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Reviews
Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget (2023)
Yikes this is bad
I don't know what to say, I've been looking forward to this for ages and after watching it, Wow!
The voice acting is awful, they've changed some of the original actors and they're not even close, it's jarring, whoever voices Ginger is awful, talk about phoning in a performance and Rocky sounds like a completely different character.
The animation looks like made for TV stuff, really cheap and devoid of the originals charm, the story is okay and will no doubt keep kids occupied but for adults, there's nothing here where as the first one had loads of adult humour.
This is far from the worst thing I've seen but Wow is it a massive step down from the original, really disappointing. Still good to see Mrs Tweedy return though so that's at least one plus.
Atomic Heart (2023)
This has to be a contender for worst game of the year
Wow! I can not believe how awful this game is. I've looked forward to playing this for ages, I love the Bioshock games and hearing this was very similar, I couldn't wait to get my hands on a copy but wow, just, wow.
First off, the story itself is boring as hell, it takes an age to even get you into the open world setting, literally about 4 to 5 hours. There's Looooooong periods when you literally can't do anything but watch boring, overly long cut scenes and listen to dialogue exposition and it's really tedious, some of it goes on forever.
You are sent on a series of boring fetch quests before EVENTUALLY, you are given access to the open world and from here it gets even worse.
The information you are given in terms of quests, weapons, upgrades, different types of ammo is borderline none existent, I'm over 15 hours into this and I still don't know what I'm doing or what half of the stuff I've collected is for, it doesn't tell you. I have loads of different things in my inventory and I have no clue what they're for.
The controls are awful, combat is some of the worst I've experienced on a console, you are constantly under attack and I mean constantly. You can't go anywhere without triggering alarms and cameras because there's enemies everywhere, there's not one piece of the map without a group of enemies in it and hawk eye'd cameras that trigger more enemies. They attack on site and have to be dealt with before you can explore or even think about doing quests. This wouldn't be such a huge issue but as soon as you kill ANYTHING, a bunch of repair robots are despatched to rebuild them while you are in mid battle and this happens over and over again, it never ends. It makes all the enemies in the game's open world areas immortal because they just keep re spawning and the only way to deal with them is to run away.
You can't move through or even over most objects, grass, twigs, piles of hay, 2 foot fence posts, these are all obstacles that baffle and defeat your playable character. Seriously, enemies can trip through walls and hit you, fly through solid objects and yet you can't run away and jump over a breakfast cereal box or a bag of trash because it has a 10 foot invisible wall around it.
If you try to jump over most objects, your character gets stuck in their invisible hit box and it's borderline impossible to get out of, you have to wiggle your joypad around and press every button for ages and just hope it works, or turn off the console and start again, it's diabolical.
The music in this game is painful, I don't know what it is exactly, some sort of Russian, hybrid of rock and 1930's opera type stuff, it gives you a headache but thankfully, this at least can be muted.
The voice acting is ok, nothing too much to say here other than it's fairly standard, not awful, not outstanding. There are a couple of jokes and one liners your character comes out with that are pretty funny but that's about it.
There are cars you can drive to get around but these are like driving shopping trollies, they're all over the place, they take about 3 bumps or shots before they explode and getting into and out of one triggers a cut scene which you can still be attacked while it plays out, despite the fact you have no control during it.
Weapons are dire, some of them look cool enough but when you try to use them, it's like throwing beanbags at Sherman tanks, they're useless, even the more powerful ones take several shots to do any damage and you find yourself reloading them more than you do shooting them, they're unbelievably bad. Reloading takes an ag and none of them, even upgraded, have decent magazine sizes to offset how slowly they reload.
Seriously, don't believe some of the positive reviews on here, some people are happy with anything. This is NOTHING like Bioshock, it's not even in the same universe quality wise. It's a frustrating, clunky, boring mess of a game with endlessly respawning enemies that will really get on your nerves after a while.
If you enjoy shooting at the same 5 enemy types over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, you may get something from this turkey but I hate it, I've not even completed it and have no desire to, this is the reason refunds should be a thing in gaming, low effort dumpster fires like this.
Awful game, one of the worst I've played, it's not worth a tenner let alone £60. One of the laziest and poorly made games I've played in years and this isn't even a Bethesda game.
Dead Island 2 (2023)
An enjoyable but hugely flawed game
I loved the first 2 Dead Island games (Part 1 and Riptide) I had a lot fun with them and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing the same with Dead Island 2.
But there are some really glaring issues with it.
First off, the graphics, for a game that's taken over a decade to make and it being released on the next gen consoles, the graphics in this game are pretty weak. There's some things that look good such as water effects but then there's other things that look straight out of a PS3 game, fire and weather effects, character models all look dated and they do take a while to get used to as it makes this feel like more of an indy game than a full price AAA game.
This also suffers from the lazy trope of having the same zombie models and items just being re used over and over and over again to the point where You're being hit with deja vue every few minutes. There's not enough variety and in one battle I was having, I was attacked by a stream of zombies coming through some gates that I had to fend off and I had to kill the exact same one 5 times, same face, same clothes, it felt thankless and it gets boring.
Secondly, and this is a big one for me, the spawning rate of the enemies in this game is ridiculous. You don't get to properly explore anything because you can spend half an hour clearing out an area, only for you to literally walk a few yards away and they re spawn, sometimes right in front of you. I've cleared areas in this and while trying to pick up some dropped items, a bunch of pixels has formed in front of me that has then turned into an attacking zombie and I'm left doing the exact same thing I've just done over again, it get's old and tired really fast and you never get to explore the areas you're in.
You can clear out an area and while trying to have a look around, a zombie will appear right behind you and start attacking you despite there being nothing around you for miles just a few seconds ago, almost like it's just fallen out of the sky. It kills the feeling of dread and wonder and the excitement of exploration.
