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Mr_Spiffy
Reviews
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Finally, a film worth Rowling's Vision
The title says it all. This episode, when seen through the eyes of Alfonso Cuarón, is finally what the previous two films should have been. Chris Columbus can make a pretty Hollywood film, but he's best in the producer's chair. He doesn't have the vision of Alfonso. While Chris was busy showing pretty scenes, Alfonso draws a tight story.
The new director has made all the difference in the world. Especially interesting is that Hogwarts is FINALLY a multi-racial school. In other films, all the students were caucasian. And Harry interacts with different races, which is interesting.
You will notice some casting changes -- at least I did, especially of Cornelius Fudge and the Fat Lady. Additionally, the geographic location of some places, especially The Whomping Willow and Hargrid's house have moved.
You will quickly notice that the cast is growing up. Neville Longbottom is certainly growing. He lost all of his baby fat. I had to take a double look to ensure I was looking at the same person! The acting ability is growing with age, like a fine wine. Dan Radcliffe is finally given a chance to show his true talent, especially in the Dursley's house.
The character of Snape finally develops to show his hatred of Harry. I was a bit concerned about the casting of Lupin, but it comes out fine.
Be prepared for some cuts and unusual additions. The second Sirius Black attack is missing. The relationship between Crookshanks and animagus Sirius is gone as well. Watch the film and you will see that the spirit of the film is there (albeit with "flying dementors"), even though Alfonso altered it a bit. But his vision is dead on.
Sectaurs (1985)
Interesting 80s Sci-Fi
I was recently going through old converted beta to VHS tapes from my childhood and discovered the tapes of this short-lived 5 episode series, Sectaurs: Warriors of Symbion. This mini-series follows the typical mutant 80s formula. Man advanced too far in the ways of science on the planet Symbion and a holocaust occurred. (At least that is what I assume from the "preview" of episode one). Man mutated to insect-like creatures. The center of knowledge is The Hive.
Like any sci-fi series, there are the good guys, lead by Prince Dargon, and the bad guys, lead by Spydrax. The villains are mostly spider-like creatures, of course. Episode one begins with Spydrax and his lackeys attacking the peaceful farms and very small town of "The Shining Realm," home of Dargon and his boys. Fire, chaos, you get the idea. They steal Mantor's map to the hive. Mantor is the wise older mentor-type character, with of course salt and pepper hair. Anyway, one of Spydrax's lackeys, a brown tarantula-esque thing, steals the map. A struggle between this thing and Mantor ensues, with Mantor being poisoned.
And so the story is set: the evil Spydrax plans to find his way to the Hive, obtain ultimate knowledge, I assume, and rule the world. (Say this with your pinky in your mouth) Throughout the five episode mini-series, a lot of parallels between this and Greek myth can be seen. But if you're going to borrow, you might as well go with the masters, right? Anyway, the five episode mini-series is pretty decent. There are some mistakes and overlooked writing errors, but it's a fun fare that brought back some joyous nostalgia. Are the characters deep and moving? Not really. But it's fun to remember the good old days.
8/10
The Medallion (2003)
Not that bad.. but not that great either
I just saw this film last night. Honestly, I wanted to see another film, but I digress. To be honest, I was impressed. I'm not the martial arts freakazoid type. You can read other reviews to see a plot layout. I did notice, as others have said, obvious cuts in the story.
One spoiler: One of the character's wives ends up being a kick butt martial artist. One of the plot points is that he pretends to be a librarian. Nothing more is said. I assume she belongs to the Interpol police as well, but nothing is touched again.
But overall I enjoyed the film. Jackie Chan is really starting to show his age, as others have said. And the probability between him and a 20-something relationship wise is rather unlikely. However, it's escapist fun. If you just want to go out and have fun at the movies with no expectations, watch this film. It's no Matrix, but at least it isn't drek like The Four Feathers or Star Trek 5. Expect nothing and you'll enjoy yourself. Expect great art, and you'll be disappointed.
6/10
Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
A Major Disappointment
I really wanted to like this film. I really did. That's why it hurts so much to have to write this. But I must warn others. Do not see this film. I remember the excitement I felt when I discovered this film was going to be released. Alas.
There are possible spoilers below, so beware.
The film starts pleasantly enough, with Riker's wedding to Troi after showing trouble in the midst of the Romulan government. Wesley Crusher is finally given his due screen appearance. He is as gorgeous as always. I know that they cut out an entire 45 minute segment featuring him, which I was unhappy to hear.
