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The Cell (2000)
6/10
Please....stop the comparisons. Treat it as an individual movie.
27 December 2000
Not all movies are created to be warm, fluffy, standardized and sedated Hollywood stereotypes. I for one found this movie almost completely different to everything else I have seen in, well, a long time. When was the last time you saw a horror movie that showed some seriously disturbing s***?

Instead of the Urban Legend-ish "ooh scary. An axe in the head for half a second", we got ourselves some scenes that really freak you out and make you feel sick (the point of these movies, perhaps?). My favourite including the good old slow-mo close up shot of someone's face screaming in agony as their intestines are pulled out by a crazy guy prancing, giggling, and clapping around him. Sick and crazy - as it should be.

The characters were simple, because most people are simple. Catherine and Peter never got together, because that's what normally happens. They knew each other for less than a day, were a bit attracted, fantasized a bit, and then left. It was better than some crappy-20-minute-emotional-outburst-where-the-two-lead-characters-reveal-the ir-deepest-secrets-and-fall-in-love-2/3-of-the-way-through-on-the-first-day- they've-ever-met (geez, like we don't have enough of that already). I know it did have a bit of this, but at least it was kept to a minimum.

And please, enough with the movie comparisons. You people praise stuff like The Green Mile, despite it being exactly the same as everything else, but the moment a serial killer movie comes out that's not a revelation in cinema, it's all "tries to be Seven" this, and "Silence of the Lambs wannabe" that. This movie is outstandingly different in that it had a simple goal - look good and freak people out, which it did, very well. I thought it was one of the most satisfying movies I've seen in a long time.
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3/10
Babe the jellybean communist
26 December 2000
I commend the effort to make this sequel different from the original, but this movie was TRASH! What exactly did Babe DO? Farmer Hoggit almost died, he had Mrs Hoggit strip searched and probed, missed the fair so they didnt get money for the farm, he ruined, then killed a clown, had an animal sanctuary shut down, dozens of animals impounded, destroyed a party, and along the way encouraged a bit of jellybean communism by forcing (by BRUTE FORCE) the monkey's to share, rescued a dying fish by spitting him in the water, and earned a monkey's respect. AMAZING stuff.

Where's the fun? Whats the morals? Be nice.....and you will survive the scary dog chase, the lack of food, the theiving and scheming monkey's, the pig-napping clowns, the evil pound that takes monkey mug shots, pig-killing chef's. No sorry, I forgot. There are some nice people. Creepy pig-men who would give me nightmares if I was 6.

Not to mention, if you don't like monkey's, avoid this at all costs. Most of the movie seems to be an excuse to dress up chimpanzees in dresses, which is, undoubtedly, creepy.

And how were all these problems resolved? What was Babe's solution to the absolute mess he created? Was it me, or DIDN'T he fix things up? Instead, the weird lady who looks like a pencil started a nightclub. And everyone lived happily ever after. Farmer Hoggit even congratulated Babe at the end........because the tap worked. And I guess maybe for bringing 50 stray animals into his home aswell. (He sells the puppies in the first movie, but keeps a monkey and a poodle in the sequel - logic?)

And for those of you who support the dark tone? A scary dog chase IS STILL a scary dog chase, despite the "morals" in the movie. A farmer falling down the well IS ALWAYS violent and disturbing for a child, despite what some people may think. Animals cruelly being captured and abused IS NEVER a nice thing to watch, even if Babe "saves" them in the end. The closest thing to cuteness was the animals walking through a childrens hospital, which still brings a tone of dying children.