At the start of the game you have to select one of 6 characters, all with unique skill sets and looks but the problem with this, is that it alienates certain people who are playing the game.
The best 2 characters for skill sets, meaning the 2 strongest overall players, are a wisecracking hipster black guy and a 'strong female kick ass Latina' character, which is great if you happen to identify with those traits, but myself, as a white male, the only 2 characters that cover that are absolutely useless, by far the weakest and worst of the characters there. It's like they've done it on purpose to push 'The message' that Hollywood and game studios are ramming down everyone's throats at present.
By all means, represent different types of people in games but don't do that by insulting and demeaning others. Seriously, all the tough, battle hardened and resourceful characters in the game are people of colour or women, all the while men in this are pathetic and weak, just why do that?
I don't understand why they couldn't have different characters and different types of skill sets and let EVERYONE who plays the game choose a skill set AND a character to go with it instead of pre determining these. Basically, if you want to play as a white male, you're punished for doing so with weaker skills and attributes, it's crazy.
The game play itself is pretty solid, weapons are plentiful and you can mod them to your liking and fighting and shooting feels fairly satisfying although for some unknown reason the game devs thought it would be a good idea to bring back one of, if not the worst gameplay mechanic ever created, one that almost everyone hates, quick time events. The amount of times I have been in battle and had the game thrust me into the same attack animation that I have to bash the square button until it fills a circle and then press R2 to get out of is crazy. NO ONE LIKES THIS, it's why most games stopped using it years ago.
The sound and music are not much to write home about, some of the music is so grating that I had to go into the options and turn it off as it was doing my head in.
Some of the characters in the game are just awful and some of the tasks and missions they give you are dire. One of them, an annoying social media influencer (yawn) wants you to fend off waves of zombies on a roof top and kill them in certain ways so she can film it for her social media account IN A POST APOLACYPTIC ZOMBIE INFESTED WORLD WHERE ALMOST EVERYONE IS DEAD. She's whiny, full of 'Oh my god, this is sooooo awesome yall' and 'Word up' type comments and it's been done to death a million times before. There's several stages to this and while she's waffling on and barely explaining what she wants you to do with the next wave, you're still being attacked and having to fight for your life and therefore miss what it is she's telling you to do. Then you're left with a mission objective that literally says 'Mop up for some epic movie B roll' HOW are you meant to understand what this wants you to do, I literally had to pause the game an look it up on Google.
Most of the voice work is fairly generic, not terrible but nothing really stands out.
Also, while parts of this game are open world, it's very small open world and most of what you do is linear and the whole thing feels like a scaled down version of the first game.
Overall, while the gameplay is solid for the most part and combat is enjoyable, there is some fun to be had here, I won't lie, but it has so many glaring issues for this to be a truly standout game and it just feels so bang average and for a game that's taken so long to develop, it's a massive missed opportunity.
The Flash (2023)
Best superhero film ever...Really???
MILD spoilers!
What on earth were some of the early reviewers watching?
This is as by the numbers as it gets for a super hero movie, it's so full of all the same tropes and cliches that are in everything Marvel and DC put out this last 3 years.
The effects in this are woeful, seriously, why are special effects getting WORSE the more money gets thrown at them? I don't understand it.
The acting, I can't complain about, everyone in this are seasoned pros and all do their jobs well, especially Michael Keaton who seems to revel in playing Batman again.
There are lots of nods and Easter eggs all over the place to keep die hard fans wooing and clapping like seals but the film itself is just bland.
Nearly everything in it has been done to death and in most cases, done better. It's loud, fast paced and just has CGI being chucked at the screen in buckets, the problem is, the CGI is really, really bad. Almost none of it is believable.
Some of the humour is cringeworthy although there a few gags that do work and got a chuckle out of me.
The cinematography, sound and music are all fine, pretty much what you get with most films of this type but after about an hour and 40 minutes, I was bored and fidgety and just wanted it to end and it went on for another HOUR.
There's cameos galore but most of them are just blink and you'll miss them types and a lot of them serve no purpose, they're just there to say 'Hey, remember this from that movie, it's here'
The writing in this is dire, surely they could have come up with a better story arc, it's supposedly based off of Flashpoint, I don't know what they were going for but Flashpoint this aint.
And finally, this is a Flash movie, WITHOUT any Flash villains, There's literally General Zod and an evil version of the Flash himself, that's it. Couldn't they have given The Trickster or Deadly Nightshade a role, any Flash villain would have bee better than what they went with.
All in all, this movie is dumb, overly long, riddled with awful CGI and is about as average as it gets. Don't believe the 9 and 10 star reviews, this is no where near those levels, I give it a 4 and I'm being kind.
Barbarian (2022)
Bonkers
I came into this one knowing absolutely nothing about it, all I knew was that it was a new horror film with Bill Skarsgard in it and that was enough to peak my interest.
I don't really know what to say about this film that won't give too much away because it really is one of those films that will be far more effective the less you know about it. But wow, all I'll say is that is starts off like most Blumhouse type generic horror movies and then about 40 minutes in, it just flips completely on its head and becomes a wild and absolutely bonkers thrill ride that will have you thinking about it long after the film has finished.
I was literally on the edge of my seat throughout most of the 2nd act.
I wouldn't really call it a horror film in the traditional sense, it's more of a white knuckle thriller with horror elements but it's expertly crafted to keep you engaged.
The acting here is superb from all 3 of the main cast, Justin Long and Bill Skarsgard are always watchable and I'd never seen Georgina Campbell in anything before but she is superb in this.
The effects are great for what they are and the use of sound in this film is some of the best I have witnessed, it's used to such effect that it almost becomes a character in itself.
