MovieMarauder's Reviews

Krypto the Superdog (2005–2006)

Half-Hearted Toon, Riddled With Stagnant Story lines, Bad Puns, and an Abysmal Theme Song.

20 April 2005

Warning: Spoilers

It's really sad to see Cartoon Network and the Superman legacy stoop so low. For years, I read Superman and Superboy comics, delighting in the exploits of Krypto, the dynamo dog from Krypton. He was always one of the coolest comic book characters ever, and it's astounding that it took this long for him to get his own TV show. What a shame that the folks who produced this COMPLETELY butchered the idea, and sold out the character's integrity, preferring to create a lame, watered-down kiddie toon.

Please understand that I'm not against children's' cartoons in general. In fact, I absolutely adore Cartoon Network shows like "Billy & Mandy", "Ed, Edd, & Eddie", and "Codename: Kids Next Door". These shows stand out because, even though they're targeted at a much younger audience than myself (I'm twenty years old), they don't talk down to children, patronize them, or offer them bland, inoffensive, and unchallenging humor. Unfortunately, "Krypto the Superdog" does all of these things, and does them with outrageously shameless excesses. What little *intentional* humor that the show attempts is, well...not humorous! (Unless your idea of humor is stale, contrived one-liners and painfully...no, make that embarrassingly bad puns.)

Believe it or not, the story lines here have a lot of potential in and of themselves, but often times, they just never seem to GO anywhere. For instance, in one episode, Krypto and a bunch of shallow, poorly drawn canine ethnic stereotypes unintentionally unearth a hunk of red Kryptonite (which of course, does unpredictable things to Krypto, as opposed to killing him like it would in the comics.) Krypto's tail becomes separated from his backside, takes on an annoying, one-liner-spewing personality of its own, and bounces off. The entire episode consists of the gang trying to help Krypto capture and re-attach his tail. On it's own, this is a pretty good premise for a cartoon. The trouble is, that's the entire episode. That's it! They get his tail, re-attach it, and live happily ever after. WHAT?! No super-villains, no ray-guns, no anything?!

Some stories are more powerful than this one, but still have flaws. For example, in another episode, a flamboyantly gay iguana (yes, you heard me) sneaks into Lexcorp and alters the position of several satellites, causing them to reflect sunlight and heat up Metropolis so that he can work on his tan. Pretty good story, even if it has been done to death in similar forms. But with this story, the much-needed villain that I spoke of earlier is completely inept, poorly conceived, and utterly lame. Basically, he captures himself by getting his tongue tied to a pole. I was hoping that Krypto would open a Royal Can of Whupp-A on him, but in the end, he didn't even get to open a small beaker or vile of some sort.

Oh goodness, I almost forgot. That theme song. That horrible, horrible theme song. Okay, here's what you should do to get an idea of how awful this theme song is. Put the themes from "Full House", "Family Matters", and "Who's the Boss?" together, add a dash of hard rock, and take away ALL catchy hooks, coherent lyrics, and camp value. Then you get the theme from "Krypto the Superdog".

In the end, this cartoon does have some redeeming qualities. There's a distinctly interesting visual style to it, strangely reminiscent of Hanna-Barbera's heyday in the 60's, which could be a good or bad thing depending on your preferences. Some of the characters are pretty unique and may leave you wondering who thought them up. Needless to say, this is a show that's *safe* for your kids to watch, but if they're over seven or eight years of age, it'll probably be too juvenile for them, and it'll be time to bump them up to something more mentally stimulating, and of course far more entertaining. I'm always quick to recommend some of the classics, like Looney Tunes or Popeye. These cartoons prove that you don't have to be bland and unfunny to be kid-friendly.

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The Red House (1947)

7/10

Taut Little Thriller Despite Corny Teen Love Triangle Sub-Plot

14 October 2004

Gee, I started watching this film knowing its reputation as a gripping psychological melodrama, but watching the first five minutes of it, it's almost possible to confuse it with one of those 8mm educational film reels that they show you in grade school, with a bunch of clean-cut, non-threatening white teenagers in the 1940's, bright eyed and bushy tailed as you please, complete with Brylcreemed crew-cuts and high school letterman sweaters. Everything's just as optimistic, keen, and neato as you could imagine, right down to the stark white photography, leaving the viewer to wonder, perhaps for just a moment, "did I rent the right movie?!"

Ah, but don't fret, my pretty. We soon meet the incomparable E.G. Robinson and the home-viewer can rest assured that he/she will be treated to a fine piece of cinema. A previous reviewer already mentioned how the genuinely creepy and excellently sinister background score emerges just a few minutes into the picture to begin its gradual segue into the true plot, the one we all came to see. Apparently, there's a lot more to the E.G. Robinson character than really meets the eye. He does an extraordinary job in this, and he's probably the only reason that I've scored the film so highly. His performance reminds me a great deal of the psychotic sea-captain that he played in "The Sea Wolf", only, despite his character's flaws in this film, you can still sympathize with him, as he basically means well, and is more haunted than psychotic.