In short, Babe earns the respect of a monkey, kills a clown, saves a baby monkey, and introduces communism. It's the sort of movie that critics enjoy reviewing, describing it as "a gem", while they don't realise that it isn't actually entertaining to watch. Bland, pointless, and disturbing. At least they achieved what they were aiming for - a different movie to the original.
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8/10
If I had walked out of this half way, it would have been amazing.
17 December 2000
I shall begin by saying that I am a fan of Bjork, and I must be just about the only person who's opinion is split 50/50 about this film. Bjork's performance was great, and Selma was one of the cutest, most lovable characters ever made. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see her become a victim of her illness, her determination, and her hard work. However, the moment that she started to become exploited by others, it turned horrid. Bill's actions were so extreme that it was laughable, as they tried to make the absolute worst possible scenario. As her situation escalated, it just seemed more and more unrealistic, and I couldn't help but see her character turning into Edward Scissorhands (refusing to break her promise, despite how bad a situations she was in). Now don't get me wrong - I did think it was sad, but only when her downfall was because of HER weaknesses (such as the loss of her job) and not the weaknesses of others (Bill), and I quickly lost all emotional attachment when things turned really bad.

Another problem that began there was the music. I absolutely love Bjork, and I've been singing (and longing to dance to) her first two songs from this movie for days. Her first song, CVALDA, appropriately fit in as we saw how she escaped the monotony and stress of the massive workload that she undertook, as well as being a damn fine song. Similarly, the train song, I'VE SEEN IT ALL, showed her longing to escape from her responsibility, and be swept into a romantic life which she can only dream about. I found that every song after these, however, didn't fit in, as she began to LIVE her life as a musical, instead of WISH for her life to BECOME a musical. I didn't see any reason for her to break out into song in the courtroom, or after her encounter with Bill. Maybe she was trying to console herself that everything was OK (after all, nothing terrible ever happens in musicals), but it still seemed inappropriate and the songs came on a bit too thick and fast.

So what am I trying to say? The first half of this movie was absolutely amazing, but you can draw a line where it turns bad as she comes home to discover an empty lolly tin. But the songs were great, and the cinematography even better. If only it wasn't for the stupidity and unoriginality of the plot in the second half......
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Chicken Run (2000)
5/10
Fairly standard, with the added creepiness of chickens kissing.
17 December 2000
Undoubtedly, I feel mean critisizing this movie, being a fan of W&G, and seeing the amazing amount of work that was put into getting it made. However, I couldnt help but find it, well, dull.

The plot was fairly predictable, with a few too many similarities with A Bugs Life (Rocky inspiring the chickens, while hiding a secret circus past, their escape, the final shot). Practically all the humour was derived from an infinate amount of puns, which were laid down a bit too thick. They even resorted to pointing out some which we may of missed ("D'oh! Get it? Dough..."). ergh! Talk about overkill. And the worst thing is that you can't stop saying them yourself! Just try describing Rocky without using the work 'cocky'.

And the characters, unfortunately, were also fairly bland. There was no one who you actually cared about, and I found Ginger was a bit too uptight and whiney, with Julia Sawalha just being Saffy all over again (who else cheered in Ab Fab when she was sold as a Morrocan slave?). And there's something about chicken's kissing that unnerves me and creeps me out.

