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Reviews
Leave (2011)
Shocked how good it was considering the reviews.
With a 5.1 I was not expecting too much. You imagine how shocked I was to see I movie I would give a nine rating. The more I thought about it the more I realized it was the dark nature of the subject matter. Many people don't like movies about real life, choosing escape instead. Or they prefer an assault on the senses. I know my wife would hate the movie, but then she watches "dance moms". No it doesn't have a lot of action or thrills but it caught me totally off guard and left me with some dark thoughts. I won't even begin to describe the movie. I couldn't without giving it away. You know what kind of person you are, and don't pay any attention to the rating number. I think it's a gem.
Elf (2003)
A steaming pile of , well you know ....
I didn't laugh one time. Not once. I thought Will Ferrel was kind of funny on SNL But he isn't funny in movies. I wasn't surprised Ed Asner would be in something of such low quality but I was kind of surprised James Caan would. Caan should know better. It tries to be funny but falls flat. It tries to be heart warming but the try is faint and fails. The love element is all but embarrassing for the lady in the movie and unbelievable for the audience. Movies like this aren't supposed to great art but they are supposed to be entertaining on at least a child like level but Elf just can't even manage that. Don't waste the time with this dud.
3:10 to Yuma (2007)
Unbelievable
I've always said I've never seen Russell Crowe in a good movie and this one is no exception. I know people love westerns and I do too but this movie just stinks. First off it has every cliché in the book and it would take days to tell about every stupid action taken by the characters. I could have overlooked some of these faults but it has an ending that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I've seen some dumb endings but this one is a whopper. I defy anyone to explain it.
I cannot believe these high ratings. The quality of movies being made just keeps sinking lower and lower.
I think I'll rent to old one and watch it.
Apocalypto (2006)
Torture.
Mel Gibson must be a sick man. I watched about half an hour of Passion and had to quit due to the outrageous violence. The only reason I was able to finish this blood fest is because at least the violence in this mess wasn't perpetrated against Christ. But it was still a non-stop succession of murder. I didn't turn it off because I was with friends and sat through it for their sake.
But it wasn't just murder and bludgeoning; there is a lot of running in this movie. Those folks in South America sure can run. They can run for miles. Through trees, mud, quicksand and even after being speared and pierced through and through with an arrow. By the time you fished this movie you will be worn out just from watching all this running. Not only that, you will be so desensitized to violence that you will be able to watch be-headings on the Internet while eating a sandwich.
What did we do to make Hollywood think this is what we want?
George Washington (2000)
Hard to describe.
When I see the writer and the director are the same guy I sometimes worry.
This was my first inkling this may not be a great movie. The characters are an odd mix. I like the fact that most of them are just ordinary people. Movies usually go way over the top with casting and outrageous characters. But there are some pretty silly characters in this movie too. Also I got tired of the poor wrong side of the tracks philosophical wise child character that is so pervasive in this film. Most of the adults in the movie have serious defects and the writer's view of the South is questionable. It seems to me he also intends it to be depressing.
Unlike some of the reviews I've read I thought the cast did fairly well. It was the plot, script and direction that made this film impossible.
It's easy to see where the director was going with this film; it's just debatable whether or not it's worth the trip
Children of Men (2006)
A film by George Soros? Could have been..
Maybe I'm unaware of something. Has the twenty-second amendment been repealed? Can George Bush run for a third term? You might think so after watching "children of men". This movie is a part of the non-stop assault on the Bush administration by the Hollywood wing of the Democratic Party. Within a few minutes we hear the words "patriot act" mentioned. Pretty odd for story set twenty years in the future. By the time we're fifteen minutes into the movie the jabs are direct with no pretense of subtlety. It's the story of a man who lives in a society that is controlled by people whose characters could have been created by the Democratic National Committee. No Democratic talking point was missed. I have never seen such shameless propaganda. Even without the political preaching I'm not sure this would be a good movie. The clichés are non-stop. Clearly the intend audience is overage hippies and children of them. A conservative watching this movie will need a barf bag close by.
As others have mentioned, the high rating also astounded me. Usually movies rated this high have a targeted audiences like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. This movie is NOT an eight. I guess there are more of those old pot-smoking geezers out there than I thought.