Next, the Trek crew finds scans indicating posotronic activity on a planet, so they go to investigate, finding parts to an android almost identical to Data. They land on a desert planet and Picard acts completely unlike his character. The reserved French captain is now a high testosterone mini-dimensional fun lovin' bad cop kind of guy roving through the desert in a Jeep/Hummer-esque vehichle. I can't quite grasp how Data could locate this new android if only the brain is posotronic, which has been hammered into our heads since the series began. But forget all the rules made so far. To quote the Fantasticks, this movies "defies logic and achieves ignorance!" In the desert the crew meets nasty creatures that look like copies of Max Shreck's 1922 Nosferatu. Of course the vehichles are equipped with laser cannons and such and much F/X money was spent making loud booms.
After this lame adventure, the new android is but together. It is Data's mentally disabled brother. Blah blah blah. We already did this. It would have been much more interesting to do exploration with the Lor character. Hmm.. imagine doing battle with Lor. At least THAT would be a match for the Trek crew. Anyway, the new android is called B4. How tacky. A very uninteresting subplot altogether.
The "story" continues, if you can call it that. We learn the Romulan senate has a new praetor, Shinzon. Jean Luc gets an awesome cameo from a woman who could have been the wife of my state's governor, but the evil republicans made sure that didn't happen. *grumble grumble*
Anyway, the Enterprise-E visits Romulus, and of course war breaks out, blah blah blah.
**end of obvious spoilers you already figured out from the preview**
The villain, Shinzon is underdeveloped. The story is too. It felt like echoes of Wrath of Khan were bubbling here. This is the first Star Trek I've seen that was simply a lame battle scenario. Half of the movie was spent at war. It felt felt Star Wars Episode II-esque to me. Star Trek has been great because each episode/movie dealt with a moral dilemma choice, well built characters and intriguing situations. This movie has none of that. It's just a big battle. If you like explosions and loud sound effects, this movie is for you. If not, beware. Characters are altered for no reason whatsoever. There is no emotion buildup, just constant fighting, so the climax is boring and uninteresting. It feels like this is the end of Trek, which truly saddens me. It feels like Star Trek is trying to reinvent itself. It was fine before, people! That's why there is still a fan base! Even the music felt similar to the hokey music from the first season of TNG - even with those crappy 80s synth sounds. I cannot say enough: avoid this movie.
5 / 10
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Could Have Been Better
Let me warn everyone of this first: I am a Harry Potter, so my expectations were high. Also note that this is my least favorite Harry Potter story.
All right, now that that's out of the way, let's begin. First of all, a warning to parents: there are some grotesque scenes in the film. At one point, Ron vomits slugs (for a bit too long, in my opinion) and in another scene a "snake's" eyes are pecked out and bloody sockets are left.
Last year's film, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorceror's Stone, followed the book rather closely. This one rearranged scenes, completely omitted two major scenes (The Deathday Party, Lucius Malfoy selling illegal wizard goods in Knockturn Alley). If this made the action more effective, I would have been all for it. But the editing did not help the story at all. In fact, it hindered it.
Another criticism: Hollywoodization. Scenes were overdone and pushed far beyond their needed limits. The first film had some of this, especially in this Quidditch scene, but this one went too far. Be warned.
However, there were great moments of humor. Though I didn't approve of Dobby's design, he was used effectively. Kenneth Branaugh was brilliant as Gilderoy Lockhart. But the stand-out of the class was Draco's father, Lucius Malfoy. You could see the evil in his eyes. His portrayal was nothing short of astounding.
Additionally, the cinematography was excellent. The CGI was a big overplayed, especially when the Chamber of Secrets was opened. And was it just me, or did the Basilisk look like Godzilla?
I think ..Prisoner of Azkaban will be interesting in the arms of a less Hollywood-ized director.
Rating: 8.5 / 10
Scooby-Doo (2002)
Hilarious!
This film is far from a masterpiece, but those of you wanting a nostalgic trip back to a misspent youth of countless hours watching these silly shows on television (the FIRST time!), this is a lot of fun. The kids will enjoy it, I'm sure. But this movie was written to have the silliness to appeal to the kids, but have the jokes written for the adults. This is truly worth watching. My advice is to watch this when kids will be less likely to attend. An audience filled with anklebiters will deter from your enjoyment of this wonderful film. But enough of that.
So why do I rate this silly film so high? Perhaps it's because it was indeed a nostalgic trip to yesteryear. And it was, in a way. It also joked at the hidden undertones of the series: Fred's homosexuality, Shaggy's drug habit (I mean, he thinks he can talk to a dog,), Velma's lesbianism (though this isn't touched as much as Fred), Daphne and her damsel in distress bit, Daphne being used as Fred's cover-up, and the most evil character of the show is dealt with appropriately.