I must sound like I absolutely hated it. It was alright, and it had it's moments. It just suffered from a standard plot, with many conventional things thrown in that just didnt fit. Not to mention bad lead characters, a boring villain, a few too many puns, and kissing chickens. Good for the kids. Otherwise dissappointing and forgettable.
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Contact (1997)
10/10
I wanted to see aliens. I got something infinitely better.
26 October 2000
Warning: Spoilers
Walking into the cinema, the only thing I wanted to see in this movie was their interpretation of alien life. Instead, I was greeted with an introduction that managed to encapture the insignificance of man, the beauty and majesty of the universe, be visually outstanding, and opened my mind to the countless ideas and issues explored over the next two hours. In this age of winning formulas, predictability, and instant satisfaction, this is one of the few movies that actually makes you stop to think for a while, and I loved it. Most probably what affected me the most was the clear and distinct effort to avoid certain cliches, and present the viewer with something different, and ultimately satisfying. Despite the numerous complaints on the ending (spoilers ahead), the fact that Ellie met with a simulation of her dad allowed the viewer to adsorb what was being said, and feel the suprise and awe which Ellie was experiencing, and as she breaks out into tears on his shoulder, we see humanity as a small, scared child lost in the universe just hoping that someone will hug us and say "everything is all right". If it had succumbed to typical hollywood, we would have undoubtedly been met with a slimy creature with telepathic powers, which would have completely ruined the movie. Instead, by not being presented with images, we are allowed to form ideas about other life, how they can be just as confused about our origins as we are, no matter how advanced, and in fact reach out to help others, and give them a glimpse of a larger world which everyone is ultimately a part of. While this movie does have its flaws, it has ultimately moved me in a way which no other has, inspiring me to read the book (which is also very highly recommended), and I never get sick of it no matter how many times I have watched it. I cannot stress enough the need to see this movie, but be prepared to think.
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8/10
Very funny movie, bad slapstick, but were the Brady's really that happy?
26 October 2000
For anyone who's watched the show, there are countless references and spoofs of the original, and I for one found this movie to be one of the funniest thing I've seen in a long while. What has me confused, however, is the complete misconception about the Brady's. Everyone pictures them as this super-happy love family, but really they didn't stop fighting. Although they always made up at the end of each episode, they spent the other 20 minutes each day just fighting about bathroom time, missing toys, and pretty much everything else physically possible. So how come the complete 'happiest family in the world' idea? That just sprung to my mind while watching this movie, as I too have always had this view. The main thing that lets the movie down though is the lame slapstick humour that tries to appeal to the under 10's, such as Eric Dittmeyer picking up the electricity cable. If I didn't understand all of the in-jokes, this movie would have been unbearably horrid. I strongly don't recommend to anyone who hasnt seen the show, but highly recommended to anyone who has.
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7/10
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.
26 October 2000
This movie contains some of the funniest scenes I have ever seen, and will remain in my video collection for as long as it possibly can. With everything from the bat-shark repellant, to the "almost human porpoise" who flings himself in front of a torpedo to save the duo, to the classic scene where they deduced the identity of the villains (after battling an exploding shark in the sea, it was realized the 'sea' stood for 'c' in Catwoman). Get some friends over, hire this out, and I guarantee you wont stop laughing.
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Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003)
Sometimes cheesy, but fairly good
20 October 2000
Admittedly, this can at times be fairly standard, but overall it remains one of the few sitcoms I can actually be bothered to watch. Some of the characters are just plain funny no matter what they do (namely Finch and Nina), but occasionally it falls into to horrid moral-at-the-end routine. Apart from that, highly recommended.
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Last Rites (1998 TV Movie)
7/10
Impressive
12 October 2000
As far as TV movies go, I was pretty impressed by this movie. I generally avoid them at all costs, but I caught the beginning and found myself hooked by the pretty interesting situation and ideas put forward. My only complaint was that it turned a bit predictable at the very end, although I was left guessing for a while if he was pulling a "Primal Fear". If it's on, I'd recommend you watch it.
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Chicken Park (1994)
1/10
If you can avoid it, for the love of god, do.
19 September 2000
I made the horrible mistake of hiring this movie to entertain my 12 year old cousins while I babysat them. Unfortunately, it was one of the stupidist things i've done, as this movie is most probably the worst thing I have ever seen, with horrible jokes about gay chickens and the Addams family. The only reason I actually watched most of it was because my cousins refused to let me turn it off because it had the occasional topless girl in it. Please, avoid at all cost.
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7/10
A cute, but flawed aussie yarn
17 September 2000
I really wanted to like this movie - it was a cute little aussie yarn about a truck driver (Jackman) who writes trashy romance novels under his friend's (Karvan) name, who have to travel to Sydney to promote his first book, where they fall in love. Unfortunately, the plot was confusing at times, and I wasn't always sure exactly what was going on. Hugh Jackman and Claudia Karvan was very good together, but they fit together so well they seemed more like brother and sister than friends falling in love. Despite that, it had its heart in the right place and was pretty fun to watch.
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