"The Red House" is competently directed by Delmer Daves, a director whose work I usually love, but I have to say, this is not Delmer Daves at his best. I can't even believe, watching this film, that it's the same director who brought us "Dark Passage." It may have turned out to be a lot more effective as a thriller if a better suited director had been assigned to the project. For instance, can you imagine what Jacques Torneau or Val Lewton could have done with it?! Oh well...

My only other gripe with this film is that it features some very hokey, pointless, and mostly unnecessary sub-plots featuring a bunch of highschoolers that I just don't care about. This may be the only thing keeping "The Red House" from being an honest-to-goodness film noir! Too many dang teenagers! They're annoying! I want my noir characters to be gruff, hard-bitten, old, and crusty. For example, if Naith had been played by Robert Mitchum, complete with a cigarette dangling from his lip, broad-brimmed fedora and five 'o' clock shadow, looking like he had just rolled out of bed with a nasty hangover all through the film, it would have been just dandy. Instead, we get some teenage dork in a letterman sweater who can't act his way out of a paper bag. An interesting note, however, is that the role of Tibby, the hot-blooded dame who competes with Meg for Naith's affections, is played by none other than Julie London, who, a few years later, would become known not as a famous actress, but as a very successful and legendary jazz singer.

All in all, "The Red House" is a pretty good little thriller, and a darn good choice for some late-night viewing. The atmosphere is always there, and the tension builds very subtly, thanks in large part to the REALLY great score. E.G. is fantastic, as he is in everything, and he really saves this film from being just another mediocre teen "haunted house" story. I really can't see this as a "Film-Noir", as it's usually categorized, but it definitely has all of the right elements. My rating: 7/10

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Boohbah (2003)

Whoever Created this Show Was High on Something...

9 September 2004

And whoever they are, they should be held accountable for this mentally and artistically vapid monstrosity. What the heck are these media brainwashers trying to do to future generations? Judging from the content of this program, it may be another attempt at turning children into weak-minded, docile creatures who must be shown constant strobing, neuron-numbing colors and patterns to attain the full throttle on their ever-decreasing attention spans. I blame garbage like this for turning our precious youth into flighty, simple-minded morons who couldn't sit through a black & white film to save their lives. And what's more, this show doesn't ever TEACH anything! Where's the part where you learn to read, spell, and count??? Call me old-fashioned but don't you think that in these impressionable years of their early childhood, it may be best to teach them the fundamentals and save the acid-tinged psychedellia and bouncing, multi-colored phallic symbols for a later date, like...college perhaps??? Thankfully, I'm twenty years old with no kids and my only sibling is old enough to think for herself, so that nobody I love is currently being affected negatively by this junk (exempting from mention, of course, my own blood pressure levels). But if this show is still running when (and if) I have children of my own, I'll know exactly when to practice "parental discretion."

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Mullitt (2000)

10/10

See it...Now!!!

29 August 2004

Okay, sometimes it's fun to completely dice up films and analyze them thoroughly, as folks are often inclined to do with the classics like Citizen Kane, A Clockwork Orange, and other such films that require intelligent study as they are high watermarks of human intellectual achievement in film. But every once in a while a film comes by that is just so super-awesome and phantasmogorically outta sight that to try and dissect the film's plot, characters, and message would be a criminal sin against nature. Therefor, all I'm going to say about this glorious 15-minute revelation is that you need to go out and see this right away, by any means necessary even if you have to beg, borrow, and steal. It's not out on video but do not let that stop you. Hurry, go now! Flee!!! Flee!!!

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Cry Danger (1951)

