Chasuk's Reviews

Paranormal Activity (2007)

16 October 2009

This is one of the best movies ever filmed on such a minuscule budget. Is it scary? Not really, but it does provide a satisfying adrenaline rush on more than a few occasions.

I would have enjoyed it more if it had not been marketed to obvious idiots. If this movie had been about a guy buying a camera because his girlfriend had reported Tinkerbell sightings, would anyone ask if it was real? Living in this post-Ghost Hunters/Blair Witch Project world, the sad answer is probably "yes."

The acting was very anti-Method. Stanislavski would have wept. However, as this film's topic already strains the limits of credulity, the natural, non-dramatic style of these young actors was particularly effective.

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Knowing (2009)

Profoundly Disappointing

5 July 2009

I'm a director fan more than an actor fan. Nicholas Cage I enjoy occasionally, though he seems to be in as many bad movies as he is good. Alex Proyas cemented my attention with The Crow and Dark City, and then earned my disdain with I, Robot. I hoped Knowing would be another winner --- after all, Roger Ebert liked it -- but it was not to be.

The kiddie cast was largely pleasing, Lara Robinson (Abby / Lucinda) more so than Chandler Canterbury (Caleb Koestler). Our heroine, Rose Byrne (Diana) reminded me of a younger Jennifer Connelly. I meant that as a compliment.

If you liked M. Night Shyamalan's Signs, then you have already seen Knowing, except Knowing wasn't as good, and I consider Signs to be one of the worst pictures I have seen in the last ten years. Only Transformers 2 scores lower on my suck-o-meter.

It started out well, with an intriguing premise tautly directed. Then the whole thing devolved into the sort of twaddle that made What Dreams May Come such a bad picture. If you liked What Dreams May Come, then you might consider this review an endorsement.

They dumbed down the concept of determinism to the point that it was egregiously wrong, but that's perhaps a minor quibble only interesting to philosophy majors.

Profoundly disappointing.

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The Guardian (I) (2006)

Predictable Cheese

7 April 2007

Warning: Spoilers

I've seen worse movies this year, but not many. One, actually: Rumor Has It, which also starred Kevin Costner. When I can guess how a movie will end before it begins (except films such as Titanic or The Diary of Anne Frank), I consider it a wasted evening. This movie was such predictable cheese that I literally groaned aloud.

The movie can be summed up thusly: young pup learns lessons from old dog. Old dog dies. Boring. Not really even competently acted, unless one gives pity points to Ashton Kutcher. Anyone who has seen Terminator 2 knows how this film ended, but Terminator 2 was more emotional. The tacked on ghostly fisherman was such schmaltz that I felt lobotomized.

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Atanarjuat: The Fast Runner (2001)

A Contrasting View

13 April 2003

I am addressing this review specifically to space-13, from Milwaukee. You pose a series of questions with ludicrously easy answers.

Puja conspired in the murder of Atanarjuat's brother. She would have been complicit in Atanarjuat's murder, but he ran away. There is no question of her complicity; it was quite obvious if you were paying attention. It was her lie in the first place that exacerbated the bitterness which already existed between the rivals.

This film was a retelling of a 1,000 year old folk-myth, and there is no indication WHATSOEVER that the director found it admirable. Oki's cruelty to animals was part of the story, demonstrating his evil nature, and the other cruelty to animals ("driven across the ice all day") was a fact of life in this milieu.

I would say that there is very little point in watching a film which you fail to comprehend so utterly.

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Signs (2002)

Very Bad Movie

3 August 2002

Warning: Spoilers

I went to see Signs with something akin to hope. M. Night Shyamalan's previous directorial efforts were moderately entertaining, I had free tickets and free time, and my 15-year old daughter was eager to accompany me. So, with expectations of buttered popcorn and pleasant companionship, I headed to the movies.

Abigail Breslin (Bo Hess) was marvelous. I don't know that I've seen such an impressive performance from a young American actor since Christina Ricci wowed us as Wednesday in the The Addams Family. Rory Culkin (Morgan Hess) did a credible enough job that I could almost forget his famous brother. The rest of the performances were adequate, but I can't say more than that.

*SPOILER ALERT*

The dialogue was embarrassing, the storyline maudlin (who didn't know that Mel Gibson would return to the clergy?), and the suspense was minimal. Okay, if you find reruns of Lassie or Flipper suspenseful, then this might have made you jump once or twice. My 15-year old didn't stir even during the cheap-but-(usually)-effective dog-snarls-and-leaps-suddenly-at-owner tactic.

The movie attempted to be profound and address questions of faith, but all of the philosophizing was strictly at the sophomore level, and that is assuming that the sophomore is rather shallow. There will be some that say that I just didn't "get it," but I did, thank you, and what was to be had was meager fare.

The film was occasionally funny, and I do thank Mr. Shyamalan for at least breaking up my tedium with a little humor.

No, I don't need my monsters to be slavering, or my suspense to be served with buckets of blood, but I do need coherence and intelligibility. A movie about crop circles had seemed a weak starting point (15 minutes of research will demonstrate to anyone how boring and mundane the phenomenon really is), but I hoped that Mr. Shyamalan would surprise us. He is capable of it, but he was apparently was trying to make a "message" movie on this occasion, in which he failed miserably.