If you are a fan of taught, edge of your seat thrillers, then do yourself a favour, stop looking for reviews of this because you'll no doubt come across one that will spoil the film for you, go find a dark quiet corner in the cinema and watch this film how it's meant to be seen, you won't regret it, it's a hell of a ride.
Hellraiser (2022)
What is this?
I've been seeing a lot of positive reviews on this film and thought I'd give it a watch but did I just watch the same film some of the critics have watched?
This film is abysmal, it's cheap looking, poorly acted, boring as hell.
The make up effects on the new Pinhead are awful, it just doesn't look right at all, there's too many pins crammed into the face of the actress and it almost looks like a cosplay outfit.
There are some pretty neat looking practical effects in this one although there are some awful ones as well, it is gory but then you'd expect that from a Hellraiser movie, it's dark and broody but some of the scenes are so dark you can barely make out what's going on. It has an ok soundtrack but the lore and the box (the Lament configuration if I've spelt that correctly) have been changed and made way worse IMO
This isn't a patch on the first 2 Hellraiser films and anyone who claims otherwise is no true Hellraiser fan, I'd go as far as to say parts 3 and 4 were better as well.
Is it better than the last 3 or 4 Hellraiser movies to come out, yes but that's not difficult as some of those were absolutely abysmal. This one has some improvements over those but for all the hype this thing is getting, it's a massive disappointment.
There's only one Pinhead and he is Doug Bradley, it's been proven time and again that anyone else playing this role is an inferior version of a once great horror movie villain, Jamie Clayton here is no different, her performance is awful and she's as much Pinhead as I am Jason Momoa. She lacks any screen presence and is as wooden as the last 2 guys that played the role.
Avoid!
Terror Trips (2021)
Terror trips and falls flat on its face
To be honest, I didn't go into this with the highest of expectations, it's a horror movie that a cost little under 200k to make, so the production values were always going to be low.
However, I have seen Hannah Fierman in a few other films (Siren, VHS Creepshow) and quite enjoyed her performances so I thought I'd give this a go.
It's about as original as you'd expect from a film of this ilk, group of obnoxious hipsters go into a secluded area for camping and drinks and become trapped and are hunted down and killed, you get the idea.
This one however, goes into a different direction to most films of this type and it strays more into the human organ harvesting issues that go on in places like Turkey and Egypt's dark underbelly. The idea has been done before (Turistas) and it can be really un-nerving and uncomfortable to watch if done correctly.
However, correctly done is not what you get here, it's ham fisted, poorly acted, poorly shot, poorly lit and the effects, what few there are, are pretty dreadful, I'm looking at you fake CGI gunshots. There's little to no gore apart from a few blood splatters and blood stains here and there, most of the kills are all done off screen or shot in a way that you can't decipher what's just happened. There's a really painful fight choreography scene near the end, which is cringe worthy to sit through. Without spoiling it, there's a fight scene involving 2 people and somebody involved with one of the people about to fight, nudges his partner and says 'Here, watch this' as if something really epic is about to happen and what we get is one of the most poorly filmed, poorly choregraphed and uncomfortable to watch fight scenes you will ever witness, it's so bad.
Most of the actors range from absolutely awful to mediocre. The guy who plays Eli is decent enough but everyone else are just bad, even Hannah Fierman, some of her line delivery is terrible here.
There's some representation in this, that is actually done correctly for once, so I'll give it that, there's a lesbian character who actually fits in with the story and the group rather than simply feeling shoe horned in to fit a narrative and it feels natural rather that you being hit over the head with it. Take note Hollywood. Unfortunately, the actress playing her isn't much cop. But then, neither is anyone else in this to be fair.
The ending is, well, it's bleak and it's different I'll give it that but it did leave a nasty taste in my mouth and nothing really gets wrapped up, maybe they're saving that for a sequel (please don't)
All in all, it's a well intentioned but really poorly made horror film with very little horror in it, the micro budget shows in spades but some people might get something from this as long as their expectations are low enough.
I did read one other review on here where the writer claims this to be the 'Film of the year'.... Just, No lol.
Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart (2021)
10/10? Really?
First off, let me get this out of the way, is RACRA a bad game? NO, are the graphics and sound fantastic? Yes they are, probably some of the best I've seen in a game like this but there's so many people giving this a 10 out of 10 and that is bonkers to me.
My first gripe with this is the voice acting, some of it is absolutely horrendous. I don't know who they've got for the voices in this game but it just sounds so sub par compared to previous games. Clank sounds the same but Ratchet sounds off, I can't put my finger on it but he just sounds different, less energetic and strangely flat. Dr Nefarious sounds the same even though he doesn't seem to have the humour and charm he once had and Captain Quark sounds different and not in a good way.
The zurkons are by far the worst culprits here and they come across as really obnoxious, grating and just awful. I don't know who's doing their voices now but they're dreadful. One of them narrates the arena fights and the weapons expo's which is awful, really squeaky and high pitched and quite hard to understand and the other is the weapons vendor who sounds like if you'd put Cardi B, Aunt Fan from Robots and Dolly Parton into a voice blender and gave them all a good churn, it really takes you out of the game.
The new characters are hit and miss, Rivet is ok, fairly likable character and voiced well enough, but the female clank character Kit just sounds weird. The voice work comes off as lazy and uninspired. Whoever is doing the voice for Kit sounds too sickly sweet and not robotic enough like Clank is, it doesn't fit the character.
The story is no where near as engaging as some of the other games in the series and the humour is sadly missing for the most part, it lacks charm.
This brings me to my main gripe with this and it's a big one, the length.
For a full priced £60+ game the length of RACRA is shocking. I literally completed this in a day and a half, yes, like the other games in the series there is the incentive to replay this to upgrade your weapons to premium ones but for a game this size, this really should be a budget title, it's no where near worth £60. I don't know the exact length of the game in hours, as I don't time myself while playing games but as I say, I had finished this in less than 2 days and it felt a heck of a lot shorter than say, the 2016 game or a crack in time.
