait in the bedroom and lock the door. Ooops, -the lights have gone off-oops -he's got a spike in his leg-let's have him limp about through the rest of the movie-Oh look-they're being chased through an assortment of rooms/attics/woods/tunnels by shadowy assailants. She screams, He limps, She screams some more, He limps some more. She suffers, He suffers, but not as much as the audience suffer. After an hour or so of screaming/limping/Suffering, a strange reversal takes hold- the shadowy pursuers become our friends -they are only seeking to free us from the tedious company of Clémentine and Lucas. Lucas gets his leg spiked -we cheer, Clémentine is captured by 'them' we punch the air in joy. At one point it looks as though our tormentors are going to escape-now there's real tension in the air... On the plus side, at only 77 minutes, it won't feel as though you've lost a significant portion of your life. . The movie has a tastefully high contrast /under saturated look, which is complemented by the wobbly hand-held camera-work, and the actors scream/limp & suffer gamely. How they pitched this movie is a mystery to me -maybe it was the 'twist' (I shan't bore you) maybe it's because it's supposedly based on a 'true story' (it isn't) or, just maybe the backers had never seen a horror movie -or any movie before.
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7/10
Drill Bra!!!!!
30 October 2009
When schoolgirl Ami Hyuga's little brother is murdered, she vows vengeance upon the Yakuzas whose offspring carried out the deed. Along the way she is captured, tortured, and left for death. What follows is a testament to the indefatigably of the human spirit; and illustrates that determination can overcome the most seemingly insurmountable of challenges. In the lead role, Asami gives a finely nuanced performance, conveying both the vulnerability and passion of her character. Oh, did I mention that she has a machine gun for an arm? silly me, well she does. Absolutely essential over the top gore-fest arms, legs, heads are severed, hands are deep fried, fingers are eaten, eyeballs gouged and all involved are doused in literally hundreds of gallons of fake blood. My personal favourite is the matriarch of the evil family whose deadly Drill Bra (patents pending) proves a formidable challenge for our eponymous heroine. This ones never going to be nominated for a Palme dOr, but what it lacks in well, just about everything, it makes up in spades of enthusiasm.
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8/10
The annihilation of self
30 October 2009
Well. Its a very long film; at around 3 hours I guess, and at times it does feel like ...it could have been a little sharper. But I don t begrudge the length: unlike some movies, where the coyote syndrome starts to cut in, I didn't t feel like chewing off my leg once. The movie is a companion piece to the very excellent Suicide Circle But those expecting the same extraordinary images of the first film might be disappointed: this is a (mostly) slow moving and introspective study of identity, the roles that we play, and that others and society impose upon us. 17 year old Noriko runs away from her seemingly loving family to Tokyo where she meets the chilling Kumiko; a woman with no individual existence. What follows is profound and, at times highly unnerving as the personalities of Noriko, her younger sister Yuka, and their family are all annihilated. The performances of all of the actors is outstandingly committed; I cannot believe that the last set piece of this movie could have been shot in more than one take; the strain on the actors must have been unimaginable. This is big, grownup cinema, don t expect explanations, don t expect to understand all of what takes place I sure as hell don t. Do however expect to be awed by the sheer daring of this wonderful piece of work and the brave actors, who are called upon to give performances of such extraordinary power. You might love this move, you might hate it, but you sure as hell won't forget it.
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6/10
Haunting imagery
30 October 2009
The ethereally beautiful Ryuhei Matsuda plays Jun Ariyoshill, sent to an impossibly photogenic juvenile detention centre after he kills and subsequently horrifically mutilates a guy after a one-night stand. Although the movie contains some startling imagery (Juns heart pierced by a ray of sunlight, the warden's office within a picture frame, the seductively geometric communal cells) I found it difficult to stay with this extraordinary piece of cinema. Part of my mind was screaming emperor's new clothes! whilst my visual cortex was being lovingly massaged. You can forget about conventional plotting character development and expository dialogue for, as one review I read said "its a Miike film" -what do you expect? Well, if you expect to be; Frustrated. Confused. Misdirected. but also Awed. Startled. Exhilarated & Exhausted. This will be right up your street. And if you can't tell whether I liked it or not -that's probably because I can't either, but Im sure as hell going to find it hard to lose some of the weird, seductive images that this movies left in my brain.
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7/10
Madly in love
30 October 2009
Audrey Tatou portrays Angelique; a beautiful and talented art student who falls deeply in love with married cardiologist Loïc. Over the first half of this movie, they plan how he will escape from his unhappy marriage, his pregnant wife and live an idyllic existence together. Initially, the story focuses on Angelique's point of view; we see her conspiring with her treacherous paramour, leaving voice mail messages and sending love letters and as such, this appears to be no more than a conventional, if rather sordid tale of betrayal and marital infidelity. However, half way through the movie, our perspective changes, and now we see the story through the eyes of Angelique's object of desire; Loïc. Without giving away the ingenious premise, I will say that the story is not as straightforward as it first appears. Our preconceptions and expectations are challenged, and the personalities of the participants are laid bare. This is a sometimes uncomfortable examination of obsession and the lengths human beings will go to in the name of love.
