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Reviews
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Has the era of CGI Action flicks finally jumped the shark?
Your kids will love this movie. That is what Disney probably wanted. Adults are left feeling conned.
Kids of the 80s bought a ticket to this movie hoping for a step back into the days of yore, with a glimmer of hope that the characters, plot, and the world of skywalker would feel real once more.
For this adult, all that hope was lost in the first five minutes. The plot is chaotic and accelerated to fit in scenes that sell merchandise rather than tell a story. Most of the first 45 minutes felt completely unnecessary as your brain insists that you be patient with this movie.
The destruction of all possible laws of physics are complete with Rise of Skywalker. LIghtspeed skipping in a dog fight and force sharing of personal effects have ruined the physics of any future star wars movie. The dialogue tries to be witty, but would only be funny to kids watching iCarly. The obnoxious adults bickering over the stupidest things feels toxic and sparked my inner wokeness. Are these characters really our children's role models? It comes to a hilarious climax as these idiots end up running the entire rebel army!
EVERYTHING about this move was disappointing, the pace was relentlessly chaotic until it became oppressively condescending.
The final showdown was mind numbingly stupid. Disney has completely destroyed this franchise with ever-escalating scenarios of doom: planet death star, and now every ship is a death star. What is next, mind power death star?
Palpatine returns from the dead and begs Rey to "strike him down" and then Kylo and Rey team up - sort of - to take him down because Rey is "all of the jedi" give me an effing break. Studio C nailed the finale in their spoof "Strike me down!" OMG
How did palpatine get resources to make the largest fleet of destroyers the world has ever known and keep its location secret from every single person in the universe except for the hundreds of thousands of enlisted emperial forces? Of course there is a single point of failure that is easy to exploit. Do we have to live through a recycled death star plot every single episode now???
Oh and Rey kisses Kylo... never has there been a more awkward emotional embrace than theirs. BTW you can use the force to raise the dead but sometimes the dead disappear in 5 seconds so there is no time.
Top it of with the token split second of Disney suddenly-gay propaganda as two women lock tongue in celebration... of course it was so quick it will leave you wondering if that is what you just saw... just a little gay propaganda only a little, only enough to prove that you are a bigot if you are offended in any way that your 10 year old daughter had to ask you if that really was two girls kissing.
Three stars, because your kids have already been conditioned to love this so they will likely love it.
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Easiest movie to review ever, it was terrible
Plot was just missing everything, no character development, you have no backstory or connection with any character but then the movie would drag out every scene as if we were supposed to be at the edge of our seat every second, except I wasn't. The bad character development and over dramatic scene making creates the perfect movie to fall asleep in, you will start feeling bored and exhausted after only 20 minutes and since it is a long movie you will either feel this way the whole movie like I did or you will be lucky enough to watch this pile of garbage on the plane where you can wake up and the movie will be over. The only reason I gave it a score of 2 is because there has to be at least one movie out there that is worse than this one. It started bad, had a bad plot, had no drama, no character development, had horrible attempts at tension, horrible solutions to problems, it all ends exactly as your 8 year old would have predicted, maybe the Producers preschooler wrote the plot. Yes it was that bad. Humans and apes? battle for the planet? I wish, except it wasn't, it was just pathetic.
Oh and the worst part is the embarrassingly high reviews for this stinker. Too bad the Internet has become overrun with armies of paid shills, This movie, were it to be honestly rated by people that actually have seen it, would likely be less than 2 because I gave it a two out of pity.
I Am Number Four (2011)
Great great great date movie
Hollywood finally gets a clue.
Little to no bad language, no gratuitous sex scenes, no political BS mixed in. Wow, how refreshing. nothing but fun action.
Cute acting, cute plot, super powers, eternal love, all you would want in a night at the movies.
I say vote with your dollars America. Go see this movie. I seriously gave it a 10 because its been years that I went on a date, saw a movie, and left with a smile like this one gave me. For once it was about being entertained not about having some world view shoved down my throat.
Hurray for Hollywood!
Tron: Legacy (2010)
Fantastic time at the movies!!!
After leaving the movie i wanted to give it a 10, but have since tempered my enthusiasm only because Garret Hedlund's performance weakens considerably with each new scene. He started strong, but by the end was just not very believable in his roll.
Any weakness in the plot was exposed in Garret's limited abilities IMHO.
Overall though, spectacular fun, good vs evil, hot chicks, and gamer special effects. LOOOVED Bridges, he was fantastic!!! and the younger version was awesome!!!
I was entertained from beginning to end, never felt like it was dragging along, storyline was interesting without prior TRON knowledge. Kids loved it and will be taking 8 year old and wife next week. Worth a second viewing!!!
Easy A (2010)
Wow, religious bashing gone Wild
Cute plot, cute people, out of control religious mockery.
Being religious, I can take quite a bit of ribbing about religious zealots. This movie, takes it to another level. Profanity and religious mockery at every, i mean every opportunity.
In our world of political correctness, somehow, religion is exempt from all respect and decency.
If not for the over the top attack on religious tenets, I would have loved this movie. However, I seriously left the movie sick to my stomach. The overt political agenda sucked the life from every enjoyable moment.
UGGGH, and puke, if you hate religion go for it. If you are religious in any way and don't want to be sick to your stomach, avoid at all costs.
Dreamscape (1984)
Inception lovers, consider this one
I watched this as a teenager in the theater. This movie was one of the few movies in my life that I continually reflected upon.
Do dreams really matter, how important are they, and can you truly control dreams as though you lived in the Matrix? I loved this movie then, and after watching Inception, i wanted to go back and rent this movie again. Will watch it in the coming week.
Nothing is more exciting than to think that every night we enter our own alien world where we have more control and more power than we have ever realized.
We don't have enough dream research going on.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Reviewer bias is unbelievable and dare i say sexist
Look at the stats for this movie, the scores are so incredibly skewed you have to be very wary in anyone's opinion here.
First, there is no way this film is worth a score of 1, anyone posting a 1 is simply trying to skew the results. An astounding percentage (over 40%) of votes right now are for 1/10. Absolutely absurd. The only explanation i see is pure bashing, plain and simple. Bashing for what purpose. It think its sexist sadly.
Second, this movie is nothing different that anyone should expect. It is a teen love flick, pure and simple. For this type of a movie, it does its job very well.
You get exactly what you expect from all of the leads. They are all more about eye candy than acting.
The Italian vampires spice things up considerably. The werewolves were great. Bella wishing to throw her soul to the wind makes for an interesting conundrum for Eclipse.
BTW, I haven't read the books and won't. I watched the first and second movie with my wife because it makes her happy.
Get a clue bashers, it is not a bad movie. For what it is meant to be it is a well done flick.
Hot Fuzz (2007)
Okay acting, plot is beyond stupid
Sorry, no amount of good acting can make up for this stupid script and plot development. It starts out interesting and funny. I really liked the lead actor, his sidekick actually isn't too bad either, which happens to be the only saving grace for this movie. I think the movie had trouble balancing seriousness with stupidity. About half-way through the movie it fell apart. I realize that it is just a movie, but every movie has to be true to its own reality. I think they made this movie up as they went along, felt too much like watching ABC's LOST. They tried so hard to create surprises along the way that I felt manipulated and deceived. Stay away.
Dirkie (1969)
An endearing boy
Dirkie is a brave endearing little boy. I was a young boy when I watched this movie and I always wanted to have his courage. WAtching the movie again reminded me again of the strength of the human spirit. What a story of how this little boy miraculously lives for weeks alone in the desert.