10/10

Sorely Underappreciated Masterpiece of Atmospheric Noir

16 June 2004

Ike basically took the words out of my mouth (for which I applaud him!), but I'll pledge my love for this film anyway. I'm fairly new to film noir (started getting into the style in my mid to late teens, and now at twenty, I'm a fanatic) and while I've seen almost all of the massive hits, the films that define the genre to the critics and the movie-loving public, I've found that my personal favorites are films like these, the ones that are so obscure you just might stumble upon them on accident and find that you've unearthed a treasure trove! An undiscovered gem that is virtually ignored altogether now (and perhaps then as well), "Cry Danger" is undoubtedly in my top ten favorite film noirs of all time. Many people will chalk this up to pure foolishness or relative inexperience with the genre on my part, but before you form these opinions, let me state my case. From the first long-angled shot of this film, the richly-textured atmospheric style is laid out. Our lead character steps off a train, fresh out of the jail where he spent five years of his life paying for somebody else's crime. He looks down a long, cylindrical tunnel at the station. The exit. But the tunnel represents something else. It represents the life he left as a younger man and the life he must return to as a forsaken, middle-aged, unemployed former gangster. It represents his cloudy, uncertain future, and his clinging reluctance to meet with it. From there, we're introduced to a set of characters so shady and so thoroughly corrupted by circumstances beyond their control that the story itself must logically take place in one of the seediest, most dilapedated settings to have ever been featured as a primary backdrop in a film noir...a worn-down trailer park! Yes, it's uncharacteristically rustic and completely atypical, but that's another one of this film's charms. The cramped trailer that Dick Powell and Richard Erdman share looks like it could have easily been ground zero for a moderately large hurricane, but as this is a west-coast noir, the above theory can be easily disputed. Beyond the trailer park lie villainous clip-joints and a non-descript deli which houses some mysterious vanishing bookies. Every civilian is a potential thug and every cop is on their payroll! The beauty of this film isn't necessarily the plot, as others have pointed out, even though I am certainly intrigued by the dilemma of our hero and the resolution of the story should be fairly unexpected. But the real reason to watch this film is for all the little things. So many fine details woven together to form a tapestry that, taken as a whole, makes for a really fun rainy-day noir caper! Dick Powell is awesome as a basically decent guy who's been set-up and screwed over one time too many. Richard Erdman really deserves glowing praise for his portrayal of a wise-cracking, one-legged ex-Marine (who lives in a trailer park! See why you should rent this right away?!?!). I've seen Erdman in a few things (most notably "Stalag 17" and "The Twilight Zone") and this film is the perfect vehicle to showcase his understated, cynical stage presence and his emphatic, cooly-paced and bitingly sardonic delivery. An underappreciated actor who really brings it to this role. All in all, this film is too smart and too cynical to win any awards, but if you enjoy a truly sinister noir with some very unique settings and memorable performances, "Cry Danger" just may be that film. All negative criticisms aside, see this and decide for yourself. I think you'll be glad you did!

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I Love to Singa (1936)

10/10

This Cartoon Has It All!!!

6 April 2004

Put together a charming story, a hilarious "Jazz Singer" parody as a plotline, and one of the most catchy, toe-tappin' knee-slappin' ditties ever used in an animated short, and you have "I Love to Singa", probably one of the ten best cartoons of all times. A proud owl concertmaster (who absolutely DETESTS jazz and will not allow it in his house!) anxiously awaits with his wife the hatching of their four eggs. The magical day comes and the owls give birth to an accomplished tenor in a little black tuxedo, a virtuosic violinist, a skillful fluitist, and...what's THIS?!?! The fourth egg cracks open, and a bawdy, free-spirited little scamp in a red cocktail lounge jacket and a blue zootsuit bowtie pops fourth, and this little guy comes out SWINGIN'! He's layin' down that big beat that all the hep-cats dig. He's croonin' a hot little number while doing a haughty Vaudeville strut! This angers his father beyond words, and the way-gone little owl is quickly thrown from his nest. Destitute and down-hearted, our ever-chipper little owl-pal (whose name happens to be Owl Jolson!) finds a radio talent search being held nearby and is overcome with joy. After several disappointing entries at the competition, Owl Jolson shows up and MAN, the kid blows everyone away! But when his folks show up, he thinks his fun is over, so he quickly tries to disguise his red-hot boogie woogie and starts singing some sappy ol' funeral parlor tune or somethin', which really doesn't jive with the deejay. It looks like his chance is lost, but all at once, his father repents of his ignorance, and states his pride in his son, telling him that it's perfectly okay for him to singa about a moona and a June-a and a springa! The kid takes up the number from there, wowing the deejay and the radio audiences, taking home first prize, sealing his bright future in jazz and claiming his place in the sun! This is a really cute little 'toon, even for a guy of my nineteen years who doesn't watch cartoons much. I always get a kick out of our owl hero going for the gusto and learning to always be true to himself. The title song WILL get stuck in your head, there's no avoiding that, but hey, it's a GREAT song to have stuck there! What a loving tribute to Al Jolson, and what a classic, unforgettable cartoon, even to this day! Grownups, do your children a big favor, make sure they see this one! The lesson is timeless, and your kids will love the music. Enjoy!!!

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Gangster No. 1 (2000)

10/10

Best Independent Film I've EVER Seen!

2 April 2004

I just watched this, so it's still very fresh in my mind. I'm literally stunned. I'm always wary of independent films when I venture to see one. Many times, my fear has been warranted, but this was NOT the case when I saw "Gangster No. 1". First of all, as an already rabid fan of Malcom MacDowell's performance in "A Clockwork Orange", I have to say that I respect him as an actor even more now, and I'd say he's only gotten better with age. This movie is simply spellbinding. Excellent cinematography, a chilling background score, and an intriguing plot regarding estranged British gangsters coming of age and settling old scores. Most of the film is told in flashback, which is excellent because we are revealed most of the story by the lead character's younger 1969 counterpart who is also a very impressive young actor, but we get a VERY exciting narration by Malcom, even more riveting than his voice-over in "Clockwork" and this film really makes the flashback thing work to great effect. The one warning I'd have for those of you who would like to check out this film. Get the DVD, because the actors' British accents are VERY thick and hard to decipher at times, and you'll be glad you have the subtitles. But it's hysterically funny to hear British guys curse at eachother and yes, these guys curse like SAILORS!!! It doesn't bother me at all, in fact I laughed 'til I cried, but some people are rather sensitive about it. Malcom, please stay around long enough to give us just one more of these great British crime films. You were made for them! You're the U.K.'s answer to James Cagney!

