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Reviews
The Walking Dead: Stalker (2020)
Tropes and lazy script writing; an entirely pointless episode
Arguably one of the worst episodes in the entire show. Inconsistencies, absurdity and stupidity are the main devices that enable the plot in the episode, culminating in no movement on the storyline.
Beta continues to brush off injuries that would be fatal to other characters, and somehow the Whisperers have mastered tunneling, which will never appear again, and sheet metal will prevent a magnum 357 round. Again, this won't appear again, buts needed for Beta have a "Michael Myers" moment.
Alpha remains to be an invincible character; an overweight middle aged woman who manages to best Darryl in a knife fight. And even after passing out due to blood loss and injuries, an overnight nap on the floor of an abandoned garage has her as good as new.
Darryl suffers a wound that at first indicates he should bleed to death in minutes, but plot armour keeps him alive with no explanation whatsoever.
An entirely pointless episode where nothing is lost, nothing gained, and just demonstrates that you may as well skip to the season finales if you want to actually see the storyline move along.
Léon (1994)
Poorly written, lazy storyline, hyper-sexualization of a minor for no reason
This film is not a masterpiece, and even if you remove the fact that it has some extremely disturbing scenes where the goal clearly was to sexualise a minor for no reason, the film has little to offer and is deeply flawed.
The only good think to point out is the acting by Gary Oldman; as with all his roles, he does a great job of playing an unhinged DEA agent.
Moving on to the plotline. It's garbage. A corrupt group of DEA agents, headed by Oldman, proceed to kill a family in their apartment as the father has been cutting up their drugs. How are they able to get away with such blatant murder? Unclear. Why are they doing this? Unclear. Why does Oldman take a pill, and what is it, before he kills? No idea. Will we learn anything about this group before or after they're killed? No, no you will not.
The reality is that the storyline is a romance between a middle aged man and an 11 year old girl. At the time of filming, Natalie Portman was 11, and this is also very clear with how she looks and acts (FYI: not very well). While people say the romance is not reciprocal and is therefore acceptable, the romance is is indeed reciprocal. In one extremely unsettling scene where 11 yr old Natalie Portman asks Leon to take her virginity, his reason he won't is because he'd be bad at it. Not the fact that she's 11, but he'd be bad at it. That is the sort of paedophilic wet-dream content found in this film that somehow managed to get past everyone, yet Cuties is apparently socially unacceptable.
A good comparison to see how deeply wrong Leon is, is to compare it to American Beauty. When Lester realises that Angela is a virgin, his fatherly instincts kick in and he becomes protective of her, realising that she is a vulnerable young girl and not something sexual. Leon on the other hand buys a dress for Portman who then tries to seduce him with said dress. Plus, throughout the entire film she is dressed like a hooker. Why is she dressed like that? No idea, no explanation is given.
In short, even if you were to change Natalie Portman's age to something appropriate/legal, it would still be a bad film with a poor script and lazy plot. Though given how heavily and deliberately it sexualises a minor, Leon: the Professional is clearly just the product of a paedophilic mind trying to pass the film off as something else than a twisted romance between a minor and middle aged, socially awkward man.
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Bad then, bad now
This direct sequel to the first Hellraiser film, itself based on the Clive Barker novel "Hellbound Heart", really falls flat and fails to deliver anything worthwhile.
The main issue is that the story is incredibly sloppy and merely a string of coincidences intended to push the plot forward in the needed angle. While the runtime is close to the original, it's a personal hell to get through as you'll be rolling your eyes over the cliches, cheesy one-liners and tropes used.
What made the first Hellraiser good was that the Cenobites were mysterious with an unknown power and, while looking human, seemed to be otherworldly. In this installment, all that mystery is removed as Pinheads origin is revealed, as well as the other Cenobites, albeit in passing, and the concept of hell is added in. This is a big mistake; while the first was called Hellraiser, there wasn't actually any mention of a tactile hell, adding to the mystery of the Cenobites origin. Looking back at the original film where they refer to themselves as angels and demons, this sequel unquestionably pegs them as the latter, while not trying hard to explore the hedonistic sadomasochistic element of them.
However, there are many problems with the film. Making the main antagonist a cenobite who retains his memories and emotions seems to break with the continuity of the first film, while delivering some lazy script. There are many other plot holes as well, such as Kirsty using the elevator in order to save Tiffany, the random nature of summoning a dead person through where they've been killed, why Kirsty is in a mental institute in the first place etc.
If you liked the first, leave it as that. This film seems to be little more than a trip down memory lane for many people, but for first time viewers new to the series, it simply ruins what Clive Barker's excellent vision was.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
100% Garbage
The storyline may be the most incoherent, absurd, illogical garbage from a big production film in the last decade, or longer as i'm struggling to think of a film that makes as little sense as this garbage.
There are just many, many alternatives that give you either a better film, or better action. Want something similar but infinitely better? Edge of Tomorrow. Something that's just a dumb special effects tour-de-force? Transformers or a F&F flick will do the job.
How Amazon signed off on this is beyond comprehension. The only people who might like it are diehard fans of Chris Pratt and that's where the line stops.
