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Critters 4 (1992)
Wretched, wretched, wretched
After 30 minutes..mostly fast forwarding, deleted it off my recorder. The first Critters movie was self-consciously fun, The "conversation" between the critters just before Granny blows them away off the porch, for example. This film just limps along, waiting for someone to shoot it and put it out of your misery.
I can't imagine anyone who worked on this turkey being proud of it.
One was fun, four just was awful. Don't bother even if the alternative is watching reruns of a TBS "700 Club" fund-raiser, you'll at least get some good laughs there (and the "alien" makeup is more believable..grin).
Flesh Gordon (1974)
Good smutty humor, watch for good Harreyhausen-stylism.
An underrated classic of adult humor. If you can find it in the original x-rated version, it's worth a watch. The campiness just drips from every scene and if you're an old fan of the Buster Crabbe serials, there is much to laugh at here as old cliches get "blown" away.
One thing I rarely see mentioned is the Harreyhausen-esque special effetcs..the skeleton soldiers were a delight, albeit lifted from the old Jason and the Argonauts film (at least stylistically).
The climax (sorry) with the stop-motion monster parodies both Flash and King Kong.
Dig through the credits to find Rick Baker and contemplate on how far he has come and, for SF fans, the early Bjo Trimble, long associated with the original Star Trek series and SF Fandom (Hiya Beej..grin).
Watch this back to back with the (other) modern Flash Gordon movie for a riotous evening with friends who like cheesy (but way fun) films.
Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 (2001)
Best argument for atheism since the bible
A really hokey movie about one step above Jack Chik "tracts" in terms of intelligent presentation, though it does have somewhat better production values.
TBN apparently has no idea how the U.S. Constitution works (among other lapses) and has the FBI trying to arrest the President without benefit of an impeachment trial in the Senate. Also..watch for communist Chinese using what looks like M-1 Abrams tanks...wonder how *that* happened. The movie is great fun if you like to nit-pick on details but weak on anything else.
-----spoiler-------
Somehow the atheist Chinese Communists have become Jesus' second best friend after America and take the "good guys'" side in the battle of Armageddon, albeit in the usual "sneaky" way of the inscrutable oriental.
---------- end of spolier----------------------
Watch this turkey for a few good laughs (especially note how the juvenile Stone Alexander is about 10 inches taller than himself as an adult..really brilliant casting) and the usual hilarity when "god" blows up the Colusseum and other things to show how p***ed he is with the "devil's" power-grab, you'd think an omnipotent being could aim better.
There's some mediocre special effects, but don't expect any deep or even vaguely convincing arguments for religion, Conan the Barbarian argues better for Crom in his movies than this one does for any other gods.
K-19: The Widowmaker (2002)
Edge of the seat film.
I do not recall when I have seen a film that has gripped me more intensely. This film had me hooked from the moment it started. The drama and tension in the film are almost mind-numbing. The oppresive sense of reality almost makes Das Boot look like Grey Lady Down (A sub film so bad it was almost comic).
Both Liam Neeson and Harrsion Ford should get nominated for Oscars.
Insofar as I can tell, the film was stunningly accurate in its depiction of submarine operations and grippingly realistic in its depiction of humans under intense danger while struggling with conflicting emotions and duties.
You simply must go see this film, but it is definitely too intense for children. There is no sex and no swearing but the pure raw intensity of emotion and the overall tone will either bore or frighten most young kids.
Heartily reccomended to anyone who likes submarine drama or just a rousing film that truly shows human emotions and people in crisis.
Reign of Fire (2002)
A giant fire-breathing turkey
This movie's plot had more holes in it than the dragon's wings in the end battle. How the heck could it fly when it's wings looked like torn sails?
!!!Spoilers below!!!
Bad biology: How did they know there was only one male on the entire planet?
Bad plot device: How come the dragons could flame a tank and armored fighting vehicles to death with an extended flame spewed like a fire hose from a couple hundred feet up but couldn't hit our heroes at 50 feet and seemed to "belch" rather than "blowtorch" as seen earlier.
If dragons eat ash, why were the ruined crop fields not "grazed" by the one in the early part of the film?
Bad logic: If a single-shot whaler-type harpoon cannon can down one dragon, a squadron of A-10 tank busters should be able to turn several hundred at a time into chop suey. Bet dragons can't fly at 30,000 feet or close to Mach 1. I will also bet a dragon's flame won't reach a mile or so..ever seen an A-10's main gun in action? Dragon burgers.
More bad logic: Why rush everyone out onto the ramparts when a dragon is sighted? Get everyone the hell down into the deep cellars. Heat rises. Part two: They had a radar antenna shown working in one scene, yet they relied on a falcon getting cranky and an old man with a telescope when a dragon was nearby.
Bad tactics: Ramboesque leader lets his armored vehicles bunch up when they stop at a road block...no one past Basic would do this, it just screams "flame the entire line in one swoop!" Yet he knew he was headed for "dragon central".
Bad plot device: Their radar can't "see" the dragons unless three units are planted and working.
Bad plot device again: Rambo type brings a main battle tank, a chopper and support equipment but has *zero* anti-air or anti-tank missles? Not even a Dragon (pardon the expression) anti-tank load? C'mon! Apparently not even a decent 20mm AA, or even a few LAAW rockets. They take on the dragon at one point with .50s, M-16's and 9mm sub-machine guns. Sheesh. I know he claims to have lost a lot of stuff but they'd have surely salvaged something better. A couple of grenade launchers surely. Now the Brits being under-armed I can understand, I was amazed they had as much civilian weaponry as they showed, current politics over there being what they are, normal civilian defense couldn't stop an invasion by street mimes let alone herds of rampaging dragons. ;)
Final disappointment: Watching the trailers and hearing ads and looking at print ads, you expect "Independance Day" type air battles with Apache gunships duking it out, air strikes etc...nada. The posters and newspaper ad copy blatantly distort that completely...almost the entire conquest of the planet takes place via narration and a few flashback or newspaper articles and voice-over newscasts. They overhyped that part rather badly in the advertising.
Event Horizon (1997)
Alien meets Hellraiser, they both lose.
Sort of Alien meets Hellraiser.... a derelict experimental starship that was supposed to go to Proxima Centauri, ends up going to hell (along with whatever money you spent to rent this turkey.)
Abyssmal plot holes and really stupid grasp of physics (They have the ship sort of hovering inside the atmosphere of Neptune, primarily so there can be an ongoing thunderstorm outside for those oh-so-eery lightning flashes and booga-booga thunderclaps.
Sad to see an excellent actor like Sam Neil of Jurassic Park, doing this sort of thing.
Rent "Pitch Black" or even "Critters" instead.