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James and the Giant Peach (1996)

10/10

Enchanting, Imaginative Film for All Ages!

18 March 2004

This is probably the best picture Disney has put out in the last fifteen years. Nothing overly crude or offensive here (unlike many of their latest "modern" releases). The story is what immediately grabs you, and you find yourself completely immersed in a really amazing story about a sad young boy who makes some great new friends under a set of very strange circumstances. I'm almost twenty years old and even I could not resist the magical charm and innocent youthful appeal of this film. The animated characters are funny, loveable and endearing, without being the typical schmaltzy Disney creations that usually lack personality. The obligatory musical numbers are fun and very catchy! Best of all, this film sends a very positive message about friendship and determination, even in the face of great adversity. This is definitely one of the better Disney films, and in fact, one of the best family films you could see!

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Pretty Woman (1990)

1/10

Did I See the Right Movie?!

17 March 2004

If it weren't for Julia Roberts' lead role in this film, I would have been SURE I was watching some awful spoof of the *classic* romantic comedy "Pretty Woman." Now, I consider myself a very open-minded fella, I try not to prejudice myself against chick-flicks and I'm one guy that actually likes a true romantic film. But this one is just plain overrated SCHMALTZ the whole way through. Why is it that EVERY leading man in these corny modern movies has to look exactly the same? As a movie fan, I have trouble rooting for a tall, handsome pretty-boy with an overflowing bank account who could have any woman he wants. But I guess this film wasn't made for us "unenlightened men who don't go to movies and have no need for romance in our lives." If you believe THAT, you'll believe this movie. And as in every Disney film made in the last fifty years, you have the token evil guy who also happens to be short, bald, and unattractive (Jason Alexander). Isn't this a bit of a childish cop-out, casting the short, bald semetic man as the "bad guy"? What is this, a German propoganda film?! Sorry if I'm getting a bit preachy, I just really hate the message that these films project onto a generation of lovelorn women. The whole fairy tale of the handsome knight rescuing the damsel in distress from a life of loneliness is just that; a fairy tale. The truth is, there's no such thing as the perfect man, or "Mr. Right" just like there's no perfect woman, so please stop creating this standard for perfection that doesn't exist, and stop trying to brainwash movie audiences into thinking that wealth and beauty makes a good human being. Just hope you find a kind, sensitive, and wonderful man who loves you for you! Trust me, that's as good as it gets on this warped planet. If you'd like to see a really BEAUTIFUL romance on film, check out "Picnic", "Casablanca", or "Now, Voyager!" They're OLD movies, but they were made at a time when Hollywood wasn't cranking out love stories in a tired old formula. The characters are true-to-life, the plotlines are original, and even better, BOTH sexes can enjoy these films. Ladies, even that inveterate macho guy in your life may get a little misty-eyed watching these (I know I did!)

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Spy Hard (1996)

Leslie, What Happened?!?!

14 March 2004

Warning: Spoilers

Attention: Possible spoilers ahead (I really don't know yet, depends on what kind of mood I'm in as I write this and my anger grows).

First of all, just so there's no confusion about this whatsoever, I absolutely LOVE Leslie Nielson, and my beef with this film has nothing to do with a lack of a sense of humor or an unwillingness to appreciate "dumb" comedy, because dumb comedy is my FAVORITE KIND of comedy!!! But, having said that, I just can't believe a dramatic and comedic legend like Leslie Nielson would sign on for such a lackluster, overly-commercialized and genuinely UNfunny project. Don't get me wrong, Leslie does a GREAT job in this film, letting his perfect sense of timing and turn-of-phrase help the rare bits of truly funny material in this piece shine as much as they can. But even the Old Snow-Capped L-Train himself couldn't save this mishandled, overdone Hollywood stink-bomb. After "Weird" Al Yankovic's Golfinger-esque opening spy theme (which I was very surprised to learn he wrote himself, and was probably the best thing about the whole picture), the story's vague development and superfluous characters quickly sink what could have been a worthy vessel. For instance, did we really need the ethnic cab-driver character? He adds nothing at all to this film, is given WAY too much screen time, and really annoys more than entertains. Also, there were too many misdirected parodies. A screaming secret agent McCauley Caulken?!?! That's original...if it's 1992!!! And even THEN this concept would have been considered lame, and poor fodder for comedic cheap shots. And THEN of course we had to get a Sister Act parody and a Speed parody, which EVERYBODY was doing then, it has no originality whatsoever. Come on, let's stick with something relevant, or at least relevant on a Middle School grade level! Okay, maybe I'm ranting now, but I care too much about L-Train to see him wasted on garbage like this. The man is a GENIUS!!! And all we could get him within the last decade was this, and Wrongfully Accused?! Aww, come on! Anywho...you get the picture. L-Train good, Spy Hard bad. Must get L-Train good movie instead of retreaded comic territory and stale pop-culture parodies.