RuPaul's Drag Race: Grand Finale (2021)
The death of the competition
If you wondered whether it's a competition, or if the winner is decided a few weeks into the show, this episode will put your mind to rest. The shameless pushing of Kandy Muse far beyond her limits was manipulative and mean. The duo's of the lip syncs guaranteed that Ru's favourite would win, as putting the weakest vs one of the strongest was absolutely going to deliver the outcome wanted.
Will I watch season 14 or beyond? Nope. I want to see a competition, not some manufactured, virtue-signalling trash that is based entirely on favouritism rather than talent.
The Tax Collector (2020)
Not great, but definitely not as bad as critics are making out
While it pulls no surprise punches, the greatest issue with The Tax Collector is that it doesn't add depth to any of the characters. Running in at just over 90 minutes, it feels that the film is rushed, and doesn't make the most of the fenetic actions scenes David Ayer is famous for, managing to only get one in extremely briefly.
If more thought, time and money was put into the film, it could have been much more akin to End of Watch, but falls quite short of it. Short enough to call the film bad? I wouldn't say so. Shia LaBeouf carries his role as Creeper extremely well, but again this doesn't feel like it is explored nearly enough, but there's enough there to make this film a solid "eh, it's okay".
Given that there's a lot of significantly worse films out there with a higher rating e.g. The Evil Dead (2013), which has zero redeeming qualities, has abysmal acting, terrible script, garbage pacing etc coming in at a higher rating, I feel this film is overly criticized, although don't expect anything that's close to greatness.
Little Fires Everywhere (2020)
Some Great Acting Let Down by a Disjointed Message
It's very hard to summarise Little Fires Everywhere without letting the finale define the meaning of the events throughout the show. Is it about the nature of motherhood? The redemption and convictions of parents who either succeed or fail in repairing their relationships with their children?
Sadly, the only succinct message in this show by the finale is "rich, white people bad, poor ethnic minorities good". The reason being that the character of Mia is simply a horrific mother and also a completely unlikable, unpleasant person, being curt at the best of times, rude most of the time and a negligent, self-centred borderline sadistic mother at the worst. The character of Elena, superbly played by Reese Witherspoon, is a flawed, self-centred woman that is far from perfect, but certainly doesn't fall into the same camp as Mia. And then there's Bebe...a mother who abandoned her daughter in the dead of winter and then expects to pick her back up a year later as if picking up a child from daycare.
In the final episode, Mia and Pearl magically get over years of lies and negligence, Bebe runs away with her abandoned daughter after magically breaking into the McCullough's house, Elena loses everything and the McCullough's also lose everything...Finding a message in this mess of an ending is hard as the consequences of a persons actions are not consistent, other than rich, suburban families deserve to suffer.
The Man in the High Castle: Fire from the Gods (2019)
Absolute Garbage ending - last 60 seconds makes literally no sense
Up until the last few minutes involving the portal, the episode feels rushed, but not awful. The last few minutes with the portal though....who is coming through?! Why?! How?! Who managed, in the 10 minutes the rebels were holding the portal room, cracked out a 15 ft ladder and painted a red sunset? Absolute drivel. Even if the book ends like this, the show has not nearly enough of an explanation to make this the ending. It makes about as much sense as ending it with "and then the aliens liberated the earth" or some other random scenario. Such a shame.
Messiah (2020)
Bad cast, bad script, contrived events, broken story.
There isn't anything redeeming about this Messiah. The cast is unlikeable from start to end, made up of dreary faced actors and actresses who have no likeability at all, including the Al-Masih, who looks like he's fallen out of a Calvin Klein advert than the desert.
Overlooking the terrible acting and script, the biggest issue is that the show doesn't keep open any room for doubt after events in episode two, where Al-Masih prevents a church in a small town from being destroyed by a tornado, while all other buildings fall. From this point onwards, skepticism about his role is redundant; either this man can control the weather through some unknown, scientific advancement, or he is a Messiah. This results in 8 further episodes which follow multiple storylines that amount to nothing, with the final scene confirming that he is indeed "the" Messiah.
This show is painful to watch and whether you are religious or not, it is unquestionably badly written, poorly acted and a staggering waste of time. A much better take on a similar theme was done in HBO's The Leftovers. Just go watch that, and have a far superior viewing experience.
Messiah (2020)
Bad cast, bad script, contrived events, broken story.
There isn't anything redeeming about this Messiah. The cast is unlikeable from start to end, made up of dreary faced actors and actresses who have no likeability at all, including the Al-Masih, who looks like he's fallen out of a Calvin Klein advert than the desert.
Overlooking the terrible acting and script, the biggest issue is that the show doesn't keep open any room for doubt after events in episode two, where Al-Masih prevents a church in a small town from being destroyed by a tornado, while all other buildings fall. From this point onwards, skepticism about his role is redundant; either this man can control the weather through some unknown, scientific advancement, or he is a Messiah. This results in 8 further episodes which follow multiple storylines that amount to nothing, with the final scene confirming that he is indeed "the" Messiah.
