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squanjaili
Reviews
This Is the End (2013)
Absolutely gut-busting comedy!
I was amazed to find more than a couple of bad reviews of this movie here, but, so it goes. To each his own, I guess.
For me, "This Is The End" had everything I would want in a movie with this all-star comedy cast. It's a pull-no-punches-bar-no-expletives-the-grosser-the-better howler. Seldom do I laugh out loud more than once or twice in a comedy. Usually - and I don't think I'm alone in this opinion - there are those scenes, at most two, that everyone talks about in a comedy that produce the helpless outburst of laughter. If it's a good comedy, the rest of the movie is made up of 'chuckle scenes'. And that's all I expect or can hope for, and it's good enough for me.
"This Is The End" is made up almost entirely of uproarious, pee-in-your-pants funny stuff, and there were few moments when I WASN'T laughing out loud. I'm not going to go into any plot descriptions or critiques of artistry, etc here. Suffice it to say that this movie succeeded in taking the stuff that writers Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg & Jason Stone were probably cracking each other up with and translating it to the big screen. All of the actors give each other rafts of %#*@&$* throughout the movie, every pompous balloon is loudly exploded and no face is left, um, un-pied, shall we say. The result is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen in my life. And that's WAY MORE than good enough for me.
Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
Pretentious, artsy-fartsy, boring BS
I hated 'Bottle Rocket', hated 'Rushmore', hated 'The Royal Tennenbaums'. Surprise! I hated Moonrise Kingdom. Why do I keep watching Wes Anderson's movies? Because I keep hearing/reading all this great stuff about 'em. Bottle Rocket was the highly touted first Anderson film, so I watched that. I didn't get it. Rushmore got all these great reviews, and I didn't connect that it was made by the same guy that made Bottle Rocket, so that time I got tricked. Stinko. The praise for The Royal Tennenbaums was so over the top that I thought there must be something wrong with me for hating the two previous films, so I watched it and wanted to kill myself by the halfway point. I successfully avoided his next few films and then I got tricked again 'cause I didn't know Moonrise Kingdom was a Wes Anderson movie until the FIRST TWO MINUTES when it was unmistakable. "OH NO, NOT AGAIN" I thought. I don't understand why anyone likes this boring crap with 'quirky' dialog delivered in a monotone, long shots of nothing (someone's front yard with no one in the frame for a full minute, for example) and plots and situations with no basis in reality (but not in a good way). Of course, I despised 'Lost In Translation' and 'Safety Not Guaranteed' too. But I am an un-hip philistine and clearly I'll never develop the cultural palate to appreciate Wes Anderson's 'craft'. Watching this movie is torture. If you want to be entertained, avoid it like the plague. No more Wes Anderson for me. Ever again.
Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)
I just don't get movies like this
I'm a huge fan of both sci-fi and good comedy, and I watched this flick last night. It was fairly highly-rated on the movie sites that I pay attention to (IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, Roger Ebert's site, etc). From what little I've read about this, I guess this is considered a mumblecore film, or at least similar to movies in whatever that genre is. I also saw "Cyrus" recently, another flick usually called mumblecore.
I just don't get 'em. Maybe I'm too old, but they're definitely too hip for me. Nothing much happens in these movies. Cyrus had a few moments of genuine ha-ha humor, as did "Safety Not Guaranteed", but VERY few. Neither delivered what I expect in a movie, namely my involvement. And neither delivered what I thought it was supposed to: very much humor in "Cyrus" or very much humor OR sci-fi in "Safety Not Guaranteed". There's a moment of sorta sci-fi at the end of "Safety" and that's it. What they do deliver are oddball characters and conversations and I guess this is what fans of this genre find amusing. But they're not SUPER weird, which might be funny - just kinda weird, which ain't. These kind of movies seem to relish (for want of a better term) "everyday quirkiness" above all else. The camera hangs on boring conversations and slightly uncomfortable/awkward moments far too long, and there never seems to be a point to all this. Neither "Safety" nor "Cyrus" had anything resembling a payoff at the end and with both I felt cheated that I'd spent 100-odd minutes trying to make sense out of it.
If you like movies with a traditional structure, a linear storyline or story arc and a denouement, "Safety Not Guaranteed" is not for you. I personally will avoid mumblecore films in the future.
The Take (2007)
Boring, bad cinematography
No spoilers here. What could have been a good, gritty L.A. crime/revenge flick was spoiled by SLOW pacing and the ridiculously overused shaky camera technique and grainy and way-too-dark (to put it mildly!) final cut. I'm not an expert on film, so I don't know what you would call this extremely washed-out look, but it spoiled the movie. Many scenes were so dark as to be completely unwatchable. I am SO SICK of these "hip", modern film techniques. What is so awful about not shaking the camera and allowing viewers to actually see what's going on?
If any aspiring filmmakers are reading this, take it from me (a total movie junkie): STOP SHAKING THE CAMERA! STOP WASHING OUT THE COLORS! The story and acting are what matters to us. Please stop trying to bring attention to the direction. I've been a professional musician my entire adult life, and to me a film director should be like a good bass player: If the song sounds right and I don't notice anything wrong, then he's doing a great job!