Le Cinquième Élément (1997)
Might be useful as a interrogation tool?
Forget water torture. Just leave this movie playing for a few days with no way to turn it off. I had brought a small DVD player to work and this movie just happened to be in it and I can safely say that is the only possible reason I watched all of it. I had nothing else to watch.
Someone walked in and said "what's you watching?" I said "The Fifth Element" and he said "man, that movie is f***ed up". That was an understatement. It's not just boring; it's also very irritating. Who ever did the casting must have been completely insane. The fact that this thing even exits is a testament to the sad state of movie making.
If you rent this, make sure you have a back-up plan.
The Year Without a Santa Claus (2006)
Something you don't see every day...
Have you ever watched a movie for sixty seconds and realized it was be horrible and had no chance of getting better? This is that movie. I will admit it. I think most movies stink. But even most of these stinkers have good production values, reasonably good acting, but most fail on the fact that they have no story or have one you've seen a million times. This one has a bad story and bad acting and bad.... everything! It's so bad you even notice the bad wardrobe and make-up. Half the characters are washed up has-beens and the other half are from high school drama clubs. I can't believe anyone would attach his or her name to this thing. One more thing, kids won't like it either.
It has to be seen to be believed.
Body Snatchers (1993)
People who like this movie are what's really scary.
I turned this on while doing some housework and caught the last hour or so. It was on one of the new HD channels so I left it on just for something to look at. I knew right off it was a remake but couldn't believe what a lousy remake it was. I don't think I've ever seen a movie that was any good that took place on a military base. This one is no exception. The first body snatchers is a classic and second one was okay but this one just plain stinks. I looked this up on IMDb after watching and checked to see if Rodger Ebert has reviewed it and was somewhat surprised to see he had, being such a poor movie. You can imagine how shocked I was to see he had given it four stars. This thing doesn't deserver four stars out of ten!
Lord of War (2005)
Unconvincing
Being a gun nut I was told I would love this movie. I didn't. The movie tries to make you believe it knows guns or politics or both but it knows neither. Reminds me of a poser dropping names to appear to know something. Cage's character never for a moment made me be think he was doing anything other than reading a script. And a bad script at that. It does not try to tell a story but rather it tries to make a point. The point was simple and shallow did not even try to imagine the complexities of the modern world. So much more could have been done. I watch movies to be entertained not to be preached at. One of it's worst points is how easy Cage's character went from working in his fathers restaurant to being a big time arms dealer with no more cleverness than to hand someone a envelope of cash.
It has high ratings and a lot of people liked it but I can't imagine why.
Proof (2005)
You've got to be kidding.
You've got to be kidding. A seven out of ten? I guess it's possible, people do watch Dr. Phil. That's pretty painful as well. But not as painful as watching Paltrow who's about ten years too old for the part. A character that sulks and wallows in self-pity but conveniently stops for five minutes to bed a young male model stud that is also a math genius. This is the only respite. She cries and wines the rest of the movie. The math stud is madly in love with her but we can't understand why. The only explanation is they both have serious personality problems. If you have those same types of problems you might like the movie. I won't bother to go into the "plot", other than to say it's ridicules, boring and utterly predictable. The movie is obviously for women and the only men who will sit through this turkey are doing so just to keep their wives from getting angry and acting like the star of Proof.
Hostage (2005)
Like someone else said, the hostage is one watching it.
Yet another mindless action picture. Hollywood must have fired all their writers and started letting computers write the scripts. It's that boring. As usual, one bad guy isn't enough. He can be as evil as Hitler and that is not enough. We have several monstrously evil characters in this disaster. And one group of hostages is not enough, we have two families held hostage in this dud. And of course we have machine guns, helicopters, swat teams, FBI teams, local cops, blood, bodies being shot, children being shot, pieces of bodies flying through the air, bodies falling off second floors, several bodies on fire, something for everyone. Mix all that violence with a home could have belonged to Mr. Gadget is has so many over the top technological features. People aren't just rich in movies these days, they are Bill Gates rich. And of course all rich people are evil and made their money by hurting others. What makes this particularly hard to watch is the sappy sincerity that Willis plays his part. If it wasn't so revolting you could just laugh at it.
Bottom line; if you like new movies you will love this one. If you like good movies, you will be disappointed like you are almost all the time.