---Barrett

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Real Time with Bill Maher (2003– )

YESSSSS!!!!!!

12 March 2004

Bill Maher is back in town and madder than a man oghtta be!!! Wow. This show is fantastic. Bill Maher has to be one of the funniest socio-political commentators in history. He's always right on the money! And I was thrilled to see George Carlin, an equally brilliant political humorist on his panel tonight. I've always thought Carlin and Maher would be a match made in Heaven, and I was right! What else can I say? This show is right up my alley. Maher's monologues and group discussions are the best to be found on television today. They should REALLY give this man a late-night talk show. He has more talent in one suggestively slanted eyebrow than Letterman and Leno have in their whole overrated personalities COMBINED. Oh well, the geniuses of television are always overlooked, but thank God HBO got the right idea!

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Breakdown (I) (1997)

10/10

TERRIFIC movie!!! But WHY Kurt Russell???

8 March 2004

My dad convinced me to watch this last night, despite my reservations about watching a movie starring whom I believe to be one of the most overrated "tough guy" actors of all time, surpassed only by Jim Belushi and Stephen Segal in pure lack of acting talent (just my opinion). Anyway, the important thing here is the film. And even Kurt Russell's rudimentary, over-the-top characterization couldn't mar this climactic gem for me. Let me put it this way. The movie was so great that I was shocked I had never heard of it before. Was it snubbed by the critics or just not marketed very well? The suspense begins soon after the opening credits, and every few minutes, when you feel that a bit of relief is warranted, the suspense clamps down hard and urgent once more. It's very, VERY effective as a suspense film. In fact, to use a phrase that is, admittedly, a Hollywood cliche, I was definitely on the edge of my seat for the entire running time of the picture. You find yourself immediately put in the place of the lead character, whether you want to be there or not, you can't help it. Maybe Kurt Russell delivered in this movie afterall?! I think so. The action sequences are believable, gripping, and beautifully filmed. They also have an element of realism that may be a factor in the film's ability to make you a part of the story. What comes to my mind during the desert driving scenes and the chases is that old road-rage classic, "Duel". If you enjoy a taut, exciting thriller (and who doesn't?!), you should definitely pick this one up.

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Life with Father (1947)

10/10

Definitely Worth Watching!

25 January 2004

I was a bit skeptical about this film at first. In general, Hollywood period pieces from the 40's and 50's can be a bit too cornball for my tastes (not that that's a BAD thing, it just depends on what kind of mood you're in). But I gave this film a shot and I was pleasantly surprised. There are some genuinely hysterical moments here. And while the introductory storyline tends to drag just a bit, the true comedy soon emerges from the intermingled sub-plots. I think that the reviewers who have panned the film may have missed the point of it entirely. The character portrayals of the parents are cartoonish for a reason. Did you notice how the children are drawn in a slightly more three-dimensional light? It's because this film is, essentially, a satire. The reason the "folks" are so nutty is because the story is being told from the perspective of Clarence Day Jr. (at least, that's how it was originally written). What this movie attempts to do, and accomplishes in spades, is to poke a bit of fun at the uptight, button-down aristocracy of 19th century America. We have the excitable, self-absorbed, and completely delusional patriarch, and the neurotic, long-suffering, and religiously impressionable mother. This film rips the facade right from its hinges, and shows us what people were really like. The firm and omnipotent father is actually a stubborn but hen-pecked hypocrite. And his wife is no better! She schemes, plots, and manipulates to constantly gain control of her heel of a husband. And, quite admittedly, she usually succeeds. The kids are the only *normal* ones (except for an EXTREMELY annoying Liz Taylor, who plays her role like she's in a High School production of Guys & Dolls). Overall, a very funny film. Some of the dialogue is sparkling and hysterically clever, a model that modern-day Hollywood would do well to study and live up to. There were several laugh-out-loud moments here, and I wasn't even in a good mood! If you like the old obscure Hollywood gems, check this one out! Just make sure you're looking at this film family through the right size lens. If it could make a believer out of me, it will hook anyone!

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Wabbit Twouble (1941)

Bob Clampett Delivers Dynamite!!!

7 January 2004

I've never understood why everybody delivers unlimited praise to Chuck Jones' contributions to Looney Tunes (which are great in their own right), while the brilliant early-era directors like Freleng, Avery, McKimson, and Clampett go virtually unrecognized. Here, in his first Looney Tune, Bob Clampett gives us a priceless gem. Not only does this mark a drastic change in appearance for that eternal comic foil Elmer Fudd, but it breaks new ground in the visual style and uproarious physical comedy that we have come to love about Bugs, Daffy, and the rest of the crew. This was the beginning of an amazing career for Clampett, who directed some of the best Looney Tunes EVER (Daffy Duck imagines that he is Dick Tracy, fighting colorful villains in a twisted, art-nuveau/film-noir dream sequence, Bugs Bunny terrorizes a retired Elmer Fudd in an effort to save his nemesis' contract, Bugs battles a crafty wartime Gremlin on an aircraft, etc.) Great stuff! But don't watch this crazy little cartoon expecting west and wewaxation. You'll be laughing too hard!

