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The New Mutants (2020)
disgrace
This movie... this "thing" that is supposed to be a movie... the 2020s are really going downhill
I Am Legend (2007)
I, Robot all over again...
I felt to give this movie a fair review, i Had to split it into 2 sections. One for the film in comparison to the book and one for the movie in it's own right. I'll do the latter first.
The essential post-apocalyptic ingredients are certainly here: Will Smith playing our protagonist against a backdrop of a 'dead' new york, his survival against the world he lives in and then the antagonist, in this case, the infected.
Good points: Acting: Will Smith CAN act. He's proved it time and again that when it comes to big action movies with a serious edge, he's the man for the job. In I Am legend he pulls another good performance.
Storyline: For all purposes, the film runs along nicely. I never felt bored and there were a few scenes which showed this film was slightly above your average Hollywood release.
Bad Points: CGI: When will they learn that CGI is NEVER good. This film would have worked so much better if the infected where left more to the imagination and not rendered into a mummy-computer game crossover. This totally destroyed the atmosphere of the movie.
Ending: I feel the ending is the perfect point to bring in the book comparison. Cut short, this film suffered due to it's not following of the book. The ending for me didn't work as it felt too rushed and completely went against the the rest of the movie. And anyway, who keeps a hand grenade in a drawer?
Okay, now i've saved the book comparison as for me, this is where Hollywood rubs me the wrong way. They did it with I, Robot and they did it with this. The book centers around Robert Neville going round killing vampires, who, unknown to him, have formed a new society. In this society HE is the monster killing THEM. Therefore HE is a myth, a folk tale, A LEGEND. THAT is the point of the whole story. This film completely cut that whole storyline and for me, rendered the film totally pointless.
It just seems Hollywood can't bring themselves to think of people as intelligent and maybe capable of reading something further into a movie than guns and explosions.
The Return (2005)
The return hopefully will never return
After seeing the trailer, i admit i was intrigued by this movie. Anyone who has witnessed said trailer will agree the film is put across as a Japanese style horror, much in the way of the grudge. This is however, completely false and in fact probably fits into the suspense/thriller genre rather than horror.
The plot line is fairly used - woman sees flashbacks/dreams where upon she feels she's lived another life including a brutal murder and there after sets about unraveling the mystery of it all.
Any suspense/thriller needs 2 things. Suspense and Thrills. This film lacks both. What we have is a very VERY slow movie where nothing happens. Buffy runs about from person to person asking lots of questions and getting no answers. I think there's a murder or something along the way but 70% into the movie my brain had melted.
The direction, script and production are all woeful. The actors try, but everything comes across wooden. The action camera work is all shot with what appears to be a very advanced hand held camera, leading to the film appearing neither professional or amateur, but somewhere in the middle, full of bad zoomings and grainy footage. The storyline itself is full of plot holes and clichés, leading to the whole thing feeling like a "The Village" for retards.
Best avoided.
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
Basic Rubbish
How are people giving this a 9 rating? Are they seriously saying this 'effort' is on the same levels as the Godfather and LOTR? Be serious, just for a minute. After all, these reviews are for people to read...
OK, so for anyone under 16 or has lived in a cave for 20 years, let me bring you up to date on Basic Instinct. It was a film, made in the early nineties which, like it or not, came to be hugely influential on the film industry. It wasn't amazingly well acted, well written or particually well directed. However, what it did have was eroticism. And in huge doses. It created the Erotic-Thriller genre of the 90's and became the trend-setter for every horny guy looking for a 'proper' film.
Fast forward 14 years and we have BI2: Risk Addiction. Now pay attention to the 'Risk Addiction' bit because you'll hear it about twenty times through the movie, just in case you didn't get what it's about the first time through.
The film opens with Sharon Stone sucking Stan Collymore's (1990's footballer, convicted women-beater and dogger) finger as he's pushing her buttons in a night time drive over a bridge. Yes, good idea director, cast a renound real-life villain doing what he was made infamous for. Brilliant. All we need is a 'Gary Glitter at a playground' scene and the film's complete.
So, we're then following the trial of Stone, on trial for Collymore's death. This is where the storyline ends. The next 90 minutes are mostly dialogue between Stone and her Psychiatrist, mostly going along the lines of this:
Stone: "Innuendo, Innuendo, Innuendo, Risk Addiction?" Psychiatrist: "I'm your psychiatrist" Stone: "Innuendo, Innuendo, Innuendo, I like playing games" Psychiatrist: "I'm your psychiatrist" Stone: "Innuendo, Innuendo, Innuendo, I'm off now, to MAYBE murder"
And that's pretty much it...I've not bothered referencing all 30 seconds of erotic scenes, or AMAZING acting skills, not to mention having to see a 47 year old woman trying what only can be described as a mid-life-crisis erotic display, complete with chair. This film, is TERRIBLE. Possibly the worst film ever made - worse that Gigli, Showgirls and Striptease combined. Anyone who can even see an ounce of credibility in this film needs a head exam.
War of the Worlds (2005)
Take note Spielburg
I rented this movie after seeing the dismal effort Spielburg churned out. When watching this movie, i was looking for the following:
*Close to the original book *Depth in character *Good effects *Realism (within reason)
The films starts with our hero (C. Thomas Howell) waving off his family into the distance shortly before the Aliens invade and destroy the cities. note: Try and ignore the obvious certificate-rating boob scene at the beginning, nice pair as they are...
The film, in case you didn't know, follows Howell as he tries to reach his family in DC, encountering several good and bad guys along the way.
The acting throughout is competent, though not exceptional, but better than Tom Cruise anyhow...Nice touch in having Jake "I recognise him from (insert movie here)" Busey as a mental bad guy (as always!). The effects are shockingly bad, due to a low budget, and this movie really has a that'B' feel, but it still has 10 times more depth and credibility than Spielburgs. Rent it, laugh and shrug it off...
King Kong (2005)
Turgid Rubbish
Oh, how many more times do we have to see this? Hollywood re-hashing an old movie, coating it in CGI and filling it full of advertising to sell to the brain-dead masses, who then hail it 'the best film ever' until the next one comes along.
I was, and still am, a Pete Jackson Fan. I think LOTR was an excellent adaptation. Primarily because it had never been successfully made into a trilogy of such depth and detail. It was a good idea. Kong is not.
The movie more or less follows a combination of the previous 2 story lines. We have the Film Maker (Jack Black), the Monkey-Love (Naomi Watts), The Big Ape (Serkis) and then a bunch of expendable crew (Jamie Bell et al.).
Yes, the CGI is good (isn't it always nowadays), the actors plays their roles well (as they should for £20m a film) and the direction is good (once again, for £20m a film, it better be). But this film left me a little bit more dead inside by the end. Note to Hollywood: THERE'S ONLY SO LONG YOU CAN HOLD A SINGLE VIOLIN NOTE ON BEFORE IT GETS IRRITATING! All the way through, this film is sugared with sentiment just in case you don't feel sorry for the big ape, who, after 3hrs of film, you just want to die anyway. Oh, and in case we had forgot, there's a Xmas tree scene, you know, just in case you forgot to buy the game, figures, tshirts etc for your kids this xmas.
To sum up, less of a review, more of a rant. Just another Hollywood remake filled with Bravado. Now, who wants to take bets on how long it is before Jason and the Argonauts is remade? Cruise for Jason!