10 Items or Less (2006)
BOR-ing!!
I love Morgan Freeman. Paz Vega is an attractive, appealing and talented actress. I'm sure that this would have been a good movie had anything happened in it. Nothing does. It's short (less than 90 minutes). It was 75 minutes too long. After an hour of frustration, I scanned through the remaining 20-odd minutes. Excruciating.
Freeman plays an actor - who hasn't worked in a while - researching a part that he might play, as a checkout clerk in a supermarket. He visits the supermarket where she works. Nothing happens. She decides to give him a ride home and they go to an Arby's, a Target, a car wash. Nothing happens. They converse about their lives. Nothing happens. Ever.
I don't get it. But I also don't get the Bill Murray flicks "Lost In Translation" and "Broken Flowers". If you like those movies, maybe you'll like this. Lots of people find movies like this whimsical, charming, or - for reasons that escape me - find the dialog fascinating. A common device in movies of this ilk is to have a LONG take of stillness/silence after an actor delivers a line that's supposed to be meaningful. We know it's meaningful because it's followed by two minutes of nothing on the screen. Sorry, I must be a philistine. I don't get it. To me, these kinds of movies aren't funny, or charming, or thought-provoking. They're just boring. Why? Because there's no comedy. No drama. No tension. No laughs. No suspense. No action. Nothing to watch. In short, none of the things I go to the movies for. I can be bored for free. I see oddball/quirky characters in real life. I go to Target, and fast-food restaurants, and car-washes. These elements do not a movie make, even if stars are doing this stuff. I pay to be entertained.
If you're crazy about Morgan Freeman and just like to hear him ramble on about nothing, have fun. If you wanna drool over Paz Vega, you can look and listen to her. But nothing happens, I promise. A total snoozefest.
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
Stinko - no comparison to the 1st AVP
I'm a big fan of the Alien franchise and liked the Predator flicks OK. I was pleasantly surprised by how good the first AVP film was. I wasn't expecting much, and I found it quite good as a sci-fi/action flick.
AVP2 is another matter entirely. I saw it in the theater with a less-than, shall we say, sophisticated audience. Nevertheless, even the pinheads in that audience were laughing at the ridiculous lines. There was nothing interesting about the story or the characters. The fights between the Predator and the Aliens were so dark and indistinct that I couldn't tell who was hitting who. Which didn't really matter, because the movie just sucks in every way.
Avoid it - I've done your work for you.
The Master of Disguise (2002)
Absolutely stinko - abysmal waste of a great comedian's talent
This movie is simply unwatchable. A word of advice for those who haven't seen "The Master of Disguise": for those of you - like me - who loved Dana Carvey's impressions and comedy on SNL, remember him that way. I thought he was in the top 5 SNL cast members ever, and it was always a mystery to me why Adam Sandler & Chris Rock (fair-to-middling SNL alumni IMO) became stars while some of the true comedic geniuses like Phil Hartman and Dana Carvey didn't get top roles. In Mr. Carvey's case, the mistake of being in this film show that making good choices is of paramount importance to those aspiring to move on to the big screen. The movie is never funny and isn't even "bad" good. It just stinks. He plays a character named "Pistachio Disguisey". COME ON - my 5-year-old nephew could come up with a wittier name, and believe me, he wouldn't laugh at even the most infantile jokes in this flick. I defy any adult to even crack a smile. If you do, you must be on acid. AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!
Reindeer Games (2000)
Preposterous mess
That's it! No more Ben Affleck flicks. Armageddon, Reindeer Games, Pearl Harbor, Daredevil, Gigli - this guy's stinkeroo ratio is higher than any A-list actor I know. Of course, that might be because he CAN'T ACT! I've given him every chance. The few decent films he's been in (Dazed & Confused, Good Will Hunting, Shakespeare In Love, Boiler Room, Paycheck, Hollywoodland) were OK/good DESPITE his presence. Give him the lead, and you got about a 75% chance of that film appearing on critics' worst lists for that year. And he ain't getting' better. Keanu Reeves is Laurence Olivier in comparison.
"Reindeer Games" is a crime thriller (I guess) often played for attempted laughs (unsuccessfully). I won't go into the details as they're well documented by other posters here, but suffice it to say that the "quintuple-cross" ending ranks among the most ridiculous ever offered in filmdom. Absolutely preposterous without a shred of believability. But unfortunately, it's not "so bad it's funny/cool" - it will just make your eyes roll. A lot. And perhaps, like me, say out loud, "Oh, come on. Give me a break!" Trust me, and don't waste your time to find out.
Charlize Theron, whom I consider to be often great, and one of the most beautiful women in films, is completely miscast. Nice to see her nekkid, though. Gary Sinise CAN act, but his character here is simply a cartoon; he has very little to work with. This script should have been burned; how it was ever made into a film with big names is one of those great Hollywood mysteries. Avoid at all cost.