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6/10
A lack of Chemistry......
30 October 2009
The movie concerns a tragic emotional triangle between Zhang Zhichen, a successful doctor, who, on returning from Shanghai finds that his long lost sweetheart Yuwen, has married his best friend in his absence. That his best friend, Dai Liyan is a bit of a passionless, malingering whinger (whom, we are given to understand, is somewhat lacking in the trouser department) is, I think, supposed to tip our guilty sympathies toward the unrequited pair. However, there is no lingering eye contact, no haltingly emotional dialogue, no inadvertent contact, in fact no telegraphing of emotion of any kind between the friend and the wife. Yumen recites her lines as if they were a shopping list, and Zhang Zhichen seems to be reading his off the back off his eyelids. This peculiar lack of chemistry between the erstwhile lovers means that for me at least, this movie never gets off the ground. This is a real shame, as it is almost impossible to find fault with the LOOK of this movie. The cinematography is absolutely spot on, establishing shots are just where they need to be, POVs are perfect, the lighting reveals where it should and creates pools of shadow for the actors to move in and out of. Slow pans through densely textured interiors, alternately obscuring and disclosing, give an almost vertiginous sense of solidity and depth to the stage upon which the actors perform. That the actors don't seem to know how to convey the intensity and recklessness of true love upon that stage is the real tragedy of this movie. Two stars for acting, four for set design and cinematography
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Hot Fuzz (2007)
7/10
Simon Peggs for James Bond.....
30 October 2009
There are no laugh-out loud, pee yourself moments in Hot Fuzz. -Well, maybe one comes close;, that's not what HF is about. This is a Simon Pegg film so, in a sense, in doesn't matter what its about -what you get, is that Nice Simon Pegg doing what he does so well -Being Nice. Simon Pegg represents the kind of person wed all like to know (or to be) no one does Nice like him -Cast him in any part and our sympathies are with his character. If he'd been in The Shining wed have handed him the fire axe, patted him on the head, and shoo him upstairs to polish of that nasty wife and little kid. Simon Pegg as Darth Vader; wed sympathise with that nasty sore throat. Nice is what he does, and to wheel out a cliché -nobody does it better. HF is in many ways a very reactionary piece of work: harking back to the golden era of Dads Army and Lively Lads or further back to the Ealing comedies. The jokes are mostly telegraphed a reel or two ahead so you can get back from making the tea in time for a chortle, and there's none of that smutty new-wave comedy to disturbed the middle-England tranquillity of the (apparently) sleepy village of Sandford. I smiled a lot in this movie -the homo-erotic undertone of the relationship between hopelessly uptight Sergeant Nicholas Angel (Pegg) and big hearted PC Danny Butterman is beautifully played. There's also a bewildering array of British comedy luminaries to gawk at. As to the plot, well its a load of nonsense about dark goings-on in rural paradise. But then, you're not watching this for the plot, or for that matter the laughs. Its Pegg's film, literally as well as figuratively -you're watching to be reassured that somewhere out there, there really are nice, decent people doing nice, decent things, and, in this area HF delivers in spades. Watch it, enjoy it & don't feel guilty about it. Now that's got me thinking..how about Simon Peggs as the next James Bond -don't laugh -think about it for a minute.
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7/10
For the love of dancing...
30 October 2009
Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalised by music. This quote may have been in the mind of middle aged salaryman Shohei (Kaji Yakusho) who realises that his life is unfulfilled as he watches dance instructor Mai (Tamiyo Kusakari) every night from his commuter train. In a moment of impulsiveness, he signs up for dance lessons to be near the sphinx like Mai. This might have been a movie about the budding romance between the somewhat improbably beautiful leads. Instead director Masayuki Suo focuses more on the excitement and passion of the ballroom than the attraction between Shohei and Mai, and makes a better, less predictable movie for it. Both the lead and supporting roles are played to near perfection, though Naoto Takenaka as the troll like Latin wannabe Mr. Aoki, shamelessly steals every scene he is in.

Will Shoheis horizontal aspirations be fulfilled? Will his irredeemably dull wife discover his guilty secret? Will he go to the ball? You can be reassured that these questions will be answered to your satisfaction by the end of this endearingly sweet movie.
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Cure (1997)
8/10
The power of words...