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Secretary (2002)

What ever happened to *REAL* Romance?!

1 January 2004

I'm sorry, maybe I'm just another knuckle-dragging male chauvinist from the Middle Ages (actually, I'm only 19), but this film just didn't appeal to me. I loved the lead actress. She totally stole my heart as an emotionally fragile recovering mental patient. But the entire sceign of events in this film left me completely dumbfounded. Maybe I don't understand the allure of sado-masochism, but I just don't understand why such a sweet, introverted girl would fall for a completely repugnant pervert like the James Spader character. What a creep. What does a guy like him have to offer her except an outlet for their mutual fetish and his own twisted interpretation of a loving relationship? Truthfully, such a couple would last maybe a year, tops. My beef isn't just with the moral message of this film, but with the film itself. Character development is little to none, dialogue is scarce (and what small amount of dialogue there is is completely vague and passionless), and the cinematography is aesthetically reprehensible, dreary, and monotone, even when the mood of the film is supposed to be on an upswing. Doesn't anybody know how to make a real romance anymore? Where is "Gone With the Wind" or "Doctor Zhivago" when you need it? How about another "Picnic" or "Casablanca"? These films evoke a myriad of emotions in the viewer. This film simply offers us cryptic and overplayed drivel. 1/5 stars.

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The Shining (1997)

10/10

"The Shining"---A Tale of Yin and Yang

30 September 2003

I'm shocked at how vehemently opposed everyone seems to be to whichever version of Stephen King's classic tale they deem less worthy of viewing. The fact is, both interpretations are excellent, but comparing the two seems totally fruitless to me, because as cinematic works, they represent two completely different stylistic and dramatic approaches.

"The Shining" (1980) -------------------- Of course this is a classic, and the cinematography and direction are unmatched. Jack Nicholson defined this role, which is why they had trouble casting someone with the audacity to play the haunted Jack Torrance after Nicholson had stamped such an indellible signature on the character. The music, the lighting, and the general atmosphere all amount to a haunting and marvelously executed movie. But what I felt this version lacked was a coherent storyline. Some of the dialogue and character interactions seem poorly executed at best, and no real background is given to the characters. I can't feel for these characters, they're wooden and two-dimensional. And the character of Danny, integral to the impact of the story, was nothing more than a plot device here. He is totally over the top, and doesn't seem to exhude a true gamut of emotions in a very demanding role.. This doesn't feel like a loving family with real issues, whose henpecked patriarch is battling dark forces to maintain his sanity. I feel like there was no real character development at all, because Jack Torrance seemed almost criminally insane from the beginning. But what Nicholson's portrayal lacked in subtlety and depth, it made up for in intensity and screen presence, albeit a bit hammy at times.

Stephen King's "The Shining" (1997) ----------------------------------- As the title proclaims, this is Stephen King's film. His true vision of a snowbound family at odds with demonic spirits, and eachother. Competently directed, although not as visually breath-taking as the original. As mentioned before, there is some usage of the old hackneyed horror film stand-bys and "shock" devices, but while not as flamboyant as the original, the acting, character development, and narrative structure are far superior. Here is where we finally get depth and dimension. Courtland Mead makes the character of Danny come brilliantly to life. This kid isn't just plodding over stale lines by rote and playing with an imaginary finger-puppet, 70's Bee Gee-esque mullet and all. This little guy is acting! He's actually doing a competent job of performing this role! And as for the role of the ill-fated Jack Torrance, the greatest part that nobody wanted, a richly-textured, complex, and pleasantly surprising piece of work by sitcom actor Steven Weber. An interpretation of the character that matches King's original vision immaculately. We can actually sympathize with his character now. He isn't a psychotic rage-aholic who just grows more psychotic every day, he's a loving father battling his addiction to booze, whose descent into madness is slow, intense, brutally frightening, and completely believable. By the end of part three, he has become the most horrifying appirition one can behold on ABC. And while the picture as a whole could have probably been executed with more pathos on HBO, the dramatic content contained in these 4 1/2 hours far outweighs the obvious censorship and budgetary limitations placed on the show.

Both films have their peaks and valleys, and I'd advise everybody who watches the remake to not go in expecting something like the Kubrick film, but a completely different animal. With an open mind, you may find you love them both.

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Isle of the Dead (1945)

10/10

Best Horror Film I've Seen in Years!