There is a lot to love about this game, the controls are slick (for the most part) there's no loading screens, like I said earlier, the graphics and sound design are great but it just feels more like a large DLC than a full AAA game. I'm disappointed in it. I don't have a load of money to throw around on games as it is, so to spend £60 on a game this short is a real shame. It wouldn't have hurt them to put in some nice side quests for each planet or even a few collectathons like they used to do in the earlier games to give you a bit more to do but apart from the main questline, I think there's maybe the arena and 3 or 4 side quests which take a few minutes each to do, not nearly enough content.
Shame :(
Turning Red (2022)
The weakest Pixar film I've seen
I really liked the trailer for this when I saw it last year, it looked fun.
I love Pixar movies and have seen every one of them several times bar Brave (which I just didn't like the look of) and Cars 2 and 3 (as I thought Cars 1 was awful)
But this one I really can't put my finger on. It had all the ingredients to be a fun 90 minutes but somehow it fails on almost every level.
There are a few funny moments in the film I'll give it that and it's colourful to the point where it almost burns your eyes but it just feels like a Nickelodian TV film. The production values are no where near what we're used to seeing in Pixar films, the animations and backgrounds just feel dull, flat and overly bright and colourful and it's distracting. The voice acting is poor, uninspired and feels like everyone involved just walked off of a kids TV show and the characters are just not fun. No one seems to have any personality in this and it's hard to identify with any of the characters.
I didn't like anyone in this, the main girls are annoying, screechy, teenage fluff, the whole boy band sub plot was unfunny, uninteresting and at times, really dull to sit through. It felt so low budget and made for TV and it's the first Pixar movie I've sat through where I was literally clock watching after about an hour wanting it to finish.
I don't know what's happening to Pixar just lately, they used to churn out classic after classic but thier output this last few years has really gone down the pan. Films like Onward and Luca were ok but way below thier usual standards, Monsters at work was awful and looked so cheap, and now this, the only film worthy of thier name they've done this last few years was Soul which was great.
Some younger audiences might really dig Turning red and it's not terrible per se, just a really big step down from thier usual movies.
It's the worst Pixar movie I have watched baring Cars, I even enjoyed it less than Onward and it's a shame Pixar are starting to lower thier standards.
If you have kids this one will be fine to put on to keep them quiet but I'll be surprised if many adults will get anything out of this.
Very average. 4/10.
Antlers (2021)
What an anti climax
I had been looking forward to seeing this ever since the first trailer dropped well over a year ago, but because of the'virus of unknown origin' brought the world to its knees, it was pushed back, pushed back again and pushed back yet again until it finally released last month to very little media attention and almost no advertising.
I finally got to see it last night and while I did enjoy it for the most part, the ending just completely killed it for me.
The film is well shot, well acted, well directed, it's atmospheric in parts, genuinely creepy in others and moves along at a brisk enough pace to keep you entertained.
The effects were good and the monster itself is really cool when you finally see it but boy what an anti climactic ending.
:::::::Spoilers ahead:::::::
The ending has our lead female come face to face with the huge, hulking creature of the film, it's big, it's scary and it's intimidating as hell and......It's....completely useless.
It hits her and knocks her flying across the floor and she then gets to her feet, picks up a large spike and stabs it a couple of times while it just stands there as if to say, 'come on, kill me' and it drops dead. There's no epic battle, no getting back up, this huge hulking pile of spikes that has murdered and torn apart everyone else in the film, without so much as taking a scratch, gets defeated by a small skinny woman with a big stick in less than a few seconds, without even managing to mess up her hair. It's pathetic.
This whole film that has been building dread and suspense all the way through, is completely undone by a lame, short and just stupid ending. It's like they either ran out of money or ran out of ideas on how the film should end and just said 'to hell with it, just film something quickly and get it into theaters.
It's such a shame as I really enjoyed the rest of the film, it's one of, if not the best Wendigo movie I've seen (which isn't hard to be honest) but the ending just ruined the whole experience for me.
Death Valley (2021)
Made by 12 year olds for 12 year olds
Ok first off, lets get this out of the way, I have seen a lot worse monster of the week movies than this, a heck of a lot worse but that is by no means a glowing endorsement.
The effects and camera work in this film are fairly decent, the monster looks cool and is actually a man in a well made suit instead of cheap, shoddy, CGI.
The acting is.....Passable, I guess.
The music is generic as hell and I couldn't help but get 'Doom' on a low budget vibes from the whole thing.
What really cheesed me off with this was the awful dialogue which feels like it was written by a young boy, some of it is downright cringe worthy.
There's also a massive over reliance on slow motion shots for pretty much any scene in the film that has the slightest bit of action, it's almost like it was directed by someone who's obsessed with cheesy 1990's straight to DVD action flicks. It's really distracting because it's so used so much. I think if you played the action scenes at normal speed, you'd end up with a 45 minute film.
The monster, although fairly impressive to look at, get way too little screen time and the build up takes far too long for it to be interesting.
All in all, a fairly generic, quite dull monster movie that does have it's moments, but despite looking well made, it still feels a bit amateurish.
A million times better than most things that the SYFY channel or the Asylum do though, so I will give it that.
Some people with lower expectations than me will probably enjoy this but it's one I won't be watching again unfortunately, although it doesn't offend me like say, 25 headed shark attack or Sharktopus vs Freddy Kruger vs Godzilla takes on the New York Yankies would :)
Fisher (2021)
Ruined by the worst acting and writing you'll ever see
I went into this film knowing very little about it, only the synopsis on here and the rating of 6.4 it had from 160+ people, this has since plummeted and rightly so.