30 October 2009
Homicide detective Kaji Yakusho (Kenichi Takabe) is pitted against evil in the shape of a sinister amnesiac who may be the link between a series of seemingly motiveless and gruesome killings where the victims are carved with an X. Kurosawa is confident with his material, skilfully framing and lighting each scene with exquisite attention to detail. Sound is used to great effect in this movie, and provides a constant cue as to the mood of each of the protagonists. Yakusho's ultimate encounter with his nemesis is handled with great effect. Not quite a murder mystery, not quite an existential horror, but rather, something unique in the genre, a genuinely thoughtful examination of identity and free will.
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Matrimony (2007)
6/10
A gentle ghost story
30 October 2009
Sansan (Rene Liu ) finds herself in an unhappy arranged marriage to melancholic film director Junchu (Leon Lai). She lives in the shadow of Junchus lover Manli (played by the ethereally beautiful Bingbing Fan) who was killed the year before. Lonely ...(read more) and despairing for the survival of her marriage, Sansan enters into a pact with Manlis ghost to win Junchus heart. There is much to like, all the performances from the small cast are spot on (Rene Liu is perfect as the shy, unhappy wife, and Bingbing Fan is a revelation). Although ostensibly a ghost story, this is suitable for those who normally steer clear of the genre, the horror element is played way down and is secondary to the wistful tale of love lost and, perhaps found again. The cinematography is superb, with Shanghai of the 50s brought to gorgeous, vibrant life. A lovely film deserving of a wider audience and, certainly not routine or clichéd.
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8/10
A quiet masterpiece
30 October 2009
a synopsis as the narrative is slight, and secondary to Ji-su Kims extraordinary portrayal of a human beings inner space. Within minutes I had completely forgotten I was watching a work of fiction, I know of no other movie that explorers the interior life of its characters so intimately. Shot almost entirely with a hand-held camera, and with a restrained unobtrusive soundtrack, this movie follows Jeong-hye, an introverted post office worker through her day. As the story unfolds, this reserved and seemingly unemotional woman is shown to be a deep and complex personality deserving of our respect. Inspirational film-making of the highest calibre.
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1/10
Wrong...and not in a good way
30 October 2009
Warning: Spoilers
12year old Mitsuko is a student at her Father (Gozos) school. She is also the object of his perverse sexual gratification. Gozo locks her inside a cello case and makes her watch him and her mother during their sexual congress. Eventually, Taeko, the mother is persuaded to trade places; she now watches from within as Gozo rapes his daughter. The abuse continues at home and at the school Mitsuko attends where Gozo is headmaster. The dynamic of this malignant relationship is such that Taeko becomes jealous of her daughter and proceeds to physically abuse her whenever Gozo is away. During one particularly frenzied attack, Taeko slips and falls downstairs breaking her neck. Now Mitsuko is co-opted into the role of wife and, unable to endure the unending cycle of abuse, attempts suicide by jumping from a building. Although she survives the fall, she is now confined to a wheelchair. Gozo now sates his rapacious sexual appetite with a string of prostitutes, openly having sex in front of his paralysed daughter. The veracity Mitsukos horrific ordeal is challenged when, the possibility is raised that these events are fictional; taken from the manuscript of a controversial horror authors latest book. The latter part of this movie confronts the viewer with the questions; Who is the author? Where is Gozo? What has become of Mitsuko? The answers to these questions lie in the damaged and fragmented minds of the players. Ultimately, there is a reckoning, with a cruel vengeance brought upon those responsible. I see this movie as being an allegory of the disintegration of Japanese society. Sion Sono returns to themes of loss of personal and group identity first covered in Suicide Club However, I believe that Norikos Dinner Table is his most coherent treatment of alienation and atomisation driven by westernisation Having watched this movie and having sat through the seemingly never-ending making of documentary (where the director provides no insight into his intention except, (he States in the opaque documentary of the making of this movie) 'to make a beautifully grotesque spectacle', my take is that Sion Sono vision is flawed. I get the allegory, I get the beautiful grotesqueness but I cannot accept the imagery of child sexual abuse as portrayed here. In many peoples minds child abuse is a taboo subject, and, rather like the way that the phrase 911 has become iconic, the subject of child abuse, particularly child sexual abuse has become a metaphor for the most unimaginably awful thing that can happen to a human being. This is of course, not the case. The worst thing that can happen to a human being is death, but, as children we point our finger at a playmate we say Bang! and death has now become a metaphor for Game Over, so now, when a filmmaker reaches into their bag of handy shocks there is little left. except for the depiction of children being used for sexual gratification. In the depiction of the abuse. The sexual abuse of children is surprisingly commonplace. As well as my own experience of abuse, it is a sad fact that as I get older, I discover that many of my friends and loved ones have endured abuse.

