Stephen Colbert: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : There's an entire book Donald Trump doesn't want you to see, because he apparently wrote a Fifty Shades of Grey-type novel about 'the graphic sex lives of those living and working in Trump Tower, such as an employee having sex on the set of Celebrity Apprentice'. Oh, it's the perfect steamy read for anyone who's ever wanted to read about Gary Busey in a three-way with Meat Loaf and Melissa Rivers. The book... could be nice. It could be nice. The book was released in 2012 and is called 'Trump Tower', which is definitely an improvement on the original title 'Symbolic Penis'.

  Himself - Musical Director : Wow, man!

  Himself - Host : Yeah, what was that? What was that? Now, this novel contains a lot of BDSM, with one critic writing, 'The red room of pain would fit right into Trump Tower'. No surprise, given he's been a pain in the ass all year.

  [Applause] 

  Himself - Host : Thank you very much. Thank you.

  Himself - Musical Director : Hey, hey, hey!

  Himself - Host : Remember, our safe word is 'November 8th'. Now, we've got some passages, actual passages from the book. Just check out some of the stuff in the book. 'After the woman fell asleep, Mikey came out, looked around and saw there were at least six women not wearing tops. He proclaimed, "I'm dead, I've gone to boob heaven."' Yes, 'boob heaven'. Evidently, Donald Trump started writing this novel in the fourth grade.