I didn't watch the trailer as I didn't want anything spoiling but boy do I wish I had done.
Most of the reviews on here were glowing 10 star reviews from people who have only opened an account to post this one review, so I knew straight away that most of these were plants, it's kind of expected on here from low budget indie films these days. I generally ignore all of these and go straight for the more honest reviews written by people who have been a member for over a year and have written a good few reviews. And if you go by this logic, then you'll see what quality this film really is.
I'll give credit where it's due here, there was a couple of good ideas in this film that could have worked had they have been done correctly and the twist ending, even though I saw it coming a mile away, was fairly satisfying but that's pretty much it as far as positive things I can say.
The acting in this flick is beyond atrocious, I honestly haven't seen acting this stilted, this wooden and lines delivered in such a cringeworthy fashion in a long long time.
The main girl, though very pretty, just can not act, some of her line delivery is awful and at no point does she come off as anything other than someone 'acting' The Indian friend she has is even worse, not only can she not act for toffee but when she speaks, she just stares off into the distance like there's just no one home. There's no expression on her face whatsoever. You'd think from what I have said that these 2 are the worst actors in this film but you'd be wrong.
There are scenes involving a police officer questioning people and another with a headmistress that are painful to watch. The acting from these 2 is probably the worst I have ever seen in a movie, the headmistress especially.
The only people in the movie that even come close to pulling off any kind of performance are the black lesbian friend, the religious scorned wife and her nerdy son, everyone else are awful.
There's not one character in this film I cared about and it was just so utterly boring and dull. A vast majority of this 2 hour monster is spent watching young girls talk and make craft projects, nothing happens to excuse this run time. There's literally one scene at the start of the film and one at the end, the rest of it is talking, young girls relationship issues, a bullied boy, a mother who's upset and hallucinating because she thinks her pastor husband is having an affair, more young girls talking. Oh, and there's a window cleaning and sweeping up montage that goes on forever. It literally is just scene after scene of a kid washing the same windows, sweeping up balls of paper and looking into a toilet with a plunger, it's tedious.
There's about 5 different plot threads that go absolutely nowhere, only there to serve as red herrings for who the killer is.
Some of the action scenes (and I use that term loosely as there's like, 2) are hilariously bad, man in a mask with a knife grabs weak young girl and stabs her in the leg, she kicks him and runs off to the bedroom, looks around the room, runs to the window and looks around outside, hides under the bed and looks around the room again and all this time, the man with the mask is ONLY JUST getting to his feet. So this young girl gave him 1 kick to the chest and it put him down for 5 minutes??? And to make it worse, she does the same thing again a few minutes later, it's woefully staged.
And now lets get to the absolute worst part of this film, the writing. Seriously, the dialogue in this movie is so bad, it's so eye rollingly awful that it's no wonder none of the actors could give any kind of performance.
Some of the dialogue and how it is written just baffled me, people don't talk like this, people do not interact with each other in the kinds of ways they do in this film, most of the lines of dialogue are just bizarre.
And just one final note, as with everything that seems to come out these days, this film has a check box of things that absolutely have to be in a movie these days to jump on the diversity train.
White girl with a black boyfriend CHECK! Indian or Asian character CHECK Lesbian or openly gay character, usually with short outlandish hair and tattoos CHECK Horrible redneck drunk white male character who just does nasty things for the sake of it CHECK It's getting boring. You can represent different groups of people in media without trying to shoe horn one of each stereotype into EVERY movie that comes out.
Overall, this film is bad, it's really bad, it's cheap looking, has some awful camerawork, sound design is all over the place, it has some of the worst acting you will ever see and the writing and dialogue is just beyond a joke. It's overly long, poorly edited, boring as hell and was just a completely joyless watch.
Do yourself a favour and avoid this one, there's far better Turkey's to enjoy this Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Oh and family members and friends of the production staff, please feel free to downrate this review like you're doing with most of the 1 star reviews on here, my life doesn't become any more negative because you gave me a thumbs down on the IMDB, so click away, this film is utter crap and I stand by everything I have said :)
V/H/S/94 (2021)
Don't believe the bad reviews
Seriously, I have seen several people on here claiming this is "Terrible" and "worse than VHS viral by far" Absolute poppycock.
I love the first 2 VHS films and even though Viral isn't on par with those 2, it's not as terrible as some people make out, it's a serviceable sequel, if a disappointing one.
If you really want to see a terrible horror anthology film, try looking at almost any that have come out in recent years (XX, Creepshow 3, Monster land, Dark whispers etc.) There's loads of them.
VHS 94 is on par with the first 2 films IMO, sure, the wraparound segment is probably the worst in the series, it really is boring, poorly shot and just serves as a means to an end, which is, to set up the short story segments and this is where this films shines.
The first segment: Storm drain: Is a decent, if not mind blowing horror short, it's pretty scary if you've even been down into the sewers or an underground tunnel complex and it hits all the right beats, the ending is cool and the "ratman" creature is pretty freaky and well done. Enjoyable.
Then we have The empty wake: The weakest of the segments IMO, the set up is ok if a bit slow, but once (without spoiling anything) the 'box' is opened, the next 5 minutes are a real treat, the gore effects are creepy and well done and it's genuinely un-nerving, the bad thing about this, is how it ends, something happens completely out of the blue and then it just ends, it's jarring and ruins the rest of the story, I wanted more.
The next story, The subject: is absolutely awesome, it's subtitled (but that doesn't ruin it, if anything it adds to the effect) It's directed by the same guy who did the "Chinese cult" section in VHS2 which was by far the best segment in that anthology and this is just as good.
Take a sprinkling of mad scientist, add a dash of serial killer, throw in some Terminator and cover it in Hellraiser, mix them all up and you have this story.
It's genuinely creepy in parts, gory as hell, has some really cool effects and visuals and is just completely bonkers, I loved it.