Natural Born Killers (1994)
OK, you made your point, about a thousand times!
This is not what I expected. I thought it would be violent but instead it was just boring. A seemingly endless barrage of visuals that are just plain silly. The point of romanticizing crime is beat to death and then beat some more. This movie is living proof that outrageous cinematography cannot overcome a sever drought of ideas. The fact that so many people enjoyed this film frightens me. It's like the emperors new clothes. Do they really believe what they say? I like movies that are different but this is just junk. I watched for about and hour and realized I was being used. I didn't think it was going to get any better. Don't waste your time unless you feel the need to fit into the crowd
Celsius 41.11: The Temperature at Which the Brain... Begins to Die (2004)
Not a one or a ten despite how most voted.
I actually watched this pseudo-documentary and will try to comment on it honestly. I gave it a seven because it asked and tried to answer a question that has been nagging me for few years. Why the hatred for Bush. I can see disagreeing with what he has done but the paranoiac hatred is strange phenomenon. The movie breaks no new ground but does attempt to respond to the movement to make Bush out to be a cross between an idiot and Adolf Hitler. If people rated this movie honestly I think it would come to be a five. I've read some of the comments above and am amazed how this can be ridiculed while Moore's 911 can be praised. This show defiantly learns right but nothing to the degree Fahrenheit leans left. With as many ones as tens I don't see how it has a "weighted average" of three something.
Mulan II (2004)
Shockingly bad.
The first Mulan was enjoyable even with its feminist storyline. The sequel is nothing more than feminist training for young girls. In this film Mulan breaks down more barriers than you can count. And if that wasn't enough we are constantly hearing the message "be true to your heart" which translates to "do what ever it takes to make yourself happy". Heck of a message for young children. On a lighter side I was quite surprised to find the irritating voice for Mushu was not Eddie Murphy after all. Goes to show how tired and repetitive his routine is, someone else can do it and you can't even tell.
My advice is skip it. My advice for Disney is to stop trying to mold our children and go back to entertaining them.
Roy Orbison and Friends: A Black and White Night (1988)
Could have been pretty good.
Saw this was coming on HDTV and tried to watch it. It could have been pretty good had it not been for the constant reminder that there were many other contemporary musicians performing there also. The camera is constantly and clumsily panning to show these has-beens who are almost faking orgasm to show the audience just how much they are "grooving to the music". But even this I could have put up with had it not been for the ever-present image of Bruce Springsteen with his continuous trademark under bite smile. Springsteen is shown so much that one would have to wonder if the narcissistic New Yorker foots the bill for the event. Another thing I didn't care for was the poor editing. I thought at times I was watching a computer generated show with new video added to old.
Bad Company (1995)
Just keep right on going.
I won't bore you with the plot. Except to say it's not any more believable than the acting. Most of the cast seemed to be capable of acting but the juvenile script and direction make it a waste of time. This movie sucks on so many different levels it never had a chance. I was almost embarrassed to watch it. The way you would be embarrassed to see a friend make a fool of himself when he was drunk. Like seeing someone at a very low point in his or her life. After watching it I had to look up what Ebert said about it and marvel at the fact he liked it. Most movies these days are awful. I guess if you're movie reviewer you can't write bad reviews on everything. At the end I thought it might have a twist to save it somewhat. But it turned out the end was just as bad as the rest of it
Bowling for Columbine (2002)
What was all the fuss about?
I was surprised after all the fuss about this movie. I didn't watch in for a long time because I believed is was probably a liberal attack on gun owners. I was wrong. This movie is an attack on white gun owners and white people in general. It is also very boring. It is an unorganized mosaic of old file footage and Michael Moore asking insipid questions to mostly unprepared and very sad people. Moore has reduced himself to the level of ambulance chaser to make his so-called documentaries. He is profiting the tragedy of others while he chastises corporate America for doing the same thing. I didn't hate this movie because I disagreed with Moore, I didn't expect to agree with him. I hated this movie because it was dull and produced on an un-intellectual level. He uses a shotgun approach to tie unrelated events and facts and come up empty every time. He must be the ultimate conspiracy theorist.
I really wonder at the motives of those who wrote that this was such a great movie. It just wasn't any good
The Cooler (2003)
Plot full of holes.