Oh, and what was it about the "I'm melting" Wicked Witch of the West ending that convinced Mr. Shyamalan that it was a good idea? Was it done as a homage? As other reviewers have pointed out, the movie was replete with other filmic references, and I do have to wonder whether they were deliberate.

Two thumbs down, and a single star.

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The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Most Over-hyped Movie I've Ever Seen

16 February 2001

I've seen worse movies, but not many. Yes, I like horror films. Yes, I can distinguish cheap, sensationalistic splatter-horror from from the more chilling, show-less-and-frighten-more variety (and I prefer the latter to the former).

I still hated Blair Witch. I don't lack imagination, but this movie certainly did. I've seen Tampax commercials that filled me with greater fear. The film lacked wit, style, story, plot, suspense, or verve. I don't need expensive cinematography or stellar acting, but a film does need something to redeem itself (other than a sophomoric, if marginally clever, idea), and this film did not have it.

It is unfortunate that a bad movie has come to represent to many the epitome of independent cinema. For a real horror masterpiece, see Ringu (The Ring), which, though it was probably filmed on a larger budget, worked because of talented direction and great storyline.

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Cast Away (2000)

Boring & Trite

31 December 2000

I am not playing devil's advocate, but I cannot in good conscience read all of the hyperbolic praise for this movie without making a dissenting comment.

First, Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks is not an actor. He is a star, perhaps a superstar, and a comforting presence (much like Harrison Ford). I am not an actor, and yet I could have easily done as good a job portraying Forrest Gump as Hanks did. Tom Hanks is appealing in every film in which he appears, I acknowledge. However, I find myself suffering from a Hanks-allergy. This is certainly my loss, but I find Hanks too cloying to endure.

Jimmy Stewart frequently portrayed the same sort of character as Hanks, but Jimmy Stewart had more than one facial expression. Tom Hanks, unfortunately, comes from the Clint Eastwood/John Wayne/Harrison Ford school of acting - which means no acting is required at all, but only looking into the camera and quoting your lines with virtually the same emphasis on every word. Of course, I know that these stars have more talent than that, but not much more.

Second, Robert Zemeckis. Has he really directed a good film since Back to the Future? That film had a few surprises, but Cast Away had none. Was anybody really surprised how it ended? Was there a single element in the middle which surprised? Indeed, if you took out the plane crash and the (admittedly humorous) roleplaying with the volleyball, was there anything about the film which even involved?

Helen Hunt was, well, Helen Hunt. If you are a Helen Hunt fan, then you were probably pleased. If you find her plain and uninteresting (as I do - although my father finds her hot), then she added nothing to the movie.

I have seen worse movies this year, but not many. I hope that this review persuades a few people to spend their money on more worthy efforts - Before Night Fall, for example - and to reconsider the near-veneration that likeable, though not particularly talented, Tom Hanks inexplicably recieves.

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The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Vastly Over-rated

17 October 2000

I've loved horror films ever since I was a little boy. I adored anything which starred Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Basil Rathbone, Lon Chaney or Lon Chaney Jr., or any of the other horror greats from my childhood. I later loved Dark Shadows, Night Gallery, and Alfred Hitchcock. I've never enjoyed "splatter" films, although I consider the first Halloween to be a minor masterpiece.

However, I've seen only two films in my lifetime which actually scared me, and those were The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T., and the Seven Faces of Dr. Lao. I don't know why they frightened my little-boy self, but they did.

Blair Witch was so unhorrifying that I thought at first that those who expressed fright were pulling my leg. I didn't need to be told that it was a fake; apart from the fact that the F.B.I. would have confiscated the film, and the murders would have been famous, the public outcry of a filmed murder would have been as enormous as if a snuff film had been released. That, and the fact that there are no witches, and never have been (the claims of wiccans and neo-pagans aside), totally devalues the film.

Remember that Dracula and Frankenstein were fictions that were presented as such, so the standards of judging them are different.

Okay, I'll confess that I found Jaws equally boring. No, I'm not jaded, but Blair Witch never once induced the willing suspension of disbelief necessary for a horror film (or any other) to work.

All in all, the biggest cinematic let-down I have ever experienced.

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The Black Hole (1979)

Worst Big-budget SF Film, Period

5 October 1999

I don't know that I have ever seen a more inane or insipid film, especially considering its huge budget and reasonable cast. The annoying robots (typical Disney creations) were the twin torpedos which sunk this hideous "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" clone. The ending was so ludicrous and predictable . Over-the-top acting (Roddy McDowell excepted, as always) didn't help. The score was magnificent, but it would take much more than that to elevate this film out of the trash receptacle where it belongs (which, incidentally, the cutesy robots resemble). A definite waste of time, lacking even nostalgia value.

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Shogun (1980 TV Movie)

Negative Review

16 September 1999

Tedium beyond belief. Starring the execrable Richard Chamberlain, equal only to Patrick Wayne or Doug McClure for boredom. Toshiro Mifune is brilliant as always, but nothing redeems this film. I do commend the director for a valiant effort, and the subtitling of the Japanese characters was daring and effective. Still, an overall waste of time. Read the novel for a much more compelling experience.

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