The final story, Terror: Is another good segment, a bunch of hillbilly "we hate everything-ists" plan on using a "monster" they've discovered, to use in a planned terror attack and everything goes badly wrong before they get the chance, again, it's gory, has some really fun effects, is satisfying to see bad people meet thier end and is a really fun watch, it's not scary but it's fun.
Overall, VHS 94 is a really good, gory and well made, found footage, horror, anthology film, way better than most of the similar movies out these days.
Barring the wraparound segment, the stories are original, fun, full of creepy visuals and great practical effects and I'd say it's far better than VHS Viral, better than VHS 1 and easily on par with VHS2. Ignore the bad reviews, I really don't know what people want from a horror anthology these days, especially considering how many terrible ones there are and how few decent ones we get.
Highly recommended (if you're a fan of the format)
Malignant (2021)
Way better than the trailer suggests
I've got to admit, despite being a huge fan of James Wan's work, I really didn't fancy this after watching the trailer, I thought it looked generic and generally uninteresting.
How wrong was I?
This film is absolutely bonkers, especially the last half hour, I really wasn't prepared for the path this film went down but what a great surprise.
Creepy, atmospheric, gruesome as hell and the last half hour just erupts into a masterfully violent, gory and crazy piece of horror cinema.
The twist near the end (which I was sure I had worked out early on in the film) comes completely out of left field but it earns the surprise and is genuinely one of Cinemas biggest "Whoah" moments
The performances are good, the camerawork, sound and special effects are top notch and I urge anyone who loves a good horror film to watch this ASAP, you won't regret it.
Once again, Mr Wan hit's it out of the ball park.
Excellent!
One final thing, I've read a fair few of the negative reviews on here and for some reason, a lot of them are coming from accounts who have literally written ONE review and done nothing else on IMDB - Make of this what you will. :)
Superhost (2021)
Ridiculous film
The first half of this film was ok, it set things up nicely, nothing you haven't seen before but still watchable.
The premise has been put down in so many other reviews, so I won't bother writing the same thing here but safe to say the 2nd act of this film is so unbelievable and stupid, it literally has you shouting swear words at the TV.
You are being chased by a crazed murderer with a knife, do you
A: run away until you find help?
B: Get into you car and drive away to find help?
Or C: run into the killers house and stare out of the window until they come to the house and get you?
If you guessed it was C, then that's exactly right, that's what these 2 morons, we are supposed to be rooting for, do.
Then when they are in said house, there's a kitchen with all sorts of big knives lying around and they choose to stand there, looking out of the window completely unarmed and then run around screaming when the killer shows up.
Oh and did I mention that the killer is a dainty, 5ft 2 woman with a pocket knife, yet she manages to completely overpower 3 people, one of them a man, and kill them all without any kind of resistance whatsoever. None of the 3 clowns, sorry, protagonists, put up any sort of fight, they're all killed in big open spaces, so there's plenty of room to escape, grab a weapon or throw a bloody couch at her if they choose to, but nope, they all just stand there and let this women attack them, it's absolutely infuriating.
The guy in this film is so painfully woke and weak that he literally just melts down and shakes instead of protecting his girlfriend. I could understand that if he was being chased by Dave Bautista or Dwaine Johnson with an axe but he's being chased by a tiny woman with a flick knife, it's bonkers.
I've given the film 3 stars only for Gracie Gillem's performance, she does go from cute, the really weird to just absolutely insane and she does it so effortlessly, that it's hard not to give her credit for it, it's just a shame her talents go to waste in such a poorly scripted mess of a film.
No Way Out (2020)
You know what to expect
Just another one of those found footage style movies where people sit around and talk to each other about random pointless things to fill up the run time.
A little bit of action at the end with lots of shaky footage and scenes of people running through the woods while the camera swings back and forth past bushes and trees, you know the drill.
Dull, boring and completely pointless.
The film is really really cheap, some scenes the lighting is so bright it almost causes you to have a headache and in others it's so dark you've no idea what's going on.
The sound is terrible and sometimes you can't even hear what people are saying, not that this is a bad thing because what they do have to say most of the time is pointless waffle anyway.
Not THE worst FF type film I've sat though but it's up there with the worst of them. 5.6 on IMDB as of the time of me writing this.... I'll bet my mortgage that this drops dramatically them more people have to sit through it.
Virus Shark (2021)
Do NOT watch this unless...
..... You're a huge fan of those Godawful SYFY and Asylum movies (Mega shark v's this that and the other, 2 headed, 3 headed, 5 headed, 250 headed shark attack, Sand sharks, snow sharks, flying sharks, sharks with diarrhoea, shark Buellers day off etc etc)
Seriously, this film is woeful, awful acting, special effects that would look bad on a ZX Spectrum home computer, bad camera work and sound, lighting that jumps all over the place from way too bright to way too dark to see what's going on and a script that was obviously written in about an hour over a cup of coffee and a bowl of cornflakes.
If you have any morals when it comes to your movies and you don't spend every day sat in your living room smoking a large bong and fawning over how wonderful and gourmet like a bag of Cheeto's are, then stay away from this utter turkey of a film. If what I've just described is you, then you might actually like this mess.
Avoid!!!
Benny Loves You (2019)
Mad as a box of frogs
What can I say? Is it silly, yes, is it a little on the stupid side? Yes it is, is it an absolute blast to sit through, once again, yes it is.
This film is corny, it's ridiculous and it is low budget but it just goes to show what you can put together with a bit of hard work and passion for what you are making.
Me and my partner rented this from Amazon Prime video and didn't really know what we were getting into, except that this film looked cool and was getting mostly great reviews and it did not disappoint us.