This show is painful to watch and whether you are religious or not, it is unquestionably badly written, poorly acted and a staggering waste of time. A much better take on a similar theme was done in HBO's The Leftovers. Just go watch that, and have a far superior viewing experience.
Mr. Pickles (2013)
Animated trash
This show has no redeeming qualities - it's not funny, well animated, voice acted and doesn't even have a storyline beyond "dog kills people lol". This show is so two dimensional it makes the human centipede seem like a horror masterpiece whereas this is crap of such a massive magnitude it fails to neatly fall into any genre because it does nothing well.
If you want random sketches, watch Robot Chicken. If you want something adult, humorous and entertaining, watch Rick and Morty. If you want to watch some of the ugliest animation to date, with less storyline than a Viz comic strip, and relies entirely on cheap gore, Mr Pickles does that admirably.
How this has such a high rating is beyond me, but the fact the show didn't last beyond three seasons is a relief. It's worrying morons are paid to produce such drivel.
Doctor Who: Fugitive of the Judoon (2020)
How to revive dying ratings? Shoehorn in popular characters from previous seasons!
This episode is a perfect example of the lows that the BBC are having to reach to drag this flayed corpse from the gutter and back into sight of the public. By adding in a "previous" Doctor that pre-dates all others and someone was forgotten about, and is a WOC suits the SJW theme that has been running through the last two seasons of Dr Who. The story is absolute garbage and makes no sense other than a desperate ditch to lean on already popular characters to offset the bombing popularity of this once thought-proviking, creative show.
Mute (2018)
Nonsensical Garbarge
The film isn't worth a detailed analysis so here is a quick run down:
* The characters actions make no sense. One moment they may feel one way towards a character, the next scene, this has completely changed for literally no reason
* The references to "Moon" in the film are pointless and nothing more than Duncan Jones trying to take some of the glory from that film and distil it into this crap.
* Cactus Bill is one of the laziest characters ever written. He is painfully forced to be the bad guy in the film with little to no logic behind the characters decisions.
* The pacing is trash; it's all over the place
* The sets shamelessly try to be Blade Runner with every opportunity.
Avoid. It's a film with no redeeming qualities and nothing to gain from watching it.
The House That Jack Built (2018)
A Poor Mans American Psycho
Cutting to the chase, The House That Jack Built is most certainly not the "best serial killer/psycho film ever made", nor is it horrendous, but it pales in comparison to American Psycho, due to bizarre choices made by Lars von Trier.
Lars van Trier was onto something with The House That Jack Built, attempting to critique the nature of art through the mind of a psychopath, however, Lars cannot decide whether the film should be a comedy, horror, or something else entirely, and the result is a film that sits in neither genre comfortably, resulting in a confusing journey for the viewer.
The film unquestionably contains many lazy plot elements. Conveniently, it's set in rural 70's/80's USA, meaning that Jack can ineptly bluster his way into becoming a serial killer without any thought going into commiting the crimes. Early on, this seems to be very dark humour coming through, but by the mid-point of the film, it takes a dark turn, becoming senseless violence. Not that the latter is bad - Jack is a deranged serial killer after all - but it makes the film hard to follow in the point(s) it's trying to make. Are we to take Jack's words seriously, or with a grain of satirical salt? Lars von Trier doesn't make this at all clear, but what is clear is his using of the film for his own soapbox rant. The scene where he references his own films is particularly embarrassing, but is this satire, or Lars lazily, shamelessly whining at his critics? Due to the mixing of genres, it's difficult to know.
Another incredibly lazy plot element is Jack's magically large inheritance, which seems to mean he doesn't have to work and has unlimited funds with which to create/destroy his house over and over again. While the concept of the house seems to work perfectly, symbolically representing a yearning within Jack, and playing on the trait of psychopaths to become bored easily, not having Jack participate in the wider world through magic money seems lazy, especially in a film that has a runtime of 270 minutes. It once more seems to be a plot element designed to allow Jack to pursue his killing spree unhindered. I do also find myself questioning whether the "bored psychopath" element was something Lars accidentally stumbled into rather than deliberately knowing this character trait.
Something other reviewers haven't mentioned is that the character of Jack is just a shameless lift of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.Whether Matt Dillon was deliberately trying to mimic this timeless character, or it was at Lars von Trier's direction will probably never be known, but the similarities, from the mannerisms to Jack's personal style is truly shameless.
Finally, the finale of the film, as in the epilogue, is, to be brief, Lars trying to be as artistic as possible, adding nothing of value to the film and only confusing audiences by changing the genre in the closing minutes.
While this film is neither a burning wreckage nor a masterpiece, it seems to be inferior, and significantly so, when sat alongside American Psycho where the story is more consistent, compelling and entertaining. The House that Jack built has some interesting points, but they are delivered lazily, in a confused manner, and ultimately twisted up with Lars von Trier's personal ranting.
Poltergeist (1982)
Dated horribly
Sadly this film has dated horrifically. Putting aside the laughably low-budget effects used, the story line is thin, the acting is poor and the horror element is genuinely missing. Classic horrors like The Exorcist still have a "must see" quality to them, but Poltergeist does not fall into that category.