I read other reviews on here prior to watching the film, and was expecting to be disappointed. But as you have already guessed, I was not. Anyone who expects to take Scooby Doo seriously needs help. It's a comedy-mystery CARTOON, guys. It's camp, which is why it is so fun. And as you have read already, I'm sure, there is a burping/farting bit between Scooby and Shaggy. It goes on a bit long, and I could have lived without it, but the producers had to appeal to today's audience.
Shaggy's character is done PERFECTLY. They couldn't have chosen a better actor. Almost all the cast was perfect. Freddie Prinze, Jr. seems a little awkward as Fred, especially with that really bad blonde hair. It looks very unnatural, but perhaps I am myself taking Scooby Doo too seriously here. Daphne's character change is an amusing look at the change of feminism through the ages. But anyway, this is a fun, camp film, recreating Scooby Doo, having fun with it, and laughing at its plot holes at the same time. So stop reading this and go see it already!
8/10
Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)
It took an effort to get a film worse than Star Trek V and Plan 9 From Outer Space, but they did it!
Read the title. Yep, they made a film worse than Star Trek V. I didn't think it was possible, but they did it! No plot, no humor (the ongoing "And then" joke was funny once, but not the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and many more ordinal times!) After seeing this movie for free, I wanted a refund. I could go on, but this movie is not worth the effort.
ZERO / 100
Evita (1996)
A THRILLING FILM --for the simple minded
What dreck! What excrement! I have never been so bored by a musical in my life. And this wasn't really a musical. It was, ironically, a CIRCUS. "I can out diva you!" "NO NO.. I'm better!" Let me be positive first, though. Madonna did this role as well as she could. I could see her working her butt off to perform up to the other prima donas who have done their spotlight bits in this pile or rubbish. (Like Patti LuPooPoo.. PLEASE.) Antonio Banderas.. well he did all right. His singing didn't astound me, but it was acceptable. Musical talent is no longer required, anyway. Look at the boy bands. And the shower scene.. yum!
The musical isn't the "amazing" thing people claim it to be. They only say so because they're too ignorant to know better. The MTV generation will love this film for it's cinematography. Personally, I felt like I was on a roller coaster and wanted to retch (and not just from the images!). But the music will appeal to the mindless, I'm sure. With a score by the endlessly self-imitating ALW, how can you go right? But the mindless masses will constantly go out and buy his "art."
But no matter what I say, people will still flood like herded sheep and shell out the dough. People will continue to think CATS is the greatest musical ever. Forget Sondheim .. that requires you to THINK. Egads! Not that! Forget Rogers and Hammerstein, Shwartz, Herman, and so many others. Go out and see this trash, because you won't have to pop one neuron into action. Be my guest. But I will warn you: if your reading level is beyond that of an eigth grader, do better things with your money. Rent the PBS recording of "Into the Woods" and see good theatre.
Metoroporisu (2001)
Simply Marvelous!
I do not think I can give proper words to this masterpiece. For years, I have heard people ooh and aah over Fritz Lang's 1927 film. I saw that about a year ago, and found it interesting, but not a masterpiece. Perhaps the poor "re-scoring" ruined it for me. Regardless, I did not have a great interest in Metropolis.
However, I learned that this anime re-thinking from the 1949 manga was at my local Indy theatre, so I had to see it. I was not at all disappointed. The colors are deep and gorgeous, the backdrops astounding. Throughout the film and wonderful details that would never exist in a US release. The scene with the uncle putting together a home-made circuit in his caboose-like hotel room springs to mind.
But looks will only get you so far. Underneath is a deeply thought out story, questioning humanity and what makes us human. I could go into the story, but I'd just suggest seeing it. I cannot give enough praise. And apparently it's now out on DVD. SO GET IT ALREADY. My only qualm is the irritating font of the subtitles.
9 / 10
Topsy-Turvy (1999)
Thought-Provoking
I must admit that my knowledge of G&S is quite limited. I have performed some music from HMS Pinafore, and that's about it. By the way, if you want a plot synopsis, please read another review.
Anyway, this film intrigued me from the moment I heard of it, but never watched it until I saw it on sale at Blockbuster Video for $4.99 USD. This is a lengthy film, so be prepared for a 160 minute time investment.