It's not as gory as some of the reviews make it out to be and there are a couple of effects where the low budget kind of shows but the film makers have a lot of fun with it and it never takes itself seriously for one minute.
Benny is awesome, he has only a few lines of dialogue which he kind of says several times but they're hilariously funny in the context of the film.
He's cute, pretty dopey looking at times and yet absolutely brutal if someone gets in his way of gaining his owners love. The "Tadaaa" line never gets old.
I especially like how he runs and moves about, it kind of reminds me of the South Park characters and how they almost float and bob along.
There's load of cool 80's nods, from the Garbage Pail kids, to Gremlins to Terminator 2 and it really is just a really fun movie to sit through, it's so English and in particular, Yorkshire, that it just oozes charm.
Some of the characters are completely unrealistic and stupid (the police guys for eg) but this film isn't about realism in any way, it's all about Benny and Benny is just great. I really hope they make a franchise out of this because I'd love to see where they can go with it.
A highly recommended gem of a film, fun, silly and just a great time.
Wreck (2020)
Watch the trailer, that is all.
Seriously, do as the title suggests, if you can sit through a trailer like that and still want to watch this abomination (pun intended) then all power to you.
The acting effects and creature design make some of the Asylums movies look Oscar worthy.
Pass
The Monster (2016)
Good film ruined by some stupid writing
This could have been one of those darling indie gems that people still talk about 20 years after it was made. Instead it's reduced to complete mediocrity by some of the most bizarre writing you'll ever come across.
The story is simple, it's about a mother and daughter who's strained relationship, leads to them taking a road trip to drop the daughter off at her fathers, where it appears she won't be coming back from.
The car breaks down on an isolated stretch of road in the woods and they get stalked by some nasty creature. There's obviously more to it than this, there's a lot of flashbacks to show how they got to this stage but this is pretty much the gist of it.
This film is a drama with some horror elements to it and I'm fine with this. It's never dull, It's well acted and shot and the sound design is absolutely stunning. The monster is really well done, is completely practical, so no cheap CGI and it is genuinely intimidating.
There were a couple of scenes where I really did jump out of my seat and there's some great tense moments in the film. But then as the film wore on, the writers just seemed to give up.
Some of the character decisions towards the end of the film are head scratching, they make no sense and are really bizarre and just downright stupid.
Spoilers ahead!!!
It's made clear that the monster in the film is sensitive to bright light, the 2 leads are trapped in a crashed ambulance which is lit up inside, they have a torch and equipment to make fire if they need to. So why not sit tight until the sun comes up and wait for the creature to run away somewhere dark?
Instead, both mother and daughter come up with one of the most ridiculous plans of escape I've ever seen. It's senseless. There's scenes where both of them could quite easily escape but instead choose to mess around and approach the creature.
And don't even get me started on the films climax, all I'm going to say is that this monster must be made out of crushed firelighters or solid paraffin because it literally bursts into flames when confronted with a lighter and a can of spray. This big powerful beast can bulldoze a moving ambulance off the road, smash through car windows and tear people apart like they're paper but it is literally killed with a single burst from a spray can, a lighter and a few whacks from a 12 year old girl holding a tree branch, it's ridiculous.
It's worth watching just for how well made and acted it is and how cool the monster looks but don't expect any kind of logic, especially towards the end.
It could have been a classic in the making but instead, it seems the writers just ran out of ideas on how to complete this story.
Such a shame.
Run (2020)
Low expectations lead to a big surprise
I went into this film knowing very little about it, I just kind of put it on as a bit of background noise but within a few minutes I was engrossed and totally entertained with this cracking little thriller.
I won't say too much about the plot because this is really one of those films where, the less you know, the more you'll enjoy it. But if you like films like Misery then you'll definitely enjoy this one.
It's well acted, well directed and shot and it's a gripping film that really keeps you on the edge of your seat until the climax.
I've never seen Sarah Paulson in anything I can remember but she's absolutely great in this, she goes through a range of emotions and characteristics and does so flawlessly, she's quite scary at times. I'm definitely going to hunt down some more of her films after seeing this.
Keira Allen in the other main role, is relatively new to the acting scene and she was equally impressive, she plays a disabled girl and I didn't realise at the time of watching that she is actually disabled in real life. And going by how demanding her role in this film was, I was massively impressed, she's definitely one to watch out for.
A great film, small but stellar cast and a top notch thriller.
Highly recommended.
Red Woods (2021)
Please stop with the planted fake reviews
Ok I've just watched this and honestly, I would have given it an average 5 stars.
It's not an awful film by any means, it's a low budget knock off of the Blair witch Project but with a serial killer instead of a witch.
Some of the locations are and camera work is pretty cool but it has all the same problems nearly all of the BW knock offs suffer from.
Slow plodding pace, an hour of people talking, walking through woods and old houses, more talking, bickering and walking around and little to nothing happens until the last 15 minutes.
The death scenes in this are all off camera bar one and there's almost no gore to speak of. It's not scary, it's not unsettling, it's so tame and by the numbers.
Sure I have seen a lot worse but that is not a glowing endorsement.
The reason I have given this 1 star is that I am sick of seeing these low budget movies being given glowing 10 star reviews the day they come out, from accounts set up that very day that have literally done nothing else. one review, one interaction and all on this film claiming it's the best most scary thing ever produced, usually over praising actors in the film or the director. It's so blatantly obvious they're fake and planted reviews from members of the production team to boost interest. It's insulting and a way of trying to cheat your film to success.
Until IMDB comes up with a system that only allows reviews from people with a reputation on here, you know, people who have been members for a while and regularly post here, rate and review films and are honest in thier opinions. This will just keep on happening, it's too open to abuse at the moment.