30 June 2003

I saw this film a couple of years ago as a young teenager. I enjoyed it, and remembered it, but never really realized the full effect of the delightful terror in it. I saw it again today (shocked that I was able to find it at a local library), and I have been totally and completely blown away. This film boasts one of the most imaginative and solid plotlines I've ever seen in a shock flick. In the first twenty minutes, there is really nothing to distinguish it as a "horror" movie, more as a kind of suspense thriller. But the writers take the story into a whole other realm of reality, and this results in the most satisfying and eerily spooky thriller that you can imagine. A rare gem also, in that the film is practically unmentioned now. But despite its age, it surprisingly isn't in the least bit dated or campy, which many Karloff pictures have become, at least in the minds of the more close-minded horror buffs who wouldn't touch a vintage piece like this one with a ten-foot pole. Sad, really. If Hollywood still had the capacity to produce quality films like this, motion pictures would see another Golden Age. At any rate, do yourself a favor and sample this macabre bill of fare! It's almost certainly to be worth your while.

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White Heat (1949)

10/10

Cagney's On Top 'O' the World

10 December 2002

This is without a doubt the most taut, well-directed, gritty, and thoroughly intense James Cagney movie ever, if not the apex of the film noir genre itself. I had rented this last week because I'd heard of it many times, but had never seen it. And the other night at 3:00 a.m., when I found that I couldn't sleep, I popped in this film to pass the time. Needless to say, I never did get to sleep that night. I was absolutely blown away, thunderstruck at this expertly-crafted tour de force. The screen sizzled with intensity and I quivered with unbridled excitement while I watched James Cagney's electric performance. I've been a great admirer if his work for years, and this film has cemented my fanaticism. He's unquestionably at the top of his game here. Best of all, the action in this film NEVER STOPS! It's a roller-coaster ride of unforgettable scenes, thrilling plot twists, and sharp, scathing dialogue from the time the film begins and the final rolling of the credits. The best actor of all times, in the best film of all times. Who could ask for more?!?!

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Powder (1995)

I Don't Know HOW to Feel About This Film...

12 November 2002

This movie starts off with a great idea, but while running with it, somehow trips over some well-worn cinematic cliches. I can really identify with the main character, in fact, I AM this character! A pale-skinned loner who loves to read and never leaves home without his fedora hat. And, like everybody who knows what it's like to be ridiculed, I definitely find myself cheering for Powder and scorning the empty-headed small-town hicks who feel the need to ostracizehim just because he won't buckle under conformist values and spring for the sunless tanning lotion and the toupee. But after a while, it becomes quite apparent that not only are some of the characters in this movie simply insipid, cardboard cut-out stereotypes, but also that Powder himself doesn't really seem to be a true "genius." A real genius would blow off these simpletons, quit feeling sorry for himself, and walk with his bald head held high and proudly, with a stiff upper-lip and a resolve to USE his abilities to change the world for the better and help open up the minds of those who would walk obliviously under a cloud of ignorance. It's hard to feel sorry for a character who just lays down and accepts ridicule and imprisonment. With his powers, he could have blown every window and every lock in that narrow-minded, Naziesque conformity factory known as a public school, and fled the scene, to dazzle onlookers with various miracles around the world, and maybe land a spot on Donahue. It's just a thought! But this movie sure would have been more interesting if the filmmakers had cut back on the standard sap, got rid of the overrated and undertalented Jeff Goldblum, and focused more on the main character and his battle to gain knowledge and admiration in a cruel world. And if we're going to expand on his character, let's take it beyond high school. Can you imagine how thrilling it would have been to see Powder win national acclaim and pursue a career in politics, law enforcement, or show business? Don't get me wrong, I love the themes this film explores, but SO much more could have been done with it.

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The Spirit of '76 (1990)

Campy Comedy Worthy of John Waters

13 October 2002

I never got to experience the 70's myself (I was born in '84), but this movie really makes me long for that bygone era. The first time I saw this film, I was just a kid, maybe 5 or 6, and I loved it from the start. Now that I'm older, I realize this movie is about the campiest thing I've ever seen, but it's still just as fun to watch. The platform shoes, 8-track cassettes, AMC Pacers, and bicentennial bongs will all serve to transport you into that beloved decade of excess and extravagance. This movie is packed with nutty, over-the-top characters who serve as caricatures for all of the diverse lifeforms the 70's produced. Smarmy science fare nerds, early mallrats, happy stoners, middle-aged yuppies seeking self-improvement, and those poor, restless creatures perpetually afflicted with Boogie Fever. This is a movie John Waters could have and should have had a hand in. A clever, skewed portrait of life in the 70's. Gee, I REALLY missed out on a lot!!!

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Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–2024)

Some People Just Aren't Getting It...

6 October 2002

I think too many people are looking to this show as a Seinfeld spin-off. The truth is, it's not, and you have to take the show for what it truly is. Larry David, in his great comedic brilliance, is not trying to glorify himself with this show, you can tell that just from watching one episode. Instead, he is really utilizing a caricature of a rich, whipped, neurotic yuppie to skewer the image of life at the top. His character (even though he is essentially playing himself), bumbles, complains, talks himself into painful situations, and is ultimately served devilishly funny comeuppance from episode to episode. This self-deprecating humor wouldn't work for anybody else, but for a guy like Larry David, this material works perfectly, because he seems so easy to laugh at (and I have a feeling this is hardly accidental, which is why his comedy is truly brilliant.) I really have to marvel at the idea of anyone NOT being able to laugh at this show. It's the greatest comedic take on life and the human condition that has ever been captured on film. All other television comedies of this era pale in comparison. "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is possibly the salvation of true comedy TV, in an age when good television comedies are few and far between.