It is a gorgeous costume drama, and from what I saw, unabashedly accurate. There is one scene where Gilbert attempts to have three cast members walk in the proper "Japanese style" by brining in three Japanese women. The choreography used before the cast members observed this "authentic" behavior was stereotypical and quite embarrassing. I have no doubts that this is exactly how the English would choreograph such a number (not unlike a caucasian American would choreograph African Americans dancing in the 20s)
What is most interesting about this film is what it doesn't tell. There is innuendo all over, from a suggestion that perhaps Sullivan was bisexual (note the scene where he is spending time in the dressing room with one of the actors and him describing a boy as "very lovely") and the suggestion that Gilbert never went to bed with his wife (the scene where she describes an opera where a woman climbs up a ladder and sees women carting empty baby carriages).
As many reviewers have said, one feels the urge to go out and see these operas after seeing the gorgeously filmed snippets. But in the end, I don't really feel that I know that much more about G&S than I did in the beginning. The film is certainly worth seeing, and I find it thought provoking, but I am also wondering why? I suppose I am looking for some grand reason to tell the story, something more triumphant and dramatic. But in the end, it is merely a snippet of history, a story of two men and their inspiration for one of the great operettas.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)
A Noble Attempt -- Contains Spoilers!
Yes, everyone and their mother has commented on this story. So here's my two bits. ody Americans can't shut up, can they?!] As you can see in the title, I believed that the film was indeed a noble attempt.
As a fan with far too much Harry Potter trivia ingrained in my grey matter, and oddly enough, looking like an adult HP, I am the worst possible movie goer for this film: a picky and obsessed fanatic. My comments on the details: Harry has GREEN eyes. I really missed that detail. And the Dursleys were far too kind. They were over-the-top in the book, which added to the satirical humor that makes Rowling's books so enjoyable. I did agree with the cutting of the Norbert scene: it was a small detail touched in later books, but is unimportant in the storytelling. I wish that there was more interaction with the twins. I did see them as a bit more muscular, but they were adorable, so I forgave. And Captain Oliver .. WOOF! 'nuff said. But enough of that.
The story overall was very faithful. The film lagged only when changes were made. The Quiddich game was a spectacular treat, BUT it was a bit over the top. Shades of Home Alone, of course. But I can forgive that, because it was a spectacular event. The attacking keys were a bit much for me in the end.. more Home Alone. Harry was a bit too mean in the beginning. Part of the joy of the Harry Potter is that it is a coming of age story. He begins as a quiet, weak little boy, thrust into a world of magic. And misconceptions are given of the Dursleys. Duddley-wudkins jumping on the staircase forcing Harry to join them for his birthday? The hatred between them wasn't as clear as it could have been. Malfoy was well done, though a distinct sexual desire/tension could be felt. Interesting. Emma Watson shines as Hermione Granger. Though she looks a bit too pretty in my mind. But no one's perfect!
A note on the special effects: though some say they stunk, I didn't care either way. Some moments could have been cut. The 30 second moving brick wall could have been cut. It went on and on. Just spend five seconds opening the wall. That's it. Finis. The story is so wonderful that there is no need to "dazzle" the audience. Most of the f/x were well done and spent just enough time. But the aforementioned effect was my only main qualm. The chess game was brilliant!
But overall, the film was well done. It focused much time on the "exciting" moments, which is fine for a film. Harry Potter #1 is the weakest book in the series, in my opinion, anyway. I'm quite curious as to how they'll be able to cut down book four though! EEK. Anyway, the film is definitely worth watching. For HP virgins -- it's worth it as well. My virginal friends saw it and loved it as well. :) Just go when there won't be snivelling little brats to halt your joy.
Crystalstone (1987)
Cute Adventure Movie
I remember catching this film on the Disney Channel years ago (before they showed commercials!) with my mother. We instantly fell in love with it. While certainly not an Oscar winner, this a sweet, heartfelt family film that brings back the fun and adventure that films no long posess. Strangely enough, from what I've read, this film is completely Spanish, yet is spoken in English.
Below I will include the beginning of the film, so if you consider this a "spoiler," skip ahead.
*** The story is set in (of course) Spain. Pablo and his sister, Maria, who seem rather out of place as Spaniards with British accents (which includes a touch of Cockney here and there!) are being brought up by a Mrs. Danvers-like woman who cares for them and their mother, Isabela, who is terminally bedridden. She gives her son Pablo a silver necklace of the Virgin Mary. (Yes, another movie with Catholicism.. Remember, this is a SPANISH film, and religion is a major part of their culture.) Isabela tells Pablo that her husband gave it to him before leaving her. She relates other details that come out later. After a brief conversation, Pablo emotes (he's not Haley Joel Osment, ok?) that he will take care of both of them. The mother dies. Whether it's from her unknown illness or from bad acting, we shall never know.
