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Reviews
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Here Doggy, Doggy!
Werewolf movies are notorious for being sub par, to say the least. Dog Soldiers is not.
I usually don't hand out stars like candy, but I think that this movie deserves all 8 for being an original in its genre. The plot is actually quite good, the acting is of course fantastic, and there's no sight of the mandatory sex/nude scenes they typically add to distract from the lousy plot and to wake up the bored teenage-boys who have nodded off in the audience. It takes guts (pun intended) nowadays to skip the sex scenes, and to let the story stand on its own. For this I applaud the makers. Bravo!
*SPOILER ALERT*
This could have easily been a 10 star movie, that illusive *perfect werewolf movie*, if it wasn't for the werewolves themselves. I was slightly disappointed to see them walk on two feet, and the masks really looked like... well, masks. All in all, they were not very scary, and the morphing scenes left out the best bit (I really wanted to see a "An American Werewolf in London" type transformation with popping joints and stretching limbs. The works). There were also some slight plot holes, the worst (IMHO) being the female character's delayed morphing, but the plot was otherwise good enough to allow that little oops. Another thing that bothered me, was that there were shots where a bright light shone into the house through the windows, when it was supposed to be hours until sunrise. I don't know what that light effect was, but it looked a lot like bright sunlight to me. My suspension of disbelief groaned under the weight of some of these continuity errors.
*END SPOILER ALERT*
I tend to whine a lot, so it bears repeating that no matter what I said the movie lacks, the actors (et al.) did a really good job, and this is absolutely the best werewolf movie I've ever seen.
I recommend Dog Soldiers to my fellow werewolf fanciers ;)
Ravenous (1999)
I eat cannibal, feed on animal...
Just when you thought that I can only whine and complain and can't give props where props are due, I go and surprise you. I confess that my vocabulary is not quite as wide when it comes to saying positive things, so I'll keep it simple.
I have nothing but good things to say about this little film. It's funny and memorable. I've seen it too many times to count, and I still haven't grown tired of it. The dialogue is simply brilliant ("it's lonely being a cannibal.."). The actors are all great, every last one of them. The plot is delightfully creepy and even existential. The twangy music is weird and wonderful. The cinematography is simple, majestic and effective. What more could you want? Look at me, I'm gushing!
One of the things that makes this movie so good, is that it doesn't *try* to scare you. It just tells its tale and leaves the rest to you. To make it even more fascinating, it's based on a true story.
Mmm... Now I want stew.
Le pacte des loups (2001)
Oh, come ON!
Movie Summary: Full frontals (female, of course) for no reason other than just because, and martial arts. EVERYONE knows martial arts. Even europeans from the 18th century! Kick it with my ninjas!
And now, down to the nitty gritty:
Plot - There is one there somewhere, but the makers obviously had better things to do than follow it. More boobs, they said. More pointless fight scenes. More shots of that crazy peasant girl with tangled hair who shows up every now and then for a close-up to laugh like a maniac. And more lovelorn looks between whats-his-name and whats-her-face. Why? For no reason! I yawned a lot.
Cinematography - Very nice. It's always like that, isn't it, that when you see a movie that has absolutely stunning visuals, the rest of it is just pure manure. Costuming and the rest of the setting were also quite nice.
Score - Absolutely beautiful. A keeper.
Actors - Let's not go there... The male lead annoyed me to no end. He was so enamored with himself that I'm surprised he even noticed anyone else. He came across like a smug middle aged playboy who hasn't yet grasped the fact that while he was hot way back in the 70's, it was a long time ago. Now he just embarrasses his wife at parties. Giggidy giggidy giggidy! Even if I couldn't recognize any of the supporting actors, I can tell there were real actors there somewhere. I can always tell someone is a trained, experienced actor when he/she doesn't make me wish someone would kill him/her.
I can't say anything about how the director handled his job, because the rest of the film was so bad it distracted me.
Most disgusting moment: The rape scene. I just wanted to grab the person responsible by the neck and shake them. Why was this scene in the movie? It was irrelevant, to say the least. And made me want to take a shower.
Most irritating moment: The brothel scene. As a female viewer I found it unnecessary (see above), and demeaning. I'm so sick and tired of male fantasies I could scream.
Most disappointing moment: When the 'beast' (whatever it was) was shown completely. It was silly. And it was never explained just what exactly it was. Except that, apparently, it was made of wicker and flesh and doodled on a napkin in a café by H.R. Giger and H.P. Lovecraft. While it might have looked kind of cool as a creature, it felt very out of place in the movie. Haven't been this disappointed in a creature since I saw the Village.