In reality, children enduring abuse, have voices, they share their fears and hopes with a favourite doll, they cry to their teddy bears, they pray to Harry Potter, They pray to Hello Kitty. This is too raw a nerve to be touched upon by this director, instead, Mitsuko is objectified to little more than an icon; we do not hear her thoughts, we do not bear true witness to the bleakness of her soul. There is some vague voice-over about her home and school being littered with traps but this sounds more like a statement taken from the script notes rather than A genuine voice. I believe that Sion Sono does a great disservice to genuine survivors of abuse when he presents Mitsuko in such a simplified manner. I therefore can not, in all conscience recommend this movie
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Innocence (II) (2004)
8/10
A refreshing examination of childhood
30 October 2009
An isolated boarding school, hidden in the depths of a walled wood provides the backdrop to one of the most profound and haunting gems of cinema that I know. This is a wonderful treasure of a movie; an impeccably realised depiction of childhood and the loss of childish innocence. Lucile Hadzihalilovic's film will transport you to a timeless, forgotten world that you thought lost forever. Some reviewers have expressed disquiet about this film; there is some child nudity and the underlying theme of burgeoning sexuality is one that is rarely examined by cinema. Well. What you get out of a movie to an extent, depends upon your own prejudices, and, a short review is never going to change years of accumulated opinion. There will always be those who view movies like this and declare that they cross a line. They are of course, entitled to their opinions, and luckily, I'm entitled to mine; and my opinion is that this is fearlessly honest and beautiful cinema that should not be ignored
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After Life (1998)
9/10
Life-affirming meditation on the nature of humanity
27 October 2009
The premise of this story is that upon your death, you stay for one week at a nondescript establishment where sympathetic councillors help you to select ONE outstanding memory from your life. Whatever you chose, (if you decide to chose) will be made into a short film, and you will live within that life-defining memory for all eternity. Many of the after-lifers are non-actors and it is their memories that give an emotional weight to this beautifully realised piece; the elderly lady whose wartime memory of dancing for her brother in her new red dress is beautifully poignant; the man who discovers that he has wasted his life by devotion to a job that he hates, and the teenager who cannot chose between a trip to Disneyland and the smell of her mother. Every once in a while, a movie come along that astonishes and delights, and it is for wonderful movies like this that I cheerfully wade through hundreds of hours of mediocre, derivative dross. This is a life-affirming and deeply humanistic meditation on what it means to live a good life. I absolutely recommend this beautiful, uplifting movie.
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Oasis (2002)
9/10
Heartbreaking, but ultimately uplifting
27 October 2009
In a near perfect fusion of committed acting and sensitive direction; Chang dong-Lee demonstrates how Love can overcome even the most insurmountable of obstacles. This is a truly magical work of cinema. The first half-hour is one of the toughest watches I know in cinema. Jong-du's first encounter with Gong-ju is in the context of a sexual assault, and sadly, many will stop watching at this point (as we did) I was months before I braved the rest of the movie; and my god, I'm glad I did -Chang-dong Lee eschews the Hollywood convention that people with disabilities be portrayed as super-humans who can do no wrong. Instead, he challenges the audience with complex, flawed characters who are presented with choices through which they can grow as human beings. This is one of those movies that transcends the genre and delivers an insight into a world rarely explored. An amazing film and an amazing love story.
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9/10
Beautiful, Sad, Scary
27 October 2009
Beautiful, Sad and Scary, was Kim Ji-woon's remit for this unique movie. It is all these things for sure, but it is much more than the sum of its (not inconsiderable) parts. There is moment, near the start of the movie where Jung-ah Yum, as the stepmother greets the sisters, she is all brittle bonhomie and clicking heels, and they react with open hatred and fear. You may think you know where this story is going, but believe me, you absolutely don't. What follows, might just be, the most extraordinary cinematic experience of your life. This is a movie so beautiful, it hurts your eyes. It is sad, in a way you don't expect and scary from a place you might not know existed. Please. Go out now. Find this movie and watch it. It really is that good.
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Dead Snow (2009)
1/10
Unbelievably boring
25 October 2009
The acting, effects, script, lighting, sound in fact everything about this movie is perfectly, soullessly mediocre. It's not frightening. It's not funny. It's not clever. It's not even a bad movie. It's something much more unforgivable. It is a dull movie. Unbelievably, the creators have taken a story involving Teens vs Nazi Zombies, thrown in some sex, sprinkled on Shotguns, chainsaws, blood guts and somehow managed to make it as gripping as Maidstone on a wet Sunday afternoon. There should be a new IMDb review category –reserved for movies that evoke such extreme boredom that you want to kill yourself. So. Ignore the PR company stooges who are posting the 10 star reviews and avoid this hymn to all things bland at all costs. There, now I feel just a little better.
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