My honest opinion of this film, if you enjoy cheap found footage films where people spend an awfully long time walking through creepy looking forests and old abandoned houses, then you might enjoy this. But for me, there's not enough happened in it to justify its run time, the characters are stupid and say and do some of the most ridiculous things, thier interactions with things are absolutely bananas. They scream in shock when an old mattress is turned over with a big stain on it and yet when they find a dead body hidden under the stairs it's almost like "oh look at that, that's strange" and then they just move on.
There's a lot better found footage horrors out there but there's also a lot worse.
But don't base whether or not you want to watch this solely on the reviews turning up on the net. Most of them are fake, most of them are written by people associated with the film and that alone should tell you all you need to know about what they, themselves think of thier own films quality.
Psycho Goreman (2020)
Insufferable lead character ruins the whole film
I honestly tried to like this film, I really tried hard, the premise was good, the trailer looked fine and from what I've managed to sit through, there's some pretty decent practical effects in this one.
But (and it's a huge but) the actress who plays the lead character has got to be the single worst actress I have ever seen in a film.
She is horrible, she over acts, pulls some of the most unintentionally hilarious facial expressions you'll ever see and completely ruins every scene she is in, which is pretty much the whole film from what I can see. There are some other actors in this that are not very good and that's evident right from the off but this kid is the most obnoxious character in a film I've ever come across and that's being polite. She makes the other bad actors look Oscar worthy.
Her character constantly bullies her nerdy brother, talks to her parents like they're garbage, moans and whines at everything and talks like she's some kind of badass and it really comes off as pathetic. She's about 12/13 years old and talks like one of the macho Army guys from Predator, it's so corny and ridiculous.
I suppose someone thought this kid was cute and it would be funny to have her talk as if she's hard as nails all the time but seriously, it's not.
She doesn't even get scared when she initially runs into Psycho Goreman, a huge, hulking, slimy, rotting, demon, with sharp teeth, no, instead she gets cocky and spouts of a load of abuse at him, it's terrible.
I can't say what the last half of the film is like because I just could not stand to listen to, or watch her anymore and I had to turn it off.
If you're one of those people who can watch a film even though the acting is terrible and it has kids in it that are over the top annoying, then you may get something out of this because it does have a very 80's old school vibe to it. But if kids who can't act and are completely in your face for the whole film, sounds like something that would bother you. Save your time and don't bother with this.
What a wasted opportunity for what looked to be a promising throwback horror/comedy
Dark Whispers: Volume 1 (2019)
Please God, spare us from Volume 2
Is it just me or are these anthology films getting worse?
I've always been a fan of the formula, Creepshow 1 and 2, Tales from the darkside the movie and the VHS franchise, I love how if there's one story that's not very good, there's always another chance for the film to redeem itself with another. But this last few years nearly every anthology movie I have watched has been awful.
This one, like another dire anthology film I watched last year called XX, has the twist that all the segments are directed by women.
This should be a positive thing to give a platform for female directors to show that they can go shoulder to shoulder with the men when it comes to making horror films. But instead, all they've showcased in XX and this monstrosity, is that women shouldn't be allowed near a camera when it comes to making horror. In both of these films all of the stories revolve around relationships, break ups or kids and none of them are scary in the slightest.
XX was absolutely awful in every way possible and this film somehow manages to be even worse.
There's 10 stories in this one, all of them are, judging by the accents, Australian. There's no scares, no special effects to speak of, unless you class sharp teeth and green make up in one of the segments as effects.
Most of them have absolutely zero point to them, the first story is just a woman with obvious mental issues getting into a lift and her dead/imaginary daughter gets in with her and asks her a bunch of questions about her past birthdays, That's it. terrifying eh? It's about 5 minutes long, it so boring and pointless and just sets the tone of what to expect from the rest of the film.
1 of the segments is subtitled and another one is stop motion animation (and trust me, it's weird as hell and ugly as sin to look at)
There were 1 or 2 of the 10 tales that had a glimmer of potential but then they just stop and that's it. The one with the Native Australians and the witch in the mangroves could have been really good but just as it gets interesting, it stops.
The acting ranges from just about passable to absolutely Godawful, the camera work and lighting are so poor that the whole film looks like some kind of collage project. The music, OMG the music, it really has to be heard to be believed, it's probably the worst movie score I have ever heard in my life. The music plays over everything, like a backing track and is so out of place that it kills any chance there is of building tension or dread.
Usually, in an anthology film, there's at least one redeeming story to watch, but here there is absolutely nothing worth watching. It's so bland, boring and just downright stupid.
Not THE worst anthology film I've watched in recent times but it's definitely up there with the worst of them.
Do not waste your time.
Interstellar Wars (2016)
Films like this should be illegal
So this was obviously made to ride off of the back of Independence day 2 and once that film bombed at the box office, this film was renamed to ride off of the back of a film that was a success, Interstellar. Stealing the poster art, movies ideas and making the names as close as possible, as to trick people into thinking this was one of the prior mentioned films.
That in itself should be illegal, it's false advertising, blatant copyright theft and tricks unsuspecting people into thinking it is another film entirely.
If this was posted on Youtube it would be given a banned from the site within minutes.
I can't really say much more about the film than has already been said, there are low budget films and there are micro budget films and then there films like this. Films that literally do not have a budget.
It's nothing but stock footage, poorly rendered public domain CGI animations used on a loop, photo's meant to look like real film footage, no really, there are photo's used as buildings and establishing shots that are passed off as video footage when there is clearly no wind or movement in the shots at all.
The sets are pretty much someones house and lots of tin foil to cover walls and make then look....Sci, fi-y.
The acting is porn movie level and the writing and dialogue is cringe inducing.
It's awful in every way possible and not in a "so bad it's good" way either. It's painful to watch and people who paid money to view this should be demanding a refund. Lazy, pathetic and just a complete swizz of a film to steal as much money as quick as possible and run for the hills.
Avoid.