Most rewarding moment: The end credits.
Hated it.
The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Not nearly Grimm enough for me
OK, enough with the bad puns. ;)
This could have been a fantastically creepy little fairytale. The visuals certainly were ripe with promise. I was expecting something like the Snow White movie with Sigourney Weaver as the evil stepmother, but better. Bigger. More of everything! Yeah...
I think the first mistake was to make it too kid-safe. I almost went into insulin shock when in the end scene all the little girls jumped up from their crypts. Yay! What a glorious day! Let's go make daisy-chains! Please.
Apart from that, the plot was full of holes, and there were things that just make no sense. For example, what's the deal with the hole in the cave wall with all the bugs crawling out? Didn't get how it was relevant to the plot. It's always as entertaining to watch a movie and see all the stuff that was added in 'just because they look cool' and have absolutely *nothing* to do with the plot.
The accents... I have nothing against a fake accent as long as it's called for and isn't so bad it puts my eardrums out. But why in the name of movie magic did the crew spend so much time to try and teach little Czech children to pronounce perfect English, when the movie could have benefited from their own accents? Frankly, the whole thing with the British sounding English went over my head. Why was it so important? The Grimm Brothers were German, for Pete's sake! They would have spoken English with a German accent if anything.
And some of the 'scary' things made me laugh, they were so silly. Like the gingerbread man. Holy CG batman! Note to Terry: A girl's face disappears - Good, creepy, effective. A computer generated image of a happy gingerbread man jumping up and down - Bad, stupid. Reminded me of Shrek. All that was missing was the Donkey singing Rawhide.
The opening scene in itself should have been a warning sign: the poor Grimm family huddled in the middle of a large, empty room, with the fireplace lit in the far end, lamenting on how cold it is and that there's no wood left to burn anymore. My first thought: Move closer to the FIRE! Seriously!
There were lots of little things like this that annoyed me.
OK, on to the Good Stuff:
The leading actors were funny at times (in a good way), and they did a decent job. I can't help it, but I think their best moments were the ones where they either were humiliated or scared. The heroism thing really didn't work that well. I guess I go for cheap laughs, since I thought one of the best scenes was the floor scrubbing scene with Damon and Ledger dressed as wenches, bonnets and all. Peter Stormare had some hilarious moments (when he wasn't so loud it was annoying). When he played it down, he was much funnier. And as I said earlier, I loved the look the movie had. Lush, yet faded colors. Old and creepy with a really well done fairytale feeling.
I craved for more darkness and a plot that wouldn't have felt as much like flipping through a scrap-book. And the ending, honestly. Pure syrup.
It's worth watching once though, for just the atmosphere and setting, IMHO.
Doom (2005)
Boys with toys, yeah, I get that
It's a guy-movie with big guns and a testosterone level so thick you can cut it with a knife. Understood and forgiven. Never played Doom, but it's a familiar game, and I expected nothing less. Monsters and shooting stuff, gotcha.
But there's something in this movie that I just can't forgive. If you pardon me for quoting a fellow reviewer:
Wrudd said: "What really killed it for me was the the whole bit at the end where the Rock turns bad and the guy who started out to be a sidekick becomes the hero and goes off into the sunset...with his own sister!"
I hear ya! That, my friend, is called a screaming Point of View mistake. What a jarring moment. Here we are, following who we think is the PoV character, the one telling the story, the one through who's eyes we see the world. Then in one confusing moment towards the *very end* of the film, they switch into someone else. Now he's the hero. What a low, low trick to pull.
And the sister thing...yeah, a little... creepy. It could have been a touching moment, after all, we all love our siblings even though they are a pain in the *** most of the time, and would do anything to save them. But instead, it just seemed slightly creepy.
And the actors were a little wooden. What can I say? A wrestler does not an actor make.
Now that I'm done bashing the film, time for a little praise. As a make-up artist I really respect the effort gone to crafting the monsters (it's hard work!). They were mostly done old school, using false parts and other goodies. Most CG monsters make me uncomfortable because they're so clumsy, but these creatures I kind of enjoyed in a perverse way. Why don't they do this more often in films instead of that CG bull that never looks right? Go on! Employ a few starving FX artists!
All and all, not a bad movie in it's genre (I've seen worse), just nothing to write home about. However, the PoV mistake is not forgotten or forgiven. Shame on you screenwriter!