I'm surprised of the good reviews for this movie. The premise is unbelievable. There was no consistency in the characters as they related to the plot. I guess the makers thought the cliché's would make up the difference, it didn't. It was down right silly to see Macy's character walk through a room of people winning and have them suddenly lose when he crossed their path. It would be like the FBI hiring a psychic and solving all of their crimes in one day. If this were a comedy I might have overlooked the stupidity. The movie tried to be a comedy, gangster movie, love story, and quirky camp movie all in one but failed at all of them. I normally like Macy's movies but this one didn't work. Don't waste your time.
The Dogs of War (1980)
Not for children
That is, not for those with child like tastes. If you require non-stop action ... move along. The characters are set up nicely and Walken is just too cool, I think it's his best performance. Most of his fans don't know about this movie but it's a gem. There are a few scenes I would have left on the cutting floor but they can be overlooked. There's a scene with his doctor that is worth watching the whole movie over. But there's plenty more. There's good dialog, nice scenery, some action and some characters you actually care about. This is not an assault on your senses; you will have to pay attention to enjoy it. But it will be worth your time. If you are a fan of Christopher Walken, then it will be well worth your time.
The Missing (2003)
Awash in political correctness.
Kind of a western version of GI Jane. People inevitably compare this garbage to The Searchers but that isn't fair. The Searchers is probably the best western of all time. This movie is at the other end of the spectrum. I could list all the accoutrements of revisionist history in this flick but I won't bother. Suffice to say the tough female hero of this turkey is more of a man than any man is. And believe me, that gets old after a short while. Yes, she's chopping wood. Doctoring the poor who can't pay. Is bi-lingual. And if that wasn't enough, she's gods gift to heterosexual men. A true role model for feminist, (of any era.)
Even if like Tommy Lee Jones, don't bother with this piece of trite.
Tombstone (1993)
Mega-Turkey Western.
I like westerns as much as anyone but this movie is a gigantic failure. It doesn't even feel like a movie. The actors are more like wax museums figures somehow brought to life. But it's not really life, just a string of carefully constructed scenes that serve only the purpose of being a scene. Like the whole movie was made to serve up a lot of still shots for lobby cards. What blows me away the most is all the praise for Val Kilmers performance as Doc Holiday. His pathetic attempt at a southern accent is excruciating to watch. I don't know how he did it with a straight face. To all you yankees up north, let me assure you that no one really talks like that (except in Hollywood).
I know a lot of people will disagree with me but I have to call it as I see it.
Runaway Jury (2003)
Another John Q type Hollywood agenda film.
Not very subtle Hollywood agenda film, I guess we were supposed write our congressman after watching this dud and ask them to hold firearms manufacturers responsible for gun crimes. Think about that for a couple of seconds, how can a manufacturer possible have any control over their use after leaving the factory. I was amazed to read other reviews where some people agreed with that notion. If that were to happen we would have gun control at the hands of trial lawyers.
Even without the politics the movie was just too full of impossible scenarios to enjoy watching. Too bad, because it has some pretty good talent but is wasted on this turkey.
Armageddon (1998)
insipid
Main Entry: in·sip·id Pronunciation: in-'si-p&d Function: adjective Etymology: French & Late Latin; French insipide, from Late Latin insipidus, from Latin in- + sapidus savory, from sapere to taste -- more at SAGE Date: 1609
1 : lacking taste or savor : TASTELESS
2 : lacking in qualities that interest, stimulate, or challenge
Yep, that bout says it all.
The Third Miracle (1999)
Hollywood turkey.
The fourth miracle would have been to sit through this thing. Ed Harris is a little old to play the brooding self-absorbed stud priest who has the hots for Anne Heche (of all people). Takes a strong stomach to watch these two make out. Only Hollywood would make a movie about a middle aged foul mouth priest and then cast a lesbian as his flame. The assault on religion is non-stop with the Catholic hierarchy living lavishly and wearing gold chains and big medallions and using foul language. Maybe they were trying to identify with the rap culture? What ever they were trying it didn't work with me. If Ed's character wasn't bad enough Heche's character is also angry and brooding too, I guess it's tough to have a mother who was a Saint. My advice is to skip this turkey.