Of course, there is the funeral (done in Spanish, appropriately). The children spy a strange old man with a white beard below them on a knoll smiling at them. Think a slender Santa Claus.
Pablo and Maria are next seen in bed together, crying. The Mrs. Danver look-alike (and she does look eerily like Judith Anderson from some angles!) comes in and tells the brats to shut up. She's you're favorite evil aunt. Pablo steals downstairs later to fetch a glass of water for Maria and overhears her saying that she plans to send the boy to the country to do work and become "a man," while keeping Maria with her. She does this while plucking a chicken, which I found amusing.
Pablo races upstairs and commands Maria to prepare to leave. They escape and a faint effortless, "Children!" is heard. They escape onto a train and see the mysterious old man. He talks to them and tells them the story of the Crystalstone, a diamond (which looks more like a giant salt crystal) that a naughty Spaniard stole from the Mexican-Indians in the 1500s. This is a child's fantasy, so we don't question the ineffectual guards whom the Spaniard kills in the "flashback" sequence. Why Mexican-Indians would WANT this stone is not worth questioning either. It's a fun movie, not a thinking movie.
Anyway, they hear this story, and see a wooden cross hanging from the boxcar's ceiling when they wake up the next day. They get off the train and head into town. Of course, they immediately view a murder by, of course, a man with a hooked hand. He is listed in the credits as "Hook." Eat your heart out, Dustin Hoffman! For the worried parents - no need to be. You see no violence. Just the shadows.
So starts a series of adventures.
***
The movie has shortcomings, yes. But it's a child's fantasy and should be viewed as such. Overall, I give it ***1/2 out of five stars. Not the worst, but not the best. Some characters are very hard to believe. As far as "naughty" content, one character, El Capitan, is a drunk. But he "learns the error of his ways" in the end and changes his behavior. As mentioned above, Hook kills a character in the beginning and ...
****SPOILER********* dies by falling off of a cliff, yelling. No blood or gore, but you know he dies. However, he's a really nasty guy, trying to kill the poor kids and all. ;-) *****END OF SPOILER****
The camera sees a touch of blood on Hook's victim. You also see quite a few skeletons in a few scenes, but they aren't displayed in a horrifying way. They're just bones in a crypt.
Also, the kids dig up Hook's victim, and they leave his body sitting upright after being scared away by it. He has some nasty little bugs buzzing around his eyes. He plops rather humorously (and noiselessly, mind you)against the back of his coffin.
All in all, this is a rather tame film that can be viewed by the entire family. As I said, I give it 3.5/5 stars. Give it a try. It will be almost nostalgic for some of you. :)
The Andromeda Strain (1971)
A Perfect Film!
Most of Crichton's fabulous works have been made laughable when filmed. However, THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN is a wonderful adaptation of his classic novel. As others have told the storyline, I will not waste your time be regurgitating it. The one change of Dr. Leavitt from male to female improves the film, IMO. It also adds some great humor. It's also enjoyable to see scientists that look like scientists, not hot studs and big breasted bimbos. The story is realistic, and as I said, a perfect adaptation of his novel. My only complaint is the thrown in narration explaining the piece of paper that had caused the machine to not ring its bell when the new messages came in. Other than that, it's a fabulous film. :) (I was able to get one of the few remaining copies of the now out-of-print DVD widescreen version) Go to an auction site and get it if you can.. Highly recommended!
La Belle et la Bête (1946)
A Rare Treat - Not To Be Missed
Finally, a fairy tale for grown-ups! Okay, not finally. It's over 50 years old. But this film is one of the greatest ever. They don't make films like this anymore. In a time when art has died and explosions have taken over, it's relaxing to know that one can return to true cinema like this without fear. When the camera strolls down the corridor of the Beast's castle, we feel not as if we are watching a movie, but as if we are in that corridor. Before special effects existed, the viewer sees the fantasy of this film. The intimate little details make it the classic that it is something that an American seemingly cannot recreate.
I have no problem with the Disney version. It is cute, but an animated teapot cannot compare to the chilling whisper of the voice of the door and the mirror. This film stays true to the original tale, and the ending sequence with the mystic arrow is truly amazing. I will admit that Belle and the prince flying is a bit cheesy, and the translation could have used some work, but overall the film is a masterpiece. I wish I could speak French so that I could actually grasp the entire film.