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Upright Citizens Brigade (1998–2000)

America Just Wasn't Ready For This Show...

3 March 2002

Opinions of this show seem to be split right down the middle. I for one loved it. Finally we had OUR Kids in the Hall, and without those annoying Canadian dialects and cross-dressers! But, like anything with any true integrity on Comedy Central, the UCB just didn't get recognized as the flaming orb of comic brilliance that it was. This was probably the best original show Comedy Central has ever produced. But on a station full of ridiculous, second-rate, low-brow programs like Strip Mall and Strangers With Candy, a show like this has no audience. A show with this much genius should have started a dynamite run on HBO, where it would still be going strong today, as a nice way to kick back and have some laughs after the serious and hard-hitting prison drama of Oz. And if you ask me, Comedy Central should temporarily hault their endless imagination and ability to crank out mind-numbing dreck, and take a moment to figure out just what Comedy Central means. Shouldn't the phrase "Comedy Central" denote that this is the place for ALL comedic tastes, and not just little independent ventures and Britcoms? Why don't they expand their range and give those of us who don't proudly sport homemade mullets something to watch? Oh well, I can dream, can't I?

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The Big Dog House (1931)

10/10

This is Hilarious!!!

6 February 2002

One of nine rare "Dogville" comedies, this hysterical short features a cast entirely made up of dogs! This concept may seem overdone now, but it was brand-new when this was first done in 1930. And the way it's executed is uproariously funny. The dogs are dressed up, and manipulated with fishing lines. It looks so campy and ridiculous, you'll laugh at loud for hours! Sometimes you'll even see these dogs smoking pipes, wearing hats, and drawing guns. This short and the other 8 are extremely rare (although I was lucky enough to tape them during a "shorts" festival), and if you can see one, do it. You'll love 'em!

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Young Man with a Horn (1950)

10/10

One of the most beautiful films I've ever seen...

5 February 2002

Warning: Spoilers

Caution, spoilers ahead! I can't believe some of the ungrounded negative comments that have been unfairly attached to this film. Maybe it's the kind of movie you can't truly understand and appreciate unless you're a musician. Kirk Douglas' character is so universal, and yet so unappreciated. He's a down-and-out horn-player who loves his music above all else in life. To others, Rick Martin's horn is just a worthless hunk of tin, but in his hands, it's Thor's hammer, and all that he knows. What I can't understand about this film is this; why in the world would our hero, who is such an upbeat fella, fall in love with a surly, sardonic, pessimistic, and altogether depressing woman like Amy (played by Lauren Bacall), instead of seeking the affections of a doe-eyed, innocent, and infinitely likeable gal like Jo (Doris Day)? Isn't it clear from the beginning that Amy is a nickel-and-dime succubus who's bound to drive him to Bedlam? Oh well, all poor romantic choices aside, this film is a beautiful piece of cinema! One of the most impressive pictures I've seen in a long time, and the music is IRRESISTIBLE!!! Harry James is one of the most prolific jazz minds of his era, and his music shines through this movie, and even more through some LOVELY vocal interpretations by Doris Day. This film really brought tears to my eyes at certain places (and that's VERY rare.) The film has a good ending, although somewhat abrupt. In fact, our hero doesn't regain his purpose in life until the last five minutes of the film! Even so, it's a delightful movie for the dreamer in all of us, and definitely one of the true highlights of 20th century films.

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Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

10/10

It's About Time!

3 February 2002

A comedy this mindlessly funny hasn't come along since "Reposessed" and the "Naked Gun" trilogy. I can't believe people are harping on this movie for its goofy, slapstick humor. Look folks, this isn't "Howard's End" here, this is a COMEDY! If it's too funny for you, stick to your charming little Steve Martin films, and leave alone those of us who still haven't been cruelly assimilated to android conformity and de-sensitized by evolution. Personally, I was getting sick of Hollywood being dominated by misandrist chick-flicks and witty "sophisticated" martini-comedies anyway. Finally, Kung Pow has done something I almost thought could no longer be imagined. It brought back "funny." I mean real funny, like Three Stooges/Laurel & Hardy funny! This movie was so refreshing to see. It totally renewed my faith in Hollywood to produce SOMETHING worthwhile now and then. The funniest aspect of this film is definitely its hysterical satire of the traditional Kung Fu movie. The old master with his poignant diatribes that are really just crazy ramblings, and the macho kung fu kingpin who insists on being called "Betty." This isn't a brainless comedy in any sense of the word. It's just a down-to-Earth, hearty-chuckle, laugh-a-minute slap-fest!

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